Teachers Pet
by mpg
Summary: Bella moved on after Edward left her and is now a teacher. When she starts at a new school, destiny intervenes to reunite them. Now she is faced with new challenges/decisions. B&E/Canon Pairs/Lemons/Violence. -COMPLETE- NB 4 EPOV see Student Liaisio
1. Late for Class

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_*****_

It was my first day at a new school and I was running late. I pulled my new Audi A3 into the parking lot and grabbed the paperwork I would need today. I couldn't help the way my heart stuttered as it beat against my chest. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

_You can do this, _I reminded myself, _it's not your first time starting over._

As I made my way across the car park and into the school, I took a brief second to remember why I was starting over. The heartbreak of the last few months since love left my life. I swallowed hard. I needed to forget that part of my life if I was going to move on. I took another deep breath and pushed the door to the office open. The receptionist was a lovely looking lady in her mid-thirties.

"Hello." I greeted her.

"Mrs Black?" She asked.

God, I can't even think of the pain and bitterness that name caused me at the moment. "Actually, I've gone back to Swan since the divorce. But you can call me Bella."

She nodded sadly at me. "Well, it's nice to meet you Bella. I'm June. I hope you enjoy teaching here." She smiled sweetly and handed over a map and schedule.

I nodded back at her, glad I was in a small town again. I had surprisingly missed the small schools while I was doing my practical experience and while I was at college. I nodded my thanks to June and left the office, taking a minute to familiarize myself with the map. I couldn't believe the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. My first year as a proper teacher, no more teachers aiding, no more practical experience and evaluations.

I read through the schedule. Great! I had the juniors first. Most of them would be barely 7 or 8 years younger than me. Oh well, it could be worse. I could have the seniors, who would be closer again to my age.

I ran across the campus. When I was close to the classroom I stopped to collect myself. I checked my watch. I had made up a little bit of time but I would still arrive after the students were seated. I sighed.

At least I was staying in this room the whole day. The last school I had been at, for my final evaluations, I had been tossed from one end of the school to the other each period. I guess that was the advantage of these smaller schools. There were only 300 students and as one of only two English teachers here I was sure to get to know at least half of them well.

By the time I reached the classroom I had managed to calm myself down a little. I was late but at least I wasn't flustered. I could see through the window on the door that my desk and blackboard were directly opposite the door. I saw the name written on the blackboard. _Mrs Black._ I mentally cursed myself for not phoning the school and letting them know I reverted to my maiden name. I didn't want anything left to tie me to Jacob, not since he imprinted and left me for that little... I took a deep breath and reminded myself that it wasn't anyone's fault that Jacob imprinted on Sam and Emily's little girl, Harriett.

Jacob and I were married the year after I finished high school, as soon as he turned 18. The year Harriett was born. Emily was eight months pregnant at our wedding. I should have known then that something was up because Jacob had been extra attentive to Emily, almost as if something drew him in to her. I wrote it off as just being his caring nature. After we were married we left for my second year of college together and were so happy. I had received a full scholarship, which covered tuition, board and an allowance for expenses, so we lived fairly well. The strange thing was, I didn't remember applying for the particular scholarship I received. But then again, my senior year was a bit of a blur to me. I knew the exact reason for that but I tended to block it out. If I thought about Jacob leaving it hurt, bad, but it was nothing compared to the pain of even considering thinking about _him_.

When I finished college, just before I started my first practical experience posting, we returned to Forks to visit our family and friends. Of course that meant a trip down to La Push. That was when he met Harriett for the first time and that was the end of our marriage. Of course we tried to make it work for a few years, convinced we could be happy until Harriett grew up and could reciprocate his feelings. But my job meant moving regularly and he was never happy when he was away from Harriett. I could tell it hurt him to hurt me by leaving but it also hurt him to still be involved with me. Every kiss, every touch after that day was a lie and they all rang with insincerity. In the end we were both hurting each other too much so we called it quits. Looking back now I realise we should have just given up the second he imprinted, at least that way we might have remained friends. Now there was nothing between us except animosity.

And now I was dredging up all that pain seconds before walking into a classroom full of teenagers. And I needed to teach them Shakespeare.

I sighed to compose myself again and pushed the door open. I didn't even glance at the students. I heard the customary gasps as I entered the room. I swore one was louder than the others but I ignored them all. I was used to the gasps from the girls as they considered my looks and were surprised that I was a teacher rather than a student and I was used to the gasps from the boys as they considered my looks and found pleasure in the womanly way my curves were now arranged.

I stalked straight to the blackboard and rubbed off the offending name and wrote "Ms Swan" instead. As I wrote I spoke to the class behind me, "Sorry, there had been a little misunderstanding about my name. I am..."

I couldn't finish that sentence because the second I turned around to face the class I saw the one sight I had thought I would never see again.

A pair of golden-brown eyes framed by a set of black eyelashes, staring out at my from the most seraphic face I had ever seen.

********

I had to lean on the desk for support and take a deep breath before I was able to continue. "I am Ms. Swan. I will be your English teacher this year."

I allowed myself a quick glance in _his_ direction. He looked as confused as I felt. Hopefully that meant he hadn't known I would be here. Although that didn't necessarily mean that Alice hadn't seen me in one of her visions.

I told everyone to pull their books from their bags as I called the roll. I was proud of myself when I managed to say _his_ name without stumbling. I pushed myself to continue the lesson. We were going to study Romeo and Juliet for the next few weeks. Usually I loved teaching this, it was one of my fondest memories from my time doing practical experience, but now, in this classroom, with _him_ right there, I wished I had settled on something by Shakespeare of a slightly less romantic nature. Hamlet maybe. Death and destruction would definitely be preferable to one of the greatest love stories ever told.

The hour seemed to drag on longer than any other in my life but finally the bell rang and the class headed out the door. I sat at my desk pulling together my notes for the next class. After the classroom was quiet and empty I could still feel a presence. I knew who it was going to be but I said a silent prayer that I was wrong as I lifted my eyes.

Of course, I wasn't wrong. I sighed when Edward stood as soon as he knew my eyes were on him. In the next instant he was right in front of me. I had almost forgotten the sheer speed he could travel at and his movement startled me. My heart sped and my breathing hitched. He was inches from my face. So close I could smell his honeyed breath and almost taste him on my tongue.

I could see an internal debate raging in his eyes and he slowly raised his hand and pressed it to my cheek. He was so slow and careful it was as if he thought I might disappear at any second. Once his cold fingers cradled my cheek he sighed, but it came out sounding like my name, "Bella".

I couldn't do this. I had moved on. Despite the way my hands longed to touch his face in return and my lips begged to be pressed to his, I had moved on. I took a deep breath to steady my voice and slow my heart. "Edward. I am a teacher at this school and you will show me the respect I deserve."

He cast his eyes downward and dropped his hand. "Yes, Miss."

He looked so sad I wanted to reach out and comfort him but I couldn't. He wasn't mine anymore, and that was his own choice. I closed my eyes. "If that is all, I would advise you to head to your next class or you will be late."

I opened my eyes again and was immediately lost in his. I could see his desire to argue, to remind me that he could leave this room with seconds to spare and still make his next class on time if he so desired, instead he simply said, "Yes, Miss."

I closed my eyes again, not wanting to see him walk out but I heard him taking his time packing his bag and a sense of curiosity hit me. He looked surprised before but I knew how easily he could lie - especially to me. After all, each 'I love you' was nothing more than a lie.

"Edward?" I asked and I heard him stop moving at the sound of my voice but I couldn't force myself to open my eyes again. "Did you know?"

I could tell he knew what I meant immediately by the way his breathing sounded, it was astonishing that after so many years I could still pick up on his mood even without seeing him. "No, Alice never told me. We... don't speak much anymore."

I opened my eyes in time to see him stalking out of the class room, before I had the change to ask the reason why.

I sighed and gathered up the notes for the next class when two more ghosts from my past walked through the door.

"Bella! You're still as red-faced as ever," Emmett called out from where he stood at the door. In the next second he had closed the distance between us, pulled me into a bear-hug, spun me once before putting me down and walking to his seat.

I huffed at him, "Emmett. Please don't make me remind you too. I am a teacher here."

"Too? You mean?" Emmett looked confused for half a second before registering the look on my face and grasping who I meant. His face registered with regret. "Aw man. How'd that go?"

I shrugged. I didn't know if I could talk around the lump in my throat. At least, not without spilling tears. I felt a calm wash over me and looked up to see Jasper sitting in his seat with a sheepish look on his face.

"Ma'am," he said and flicked me a fake salute.

I smiled in response. "You know - I could get used to having you around, Jasper. I need some calm sometimes."

Emmett and Jasper both laughed. Then Emmett grinned at me. "You know _Miss_. Yours might be the one class where Eddie actually pays attention."

I didn't fail to notice Jasper's sly punch to silence Emmett.

"You know, because he can't just pluck the answers from your mind. He's become so used to doing that in exams sometimes I wonder if he actually knows anything anymore." Emmett laughed loudly at his own joke but I could tell by the look he shared with Jasper that wasn't going to be his initial point. However I couldn't go into it further because at that moment the other students started to filter into the room.

As much as I had been dreading teaching the Seniors I actually found this lesson to be much more enjoyable. Because the Seniors were focused so heavily on college and the future they actually wanted to learn and as a whole were much better behaved then I would have thought. The one thing I worried about was Emmett, I knew how much of a practical joker he could be. I was concerned I would bear the brunt of one of those jokes but he was well behaved, today at least. Jasper as an absolute godsend, each time my nerves started to creep up on me I would feel a wave of calm and I would shoot him a small smile as thanks.

By the end of the day I hadn't seen Alice or Rosalie so I figured they must be in the class of the other English teacher, but I was sure I would see them around. It was a small school after all. Although, truthfully I could quite happily go without seeing Rosalie.

I found the worst classes were the ones with the younger students. They weren't interested in school or the future. They didn't want to learn about Shakespeare or poetry or any one the wonderful things English classes can teach. Especially the freshmen I had for the last period. They were ready to leave before they even entered the room.

At the end of the day I felt exhausted and drained and I trudged my way back to the office.

"Hi, Bella," June called pleasantly. "How was your first day."

I smiled at her. "Pretty good. None of the students were monsters at least." I laughed at my own joke, knowing in fact three of my students were monsters, terrifying ones at that. Then I decided I had better be honest and upfront about knowing the Cullens before any rumours started, I was sure they would be more friendly towards me than any of the other students. "Actually, I found out I know some of the kids."

June looked surprised. This town was exactly like Forks - families stretched back generations. "Really? Who"

"The Cullens," I said casually, forcing myself not to laugh when I saw her jaw drop. Obviously that caused the same reaction here as they had in Forks. "I knew them when I was in high school. But I lost contact with them in my senior year, about 7 years ago now." I didn't mention that _they_ were in high school with me at the time.

"Really? So you would have known them when they were just little kids? It must be strange seeing them all grown up now."

I knew I was a bad liar so I settled with as much of the truth as I could tell her. "It certainly was a surprise seeing them again."

"So did you know their father too? You must be about the same age as him."

"Carlisle? I'm a few years younger than him but sure I know him, we used to get along great." I laughed that I couldn't tell her exactly how much younger than him I was.

"Are the rumours about him true?"

I didn't have to ask what rumours. I knew it would have been the talk of the town when the Adonis-like doctor joined the staff. I just nodded.

By the time I finished gossiping with June about my first day and the Cullens the car park was almost completely empty. I crossed to my car and my heart leapt into my throat as I caught sight of the solitary figure leaning against my Audi. His auburn hair blowing gently in the breeze.

I nodded curtly to him. "Edward."

"Bella. We need to talk."

I sighed and nodded, I should have seen this coming. I threw my door open.

"Get in."


	2. Leave me alone!

**Chapter 2: Leave me Alone!**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

*****

Edward climbed into the passenger seat. "So you got an Audi after all?"

"Edward, what do you want?" I couldn't even start the car; my hands were shaking too much.

He reached over and picked up my hand, he pulled my wrist in front of his nose and inhaled deeply. "You would not believe how much I missed that."

I pulled my hand back off him and folded both my hands on my lap. I dropped my head to look at them and took a deep breath.

"Bella?" He put his finger on my chin and gently guided my face in his direction. "What is it, love."

"No," I said.

"What do you mean, no?"

I glared at him. "I mean, no, you can't just waltz in here after 7 years and pretend that everything is okay. Everything is not okay."

His face fell. "I'm sorry."

"You can't help how you felt, Edward. I'm glad you told me the truth in the end. But I can't just pretend that we are friends again, you hurt me too much for that."

He sat, deep in thought, his eyebrows furrowed together and pain written on his features.

I stared at him, I could see his jaw tensing. Even after all this time I could tell he was thirsty. How on earth could I still be so obsessed with him?

"Well, if that's all?" I snapped at him and pointed at the door.

He nodded and opened the car door. I could have sworn I heard him whisper, "I'm sorry," just before pushing the door shut. As soon as I heard the click I started the engine and drove off, revving a little too hard. My head was spinning and my heart racing. How could he affect me so much after so many years? Especially when he had made it very clear how he felt about me. But goddamn him for traipsing back into my life after so long. Who did he think he was?

*****

My second day of school was better, and worse. Worse because everywhere I went, Edward was waiting. He never approached me though. Just stood patiently, waiting for me to talk to him. I steadfastly ignored him. Better because I wasn't late. I was waiting in the classroom as the students filtered in today and I got a pleasant surprise while waiting for the students in my first class. The door opened and another familiar face bounded through the door.

"Alice!" I called, genuinely happy to see her. In many ways I had missed her most of all. She had been my best friend before Jacob. I knew that relationship would be different now but it didn't make me any less pleased to see her.

"Hi, Bella," she said. I was about to correct her when she laughed, "Sorry, _Ms Swan_."

"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be heading to class?"

"I'm in class," she replied.

I furrowed my brow at her in confusion.

"Well, yesterday I discovered a horrible error had occurred with my schedule so I spoke with Mrs Davis in the office to have it rearranged a little." She smiled innocently at me.

"What was the error?"

"I wasn't in your class."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Same old Alice I see?"

She nodded. "You know it's strange, no matter how much older I get – I never seem to change." She laughed at own her joke and turned to head to her seat.

"Alice?"

She turned back to me. "Yes, _Miss_." I hadn't missed the slightly playful way all the Cullens said miss.

"Edward said something yesterday… about you two not talking much."

Alice looked downcast, the expression didn't suit her face or maybe it was just that I had never seen her face adorned with true sadness – only the play face she used to make everyone feel guilty. "He couldn't forgive himself for leaving you… and neither could I."

"Why didn't you say goodbye?"

"He convinced me it was for the best."

"But Alice, _you_ could have said goodbye."

"I know. And for that I'll always be sorry."

I nodded, the other students were arriving and I couldn't risk losing my grip on sanity at the moment.

Edward was the last to enter the classroom. He had obviously heard Alice's need to talk to me. I was glad he gave us the time uninterrupted. I was not glad when he stayed back at the end of class remaining in his seat. I ignored him as I set up the board for the senior's lesson. Finally, I heard the door shut and sighed in relief when I turned and he was gone.

By the end of the day I was so drained from having to ignore Edward that I was ready to crawl home to a microwave dinner and an early night in bed. However, the figure I saw leaning against my car seemed to have other plans.

As soon as I was close enough that she knew I would hear Alice said, "I'm taking you for coffee."

"Alice, I just really want to get home."

"Trust me. There's a nice little coffee shop around the corner from here."

"How do _you_ know where a coffee shop is?"

She looked sheepishly at me. "Because it is in the mall – you know that was the first place I found."

I looked at her again. "Yep, still the same old Alice."

She just beamed as she saw the future spin with my acceptance.

I opened my door and she was already waiting for me in the car. As we drove to the mall she didn't speak other than to give me directions. I parked the car and followed her as she bounced into the coffee shop. By the time I got to the counter she had already ordered for me and was dragged me to a booth in the back of the shop.

"Okay." She smiled. "We are away from the school now. Just two friends, catching up. Can I call you Bella?"

I nodded. "Just remember to call me Ms Swan while we are around other students. I don't want them thinking I give you any special treatment."

"Okay. Now shoot."

"What?"

"C'mon, I know you have questions for me. So shoot."

I shook my head, astounded, then the questions spilled from my lips. "Why are you here? Did you know I'd be here? Is that why you came?"

Alice laughed and raised her hand to stop me. "One at a time."

"Like you didn't know what I was going to ask. Like you haven't already thought about the answers."

"Still, if you ask them all at once how will you know which one I'm answering?"

"Fine, why?"

"Carlisle picked Connecticut, and Emmett wanted to be close to the ocean. So we picked Fairfield and here we are."

"And did _you_ know?"

"Not before the decision had been made no, because I have been so careful not to look for you – it hurt too much. But after they'd picked the town I did see a vision of you walking into the school."

"So you didn't come here just because you knew I would be here?"

"No, but I didn't tell anyone that you would be here because I thought they might decide not to come. I'm sorry. I was too selfish not to see you when I knew I could."

"I understand Alice. I just… I wish he wasn't here. I've been through a very hard time lately and seeing him isn't helping much."

Alice looked confused. "What do you mean hard time?"

I decided to go with the truth. "My husband left me or I left him. I don't really know."

"Wait, you got married?"

I smiled sadly at her. "How did you miss that?"

She furrowed her brow. "I don't know. Even though I was trying not to see you some things got through, but nothing like that. Just things like your college acceptance. I didn't even see your graduation." She shook her head, trying to clear whatever thought she was having. "Talk to me, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you before but please let me be your friend again."

I sighed, I had wanted to talk to someone about this for my own sanity for so long but it was impossible to explain to any normal person what had happened. "Well, it starts when you all left."

She nodded, silently urging me to go on.

"I was hurting. I spent three months as a zombie, walking through the motions of life but not living. After Charlie all but forced me on a night out I discovered that if I did dangerous things I could hear Edward's voice. Being young and stupid I started to seek those things out. I got some motorbikes off one of the kids in town and took them to a friend in La Push, Jacob." I winced when I said his name, it still stung. Alice grabbed my hand in support. "He was the one who had fixed up my truck before Charlie bought it so I hoped he would be able to help me fix the bikes too. Well, I guess he fixed me up a little at the same time. I was never quite right but I was better, and I owed that to him. Then Laurent and Victoria came back and Jacob saved me from them."

Alice pulled her hand back and leaned forward. "What?" she hissed, "How?"

I looked around to make sure we were out of earshot. "Well, I guess this is the most important part of the story really and why I can't talk to anyone else about this - Jacob's a werewolf."

Alice leaned back, eyes wide with shock. "What? But they're so dangerous."

I felt myself becoming defensive. "Jacob never hurt me, Alice. At least…not intentionally."

"How… what happened?"

"Jacob and I became really close while he was helping me fix the bikes. He found me one day when I was about to cliff-dive. He convinced me to stop living so recklessly, and he helped me to let Edward go. The memory of Edward, if you know what I mean."

Alice seemed to get enough of her senses together to nod.

"I guess from there we just fell in love, got married and were preparing for our happily ever after."

"So what happened?"

"Well, this is where things get…weird."

She tapped her forehead. "I'm good with weird."

"Okay, so there are legends about the wolves, right. One of them is the way in which they find their match – their soul-mate."

"And that is?"

"They imprint. Like a baby chicken, you know? The first time they lay eyes on their imprint their lives change. They want nothing more than to make that person happy and be whatever that person needs."

"I assume you weren't Jacob's imprint."

I shook my head as a tear slid down my cheek. "No. He loved me, I know that without a doubt, but I wasn't his imprint."

Alice seemed to understand. "Did he meet her?"

I nodded, too far gone to talk. Alice slid out from her seat opposite me and was next to me in one fluid motion. She wrapped her arms around me and I sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's alright, Bella. It'll be alright."

I collected myself enough. "The divorce was only finalised last week. He's gone back to La Push to wait for her."

Alice gently pushed me away from her. "What do you mean wait?"

"Well, she's still only little, about five now I think. That's why it took so long for us to realise our relationship was over. We really tried to make it work – but how can you fight destiny. It hurt him too much to be away from her and it hurt me too much to know that whatever we did he would end up back with her. That's why I refused to have kids, even though we both wanted them. How could I, knowing that they would end up in a broken home."

Alice growled protectively in my ear. "Bella, I will make it my personal duty to see that no one else hurts you this way."

I laughed or maybe choked, it felt like the same thing at the moment. "It only hurt so much because I tried to fool myself that we could make it work. I think if I had walked away as soon as I knew, we might still be friends. Do you know the funny thing though?"

She rubbed my back. "What's the funny thing, Bella?"

"It made me realise why Edward left and appreciate him leaving too. I mean, now I know how hard it is to pretend you feel something when you know it has changed I'm glad he stopped playing pretend when he did."

She made a funny noise and I looked at her. She looked sad. "You shouldn't assume so much. Sometimes things are not as they appear."

I shrugged. "Regardless, things are the way they are." I didn't like the turn this conversation had taken. "Look, thanks for the coffee but I've gotta go. Did you need a lift anywhere?"

"No, I'll be fine. I'll go hunting before I head home anyway."

"Okay, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Be safe, Bella." I froze at the reminder – Edward had said that to me once.

*****

The next morning I didn't even have to wait until I got into the classroom to have the Cullens crash into my world yet again. I had just pulled into a car space and was trying to get everything out of my car when I tripped over a loose rock and nearly fell. Cold white arms were there to stop me from colliding with the bitumen and I found myself overwhelmed with the scent of Edward. It took me back to being 17 again. I quickly gathered myself up and shook him off. I started to stalk towards the school when he grabbed my arm. "Wait, Bella."

I wheeled around to look at him. "I have warned you about that. You will show me respect while we are on school grounds."

"No, Bella. This has nothing to do with school or you being a teacher. Alice came home last night with lots of things on her mind after your discussion. I need to know if it is true."

I sighed. "If what's true?"

"You married a _werewolf_." He hissed under his breath.

"I don't see how it is any of your business."

"You promised me you wouldn't do anything reckless."

"And you promised me it would be like you never existed. Well, look – here you are existing." I turned and walked away from him. I couldn't get into this type of discussion here. I ducked my head and headed for the office.

He was on my heels. "Bella. I need to talk to you about something."

I turned on him again. "I will remind you this is my workplace. I hope to be a teacher for a long time, long after you and your family have cleared off again. Please leave me alone." The last part came out more broken and hurt than I had meant it to.

Edward looked like his arms were aching to reach out for me but I didn't give him a chance. I wheeled and walked straight into the office.

"What's up, Bella?" June asked from behind her desk.

"Just a past that I thought was gone."

"What do you mean?"

"You'd never believe me."

"Is it something to do with your ex?"

How true that was, even if she meant Jacob not Edward. "Yeah, just a disturbing conversation, that's all. I want to get it out of my head." I smiled at her.

"Okay," - she hesitated - "Look, I know you're new in town and don't really know anyone." I almost heard her add 'except the Cullens' in her mind. "If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you."

"Thanks," I answered as warmly as I could manage.

I looked out the office door. Edward wasn't in sight, but that didn't mean he couldn't sneak up on me once I left the safety of the office. I couldn't wait any longer though or I would be late. I studied the ground in front of me carefully as I walked to the classroom. I was surprised that I had managed to make my way to the classroom without meeting him again. He wasn't in class either. In fact, I didn't see him the rest of the day. It played on my mind, I didn't want to send him away from his family with my words. I just wish he could leave me alone with my pain. Maybe I would eventually be able to be friends with him again.

When I arrived at my car Alice was waiting for me again.

"I'm not going for coffee today, Alice," I joked to her.

She shook her head solemnly. "I just wanted to say sorry. I didn't mean to think about you last night, I just couldn't help worrying."

I sighed. "Well, it would have come out eventually. Where was he today anyway? Not that I'm complaining, but I don't want to cause a rift in your family."

"First, any rift is his doing – not yours. And I also came to warn you, he won't be in school the next few days but you'll have a visitor at home soon."

I sighed. "Can't you tell him not to?"

"You were the one who told him you didn't want to discuss it on school grounds and he knows you won't go anywhere with him willingly. Besides, I can't talk to him."

"Why not?"

"He's not in Fairfield anymore."

"What?"

"He'll explain when he gets back no doubt."

Great this was just what I needed. "Thanks for the warning, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Actually, Bella."

I glared at her. "What, Alice?"

She smiled. "I was just wondering if you wanted to drop by the house and see everyone, while the coast is clear, so to speak."

"Actually, that sounds good." I climbed in the car. Alice was already in the passenger seat. I smiled at her, "Let's go."


	3. Old friends and familiar faces

**Chapter 3: Old friends and familiar faces**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_*****_

Alice took over the role of navigator again as we drove to her house, but as it was on the far outskirts of town there were very few directions at first. So most of the time we sat in silence. I tried to remember a time, any time, when Alice had been quiet for so long – I drew a blank. I used the rear-view mirror to glance over at her occasionally and each time she just smiled at me, waiting for me to lead the conversation. Eventually curiosity got the better of me. I knew it was wrong to be thinking about Edward or caring where he had gone but I couldn't help myself.

"Where'd he go, Alice?"

She knew who I meant immediately but shook her head sadly. "Sorry, Bella. Things may be strained between the two of us at the moment, but he's still my brother and I won't betray him."

"What do you mean?"

"He specifically asked me not to tell you. But he will explain it himself when he gets back."

"I don't know if I want him to."

She placed her hand on my shoulder. "Sure you do, Bella. You just don't want to admit it."

I took my eyes of the road for one second the glare at her.

"It'll be alright. It will help you heal."

I shook my head and muttered, "Stupid psychics."

She beamed at me. "Actually that's not coming from any vision I had. I just know the two of you too well."

Silence fell over the car again.

Every few minutes Alice would glance at my face. I tried to ignore it at first, but eventually I looked in the mirror to see if I had something there. "What is it Alice?"

"You know, you really don't look like you have aged much."

Her statement caught me off guard. "What?"

"Well, considering it has been seven years I thought that I would notice some sort of perceptible change. You've filled out a little, become more womanly – if you know want I mean - but really you don't look a day over 20."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't remind me."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

"It's just hard to be taken seriously as a high school teacher when you look the same age as the students."

She laughed. "You know, I seem to remember a time when you worried about looking older."

I bristled. "That was when I had a boyfriend who never aged. I don't anymore so now I want to look like the respectable grown up I am." I resisted the urge to poke my tongue at her, that wouldn't have helped my argument. The talk of age got me thinking about something June had asked on her first day. "Alice, how old is Carlisle claiming to be?"

She gave me a strange look. "32, why?"

"It's nothing, I just mentioned to June, sorry Mrs Davis, the other day that I knew you guys. She was asking about Carlisle and assumed I was around the same age as him. I told her I was a few years younger but wanted to know for sure, you know in case anyone asks."

Alice nodded, then provided more information. "Well, Edward and I are 17. Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie are 18. Carlisle is 32 and Esme is 30. We came to Carlisle and Esme between 5 and ten years ago through various tragedies."

"Wait, I need to know exactly how long ago you are supposed to have got to Carlisle and Esme. I told June that I hadn't seen you for 7 or 8 years. Surely that means there is some of you I wouldn't know."

"Don't worry so much, Bella, you'll get wrinkles."

"Please, Alice."

"Fine, Edward was the first to be adopted, his parents – Esme's older brother and his wife – we killed in a car accident when he was 7. Esme was the only family he had who was willing to take him in. Next were Emmett and I. We are Edward's cousins." She smiled broadly at me. "When I was 10 our parents were involved in a light-plane crash. Jasper and Rosalie are twins who arrived 5 years ago, they are Carlisle's sister's children. Their father left when they were just babies and no one has been able to find him. Their mother committed suicide after a life of drug abuse."

I quickly ran through those stories and nodded as I committed them to memory. It would be easy to pull off pretending not to know Jasper and Rosalie, after all they were the ones I had spent the least time around anyway. I became curious about how they settled on those stories. "When did you come up with those stories?"

"Just now," she laughed. "Honestly, Bella, I know people become curious about us but never to the extent where you'll need to know all this information. Usually so many rumours are started no one knows exactly what the truth is."

I punched her shoulder playfully, hurting my hand. "You should hope no one knows exactly what the truth is."

"You know what I mean. The driveway is up here on the right."

I squinted to see where she meant but couldn't see anything. I slowed down but still almost drove past it. "Honestly, why do vampires pick houses with such hard to find driveways," I mumbled, not expecting an answer.

"Because we don't want to be found easily silly. It helps stop the door to door men."

I nodded. Of course she had an answer for everything. I followed the drive-way around to the front door and pulled in. I turned off the car but paused before removing the keys. "Alice, do they know I'm coming?"

She nodded. "Well, they know it was a very strong possibility. I rang them when I got the vision at lunchtime."

I took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. Even though I had seen Emmett and Jasper at school, this was different. This was the start of opening myself up to them again – to risk being hurt when they eventually left. When I let the breath out it sounded like a sigh.

I headed for the front door and Alice was already holding it open for me, she had dropped any pretence of being normal now that she was home. As I walked in the entryway I was greeted by the delicious smell of roast pork. I glared at Alice.

She laughed, "Sorry. Once I told Esme you would probably go home to a microwave dinner after leaving here she insisted."

"Alice..."

"Look they all feel really bad about what we did to you. They want to make up for it."

I was going to argue that I was over it, that I didn't feel hurt anymore, but I knew that would be a lie.

As if on cue everyone entered the room. Esme surprised me by walking over to me and pulling me tightly to her. "You wouldn't believe how much we have missed you, Bella."

Carlisle followed close behind and also gave me a quick hug. Then he put his hand on my shoulder and gazed into my eyes. "I know Alice just told you this but I want to apologise myself. I am very sorry for everything that my family put you through."

I could feel my cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Emmett grinned at me from his position behind Rosalie. When I looked at Rosalie I noticed the look on her face was almost friendly. The animosity I remembered seemed to be gone. She walked forward and clasped my hand and smiled at me. "Look at you - living your life. It's good to see you."

I nodded at her, unable to form a single word in my shock.

"Would you like some dinner, Bella?" Esme asked. "It'll be ready in an hour and a half."

"I hope you didn't put yourself out too much Esme. I would have been happy to eat at home later. I have managed to fend for myself for the last seven years."

"Nonsense, Bella. It was the least I could do."

Alice grabbed my hand. "So I had a look around the shops after you left me at the coffee shop yesterday and I found..."

I groaned as she dragged me towards her room to show me whatever wonderful outfit she had obviously found for me yesterday. I thought I heard one of the boys behind me, but I wasn't sure who, mutter, "Yep, same old Bella."

I definitely heard everyone else laugh.

Four hours later I was ready to head home to sleep. I had thoroughly enjoyed my visit, and Esme's cooking was 5-star, but being around reminders of the past was a little exhausting. After loading up the three bags of clothes she had bought me, and wouldn't allow me to refuse, Alice insisted on driving home with me because she said I would get myself lost otherwise. I relented, knowing if she wanted to she would just force me into the passenger seat and drive me home herself. In the end I found the way on my own, without needing any direction from Alice. I was so sleepy from the rich food Esme had heaped on me and anxious to crawl into bed. Just before we reached my street I asked Alice, "He's not there now is he?"

"No, not yet. It'll be another two days."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't ready for that conversation just yet.

*****

I went into school on Thursday feeling relieved. Alice had said Edward would be out of town for another two days so I knew there would be no chance of running into him. The day went well, I had found my natural rhythm with the students and they seemed to respond to it positively. I was starting to get to know a few more of the teachers in the staff room as well, so wasn't feeling quite as isolated. Although I didn't try to hide the knowledge that I used to be friends with the Cullens, I didn't want to show any obvious friendship with them during school hours in case I was accused of favouritism. I was also trying to make an effort to connect to other people because I knew the Cullens would only be in town for a couple of years and I didn't want to be left alone when they went. In fact, June and I had agreed to meet up on Friday night after school and go for dinner.

Alice accosted me at my car again and innocently asked for a lift home. I knew it was just a ploy to get me back to her house again. She should have known trickery wasn't necessary, I wasn't looking forward to going home to an empty house just yet and going to the Cullens' was just what I needed. I wasn't surprised to find that Esme had cooked for me again, I jokingly accused her of trying to fatten me up which got a round of nervous chuckles from everyone else. Alice didn't steal me away this time so I spent more time with the rest of them. Even Rosalie was making a real effort to be friendly.

I was able to convince Alice not to drive me home and arrived ready to crawl into bed but I saw the light flashing on my answering machine. I checked the display and it said there were four messages. I sighed and pushed the play button, walking around the living room getting ready for bed while I listened. I stopped when I heard the voice of the first message.

"Bella, it's Jake. Call me. As soon as you get home."

The machine beeped to indicate the end of the message and the beginning of the next.

"Bella. Call me." It was Jacob again.

"Bells, I know you don't want to talk to me, but please call me. It's urgent."

I deleted the fourth message, I knew it would be Jacob again. I glanced at the clock, it was 10:30pm. That would make it around 7:30 in Forks. I wasn't sure if Jacob would be on patrols tonight. I knew he took over most of the responsibility for the pack when he moved back to La Push to allow Sam time to spend with Emily. I didn't want to disturb Billy if Jacob wasn't going to be there. I vacillated for a minute but in the end, the decision was made for me when the phone started ringing.

"Hello?"

"Bells, thank goodness. Why didn't you call me back?"

"I only just walked in the door five minutes ago." I couldn't help the venom that was in my voice, it just emerged whenever I spoke to him.

"Look, Bells, I've told you a thousand times that I am sorry about what happened. What do you want me to do?"

_Go to hell?_ "I know, but you being sorry doesn't help. I wish it did, but it doesn't. What do you want?"

There was a pause on the line. "I just wanted to talk."

"About?"

Another pause, a longer one this time, then a sigh. "I don't know how to tell you this."

I was losing patience with Jacob, fast. "How about you open your mouth and let the words come out."

"If you're going to be rude, I won't say anything," he snapped at me. Then he calmed himself a little with a few deep breaths. "I just thought you would like to know that Charlie has had a visitor."

Personally, I didn't care if Jacob dropped off the face of the earth, but if it involved Charlie I was willing to listen to him for hours. "What? What do you mean?"

Another pause.

"Jacob! Tell me."

"Someone was at Charlie's house today. He wasn't hurt and doesn't even know about it."

I could tell by his tone and the fact that he had called this wasn't some innocuous visitor. "What do you mean by _someone_?"

He sighed. "A vampire."

My heart stopped. I dropped the phone. I could hear Jacob starting to talk again but was too shocked to pick up the phone to hear what he was saying.

Eventually his voice started to rise, cutting through the mist that covered my mind. "Bells? Bella, are you there?"

I picked up the receiver and made a strangled sound that was the best attempt I could make at a, "Yes."

"Damn, I knew you would take it bad. I told Billy I shouldn't tell you."

My anger at Jacob bubbled to the surface again. "You weren't going to tell me?"

"There's nothing you can do about it. We have someone watching Charlie's house at all times now."

"Well, that's great Jacob. I'm glad he'll be safe, _now_." My voice was so heavy with sarcasm I just about chocked on it.

"He's fine."

"By luck or coincidence. Now tell me everything."

"Fine. Billy wanted to go visit Charlie so I drove him down." He paused, waiting for me to yell at him. We both knew Charlie blamed him for the divorce and didn't want to see him. I held my tongue, what he was telling me was far more important at this point. He obviously sensed I wasn't going to interrupt. "When I got there I wheeled Billy to the door and was going to leave again but then the smell hit me. I asked Charlie if anyone had been there, but he said he had been at work all day. I waited for them to go inside and then I tracked the scent."

He paused again, I could tell there was something more he was holding back. "What is it Jacob? What aren't you telling me?"

"Whoever it was, they were in your old room."

I wanted to argue that it had just been a coincidence. But the facts were right there in front of me, someone else knew about my friendship with the Cullens. Someone other than Victoria and Laurent, who were gone at least. But what intentions did that someone have?

"Thank you for letting me know, Jacob." My voice was actually infused with genuine gratitude, it was the first time in ages my voice held anything but hatred when talking to Jacob. He must have noticed the difference because he mumbled back an, "It's alright."

"And, Jake?"

"Yeah, Bells?"

"You will keep Charlie safe." It wasn't a question.

"Sure, sure. I'll let you know if I find anything else out."

I grunted in reply before hanging up the phone. I went and changed for bed but I knew I wasn't going to get any sleep now.

*****

I did drift off to sleep eventually, and when I did I dreamed. For the first time in over seven years I dreamt of Edward Cullen.

_At first I thought we were lying asleep on a giant white cloud, then I realised it wasn't a cloud, it was a bed, and we weren't sleeping. The room we were in was completely white. The bed was a four-poster with white gauze covering the top, floating and swaying gently with a warm breeze that blew in through the open window. The temperature of the night air was warm but it wasn't oppressive, not with the cool body, covered by nothing more than a pair of board shorts, pressed against me in my bikini. Edward's hands explored every inch of exposed skin, but I wanted him to explore more. Fires erupted within my skin where ever he touched. He leant his lips into mine and kissed me deeply, unknown emotions playing in his eyes. He lifted his lips, but only long enough to touch them to my collarbone, and trailed kisses across my shoulders. I dropped my head back against the pillow to allow him better access to my neck, I moaned against him and pushed my hips into his. I felt his kisses cease and I thought he must have decided we had gone as far as he was willing to risk but then I felt his hands renew their exploration, heading further south and brushing the outside of my thigh. I looked into his face, there was no hint that he was going to stop. I saw only desire and lust. I put my hands on his hips and he leaned in for another kiss, before running them up his back and into his hair, pulling him closer to me. He growled seductively against me and whispered my name... _

My alarm blared, pulling me from slumber. I sat up in bed, flustered and hot. It wasn't the events of the dream so much that had me bothered - although it had been a while for me since doing anything like that - but the person. I wasn't supposed to want him like that anymore. I had moved on from those desires a long time ago. I was over him. It was just my subconscious dredging up old desires after spending so much time around his family. But rega rdless of the reason, it wasn't the type of dream a 25 year old divorcee teacher should be having about a 17 year old student.

Even if that student was really a 116 year old vampire.


	4. Difficult Conversations

**Chapter 4: Difficult Conversations**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

After I climbed out of bed, I tried to use the shower to calm myself down. Then the drive to school. Then the walk to my classroom. No matter what I did I still felt agitated, and I just kept playing the dream over and over in my head. Somehow I managed to get through to the end of the day without fleeing town. I couldn't believe that only a week ago I was so excited about this teaching post. In that week everything I had built for myself had become corrupted. A week ago I just wanted to teach, wanted to forget about Jacob and hopefully find someone new, at least eventually. Now I was 17 again, wrapped up in fantasies of Edward Cullen and desperate to hear from Jacob. I needed to know that Charlie was safe. It was a constant ache in my mind. I had to stop myself calling Jacob during my lunch break. I decided I would call Charlie tonight, then I remembered my dinner with June. I didn't have any desire to go now but I couldn't risk alienating anyone in this small town. I decided I would go to the dinner and call Charlie as soon as I got home.

I was almost surprised to have no visitor waiting by my car today, but Alice would have seen my dinner plans so she would know I wouldn't be able to go over to the Cullen's today. June was going to swing past my house at 6 to pick me up. By the time I got home that would give me about an hour and a half free. I planned to use some of the free time to draft up the lesson plans for the next week. My plans went out the window as soon as I pulled into my street. A silver Volvo was parked in front of my house. It wasn't the same car that he'd had in Forks, he'd obviously upgraded it since then, but there was no doubt in my mind that the car parked in front of my house belonged to Edward Cullen.

I debated just driving past but I knew he would wait all night if he needed to. Probably even all weekend. I pulled into my driveway trying to prepare myself for what was to come. Why did he have to show up the same day I had _that_ dream?

*****

As I drove around to the garage behind my house I craned my neck to see if I could see Edward waiting for me but the hedge that screened the house was too effective. I cursed myself for choosing this house - especially considering it was the privacy the hedge afforded that made me fall in love with it. After I parked the car I pulled the garage door shut and walked around the corner, coming through the gate at the side. I took a deep breath before rounding the corner that would put me face to face with him.

Edward stood on my doorstep, looking every bit as beautiful as he always did. His body was turned in my direction in anticipation and he was holding an envelope in his hands. He would have heard me coming down the street. Which meant he would have heard the way I had to pause before I could see him again. And he could hear my heart hammering in my chest right now. The expression on his face was unreadable, but contained equal parts of amusement and pain.

Even though I had been expecting this meeting I still had to ask, "What are you doing here, Edward?"

He cast his eyes down, hurt taking over as the dominant feature. "We need to talk. There are things I need you to know."

"I don't know..."

"I'm not going to leave until I've had my say." His voice was hard at first but his eyes burnt into me and his voice turned soft and pleading, "Please?"

I unlocked the door and threw it open. I indicated he should go in.

"Ladies first?" He offered.

I huffed and walked a few steps into the living room before wheeling around on him, "What do you want?"

He gently closed to door behind him. "Can't we sit down?"

"Does it even matter to you whether you are sitting or standing?"

He laughed once, "No, not really. But it does matter to you - and that matters to me."

"What are you talking about, Edward?"

"I'll explain. I promise. Let me talk for a few minutes then you can ask me any question and I will explain. You'll be more comfortable if you sit. Please?"

_Actually, I'd be more comfortable if you left._ "Fine."

I glanced at the couch but decided to settle into the single recliner instead, at least that way he wouldn't be tempted to sit next to me. I thought I heard a quick chuckle escape his lips but when I looked back at him there was no amusement. I settled in and glared at him.

He sat on the couch, placed the envelope next to him and leaned forward to speak to me. He opened his mouth but closed it again, thinking about something, "Can I call you Bella here?"

I narrowed my eyes at him but I didn't answer, I was over this conversation already. But despite my best intentions not to answer him, my head inclined slightly.

His face shone with relief that I was allowing him to continue, "Bella, I owe you an apology. No, I owe you thousands of apologies. One for every day I haven't been by your side."

My mouth fell open. It took me a minute to gather my thoughts enough to respond, "No. I'm glad you told me. It saved me from living a lie."

I could tell he was struggling against his emotions, both his anger and sorrow, to keep his face stoic, "What I told you when I... that day..." his voice broke before he gained his control over it again, "that was the lie."

My mind swam with confusion, "What do you mean?"

"I never stopped loving you. There is nothing in this world that could make me stop loving you."

I felt like my entire world had been swept out from under me, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around me - a gesture I learnt when my heart was ripped out. By the boy sitting in front of me. Who was telling me it wasn't true. That I had suffered so much hurt unnecessarily. Edward was kneeling below me in a heartbeat, his hands twitched to touch me but he resisted.

"Why?" I managed to squeeze out between gasps as I tried to get oxygen.

"I thought I wanted you to have a normal life. My family and I were putting you in too much danger."

I shook my head and closed my eyes, "No..."

I felt his finger on my cheek for half a second but by the time I opened my eyes again it was gone. His face was sad, "I never understood how you believed the lie. After all the times I told you I loved you, after everything we shared I only had to lie once and you believed me."

I shook my head slowly. I didn't want to hear this. I had moved on.

"I don't understand though," Edward's voice was barely more than a whisper, "I thought you knew."

I just stared at him, unable to find my voice or catch my breath.

"The scholarship. I thought you'd realise."

I narrowed my eyes at him, some part of my brain understanding but shielding the rest of me from the revelation.

"I needed you to be able to fulfil your dreams."

"You... the scholarship I got for college... that was _you_?" The scholarship that had allowed me to marry Jacob and live without any student loans. That had given me spare money when I needed it to buy my car.

He nodded, "I thought you knew then. I thought you would realise you received a scholarship you never applied for."

I shook my head again, fiercer this time, "I was too broken to realise."

His control over his face shattered, the intensity of the hurt he had suffered, and continued to suffer, burst to the surface."I will never forgive myself for hurting you."

"It doesn't matter." I whispered.

"Of course it matters, Bella." He exclaimed, inching himsef closer, "I love you and it kills me to see you in this much pain."

"No, I mean it doesn't matter if you love me. Too much has changed."

He fell back as if I had slapped him. Then he grabbed my knees, "How I feel hasn't changed. Neither has how you feel. I've noticed how you act around me too - I know that you still love me."

"It doesn't matter if I do or don't. Things have changed, Edward. I am no longer a love-struck teenager. I am a grown woman. I have responsibilities here."

He looked pained, I longed to reach down and comfort him, but I couldn't. "Did you want us to leave?" He asked quietly.

"No." I responded before I had fully considered the consequences. I just knew I couldn't lose Alice or any of the Cullen's right now.

He nodded, then picked up the envelope he had been carrying. "I got these for you." He dropped the envelope on the coffee table and was out the door before I could respond, his head hung and shoulders drooped.

I wanted, needed, to see what he was talking about but it felt like the gap between the chair and the coffee table grew by a mile when I stood. My head was still spinning from our discussions. I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs to breathe properly. I felt my mind slipping further away from reality and let out a small gasp right before blackness took me over.

*****

I woke to cold hands on my face and a sweet voice whispering my name in my ear. It took me a few seconds to comprehend where I was. I was lying on my couch. I was at home. That was good. Edward's hands were on my face and his mouth was inches from mine, that was good...bad. Very bad. What was worse was that images from my dream floated into my head uncalled for, and I couldn't help imagining making them reality. It would be so easy to reach out and pull Edward's face to mine. To place a gently kiss on his lips and let things go where they will from there.

I had to remind myself again that to the outside world Edward was almost 8 years my junior and was a student in my class.

"Are you alright, love?" He asked, his sweet breath washing over me.

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to be subtle about the movement. I nodded, "I think so. It's just a lot to absorb."

"I'm here for you, love."

I shook my head, "No, you need to leave Edward. I can't do this." I tried to pull myself up to a sitting position. Edward realised what I was doing and helped me.

After I was steady he placed his hands on my face, "Bella, if you can honestly tell me that you don't have feelings for me I will leave, right now, and you'll never see me again."

"Edward, it's not..."

"No. I don't care about can and can't or right and wrong anymore. I need to know if you still love me. I can't stay away from you anymore Bella. I have been in hell for the last seven years. Alice finally convinced me that you wouldn't want me moping around. That it was an insult to our memories. That's why I enrolled at this school, but it has been a difficult twelve months." His eyes smouldered with passion, "I need to know how you feel. Do you still love me?"

How could I tell him how I felt, when I wasn't sure myself? "I don't know."

He nodded and sighed in relief. Then he dropped his hands from my face and whispered almost too low for me to hear, "At least it's not a no."

He reached behind him and pulled the envelope off the coffee table. He unfolded the flap and tipped the contents gently onto the couch beside me. I couldn't believe what fell out. The CD of music he had made me for my 18th birthday, the photos of him and us from the following night and long expired plane tickets from Carlisle and Esme. I picked up each item in turn.

Edward gave a soft chuckle at my expression, "It's where I have been the last few days. I couldn't bear to take them with me when I left. I put them under a floor board in your room."

The memory of Jacob explaining about Charlie's visitor came to my mind. "You went to Forks?"

He nodded, "I drove straight there and straight back."

I felt angry with his flippant attitude towards the stress he had caused me since last night, not that he could know about it. "You were the vampire in Charlie's house?"

"What?"

"I got a phone call last night. Jacob told me a vampire had been in Charlie's house. I have been out of my mind with worry ever since."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think... I didn't realise the wolves would be there."

"That's right, Edward. You didn't think. You didn't consider the consequences, because you are seventeen. I know you may have lived longer than that, but at the end of the day you are still a seventeen year old boy." Tears sprung from my eyes, "I think I'd like you to leave now."

He was gone in the second it took me to wipe my tears.

Not even a second later he came back in the door, "Are you expecting a visitor, Bella? Someone's coming down the street looking for your house."

My brain struggled to keep up with what was happening, "Yeah, June, uh... Mrs Davis, is coming over for a girls night. You should go, it's not a good idea for you to be seen here."

"It's too late, she's seen my car." Edward was sliding the photos and CD back into the envelope and then disappeared out the back door. When he came back in, he was carrying school books and the envelope was gone. "Quick, get changed. Please, Bella – let me show you I can be responsible."

I ran into my bedroom and quickly changed. I stopped in the bathroom and checked on my eyes. They were a little red-rimmed but okay. The doorbell rang, and so did the phone.

"I'll get the door," Edward volunteered. His books were already spread open over the coffee table.

I answered the phone and was surprised to hear Jacob's voice, "What is it Jake?" I couldn't feel any emotion at the moment, I was too stressed about what June would think when Edward opened the door.

"I'm just calling with an update."

"And?" I strained to listen to what June and Edward were saying at the front door.

"Nothing."

"It's okay, I think I have it figured out."

"What do you mean Bella?"

"I can't talk right now, I'll call you later." I heard something about Esme and private lessons.

"Communication is a two-way street."

"Let's just some of the school kids here are very familiar."

He gasped, "Are the Cullen's there? Is that why you moved there?"

"Nice, Jake. Of course it would have nothing to do with getting as far away from you as possible." My entire attention was focused on the phone call now.

"Let's not get into this now."

"Agreed."

"Are they though?"

"Yes."

"What's that got to do with Charlie? And his visitor."

"It was one of them. They left something in my room and needed to collect it. Don't worry they didn't stay."

"Was it Edward? Is he there too?"

"Yes."

"So are you two back on then?"

"What, Jake, no. Give me some credit."

"Fine. If there's nothing for me to worry about then." His voice was hard with anger.

"Jacob. Thanks. Please look out for him."

"Sure, sure." The phone went dead. I hung it back up in the cradle and went to face the music in the living room.

Edward was packing up his books but paused to smile up at me. "I was just telling Mrs Davies that my mom leaned on your friendship to get me some make up lessons for the classes I missed."

I smiled at June, "Yeah, I'm a sucker. I just can't say no to old friends."

Edward had finished gathering his books and was at the front door, "Oh, and Ms Swan, Esme asked me to invite you around for dinner tomorrow." He shot me a lopsided grin. June wouldn't have noticed the skip in my heartbeat but I could tell from Edward's face he did.

"Tell your mom yes I'll be around for dinner."

*****

June took me to a charming little Italian restaurant in the middle of town, only a few blocks from the school. "So, you weren't kidding about knowing the Cullen's then?"

I shook my head, "It's surprising how easily we slipped back into our friendship too. I thought it might be a little awkward after 7 years you know."

She narrowed her eyes at me, "Bella, I'm sorry if I seem interfering but I'm about worried about Edward Cullen."

"Why?"

"Well, they all started at the school a year ago right. In that time Edward hasn't said anything except answering when asked a direct question."

"So?"

"Well, I've noticed he's rather talkative around you."

"Again, so? He seems pretty much like he was the last time we met." If only she knew just how true that statement was.

"There's more to it than just that I guess. I mean I've _never_ seen him smile. Not even to his family. He was always so sullen, as if he was in mourning you know and now you've been here three days and he is talking and smiling. The conversation at your house was the most I have ever spoken to him."

"I'm sorry I don't see what you are trying to say?" I could see exactly what she was trying to say, but I was hoping I was wrong.

She laughed nervously, "Well, I might be wrong but they way he acts around you, if I didn't know any better I'd think he was in love with you."

I laughed back, or at least I tried to – it definitely sounded off in my ears. "Don't be ridiculous. We used to play together when I was in high school – I would help Esme out by babysitting sometimes – mind you Edward was old enough it wasn't really babysitting, more just hanging out." I willed myself to shut up, I was starting to babble. June didn't know just how on the money she was – in fact until tonight I hadn't known.

"Still, I think you'd better be careful, Bella. You know what even a hint of this sort of scandal can do to your career. I've seen it happen so many times."

I nodded.

"If you want my advice, I'd refuse Esme next time she asks you to do private lessons. Or do it at their house while she's home. Minimise the possibility of someone misconstruing the situation, you know."

"You're right. I didn't even think about it." _Liar_ I screamed internally, I had thought about nothing else. I recognised now that this was the one fact that kept me running into Edward's arms right now – the scandal it would cause and the fallout that would have on my career.

The rest of the dinner went off relatively smoothly, switching topics from her husband and kids to Jacob and why we got divorced. It would have been a great evening except I realised that I could never have real friends outside of Jacob and the Cullen's because everything I told them ended up being a lie. I couldn't even tell June why Jacob and I broke up except that it was for another girl – I couldn't say that the girl was barely more than a toddler.

As I climbed out of her car I turned back to her, "Thanks for tonight. And for the advice."

She nodded, "You're a great teacher Bella, I've heard the way the students talk about you. I'd hate for you to lose that over some silly teenage crush."

I smiled, "Me too."


	5. Dreaming

**Chapter 5: Dreaming**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I watched from the front gate as June drove off down the street, once she had rounded the corner I opened the gate and had to stop myself from screaming. "God, Edward, you startled me."

His face fell. "Sorry. I just wanted to see you again. I wanted to make sure you got home safe."

"It's not your place to worry about things like that. Not anymore."

"Maybe. But I still do. And I always will."

"What if June wanted to come in? How would I explain to her why you were here? And how, considering there is no car?"

"If she had come in I wouldn't have been here. I would have known, remember." He tapped his forehead.

"Where would you have been, in the bushes like some peeping tom?" I couldn't help the smile that was playing on my mouth. Bantering with Edward just felt so natural. But I couldn't think like that. I need to talk to him about this, to get him to leave me alone without pushing the rest of his family away.

He smiled automatically in response, before his face fell again. "She gave you a lot to think about didn't you?"

I shook my head, opening the door an indicating him to go in. "Not really. At least nothing I wasn't already thinking about."

He nodded. "I do understand the issues, Bella. But I don't think I can stay away from you. My days are dark until I am in your presence. And my nights are so empty." He pushed his bottom lip forward, an expression I had never seen on him - but which Alice had down to an art. He wasn't going to make this easy on me.

I needed to say something. "I..."

I didn't know how to finish that sentence. I still love you. I want you more than anything. Either of those would result in complications that I just couldn't face.

Edward was waiting for me to finish. I threw myself on the couch. "I just can't get involved with you again."

"Because I hurt you too much?"

I laughed. "Actually no. I gave up a big part of that hurt a long time ago," - or at least I thought I had - "and I know your reasons now, so I get that."

"Then why?"

"For all the reasons you heard from June no doubt. I'm a teacher. I can't get involved with a student."

I could see his mind working through alternatives. "Well, we'll move. We'll start over with me in college. Please, Bella?"

"It won't solve the problem though. You'll have to move that much quicker if you start in college rather than high school. It won't look good on my records if I move regularly and besides I will continue to age and you will remain as you are. It will only get worse. Harder to justify."

"I can't let you out of my life." His voice was broken and quiet, his head bowed. "I can't live without you anymore."

Seeing him in such pain softened me a little, my resolve wavered slightly. "I'm not asking you to. We just can't be involved like we were. If you want to spend time with me, it will have to be with your family - not on our own."

He raised his eyes slightly. "But you do still want to spend time with me?"

I nodded - I couldn't respond any other way to the joy that broke out over his face as he asked the question.

"I'll agree to those terms - but on one condition."

This wasn't going to be good.

"Can I stay tonight? I just want to hold you in my arms one more time?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Please? I promise I won't ask ever again." His face was earnest and pleading. I couldn't refuse it.

I sighed. How could I possibly deny him? "Fine. Just give me a human moment." I couldn't help laughing at the reminder of our past I had just let slip.

*****

The silk pyjamas that had become a staple of my closet made Edward raise his eyebrows.

"Do you want to stay or not?" I growled at him.

"Of course."

"Then behave." I stood, staring at the bed like it would bite if I walked any closer.

"I can leave and come back later tonight if you prefer, once you're already asleep."

"No, it's fine. I just can't believe how nervous I feel about this." There was no point trying to lie about that fact - he could hear my heart beat stuttering. I curled up on the bed under the blanket and, once I was settled, Edward lay beside me and wrapped his arms around me. I moved over to lie on his chest. I hadn't appreciated how much I missed this until this point. I felt comfortable and ready to sleep immediately, but I wanted to take advantage of this one-time thing. And it would only be one time. I couldn't allow it again, truthfully I shouldn't be allowing it now.

"Tell me what you have been up to for the past seven years?" I asked him.

He laughed darkly. "It's not very interesting."

"Why not?"

He sighed. "I curled up in a ball in my room and didn't move. I didn't even hunt. Alice would bring things back to me when she sensed I was getting to the point where I might lose control. Carlisle didn't even bother to enrol me in school or get me any documents - no one outside the family even knew I existed. I was a ghost. But in the whole time I did nothing but suffer from the guilt and pain in everyone's thoughts and in my own. Every one of my family felt the absence of you, but none of them suffered as much as me. Except maybe Jasper, he was already under the weight of his own guilt and everyone else's, especially mine, was almost too much for him.

"Then about a year ago we moved here. Alice pushed me to enrol in school, to get on with life - for you and the memory of us. I hated her for it, for everything she said to me, but she only told me the truth. It was just truth that I wasn't willing to face. Since then I have been forced to face the outside world, but I felt dead inside. Until now..." He squeezed me a little tighter.

Between his smell, the feel of his arms around me and his story, I felt tears start running down my face. I had never thought of the pain he might have been going through. It was hard to argue with myself that it had been his choice. I didn't care the reason, I still hated his pain. Edward felt my tears through his shirt. "Bella?"

"Sorry, I just... didn't know. I guess the separation was hard on both of us."

"I'm so sorry for what I did to us."

I shook my head against his chest and started to argue but he placed his hand on my face, and started to stroke my hair.

"I don't want to talk about it now. Can I just enjoy my one night with you?"

He started to hum my lullaby, which brought a fresh round of tears but I eventually felt calm enough to fall to sleep.

*****

_We were on the tropical island again. I knew it was an island this time because we weren't in the white bed - we were lying in each other's arms on the beach. Even though it was night, the sand was still warm from soaking up the sun all day but the heat against my back was offset by the ice on my front. The contrast sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. Edward's hand was on my face, then he was running his fingers through my hair. His lips pressed firmly to me. I opened my mouth and sucked in his lower lip before running my tongue along it. It was Edward's turn to shiver and a moan escaped from his throat. His hand moved from my hair to my shoulder. From my shoulder to my waist and continued to slide down the length of my body. _

_He shifted the attention of his mouth from my lips, to my neck and then to my collarbone. Finally, he slid his tongue up the length of my throat before capturing my mouth again. He rolled to the side, gently pulling me with him so I was on top. I wrapped my hands around the back of his head and pushed my mouth further into his. _

_"I love you, Edward." _

_His hands rested on my hips, slowly rocking forward and back to the natural rhythm we were creating. Then he slipped his hands upwards towards the tie on the back of my bikini. _

My dream shifted. I was no longer on the beach, I was back in a bed and Edward was lying next to me. I couldn't understand why there was the gap between our bodies so I closed it. I pressed myself into him and pulled his lips onto mine. His hands slid up the silk that covered my back and he groaned, "Bella?"

It was thick the lust from before but also held a slightly questioning tone.

I couldn't believe how real the dream felt this time. It almost felt like he was really in my bed and really holding me in his arms. I could even smell him. Slowly the events of the night before clicked into place with the slightly odd, confused expression Edward was wearing.

"Oh." I gasped before launching myself across the room. I think even a vampire would have struggled to keep up with my speed in that instant. "Oh my god. Edward, I'm so sorry."

He still looked stunned. Then he came to himself and smiled his lopsided smile at me. "Not that I'm complaining, but what was that?"

"That?" I took a deep breath. "That was a mistake. I'm sorry."

Edward was across the room and had me in his arms. "Don't ever be sorry for telling me how you feel." His smile grew wicked. "Or in this case - showing me."

I burned with the blush that had taken over not just my face but my entire body. "It was just a dream that spilled over when I woke. It was nothing."

"So you've been dreaming about me."

I blushed harder, if that were even possible. "That dream could have been about anyone."

He bent his face close to my ear. "It could have been. But it wasn't. You know it and I know it."

I was struggling to maintain any anger or embarrassment being so close to him. "You can't know that. You don't know my thoughts."

"No, but you said my name moments before you attacked me." He kissed my cheek gently and left the room, leaving me flustered and embarrassed.

I grabbed some clean clothes and headed straight for the shower. Standing under it for longer than was necessary. I wasn't sure if Edward would still be in the house or if he would have gone home. That was until I opened the bathroom door and was greeted with the smell of eggs cooking.

I walked into the kitchen. "You didn't have to do this."

"Nonsense. It's the least I can do after last night. You don't know how calming it was just to hold you again." He grinned at me. "And I'm not going to complain about this morning either."

The blush I had finally managed to calm in the shower rose up again. "If you keep going on about it, I'm going to kick you out."

"Sorry. It's just...it was... wow!" His eyes lit up.

I smiled slightly at the complement before sighing. "It still doesn't change anything." I walked a little closer to where he was cooking, inspecting it over his shoulder to make sure the eggs weren't overcooked.

"It does. It changes everything."

I was going to argue but he held up his hand and shook his head.

"Fine. I won't argue, yet, but why do you say that?"

"I know that you still love me. And you are happy to be around me, in certain situations at least," he qualified before I could. "I can take anything else that comes, so long as those two things remain true."

"How do you know I still love you?"

"You told me last night."

"I was sleeping."

"It still counts. You know many people believe that our dreams reveal what our subconscious really wants."

I flashed back to my dreams of the last two nights and my blush burned brighter than a beacon.

"So are you coming up to my house?" He asked.

"I thought it was supposed to be for dinner?"

"No one will complain if you go up there earlier."

"I know. But I have things I need to do here."

"Like?"

"I need to set the lesson plans for next week."

He laughed. "You know, being a teacher isn't that much different from being a student."

I laughed too. "I know, except I get to set the lesson plans to be what I want. And you have to do it."

I hadn't released how close I had been inching towards him until he turned suddenly and I found myself caught up in his arms. "I'll always do what you want."

He seemed to realise what he had said and done and dropped his arms again and sighed. "I'm sorry. It's just easy to forget all that other stuff when I am near you."

"Yeah, I know. That's why it's not a good idea for us to be alone."

He nodded sadly and slid the frying pan off the heat. "These are ready. I should probably go."

"But how are you going to get home, you can hardly run the whole way from here - there isn't any coverage."

"Alice will be here - " the door bell rang. "See."

"I hope she parked out the back? The neighbours will notice if one comes in and two come out."

"Remember who you are talking to. Between Alice and I, we've got this covered."

"Are you two going to be all right?" I asked, thinking about the hints they had both been making about the strain in their relationship.

He thought about it for a minute. "I think we will be now." He walked off to get the door.

Alice ran straight to me and pulled me into a hug.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Just to say thank you."

"For what?"

"Nothing."

I looked over to Edward so he could clear up my confusion but he just shook his head slightly with an amused expression on his face.

"Fine, if you don't want to tell me - don't. Now you two scoot. I will come up to your house mid-afternoon. I need some time to myself this morning."

Alice looked upset but Edward laughed. "She's got homework to do."

I stabbed my finger at him, "Just go."

*****

Within the next few days I saw what Alice had thanked me for. Her and Edward were talking and joking again. Their relationship was back on course, even if it wasn't completely healed. Alice told me how much she missed Edward when he was withdrawn.

Having Edward back as part of my life was easier than I could have ever imagined. The hurt had gone and was replaced with light-hearted banter and easy conversation. But it was also harder than I could have imagined because I longed to be with him again how we used to be. I didn't realise how hard it would to be _just friends_ with Edward.

He respected my wishes though and didn't turn up at my house unannounced, and never without at least two of his siblings. But I spent most of my spare time up at the Cullen's so visits to my house at all were few and far between. Much to my disgust, I was spoiled every time I went up there. Either Esme or Edward would cook for me, and Alice and Rosalie were always showering me with clothes or shoes. It didn't matter how many times I argued that it was too much I was always told it was the least they could do for what they put me through. I worried that they would be making up for it for the next few years - right up until they left again.

A month had passed since I started the easy but difficult friendship with Edward. Everyone at school noticed my relationship with the Cullen's but luckily no one, other than June, seemed concerned with Edward's behaviour. June and I had dinner a few more times and she let me know how well she thought I was handling the situation with Edward, although she still contended that she thought he was in love with me and I tried to argue with her, even though I knew she was right.


	6. Broken

**Chapter 6: Broken**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

One Tuesday I woke, not to my alarm clock but to a banging on the door. "Bella! I need to speak to you." It was Edward.

I ran down the hall and threw the door open. "What is it?"

He gently pushed past me into the house, "Call the school. You need a few days off."

"What is it Edward."

"Sit. I'll explain but I'll be busy packing for you so I need you to sit."

"What do you mean?"

"Sit. You won't be able to hear this standing up."

I followed Edward into my bedroom and sat on the bed. "Edward, what is it? You're scaring me."

"Bella, love, it's Charlie."

"What about him?" I didn't want to hear what Edward was going to say next. I knew he wouldn't be acting like this unless something was wrong.

"He's going to have a heart attack. Later today. There's nothing we can do to stop it but I've got plane tickets and we are going to go to him."

I nodded vaguely. "Is he..." I couldn't ask the question.

Edward stopped his panicked packing and took my hands in his, "I don't know. Alice had the vision this morning and arranged the flights. She saw you crying over him in the hospital but she could tell if he was alive..."

"Or dead?" I whispered. This couldn't be happening. Edward's arms were around me and I didn't push him away, instead I pulled him closer, sobbing into his chest.

"We've got to go. Our flight leaves in two hours. You've got to get ready and arrange the time off."

"_Our_ flight?"

"I'm coming with you. Everyone else wanted to as well, but we couldn't risk it. As it is I will be spending the time in a hotel so that I don't get seen."

"But the school. They will notice that you and I are both away. I don't want any rumours to start."

"Don't worry. None of my family is going to school until you are back. Carlisle isn't going into work either. We're going to say that we went with you because Charlie was an old family friend."

I nodded. Edward helped me to my feet and into the shower. As I stood under the hot water I heard the door click open and then shut again. When I stepped out of the shower I saw clean clothes laid out for me on the counter.

Once I was dressed I opened the door to the bathroom and Edward was at my side again immediately, helping me back to the bed. He passed me the phone. I called the school and explained I needed a few personal days to go back and visit my father. I told them he had the heart attack last night.

Then I took a deep breath and called another number. I knew it was far too early to call it politely but I could care less about polite right now.

"Hello?" The voice at the end of the line was thick with sleep.

"Jake, it's me. I need you to do me a favour."

"What now?" He snapped at me. He was still upset about Edward.

I broke down, sobs wracking my entire body, "It's Charlie."

"Bella, what is it - tell me."

"Alice...Alice had a vision... about..." I couldn't speak through my tears.

Edward took the phone off me, "Charlie is going to have a heart attack later this morning. I think Bella would like you to be there for him."

I heard a string of expletives through the phone and a few "what the hell are you doing backs." It was a good five minutes before Edward could talk again.

"Thank you, Jacob. I know Bella appreciates it. And Jacob, thank you for being there for her when I wasn't, but if you ever hurt her again." He growled low into the phone and was about to start talking again, I was sure to tell Jacob exactly what he would do but I pulled the phone off him.

"Sorry, Jake. I know I ask so much of you but I just.. I can't lose Charlie."

"I've got patrols for the next few hours. I'll check on him as soon as I can."

"Thank-you. I'll see you soon."

"What?"

"I'm coming to Forks. As soon as I can get there."

"Are you bringing them with you? Cause if you do I'll have to pull back to the treaty lines."

"No. Well, Edward is coming with me, but he's going to stay in the motel. He won't even hunt."

"So you and Edward are back on again."

"No."

"Good."

I growled at him and hung up the phone.

Edward wrapped his hand around my shoulders and helped me stand. "Come on. We'd better get going so we can check in on time."

I nodded vaguely. I was going home. I hadn't been in Forks since Jacob left. I didn't know how I was going to handle the old memories.

*****

Alice had planned everything perfectly. When our plan touched down in Seattle we stepped straight into the waiting hire car. Edward drove, trying to disguise his face by wearing a high collar and baseball cap that looked almost comical on him. We sped from Seattle airport and were halfway to Forks when we got the call. Alice confirmed the hospital had called my house to let me know. Alice explained to them that I was already on my way as I was supposed to be visiting him anyway. Edward didn't pause when we hit the border of Fork just drove straight to the hospital.

He dropped me at the front door before going to the accommodation Alice had booked. It was far enough out of town that they shouldn't know Edward but if by chance he met anyone who might recognise him, he was going to claim to be his own younger brother.

I walked up to the counter at the hospital to let them know I was here to see Chief Swan. The receptionist directed me to a waiting room. "The Doctor will be out in a minute."

I started to hyperventilate. I wished someone was here to help get me through this. If I was honest with myself I wished Edward was. I paced the length of the waiting room multiple times.

Finally the Doctor came out. I recognised him from one of my many trips to this place but I couldn't remember his name.

"Bella," he extended his hand. "Nice to see you again. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"How is he?" I knew I was being rude but I couldn't function enough to make polite small talk.

"It's not looking great I'm afraid. He's stable at the moment but his heart is greatly weakened. We're doing all we can for him but it's up to him now."

I nodded. Charlie was strong. He would pull through this, he had to. For me.

"What happened, Doc?"

"We don't know exactly, apparently he returned to the station talking about giant wolves and then collapsed."

I froze. The weight of the doctor's words filtered through my brain. Giant wolf. I fell to the floor, my legs unable to sustain my weight any longer. I did this. I asked Jacob to check up on him. He saw Jacob and that panicked him enough to set off his heart attack. The doctor lent over me, "Are you alright? Would you like to see him?"

I nodded and allowed the doctor to help me to my feet. He had a nurse pull the chair in the room closer to the bed. I strangled back a scream when I saw Charlie. He looked so frail. His black hair was stuck to his forehead with sweat. His skin was a strange grey shade. His eyes were sunken and hollow. I clasped his hand in mine, being careful to avoid jostling the wires too much.

"I'm so sorry, Dad." I sobbed. I sat with his hand in mine, watching the clock tick the minutes past, counting each one in my head to take my mind off the horror of the situation in front of me. 169 minutes later I heard the door open.

"Bells. I'm sorry." Jacob placed his hand on my shoulder. "I went past earlier but he was fine so I went back on patrols."

I wanted to scream at Jacob that it was his fault Charlie was lying here. I wanted to be angry with him, but I couldn't. It was my fault. Jacob did what he did because I asked him to. Because of the vestiges of a strained friendship. I reached my hand across my body and laid it on Jacob's. Then tilted my head onto our hands and laid it there. My other hand clung tightly to Charlie's I wouldn't let him go again until I knew he was alright. Jacob started to absently stroke my hair and whisper assurances that it would be alright. That was when I realised I was crying.

"Parents aren't supposed to do this." I whispered.

Jacob paused mid-stroke.

"Parents are supposed to be strong and supportive. Be there for you no matter what. But look at him."

Jacob didn't say anything, which was a good thing. I am sure anything he said right now would bring back the anger. I just needed to be comforted, even if I did crave a different set of arms.

As I watched Charlie the heart rate monitor started to beep erratically. Jacob pulled me back from the bed and pushed the call button but the doctor was already on his way in with a team of nurses. "I'm sorry, you're going to have to leave."

Jacob was strong enough to pull me from the room despite how much I resisted. He pulled me close to his chest when we arrived in the waiting room and I pummelled my fists into his chest in frustration until eventually I lost control of myself and fell into his chest sobbing. His arms tightened around me and he pulled me into him. There was no desire in the movement on either of our parts, just the arms of a friend helping me out.

"I need to call mom." I said.

"I called her earlier. She said she will come up as soon as she can get away."

I nodded in thanks.

Half hour later the waiting room door opened. The doctor walked in, "I'm sorry."

My world fell to pieces.


	7. Numb

**Chapter 7: Numb**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

**_NB: EDITED *01/16/2010 to add Outtake (chapter 31) back into it's rightful place :)*_**

Charlie was gone. When my legs collapsed underneath me in the hospital I didn't notice, Jacob was there to catch me. He slung me in his arms the way Sam had when Edward left. I sobbed into his shirt and screamed. I hoped the screams would take away the pain. They didn't. Fresh tears sprung to my eyes and I couldn't figure out where all the water was coming from. Surely I should have been completely dried up by now.

"I'll help you take care of things. I'm here for you Bella." Jacob whispered into my ear. Jacob had loved Charlie too – even if their relationship had been strained lately. Because of me. "Can I take you back to your house?"

Home. Where Charlie's presence would be stamped on every item. I couldn't do it. Not yet. I shook my head fiercely. "Edward." I managed to say. I fumbled with the phone Edward had given me and passed it to Jacob. He shifted my position slightly to free up one arm and rang the one person he hated most in the world. For me. I was too far gone to listen to any part of the conversation. To care if they were playing nice with each other. I just knew I had to get out of the hospital. Away from the sickening scent of pine disinfectant and the memory of Charlie lying broken in the hospital bed.

I was vaguely aware when we started to move, Jacob's arms swaying like a cradle as he carried me to the car. I heard the door click open and Jacob gently placed me into the passenger seat. He reached the seatbelt around me. A numbness that I recognised all too well from when Edward left was settling upon me. My body's natural reaction to pain maybe. I couldn't even function enough to voice my thank you to Jacob. He had proven by his actions that he was still a friend to me. Even after all we had been through. Normally that would have shocked me or gladdened me but now I couldn't care.

The car door shut just inches from my face and I leant down and pressed my forehead onto the cool glass of the window. My tears were dry for the moment, just two tracks of salt burning my face remained in evidence that they ever existed. I didn't notice how far we went or how long I was in the car. I couldn't even say what we passed along the way. I just knew that eventually we stopped. And when we did cool arms lifted me from the car. I buried my face into his neck. I could hear voices, not raised necessarily but full of venom as if they were shouting. I couldn't hear what they said or maybe I was just beyond comprehension of even the simplest of things.

Soon I was moving again. I could tell I was going up stairs but how many I couldn't even guess. A door opened behind me and seconds later I was in a bed. I curled tighter into myself. I felt my head get lifted and stone hard legs were beneath me. It wasn't as comfortable as a pillow, but it was much more comforting. Edward stoked my hair. He didn't say anything. He didn't tell me it would be all right. I was thankful for that. At least he wasn't lying to me because nothing would ever be all right again. Charlie was gone.

*****

We stayed like that for hours. Occasionally I would hear him murmuring but I couldn't pay attention to what he was saying. I didn't think he was talking to me anyway. Eventually I fell asleep against Edward. I was thankful that my sleep was free of dreams. Free of nightmares. When I woke Edward had shifted position. He was lying next to me, turned towards me so we were face to face. He didn't smile when he saw that I was awake, just stroked my face gently to let me know he was there for me.

I was suddenly overcome with a need to shake off the numbness. I needed to feel alive, to prove that I wasn't dead too. I felt dead. I shifted one hand, moving it closer to Edward. His eyes noticed the movement and a look of relief passed over his face for an instant. I continued to move my hand until it was in his hair. He copied my movement with his own hand. I cupped my hand behind his head and closed the inches between our mouths. I wanted to pour my grief into him, so he could take half the load. I kissed him hard, not caring how much hurt I inflicted on myself. Hurt was a feeling. He kissed me back for half a second before pulling away.

"No, Bella. Not like this."

"Please, Edward, I need you."

"No."

The tears that had stopped threatened to start again. Hurt and rejection flooded through me.

Edward stroked my face gently, "Bella, I'm here for you. Always. But I know you will regret this later. Remember we're only supposed to be friends."

What he said made sense in one part of my brain, but the other part screamed to be comforted. He seemed to recognise the need to be close to him in my eyes because he shifted his body closer to me, so close there wasn't a gap between us. He reached his arm up behind my head and crushed it gently to his body. I broke. The numbness broke again to allow the flood of tears to start. I sobbed openly against his chest and he stoked my hair and my back. Eventually the sobs subsided and he kissed the top of my hand and I nuzzled my face into his neck.

I couldn't stop myself from planting small kisses over his exposed skin. He didn't say anything but I could tell from the set of his body and the way he clenched his jaw he was battling within himself to keep control. To do what he thought was right for me in the long run. But I didn't care about long run. I felt the need to be close to him as a physical ache. Every cell in my body needed it. Needed him. My hands acted of their accord and tugged his shirt out from his pants. I placed my fingers on the exposed skin of his stomach and side.

"Bella!" He growled against me, but it wasn't a rebuttal or an acceptance.

I pulled my head back and gazed into his eyes. They were filled with lust and confusion.

"Please?" I begged him.

He shifted his head slightly and I took it as an acceptance, I captured his mouth with mine and traced my hands up his chest. He shivered with pleasure. Then he cupped one hand on my face and pulled it away from his. I thought it was another rejection but instead he whispered, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

How could I explain to him that it wasn't a want. It was a need. I needed him in this moment. "I need to know I'm still alive. Life is far, far too short."

His lips were back on mine in an instant, the desire and love that he had worked so hard to bury this past month broke to the surface. I could tell his need was every bit as great as mine. Part of me thought he would hold back like he used to, give me so much but stop before things progressed too far. So I was surprised when he rolled over and leaned his body down on top of me. He was supporting his own weight so I felt nothing but the softest pressure from his body. I unbuttoned his shirt and he raised himself off me briefly to shake it off. I raked my fingernails up his back before twirling my hand into his hair, tugging it gently. I wrapped my legs around his thighs and pulled him closer into me.

He pulled his face back from mine, laying his hand on my face, "You're positive about this?"

I pulled his face back down to mine in response. He growled against my mouth as the last of his barriers fell away, "I've wanted you so much, Bella. Ever since that kiss when I stayed over your house."

"Me too, Edward." I decided if I was going to do this tonight, I would lay it all on the line. I knew it was a one-off and I didn't want to leave anything unsaid, "I love you."

His eyes smouldered intensely as he stared at me. Then he beamed and I felt alive, for the first time…ever. Every nerve in my body suddenly began to call for Edward and I pushed all thoughts of sorrow and loss out of my head.

He unbuttoned my shirt slowly, running his fingers down the line of my sternum as he went. After it was completely unbuttoned he gently brushed both sides of my shirt apart and leant his face to my chest, kissing in slow swirls around the top of my breasts. He pushed his hand into one of my bra cups and pushed it down, gasping as his fingers found my nipple. He gently rubbed it, sending a shudder through my body.

He slid his hand around my side and I arched my back to allow him access to the bra strap and he deftly flicked it open before pulling me up into a sitting position, sliding my shirt off and then following with my bra strap. He pressed his face into the crook of my neck and I leaned back into his arms, allowing him to hold me upright or lie me down as he wished. His cold lips trailed fire across my collarbone and into my neck. He took my weight in one of his arms and used the other to gently start to massage my breasts, running his fingers over my nipples, the cool of his skin burning me with pleasure.

"You are so beautiful, Bella."

I allowed every thought to leave my mind and just concentrated on the here and now. Edward's hand was running back up my neck and into my hair. He pulled my face back into his, dragging my lips between his. I parted my mouth, allowing him to give me everything he wanted to. Allowing him to control the limits we crossed.

"I'm going to ask you a strange question, but I need you to answer honestly," he whispered softly into my neck.

I nodded, beyond words.

"Do you have any cuts, or sores in your mouth? Bitten your cheek anything like that?"

I found myself laughing a little.

"I'm serious, Bella."

I stopped my laughter and shook my head. I felt his hand gently form a fist in my hair and then his lips were on mine. I parted my lips and his tongue pressed hard into my mouth, exploring every crevice. I pushed my tongue back against his and he hummed against me. I understood the need for his question at once as I tasted his venom in my mouth. It was the single-most delicious taste I had ever encountered. Especially in such a concentrated dose. It lit up all the areas of my tongue at the same time, tasting equally sweet and sour and bitter in perfect portions. I couldn't see how I would ever get enough of that taste. My breaths came in desperate pants as he filled my mouth completely. I needed him to fill me everywhere.

Too soon he broke it off, but his eyes burnt with such intense joy I knew he wasn't stopping, merely allowing me to catch my breath. Didn't he realise that would be impossible right now?

He laid me back down onto the bed and moved his mouth back onto my shoulders before taking one of my nipples into his mouth. I could feel his tongue running across it again and again until I was squirming underneath him with the pressure I felt between my legs. I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, silently letting him know I wanted everything tonight.

He paused his ministrations on my body for a second as I slid down his zipper. He rested his hand over mine, "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything," I panted fervently.

His mouth was back on mine, his tongue back inside as I caressed it with my own. He gently slid his pants off so that he was just in his boxers. I slid my hand around his back and pushed my hand onto the waist band with my thumb inside and bunched them into my fist, pulling his body closer to me. He still balanced himself precariously on top so that I felt no weight, just his cool body. With just the satin of his boxers and my own jeans between us I could feel how excited he was, how much he was straining into me. And it only made me want him more.

I broke our kiss off and moved my head to his neck, and followed the cool line of his collarbone. His muscles trembled and flickered beneath my fingers. The movement would have been barely perceptible except my nerve-endings were so tightly strung. I ran my hand over his chest, down the line of his stomach and rubbed him over the top of his boxers. He grunted and then whispered, "That's…just…." His eyes rolled up in pleasure and he was beyond words too. I felt powerful having this effect over him.

I undid my own jeans and wriggled them off, taking my panties with them. Edward seemed to panic again now that I was naked in front of him. His eyes were wide but his boxers strained further.

"It's okay," I assured him, before gently pressing my lips to his chin. I pushed his boxers down and a more perceptible tremor ran along his spine. I slid them the last of the distance with my feet until he was completely free of them.

I felt him at my entrance but he seemed terrified, not wanting to take the final plunge, so to speak. That was when I remembered this was the first time for him. The first time he'd even come close to being this intimate with anyone.

"Roll over," I whispered in his ear, pushing him gently to make my point. He pushed himself off me and laid beside me on the bed. As I started to shift myself on top of him I suddenly had a sickening thought. I completely felt like the middle-aged divorcee teacher seducing the young high school student. Exactly how this situation would appear to outsiders, although I wasn't middle-aged quite yet. But Edward seemed to have unfrozen a little as a result of my confidence and his hands ran down my sides. It was enough to put the thoughts out of my head. I promised myself again that tonight nothing else mattered. Just him and me. I sat on his stomach and the chill sent an instant shiver of pleasure up my spine. I leant over to kiss him again before sliding down the length of his body and pressing myself over him.

We both gasped as he entered me. It was such a different experience to the only other I'd had. That was hot and burning, this was cold and magic. A deep guttural groan escaped my mouth as I pushed myself down onto him again. He chuckled slightly but then I pushed my hips backwards, changing the angle and he issued one himself. Now that we were connected all his inhibitions and worry evaporated. His hands moved to my hips and he started to gently guide me up and down over him.

"Bella, you're perfect." He whispered, "You are so beautiful."

He flipped over again and was back on top of me, pressing hard into me, but not hard enough. I grasped his back and pulled him into me, our bodies connected in every possible way as he put his mouth to mine. He started to move harder and faster and my body sang for him.

He continued to move at a slow, steady rhythm. We were truly making love. Slow, passionate and needful. I found my release and then he followed straight after, falling onto me pressing his face into my neck before turning quickly away and pushing himself off me a little, pulling mouthfuls of air.

"What's wrong?"

"You just smell so good," he said. His eyes were hungry when he turned back to look at me. I relaxed my hold on him completely and froze but he made no further effort to extricate himself.

"In a good way or a bad way?" I asked tentatively.

He gathered control of the monster and then he chuckled, I'd asked him that before and he gave me the same answer as he did them. "Both. Always both."

He kissed me again, before lying beside me and collecting me into his arms, humming my lullaby to me.

*****

When I woke up again, I wondered if it had all been a dream. But it couldn't have been because I was currently curled onto Edward's chest and he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts. When he noticed I was awake he started to stroke the length of my arm with his fingertips.

"How are you feeling, love?"

"Sad." And that all. I was no longer numb. I was no longer beyond processing simple information. I was sad that Charlie was gone. I would miss him so much. But I also recognised the need to pick myself up and move on with life as best as I could.

Edward pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me again.

"Edward? About last night. I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"You know..."

He predicted what I was going to say but sounded sad when he replied, "I know. It doesn't change anything. I know when we return to Fairfield I will have to go back to hiding everything I feel for you."

I nodded against him, a few tears welling in my eyes.

"I'm not sorry though," He said.

"Me neither. Not really."I felt my stomach growl, it felt twisted and sick. I hadn't realised how hungry I was. "How long was I out for?"

"Well, you were catatonic for almost a full day. Then you finally slept for around four hours, then well - last night, and then you slept for another 12 hours."

"So it's been a few days since I left Fairfield?"

"Yes, love. But the funeral is the day after tomorrow so we'll stick around until then."

I nodded, "Who organised it?"

"Jacob. And Renee arrived from Jacksonville and helped him. She came by here but you didn't notice her knocking and, well, I could hardly answer the door. Jacob has my number though and is keeping me informed."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here with me. I don't know how I would have coped without you."

"You would have." He stroked my hair again.

I laughed darkly, "Don't be so sure about that."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when you left I was completely unresponsive for a full week and then I felt numb for months."

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. "I'll never forgive myself for doing that. I still can't believe what it has cost us."

I pushed myself off his chest and looked into his face, "The sad thing is we probably would have ended up here anyway. How long do you honestly think I could get away with having a seventeen year old boyfriend. Especially if I had still gone into teaching. Realistically it was doomed before it began."

A sound escaped his lips that sounded a lot like a sob. When I looked up his face was a mask of calm, but the tightening of his neck muscles told me that he wasn't quite as in control as he appeared.

When he spoke it was so quiet I had to strain to hear every word, "Sometimes, in my most selfish moments, I wonder if I would have been better off letting the venom spread when you were attacked by James."

Shock silenced me for a minute, "I don't know. Part of me agrees with you but I look at what I have achieved, finishing college and working and I wonder if I would have been sad eventually if I had missed all that."

I felt him nod against my head. He understood exactly what I meant. My stomach growled again. He sighed, "I don't want to let this moment go. I feel like if I let you out of my arms now, I'll never be whole again."

"I know, but we still have tomorrow." I whispered.

After Edward climbed out of bed, I sat up tentatively. I remembered my first time with Jacob, and a couple of times after that, he hadn't realised his own strength when we got carried away and I had ended up quite bruised. I didn't even realise until the following morning. I quickly scanned all my limbs but I couldn't see anything. I couldn't remember any discomfort last night, if anything Edward had held himself too far away for my liking.

I was just finishing my inspection, thinking I had been subtle enough for him not to notice when Edward asked, "What are you doing, Bella?"

I looked over to where his voice came from. I had thought he was still behind me on his side of the bed, but obviously he had come around to help me up.

I let loose a little laugh in my discomfort.

"Bella?"

I shook my head.

"Tell me what you're doing, please?" His face was inches from mine now as he crouched in front of me.

"Fine. If you must know I'm checking for bruises."

He looked disgusted with himself, "Did I hurt you?"

"No. I just... well... I have some experience with people with superhuman strength and bruises aren't out of the question."

"That mongrel mutt," he fumed before his jaw snapped shut.

"Edward, no, it's not like that. I just bruise easily. He never physically hurt me, not really. I just knew how you would react if you saw bruises after last night so I wanted to see what the damage was before you had a chance."

"I didn't even stop to think. I used to worry about it so much, but last night I just got carried away."

"It's okay. Obviously if you didn't hurt me despite being caught up in the moment there was nothing to worry about. See, I'm fine!" My head spun a little as I stood and I almost face planted but Edward was there to catch me.

"You were saying?"

I laughed again, it sounded wrong in light of Charlie's death but although I felt sad I also felt alive in a way I hadn't since I was eighteen. "That I'm famished."

Edward looked sad.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, there's no food in here, and they don't do room service. That means you have to leave. I don't want you to go."

I rubbed my finger along the side of his mouth. "I'll be back. I need to eat, and I need to see Renee. But I'll be back tonight and then I promise you my undivided attention."

He kissed me and passed me the keys to the rental car.

*****

As I drove away from the motel, sadness took me over again. It wasn't so bad that I couldn't drive but I definitely noticed that absence of Edward. He had soothed me wordlessly just by being in my presence. He had known exactly what I needed since I heard the news about Charlie.

I stopped at a little cafe on in the middle of Forks for some food and regretted it immediately. People I knew from school were there, the only one whose name I could remember was Tyler. They walked over to me and offered me their condolences. I nodded, everyone in town must have heard of their police chief's passing by now. I wanted to flee, the run back to motel and hide with Edward again. I couldn't deal with my grief without him and I certainly couldn't deal with sympathy from strangers. I ordered my coffee and bagel to go and raced back to the car for refuge.

I drove aimlessly around the streets for a while, being assaulted by memories of my time here with Edward and my life here with Charlie. Without consciously deciding to go there, I found myself pulling up in front of Charlie's house. I didn't notice the other hire car parked around the corner at first but Renee ran out to meet me as soon as she heard my car pull up.

"Oh, baby. How are you?" She pulled me into her.

I just nodded sadly. "Thanks for helping to arrange everything mom. I don't know if I could have faced any of that."

She patted my back gently, it made me flashback to being five again. It was her way of making me feel better. "It was nothing, baby. I know how hard this is for you."

"Can I come in?" I asked her.

"Of course, baby. After all, it's yours now."

"What?"

"Everything's yours now. It's in Charlie's will. Obviously there are legal matters that need to be settled and everything but he's left everything to you."

I didn't care. I didn't know if I wanted any of the things in this house. They would all be painful reminders, not only of Charlie but also of Edward and me. I walked into the house and sat in Charlie's favourite chair. In that second I wished for vampire's senses. I would have loved to be able to breathe in Charlie's scent and memorise it. I decided to try the best I could as a human. I turned my face into the headrest and breathed deeply. The smell did remind me of him. I curled my arms around me and started to sob.

Renee returned to whatever she was doing before I arrived. Leaving me alone with my grief. I cried until I had nothing left. Then I sat while silent sobs wracked my chest and made me dry-retch.

"Mom?" I called to her, my voice hoarse.

"Yes honey?"

"Would you mind packing all this up for me? I just can't face it yet."

She perched herself next to me and kissed my head. "Of course, sweetie."

I didn't know what I was going to do with everything. I just knew I needed more time. I spent the rest of the day sitting in Charlie's chair, staring unseeingly out the window. Eventually I stood. "I'm going back to the motel. I need to sleep."

"Of course. See you tomorrow."

I grabbed some sandwiches from a service station on my way back. I wasn't really hungry but I knew I needed to keep my strength up. I climbed the stairs back to the hotel room warily. In the past day I had learned the true meaning of the term bone-tired. The door opened before my hand reached it and I found myself curled on Edward's lap while he silently stroked my hair. I turned my face into his neck and lay there in silence. Allowing his presence to calm me again.

When he felt I was calm enough he asked, "How'd it go?"

I shrugged.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

He gently put me on the couch next to him and placed the sandwiches I had brought into the fridge. He pulled me back into his lap and hummed my lullaby for me but I was too drained to even sleep.

Eventually he stood and carried me over to the bed, placing me under the covers. He shifted a white box off the bed and put it on the dresser.

"What's that?"

"Alice sent it up via courier. It's a dress for you for tomorrow. I didn't pack any acceptable clothing for you. I didn't think..." His face was drawn. I patted the bed next to me and he lay down in it. And we lay there face to face until I finally drifted off to sleep.

*****

"Bella. It's time to get up, love." I was being shaken gently.

The sun was high in the sky already, "How long did I sleep?"

"Too long, but I just couldn't wake you, not while you were so peaceful."

I didn't understand what he meant and it must have shown on my face.

"You were very fitful most of the night, crying out for your dad. You finally settled a few hours ago. I wanted to leave you as long as possible."

"Thank you."

He started the shower for me and unpacked the dress Alice had bought. He shepherded me around the motel room until I was fully dressed.

"I'm going to drive you down today."

I shook my head, "No, it's too risky."

"I don't care, Bella. I can't let you drive, not like this. I'll park far enough away and pay attention to all the thoughts around me. It'll be alright."

I wanted to argue with him but it was just too hard. I knew I needed him with me. If it hadn't been for the consequences I would have demanded he not leave my side at all. I nodded and let him lead me to the car. He pulled on a hooded jumper, baseball cap and sunglasses. He pulled the hood over his face. I couldn't help but giggle a little at the sight.

"Well, do you think they'll recognise me?" He asked with a lopsided grin on his face. Then he turned solemn again. "Come on, love, we'd better go or we'll be late."

I nodded and let him lead me down to the car and into the worst nightmare of my life. Saying good-bye to my dad.

_**A/N: Sorry I know I promised a few people this would be up hours ago & if I had my way it would have been but I was stuck in place whose WIFI wouldn't allow me to get onto this site. I am now sitting up way past my bedtime to ensure I get it up asap for you. Hope you enjoyed it :)**_


	8. Trouble

**Chapter 8: Trouble**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

A month has passed since Charlie's funeral and the events in Forks. It was the worst month of my life. Worse even than the months following Edward's departure 7 years ago. I was plagued by guilt over Charlie's death. I had sent Jacob to see him. To check on him. I spoke briefly to Alice about it, to see whether she had seen the cause in her vision. She told me I was feeling guilty unnecessarily, that her vision was so certain it would have happened regardless of the cause. But I couldn't help but feel responsible. Maybe if I had just waited until I arrived he would have been fine. We could have gone to the hospital before the first heart attack. Maybe that would have staved off the second one. The fatal one. My guilt was made worse when the boxes of personal effects Renee had packed up for me arrived. They sat unmoving inches away from my front door where the courier had left them. Every day I arrived home they were a constant reminder of what I had lost. Of what I had done.

And it was worse because if I thought the month of being friends with Edward was hard before Forks, I was wrong. Being friends with him now was terrible. I couldn't be near him and not want to touch him. For the most part he slipped back into character well, but occasionally I noticed him shooting surreptitious glances in my direction, full of need and longing. Whenever I caught him it took every ounce of self-restraint in my body to stop myself from running into his arms.

I stopped going to see the Cullen's as much because, with the exception of Carlisle, they all wanted us back together again and often what started as a family DVD night ended with Edward and I alone on the couch. I knew even Carlisle wanted us back together in his heart of hearts but he realised, like me, the complications that a relationship would cause.

I had lost all my lifelines here. I began to feel isolated again with no one I could really turn to. How could I confide in anyone the guilt I felt over sending a werewolf to check on my father or how I felt about Edward without it seeming wrong. It was the problem with Jacob all over again. Too much mythical crap interfering with real life. And leaving me to try to cope alone. I like to think I have grown stronger over the years but there is only so much one person can take before everything falls apart. I felt close to falling apart.

The constant reminders of what I used to have didn't help. The boxes sitting in my living room, unopened and gathering dust. And when I was driving home from school after a staff meeting one night some kind of animal darted out in front of my car. I slammed on the breaks and managed to bring the car to a stop in time, but the force of my breaking made everything in the car slide forward. An envelope slide out from under the passenger seat. I picked it up, wondering what it was before recognising it as the envelope Edward had bought with him as evidence of his love. The items he had driven to Forks to collect after I purposefully ignored him for two days. He must have hidden it in my car when June arrived that night. I pulled my car off to the side of the road and folded back the lip of the envelope. I let the CD and photos fall out into my lap. I threw the CD case onto the empty passenger seat next to me. I turned the photos over one at a time.

The first one I looked at was the one of Edward standing in Charlie's kitchen the night of my 18th birthday. His eyes were full of joy and laughter was on his lips. I stared at the photo, wondering what could have been. Had I been doing the right thing here by forcing us apart? I knew deep inside we couldn't be together anymore. But I longed for him so badly. To be able to sit and talk for hours like we used to. The comfortable silence we would fall into when conversation had dried up and we would just stare into each other's eyes. Then there was the physical need I had to be with him. I sighed. Thinking about that didn't help.

I placed the photo face down on my lap and looked at the other one. The one of us in the living room the night after my birthday. Our arms were wrapped around each other tenderly. But his face was dark with the regret of the decision he had made already - the decision to leave me. And my smile was forced because I knew something was wrong. I could see those things so clearly because I knew them to exist. I wondered how this photo would look to anyone else. They would probably only see the joy of young love that was evident in our posture and on our faces despite the doubt of the moment. We could never go back to that. No matter how much either of us wanted it.

For half a second I contemplated asking Edward to take his family away. Would that make it easier? I found it hard to breathe even thinking about it. Tears pricked my eyes and threatened to spill. I needed to get home and out of the car.

I threw the photos back into the envelope and chucked it on the backseat. I shifted the car into drive and carefully made my way home. I promised myself I wouldn't break down until I got into bed.

Once I was inside the house I shifted my head to avoid looking at the boxes, it wouldn't help my promise not to break down yet. But they were a little reminder of Forks and it occurred to me that there was someone I could ring. Someone outside of the situation here. He helped me through the days after Charlie but I didn't know if he would be willing to listen to me now. At least he would understand the mythical part of it all. I picked up the phone and dialled.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Jake. It's me."

"What's up?"

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "I just needed to talk to someone," I sniffed.

"Hey, hey, Bella. What is it?"

"I... I just don't have anyone else to talk to."

"I'm here for you." His voice was little above a hushed whisper.

"I just...I just don't think I can cope anymore."

"What's wrong, Bells?"

Charlie used to call me Bells. I couldn't speak for a minute as I struggled to draw breath. "It's all my fault." I practically screamed at him.

"What is?"

"Everything. Charlie. Edward. I hurt everyone I love."

"Bells, you know that's not true. If anything the Charlie thing is my fault."

It surprised me that he knew. He hadn't said anything to me while I was still in Forks, but then again I hadn't said much of anything to anyone. I wasn't fit for holding a conversation while outside Edward's arms. "No...it's not...I asked you."

"You asked me to look in on him, not to let him see me."

"You can't blame yourself."

"Neither can you."

I shook my head, even though it was useless. I knew he couldn't see me. "It's just so hard."

"What is?"

"Being here... so close and not being able to take comfort from the one person I need it from?"

"What do you mean?" I could hear an edge creep into his voice, even though he tried to keep it hidden.

I sucked in a deep breath, the next word was going to be hard to say to Jacob, "Edward."

I heard him sigh. Then he gained control again, "I saw how much he helped you here. I hate to admit it, you know the bloodsucker isn't my favourite person in the world, but he loves you, Bells."

"I know." I wailed down the phone.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Well, I need him... so much. It hurts, Jake. So badly. But I'm his teacher."

"Oh, yeah. It's easy to forget things like that."

I tried to chuckle but it came out twisted and wrong.

"What can I do to help you, Bells?

"I just need... I don't know. Someone to talk to. How can I explain how I feel to anyone here who don't know in truth he is the one who is so much older than me."

"I'll be here for you if ever you need to talk."

I felt myself calming a little, at least I could stop the tears now, "Thanks."

"Do you know what sucks though? He hurt you so much when he left and now he's hurting you again?"

"I know. But believe it or not he did it for me. So that I could live a normal life. It seems fate had other ideas."

Jacob gave a hard laugh, "Yeah, fate is a bitch."

"You're telling me. It seems like every time I try to be happy fate is there to screw it up." I wondered if he knew I was talking about him now.

"You can only blame fate so much though. I mean fate might lead you down a path but it's up to you to make the right choices from there."

"When did you become so wise Jake?"

"When I hurt someone I loved by making the wrong choices."

I knew he was talking about me and this one sentence was a thousand times more healing than all of his apologies. I couldn't talk because of the lump of emotions that got stuck in my throat.

"I do still love you Bella. Not in the way I once did, before fate intervened, but I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I know that know."

He seemed to debate with himself before speaking again, "So does this mean we're friends again?"

I sniffed back the tears that were threatening again, "Sure, sure."

He laughed at my use of his catchphrase, "I'm sorry that I couldn't be more helpful. With the whole Edward situation."

"I know. I just wish I knew what the right thing to do was."

"I wish I could help you. But I trust you'll know what is right in the end."

"If you say so."

"I'm sorry, but I gotta go, okay?"

"Sure."

"Bye, Bells."

"Jake?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

I had barely hung up the phone when there was a soft knock on the door. I opened it to find Edward standing on the stoop. I couldn't resist anymore, I threw myself into his arms. "I've missed you." I whispered.

"Me too." He said before kissing the top of my head.

We stood in our embrace on the front doorstep for over half an hour, completely lost in one another and not needing to say a word. The only sound was the occasional sniff from me as I battled to stop my tears again.

Eventually I pulled back from him, "You shouldn't have come, Edward."

"I know, but Alice got a vision of you and you were so sad. I didn't even stop to think when I saw it, I just ran from the house."

"Thanks."

He cupped my chin with his finger, "Are you going to be all right now?"

"I don't know if things will ever be all right again."

He nodded, he knew exactly what I meant. He pressed his lips gently to mine for a brief moment before letting me go and walking back out the front gate. He was halfway across the road before I whispered, "Wait."

He stood where he was, looking back at me. I walked over to him, slide my fingers around the back of his neck and kissed him hard. I let my tongue explore every part of his mouth that he would give. He still held back a little for fear of hurting me with his razor-like teeth but I didn't care. I just wanted every part of him I could get. I felt my body curving into his and his hands resting on my hips. His fingers slide across the small of my back and came to rest in the waistband of my pants, pulling me closer to him. I pulled away and whispered an apology but I just couldn't let him walk away without doing that one last time.

*****

_I was back on the tropical island. The white bed was behind me, I turned and Edward was lying in it with the sheet tangled around his body. He stared at me with a look of longing that was all too familiar. But his face wore a mask of contentment that I recognised from our one night together in Forks. He grinned at me when he saw my eyes wandering across his body. I turned back towards the ensuite in front of me. I knew that was my destination but I didn't know why. I wanted to run back into Edward's arms and lie there forever. _

_I realised with slight surprise that I was undressed and my feet walked me towards the shower, so that was my goal. A few feet from the back wall of the ensuite was a glass wall with an opening at either end. A shower-head and flick-mixer was installed in the centre of the back wall. A shelf was embedded into the wall to the right of the shower-head. The glass wall was crystal clear and in the direct line of sight of the bed. This place certainly wasn't designed for privacy. I heard Edward shift his weight on the bed to get a better view and couldn't help the smile that rose on my lips. If he wanted a show, I would give him one. Without a backwards glance, I stepped around the glass and flicked the mixer up. I put one foot out to test the water. It was a little colder than I would usually shower but with the heat of this place it felt nice against my skin._

_I stepped into the water and turned around towards the glass wall. I closed my eyes and ran my hands up my neck, across my face and through my hair, turning my face up into the water. I shook my hair out, enjoying the cool water running over my body. The longer I stood in the shower the cooler the water felt, the heat from the night air drained away from my body. I felt my skin tighten in response to the cold. Edward let loose a low growl from the bed. I kept my face turned upwards into the shower so he wouldn't see my smile. I turned back towards the shelf to grab my shampoo, allowing the water to run down my back. _

_I turned back towards the glass wall, towards Edward, as I lathered the shampoo into my hair. I ran my hands down my side before rinsing the shampoo out, running my fingers back and forth through my hair. I couldn't hear a sound from the bedroom. I repeated the process with the conditioner. After that was rinsed out, I reached for the soap but it wasn't there. I heard a sound to the left of me and when I looked Edward was standing with the soap in his hand, a grin on his face and lust in his eyes. _

"_Allow me?" He asked, holding the soap out and taking a step towards me._

_***** _

I overslept the next morning, having had another dream about Edward. I really needed to stop that, it didn't make it any easier to ignore him during the day when I found myself in his arms at night. Especially now I knew just how close to my dreams the real thing was. I showered, trying in vain not to be reminded of my dream, and dressed quickly. Then I piled up everything I needed for class. I put a piece of toast in my mouth and ran for the car. I was going to be late for school again. When I got to the car I balanced everything on my knee as I struggled to open the back door. Finally I managed to get it open and was able to drop everything on the backseat. I raced around to the driver's side and was out of the garage and down the street in next to no time, recklessly chewing on my toast all the while.

I got to school in record time but was still a few minutes late. I yanked open the back door and quickly piled everything on the backseat into my arms and sprinted towards the classroom. I was running so fast I didn't notice June coming out of the office with a handful of envelopes. I collided with her, sending everything flying. I apologised and gathered everything of mine up. June collected the envelopes back up and gave me a small smile to let me know that it was okay. Because it was only a month since Charlie passed everyone still gave me special consideration about things like running late.

"Coffee later?" June yelled to me as I ran to class.

I turned back to her and smiled, "Sure thing."

My foot caught as I spun back around and for the second time in minutes everything went flying. I started to gather it up but Alice was already at my side, collecting things and giving me a sympathetic smile. She stood to give them back to me but before I could grab them her eyes went blank. She dropped everything when she raised her hands to her mouth in horror.

"What is it, Alice?" I asked.

Edward came charging out of the classroom. His voice was low with shock, "When Alice?"

"It's happening now."

Edward turned back to me, his face broken, "I'm so sorry, Bella."

I started to panic. The last time something like this happened was when Charlie died. "Renee?" I asked but my voice had no volume.

Edward shook his head. "No, it's nothing to do with Renee."

"Then what?"

Edward clasped my hands in his, "When you collided with June this morning you dropped something and she thought it was hers and picked it up. She gave it to the principal with the other envelopes for him."

"So?"

Edward met my eye, "It was the envelope I gave you."

I gasped for air. I knew what Alice had seen.

**A/N: Thanks everyone who has reviewed, added an author/story alert or set this as a favourite story. It definitely makes my day to get feedback! I am still fairly new to this fanfic writing thing so I am unsure how far I can push the lemony scenes. If the vote is for a little bit more I will push the scenes further in future chapters. If people would rather it "stay behind the curtain" so to speak let me know. I will write as much (or as little) as the majority want. **

**Ideally I try to respond personally to everyone's reviews but at the moment I am using all my spare time trying to get some chapters down so I apologise for being rude in that respect but just know your feedback is like a drug to me! :)**


	9. Allegations and transgressions

**Chapter 9: Allegations and transgressions**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_**NB: It's a tiny bit lemony but I'm actually very shy and modest ;) so it's probably the most you're gonna get from one of my stories :) but I'm leaving it as M because there is some violence coming up in future chapters.**_

Edward and Alice gathered up everything I'd dropped onto the floor. Edward carried it into the classroom while Alice took me in her arms. "Bella, I need you to calm down. We'll figure out a way through this. But right now you need to go into the classroom and pretend that nothing is wrong, can you do that?"

Could I? I didn't know. I knew that at this second the principal was looking at a photo of Edward and I with our arms wrapped around each other in an obviously loving position.

"What's going to happen, Alice?"

"I don't know. There are too many events involved. I can't get a definite vision; it keeps twisting down so many different paths."

I nodded. I would have to ride this out as best as I could. I was terrified, I had seen teacher's accused of this sort of thing before and, as June had suggested two months ago, their careers never really got back on track. But there was no point worrying until there was something to worry about. I took a few deep breaths and planted a smile on my face.

"Good. Don't forget you've got Jasper in your next class. I'll explain what is happening to him. He'll help you through it."

She walked through the door first and took her seat. Edward had already put everything on my desk. I switched myself to autopilot and ran through the lesson. If the students suspected a weakness in me, they didn't use it to their advantage. Perhaps they all felt sorry for me too, the news about my father had spread pretty thoroughly around the school. That was the problem with these small towns - the gossip.

I felt Edward's eyes on me constantly and could hear him whispering a one-sided conversation to Alice. Obviously they were discussing different strategies to work out the best way through. But despite him being at the forefront of my mind I couldn't look in his direction. I knew my resolve would shatter if I did.

I spent the lesson wondering what was worse; the fact that Edward and I had our arms wrapped around each other in the photo, or that I was older but he hadn't aged a day. I was scared for my career, but far more worried that the Cullens would suffer because of my stupidity. Why did I pick up that damn envelope with everything else from the back seat? Why didn't I just leave it hidden where Edward had put it?

I got three-quarters of the way through the next class, with Jasper's assistance, when there was a knock on the door. I excused myself from the room and greeted my visitor. June was waiting...with a relief teacher.

"Mr Grossman will take over your lessons for the moment," she said quietly. "Mr Anders would like to see you in his office."

I nodded. Numbness took over as I drifted towards the principal's office. I felt like I was a teenager again - not that I was ever sent to the office then, I was much too well behaved. I knocked on Mr Anders' door.

"Come in," he called.

I hadn't had much to do with Mr Anders since starting at the school. Other than the obligatory staff meetings, and the fact he had been involved in the interview process and given the final approval for my appointment. I had certainly not spoken with him one on one since starting at the school. He was a short, balding man. But despite his size and appearance he radiated authority. He had his eyes closed, and his hands resting on his nose in a pyramid shape with his index fingers pointing to the bridge, as I entered the room. He didn't look at me once while I took the seat opposite him.

He sighed and opened his eyes. "Ms Swan, we've had some serious allegations levelled against you."

I raised my eyes to meet his. "Sir?"

"We had a complaint from one of your neighbours last night, apparently they saw a student enter your property last night before leaving a little over a half hour later."

I gasped, I hadn't been anticipating that. How had Edward let that person's thoughts slip? Then again, I had distracted him as he was leaving. I grew concerned. If they had seen Edward coming and going, did they also see our kiss? Mr Anders must have interpreted my pause as a refusal to comment.

"And then this morning we were sent an envelope anonymously that seems to back up the complaint."

I had to restrain myself from laughing that _I_ was the anonymous person who had 'sent' the envelope. My desire to laugh made me realise I was in danger of becoming hysterical.

"We are working on the assumption that you are carrying on an affair with a student at this school. Do you understand?"

I nodded. Feeling relief flood through me that he thought the photo was recent - at least he didn't ask why Edward wasn't aging.

"Do you have anything to say about these charges?"

I shook my head. I knew if I spoke now I would break.

"I need to stress to you how serious this matter is. Our board of trustees is very strict about this type of behaviour. You will be stood down, without pay, pending an investigation. If these allegations are proven correct, we will unfortunately be forced to pass the information across to the police and you may be charged."

I nodded. I would have argued that I wasn't sleeping with Edward but I was a bad liar. Even though nothing was going on between us _now,_ we did have that one night in Forks. My emotions were in turmoil. I was amazed that I had been able to hold it together in the office as long as I had, but I could feel my composure slipping as quickly as my career. I stood calmly. "Is that all, sir?"

He nodded before resuming his position with his eyes closed and his fingers on the bridge of his nose.

I walked calmly to the car and sat in the driver's seat before the tears came. I clasped the steering wheel tightly in my arms and screamed. I wanted to scream away all the pain I had been through the last two months. The pain I put Edward through. I was angry that the space I had forced between us had all been for nothing, my career was going to be in tatters anyway. I should have just relented and enjoyed it for as long as it could last. I sat screaming at the steering wheel until Alice pulled the door open.

"Out!" she said. "I'm driving you to our house."

I nodded and moved into the passenger seat.

"Where's Edward?"

"He's heading home too, but we thought it would be better if I drove you."

I nodded again. I was in no fit state to drive and it was definitely better for Edward and I not to be seen alone in a car right now.

"I'm sorry I missed what was going to happen, Bella," Alice said, her face a mask of remorse and grief. I knew she felt like she had let me down...again.

I shrugged. There wasn't really much we could do about it now. We just had to face what was coming next.

By the time we got back to the Cullen's house, everyone was home. Carlisle informed us that he had just received a phone call from the school, Mr Anders wanted to see both him and Edward at the office.

"What do we do?" I asked quietly, but I was already making plans in my own head. I had seen this happen before; I knew that running would only make it worse.

"We leave." Edward replied, his face hard as he stared into my eyes. I knew he was including me in the statement this time.

I shook my head, "We can't. If we leave all together it will be all the confirmation the gossips of this town need."

"So, let them gossip." Emmett replied.

"No, that's not what Bella means." Alice said quietly. I had allowed my mind to wander towards leaving so I could show her the future. I could tell by Edward's face he had seen the result too.

"What aren't you three sharing?" Jasper asked. He could obviously sense our mood.

"I've seen this a few times before. Not _exactly_ this situation, obviously, but student-teacher affairs. Without fail, the ones that had a level of assumed guilt faired far worse," I explained.

Emmett looked confused, "So?"

"The gossips in the case I am talking about started a campaign against the teacher. They plastered photos and video of the teacher and the student everywhere; all over the local newspapers. The national papers picked it up from there. The particular case I'm talking about happened about 18 months ago."

"I remember that," Esme whispered in horror. "We can't let that happen."

Rosalie looked between Esme and I.

I explained further. "Even though there was never any physical proof and the teacher was never prosecuted, the photos made it into every national newspaper. I have no doubt that photo of Edward and I would somehow get into the hands of the media if we flee. There is a potential for every town you have lived in for the last ten or so years to see a photo of Edward, not a day older than when he left."

They gasped. Rosalie started to argue that they would deal with it, but Edward silenced her with a shake of his head. And if he hadn't I would have, I couldn't let them take that risk for me.

"What are our other options?" Esme asked.

"We stay," I said. "We deny."

"But anyone can see there is chemistry between you two," Jasper pointed out.

"You more than most," I smiled at him. I hadn't even thought how much he must have been suffering from mine and Edward's unrequited lust. "I'm sorry... I didn't consider how we must be affecting you."

Alice tittered. I gave her a quizzical look.

"Oh, he hasn't been suffering from it. In fact, he's found a very good outlet for it."

Jasper and Alice grinned at each other sheepishly.

Edward's face tightened in response to their thoughts. "Okay _that_ is not helping." He looked at Alice. "So if we stay what happens?"

"There are still too many options. I know if we leave it will be bad for us," Alice began.

I interrupted her. "I won't leave and make things harder on you."

Alice nodded. "If we stay, it might come down to how good a liar Bella can be."

Everyone groaned. It was no secret how bad I was. I blushed bright red, demonstrating the exact reason I was such a bad liar.

"I can give you lessons," Edward volunteered. Then he muttered, "We all know just how good a liar I am."

It sounded like he was attempting a joke, but no one laughed.

Edward and Alice both stopped as her vision of the future swung to the course were we stay and deny. "I think it will work out okay. Bella, you may still lose your job – I can't see that outcome – but I don't think there will be any danger of our secret being exposed." She looked at me apologetically. I understood...she felt like she was making me choose her family over my own happiness. But their secret was bigger than my career. I could work the rest out later.

"Did you want to go home, Bella?" Edward asked. "I can drive you down...if you like?"

"No. I think we need to go back to how it was before Forks happened. I'll come up here as often as I can, but I don't think you and I should be at my place alone." It killed me to say it.

"Still, I want to know you get home safe."

"Alice can drive me," I said. His face was pained and he tightened his jaw, I knew he just wanted to be there for me - he could obviously tell how unhinged I really was. My resolve faltered. "Why don't you bring your car down and give Alice a lift home."

Alice scoffed. Everyone knew it would be dark enough that she could run home. Jasper looked between Edward and I. "I'll drive down to bring Alice home."

Edward smiled a little. "It's up to Bella," he said, answering someone's thoughts.

"What is?" I asked, confused.

"Jasper thinks you should start your lying lessons ASAP. He thinks I should come down with him but stay hidden. I _can_ move in stealth you know." He flashed me a wicked grin.

"So as far as the neighbours are concerned, Alice will drive me home and Jasper will pick her up?"

"And I'll be there for you for the rest of today and all of tonight. We don't know when you might be called in to discuss this further."

I nodded; the plan did make some sense.

Half an hour later I was biding Alice and Jasper farewell. Alice had raced around the house closing all the curtains while I hung around out the front talking with Jasper, making sure the neighbours saw us. Then Alice came out and I hugged them both goodbye. The plan was to convince the neighbours I was close to all the Cullens, and that nothing happened when Edward was here last night.

I tried to slow myself down and walk at normal pace back into the house. I had made a decision on the drive down with Alice. If I was going to have to lie my way out of this, I may as well make it worth my suffering. I had decided I would stop resisting. I would stop fighting what I felt and just allow it to take me over. Basically - I was going to do the very thing I was being accused of.

I opened the door and couldn't help the smile that crossed my face when I saw Edward standing there. He grinned in response. At least if I was going to lose everything anyway I would have some fun doing it. "So, how do we do this?" I asked him.

He scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion, obviously hearing the double entendre in my words. He would have also heard my heartbeat racing since Alice and Jasper left. Finally he spoke. "First you have to hold eye contact. Looking away is the first sign of an incompetent liar."

I stared straight into his eyes. I felt my cheeks come over bright red with a blush.

"You have to try not to blush."

I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"Now...lie to me."

"About what?"

A cheeky glint came into his eye. "Do you want me?"

I looked deep into his eyes. "No."

He took a step closer. "You'll have to do better than that – you weren't very convincing." A smile played on his lips. "Do you want me?"

I met his eye again and made my face hard. I lowered my voice to take away the shake that existed when I lied. "No."

He took another step towards me until he was just inches from my face. I could feel his breath against me.

"Better, but still not completely believable." He closed the gap between us and put his lips on my ear and breathed. "Do you want me?"

I couldn't answer because my breathing had become ragged. He moved his lips from my ear to my cheek. I shifted my face so that he caught the side of my lips instead. He recognised the texture at one. His tongue slid gently along my bottom lip. I shuddered. His lips met mine and I took his bottom lip between mine and sucked on it. He groaned with pleasure before forcing his tongue into my mouth. I wrapped my own tongue around it and reached my hands into his hair, pulling him closer to me. His hands wrapped around my waist before gently running down to my thigh. He cupped his fingers of each hand around the inside of each of my thighs and pulled me up onto him. I locked my legs around his waist and he carried me towards the bedroom, his lips never leaving mine.

He backed me into the bedroom door and pressed himself hard against me. I could feel every muscle in his body straining into me. My arms were wrapped securely around his neck. He slid one hand off my bottom and pushed the door handle. The weight of our combined bodies pressing against it made the door slam into the wall behind. I couldn't help laughing. He took advantage of the freedom of his lips to run his tongue up the length of my neck. I moaned in pleasure, leaning my head back into the door. He ran his now free hand up the length of my waist, snagging the hem of my blouse on the way. He pushed me further into the door so it was supporting my weight and repeated the move on the other side. He grabbed the material and pulled it over my head in one swift motion. He grabbed my face between his hands and pulled my lips back to his again.

I pulled my hands away from his hair and started to unbutton his shirt. He dropped his hands from my face, but didn't release my lips as he shook his shirt off. He put his hands back onto face before running them down the sides of my neck and across my shoulders. When he hit the strap of my bra he pulled it down and kissed my collarbone. His hands trailed down my bare stomach and back around my waist. He pulled me back into him and carried me over to the bed.

At the last second, he turned and sat on the bed, holding me securely on his lap. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed. I pushed my hands into the bed on either side of his head, leaning my body over him. I looked into his eyes. "I love you."

"Now _that_ I do believe."

I laughed. "Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a lie."

He joined in my laughter, but as I shook against him he groaned. I felt his hands slide up my back and onto my bra. A second later I felt the release as the clasp came undone. He slipped his fingers through the straps and glided them off my arms. He threw it against the wall with our shirts.

His hands continued to move higher and curled in my hair. He gently tugged it, pulling my head backwards; as he did he leaned his head forward and pressed his lips onto my exposed throat. The pressure he applied was the perfect mix to create absolute pleasure. When he dropped his hands to my waist again, I pulled myself off the bed, trailing my mouth and tongue over his chest and stomach as I went. His hands remained stationary from where they were at my waist so his fingertips ran over the length of my body. I stood on the floor in front of the bed and looked down at him. He was the picture of perfection and all I needed to do was ask and he would be mine forever.

Forever. I meant it figuratively, but I realised I could mean it literally.

I realised that maybe that was the solution. Maybe I didn't need to get any older. As Alice pointed out, I didn't look that much older than I did when I was seventeen or eighteen. She hadn't been lying when she said that; I was told that all the time and obviously it was true if the school assumed the photo of Edward and I was recent. I could probably fit in as a high-school student again. I almost laughed at the thought.

I leaned over him again and kissed his cheek. "I want you to turn me," I whispered in his ear.

His whole body went rigid.

He unlocked his muscles enough to grab my shoulders gently and pull me away from his chest. He looked deep into my eyes. I didn't know what he was trying to find, so I held his gaze.

"It looks like you're getting it now," he said before kissing me again.

I pulled back. "What?"

"Well, I would have believed that."

"It's true," I whispered, rejection stinging me. I pulled myself off him and wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to maintain some dignity in my rejection. I tucked my legs up to my chest.

He sat up and wrapped his arms around me and rested his face against the back of my neck. "I didn't think you wanted that anymore? You said you were happy that you got to go to college and have your career." His breath tickled my neck and I relaxed my hold on myself a little. He seemed to notice and gently pulled my arms the rest of the way.

"I know I did. But now my career is probably done anyway. And besides, I don't want it anymore if it means I can't be with you."

He licked the back of my neck and chuckled when a shiver ran down my spine. "Can we discuss this later? I was enjoying myself before."

He sucked gently on my earlobe. I moaned with pleasure.

"Now, where were we?" He lifted me onto his lap and wrapped my arms back around his neck. I smiled at him before kissing his lips again. Then I nuzzled my face into his neck and dragged my teeth softly along his neck. A sound almost like a purr escaped his lips. "That's new," I laughed.

He just grunted in his desire.

I used the loose hold I had on his neck to direct him to follow me as I pulled myself backwards onto the bed. He balanced his weight perfectly on top of me. His cold body pressed tightly against mine. Every inch of my skin tightened, and goose-bumps erupted all over my stomach and chest.

"I'll be back," he whispered before I felt his weight disappeared off me. He was back and undoing my jeans before I could even really miss him. He kissed my stomach as he peeled back my jeans.

"Mmm," I murmured. "Where'd you go?"

He chuckled. "Just turning the heat up. You looked a little chilly and, well, it was either turn up the heat... or stop." He tugged my jeans and panties off in one fluid motion.

"Good choice," I said.

"I thought you would agree with my decision."

"There's just one problem now," I said, as a wicked smile grew on my lips.

"What's that?" He asked, concerned.

"These." I tugged at the waist of his jeans.

"That's an easy problem to fix though." He laughed and pulled them off. I gaped at the sight of him in black satin boxers. I wanted to strip them off too – to take every part of Edward inside me. And I knew exactly where to start. I pulled myself into a seated position. "Stay still," I commanded.

His muscles locked tight. No one could do still like Edward.

I splayed my hands across his cold stomach, my fingers pointing towards his sides. I applied pressure to his stomach as I pushed my hands out and down towards his bottom. My fingers ran straight into the waistband of his boxers, pushing them down off his body. His erection sprung free and I claimed it into my mouth. Edward's body dipped momentarily as he was overtaken with by pleasure. He grunted. I ran my tongue around the tip of him, watching his face for any sign that this was too much for him to handle. All I saw there was pure ecstasy so I pulled him deeper into my mouth. His hand came onto the bedpost, his fingers twisted around – and then into – the metal. I moved my hands from his back to his stomach, using one to run small patterns across his abdominal muscles and cupped him with my other.

"Bella, stop," Edward said urgently.

I froze instantly. Was something I was doing causing him to lose control?

"I'm going to come if you keep that up," he whispered, shyly - almost silently.

I smiled in response. Then I slowly sucked his length deep into my mouth, watching him watch me the whole way. I could feel the muscles clench underneath my hand and I knew how close he was. "But the venom?" He whispered again.

I wanted to show him that I didn't care. I would take any risk for him. I pulled his shaft back in again, drawing it to the back of my throat. I felt his cool seed release down the back of my throat. A delicious shudder ran through his body.

I slowly pulled my mouth away from him, before shifting backwards on the bed. I sat against the headboard, with my legs bowed and my hands resting on my inner-thighs. Edward's eyes were closed for a fraction of a second before he opened them and looked at me with such adoration. I watched as his composure began to return. I couldn't believe I had brought him so thoroughly undone. He released the bed frame, leaving an indent the shape of his fingers behind, I realised it should have worried me, but the fact he was able to cause such damage and yet be gentle with me made me feel confident in my safety.

He climbed across the bed towards me. I smiled at the look on his face. "Good?" I asked.  
He rolled his eyes. "That is the understatement of the century."

"I just wanted to take your mind off your own pleasure so that you didn't have to rush mine."

"Oh, is that right Miss Swan? And what pleasure might that be?" He grabbed my feet, separating them before pulling me down the bed towards him.

"Umm...I don't know, maybe you could repay the favour?"

His reply was a look of devastation and disgust. I knew that look – it was his self-loathing. I raised my finger and traced the lines of his sorrow. "You don't have to if you don't want to," I said. "In fact, I'll take anything you give me."

"Anything?" He repeated.

I nodded.

"Anything..." he mused quietly. He leant over me and then, starting at my forehead, trailed his fingers over her face and down her neck so gently. Then he circled each breast slowly, before continuing to run his fingers down the centre of my stomach, over my hip and down my leg to my foot.

"I'm going to follow that exact line with my mouth now, okay?" He asked.

I nodded. His touch alone was sending my body into a frenzy; I couldn't even begin to imagine how his cool lips would feel. His mouth followed the trail his fingers had left within half an inch. Mostly soft cool kisses flamed against my skin, but when he arrived at my hip his lips parted and his tongue brushed across my skin. The feeling caused ignited my desire. When he arrived at my leg, he lifted it off the bed and ran his lips across my thigh and shin. He rested my leg over his shoulder and worked his way to my foot.

He left my leg over his shoulder as he pressed back down against me. He pressed his mouth against mine, sliding his tongue along my lips. I groaned with delight. His tongue pushed forward into my mouth, I parted my lips and drew it in. As he kissed, Edward leaned further against me. I could feel his ready erection against my entrance. He was ready to go again.

He trailed kisses across my face and collarbone, before dropping his face down level with my breasts. He sucked lightly on my nipples. Slowly his touches dwindled, and his mouth left my body. I glanced at him and saw that same look of self-loathing. I touched my finger to his chin, drawing his eyes to mine. Then I slide my leg off his shoulder and called him closer. I wasn't going to let him back away from me. We'd done this before and he'd left me completely unharmed.

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he leaned in to kiss me again. He kissed me deeply, his other hand roamed across my body before finding its way to my heat. One finger trailed across my arousal, the cold a delightful relief against the slow burn there. My hips rose of their own accord to beg him for more. He traced a pattern with his fingers, sliding them between my inner and outer lips. I dropped my head back to my pillow and arched my back. "Oh. God. Edward."

I wanted him to press harder against me, he did the opposite – sitting up, away from me. But I didn't have time to think that he was pulling away completely because his fingers ran down my sex again, before one found its way deep inside me. The others remained on the surface, toying with the sensitive skin there. I bucked against him and each time he thrust his finger deeper he made me moan with ecstasy.

"I want you in me," I panted. "Now, Edward."

He pulled his hand off me and I wanted to cry at the lack of contact. I watched as he placed his fingers into his mouth. A look of desire, hunger, crossed his features. It made me want him even more, if that were possible. He drew his fingers out of his mouth and pressed them to my lips. I flicked my tongue over his fingertips. Then he rested his hand alongside my head and hovered above me, teasing me with his proximity. I could tell he was going to prolong my agony so I reached down and guided him into me. As he pushed against me, he kissed my neck and sucked my earlobe. The feeling was divine. My hands trailed his body, before one settled into his hair and the other onto his hip. I pressed my fingers against him, pushing and pulling to control the speed.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, locking them in place. He pulled himself up onto his knees, drawing my back off the bed but leaving my shoulders pressed into my pillow. He wrapped one arm around my bottom, and ran his other over my body. He cupped my breasts and rubbed at my nipples. Then he trailed his fingers down my stomach. They trailed further down until they stroked against my clit, sending me reeling – pleasure unlike any I had ever experienced before coursed through my body. I felt Edward follow quickly after me, his whole body locking rigid as he came. His thumb rested against me, and it was enough to send me tumbling into ecstasy for the second time in minutes.

He lowered me back down onto the bed and gazed down at me as if he'd won a prize. Silly boy, didn't he realise _I _was the winner.


	10. Dinner with the Cullens

**Chapter 10: Dinner with the Cullens.**

_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media francfhise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_

* * *

_

I woke early the next morning and looked at the alarm clock. For a second I panicked, thinking I was going to be late for work. It felt like the dream I had of Edward kept me up all night. I was so tired. I was about to force myself into a hurried shower when I saw the note on my pillow.

_I've left my heart with you. See you at 4._

I clutched it to my chest. My night with Edward wasn't a dream. But that also meant yesterday wasn't just a nightmare. I was on suspension without pay. In truth, I really didn't care about the money. I had enough in savings to be able to pay the rent and cover groceries for another few months and, if that dried up, I was sure the Cullens would let me stay with them. I was certain they would provide a roof over my head and ensure I was fed. What I cared about was the gossip. I knew how that spread through small towns, and then between communities. Regardless of what I had said and thought last night, there was still a part of me that loved teaching, and that part cared about my career. I always would. Mostly, I was okay though. I could endure anything that was thrown at me as long as I had Edward by my side, even if it was only in private for stolen embraces.

However, my suspension meant I was staring at a long day ahead with nothing to do. At least, until four o'clock...apparently, although I had no idea what the plan was then. I didn't let that concern me though. I knew if I needed to do anything, or be anywhere, Edward would have said in the note or would call me to let me know. I walked through the living room and into the kitchen, purposefully ignoring the boxes by the door as I passed them. I popped some bread into the toaster and leaned against the counter while I waited for it to cook. As I waited, the boxes seemed to call my name. No matter how hard I tried to ignore them, my eyes kept drifting back over to them. My toast popped, startling me from my thoughts. I quickly buttered it and threw it on a small plate.

I took the plate and the toast with me and sat on the living room floor. I decided it was time. I would open the boxes today and take whatever pain they caused me.

* * *

Going through the boxes of personal effects from Charlie's house wasn't as painful as I had feared it would be. In fact, halfway through the first box I found his favourite tackle box. I found myself laughing when I remembered how much I hated fishing. He had so stubbornly taken me every year when I had gone to visit him. When I was seven, he had taken me on the boat rather than leaving me with Billy's family, despite my fierce protests. About five minutes into the trip I had tangled a fish hook into my finger and we ended up spending the afternoon in the hospital having it surgically removed.

I found myself wishing I had made a little more effort to understand Charlie, and enjoy Forks more, when I was younger. I guess that was the way of life though, you didn't appreciate how much you had until it was gone – especially your childhood. At about lunchtime, I picked up the phone and called Jacob.

"Hey, Bells. Why are you calling?"

"I just wanted to chat actually."

"No, I meant it must be what, midday there? Shouldn't you be at the school?"

I sighed. "No. I'm on a disciplinary suspension."

"Bella! Wasn't it just two days ago that you were in tears because you weren't going to act on your feelings?"

"It didn't matter. Edward stopped by to comfort me and even though we didn't do anything, well not really, a neighbour complained to the school. And then they found a photo."

"A photo?"

"Of Edward and I. Before he left."

"Oh." Jacob paused. "How did you explain the fact that he hasn't changed and you have?"

"Not that much evidentially. They think it is a recent photo."

"That's sucks, Bells."

"Yeah. But it's not why I called. I finally started going through some of Charlie's old stuff and I was wondering if Billy wants his tackle and fishing stuff. I'm hardly going to need it."

Jacob laughed raucously, no doubt at the thought of me attempting to fish. "I'm sure he'll appreciate the thought. What else is in the boxes?"

I sat on the phone to Jacob for hours. As I opened each box, we laughed about the memories we had of Charlie. I found wedding photos of Jacob and I. I sighed when I looked at how happy we were. Although I knew it was nothing compared to how happy I would have been if it was Edward standing next to me at the altar. I ran my fingers along the dress in the photo. It was just a simple white a-line dress with no embellishments. I laughed when I thought of the fit Alice would have had if she'd seen it.

"Where did we go wrong Jake?"

"I don't know, Bells. But did you ever feel like we were fighting fate from the beginning?"

"All the time." I sighed. "It's good being friends again though."

"Definitely."

Then I asked the question I thought I never would, "How's Harriett?"

The silence on the other end of the line confirmed Jacob was just as shocked. "She's really good. She's starting school next year."

"Wow, already? She's going to be grown up before you know it."

"Yeah." Jacob sounded upset.

"What's the matter, Jake?"

"Well... it's just that she's growing up so fast, and I don't think I'll have enough control to stop phasing for at least another few decades."

"So?"

His voice was a broken whisper, "She's going to grow old and die and I won't... and I can't do a damn thing to stop it."

"Poor Sam," I whispered. If Jake was going through this heartache when he conceivably had eighty years left with Harriett, how must Sam be feeling? Emily was already in her twenties when they met. In fact, she would have recently celebrated her thirtieth birthday.

"Yeah. I don't know how I will be able to live in a world where she doesn't exist. This imprint thing Bella – it sucks."

"And that's not even talking about the lives it ruins along the way."

"Yeah."

I picked up the wedding photo and put it on my mantle. I noticed time on the clock - it was three o'clock and I was still in my pyjamas. "Aw shoot! Jake, I gotta go."

"Okay."

"I'll send this stuff up to Billy soon."

"Sure, sure."

I raced around the house, showering and getting ready for this afternoon. It was hard because I had no idea what to expect. I figured I would likely be going up to Edward's house, but no doubt they had spent the early hours of the morning planning something while I slept. I settled on wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt.

After I finished getting ready, I packed up two boxes; one with everything that was to be sent back to Billy, and the other a box of stuff that was either broken or useless and needed to be thrown out. The rest of the stuff was scattered throughout the living room, but I realised cleaning it would have to wait as a horn was beeping outside.

* * *

Edward's Volvo was stopped out the front of my house. Edward was driving, and Emmett and Alice were smiling at me from the back seat. Edward leaned over and pushed open the passenger door. I knew he was itching to get out and open the door for me properly, but that wouldn't help the situation with the neighbours.

I climbed into the front seat. I looked at Edward. I knew the meeting between him, Carlisle and the principal happened today. "How'd it go?"

He watched the road ahead of him closely, as if he needed to pay attention. "It's all over the school... sorry."

That didn't surprise me. I knew how quickly things spread. "I meant your meeting."

"He doesn't want to believe it. He's actually trying _not_ to find any more evidence. But two boys have come forward, and each of them claim that they are the one you are having an affair with."

I couldn't help laughing.

"What's funny about that?"

"There's always one. They jump on the bandwagon for whatever reason, usually it's revenge, or jealousy, or to score points with their mates for nailing the hot teacher."

Alice chuckled from the backseat when Edward growled.

"But they'll be found out as liars eventually."

"Mr Ander's doesn't believe them," Edward clarified.

"See."

"And Carlisle did a very good job convincing him that we were old family friends who had grown up together, despite the age gap. You see, your mother was my mother's best friend. You guys were there for me when my parents died and helped me to settle in with Carlisle and Esme." The solemn look on his face made me chuckle a little again.

"So in short, the defence is that you love each other, but you're not _in _love with each other," Alice said from the back seat.

"And we're going out as a family tonight to show the town our support for you," Emmett said patting me gently on the back.

"Where?"

"The Copper Beech Inn." Edward grinned at me.

I looked at my clothes. "I wish you'd warned me. I'm not really dressed for it."

Alice made a face at me. "You didn't think I'd let you choose your own outfit for tonight did you? I found the perfect thing at the shops at lunchtime."

I rolled my eyes. I knew her definition of perfect was different from mine. Hers would no doubt involve stilettos and a flimsy material... like silk.

"It's alright love," Edward said as he grabbed my hand now that we were far enough away from town. "I've seen it, it won't be too bad."

I grunted at him.

"So how was your day? Do anything interesting?"

"I rang Jake."

"How'd that go?" Alice asked.

"Good. I actually think we'll be all right. Friends."

Edward's jaw tightened. I wondered vaguely what his problem was.

When we pulled up in front of their house Edward was out of his door and opening mine for me almost before the engine had stopped. Alice and Emmett went straight inside when Edward reached his hand in the car to help me out. He wrapped his hand around mine and led me into the house.

We were given a few minutes of time alone to say hello to each other properly before Edward smiled. "Everyone else is anxious to say hello."

"Do I get the same greeting from everyone?" I teased.

"I hope not," he whispered in my ear.

"I hope I do," I said to him, catching his eyes and refusing to look away. I even managed to keep my blush under control.

"You're getting better all the time. I'm starting to wonder if it's such a good idea teaching you to lie."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to lie to me."

I smiled at him. "When this has all blown over, we'll leave and then we can be together forever."

Edward didn't say anything at first, but had a similar look on his face to the one in the car – a troubled look.

I traced my finger along his jaw. "What is it?"

"It's just that will make some things so much easier, but it will complicate just as much."

"We'll work it out."

"It will mean the end of your friendship with the wolf."

"I'll have you. I'll have your family. That will be enough."

"Enough for forever?"

I kissed his cheek. "Yes."

I had barely said hello to everyone else and sat down when Alice grabbed me and pulled me into her room. She primped and fussed over my hair and set my make-up. Then she passed me a dress, which as I expected was silky and thin. I laughed at her. "I'll freeze to death in this thing."

She rolled her eyes. "I've got a matching coat too, and the restaurant will be warm enough. Right now it is more important to get out there and show the world that you are above their allegations."

"Even if they are correct now."

"Even though you and Edward are together now, they're still not correct."

I knew what she meant.

Alice left the room and I pulled the dress over my head. I turned to look in the mirror and gasped. It looked great. It hugged all the right places and yet was modest enough to be appropriate under the circumstances. It was a dark purple and accentuated my colouring and the light make-up Alice had done.

"See, I knew it would be perfect." Alice clapped from the doorway.

"It really is, Alice. Now – please tell me you aren't going to ruin it with some ridiculous shoes."

She pulled out a pair of platform shoes which were taller than I would normally wear but at least they were chunky enough that I wasn't going to be balancing on a pinpoint all night. It wasn't like I could rely on Edward to stop me falling over all night.

"It'll be alright, Bella."

"I have to thank you all so much for doing this. I know it's going to be a difficult evening for you."

She laughed. "Yeah, Jasper and Emmett have a bet about who can force the most human food down. They're very masochistic."

"Ugh, remind me to go home before they start bringing that up."

"You know I might just join you."

I heard a knock on the door.

"She's decent, Edward."

He popped his head around the door and smiled. "I disagree. How am I supposed to be around _that_ all night and not be able to touch her?"

Alice laughed. "You'll just have to exercise that century of practice in self-restraint when you are in public."

"Mmm-hmm." He walked over to me. "But for the moment we are not in public."

His fingers slipped into my hair and he pulled my face into his. Soon I was curving my body around his.

Alice coughed to remind us of her presence. "Not that I'm not ecstatic that you two are back together but we do need to be going. And now I'm going to have to fix Bella's lipstick."

I laughed when I looked at Edward, a smear of lipstick on his lips. He winked at me than left to get changed himself.

* * *

We took Carlisle's and Edward's cars to the restaurant. I wanted so badly to ride with Edward but slipped into the back of Carlisle's car with Alice. We had already agreed I would ride to the restaurant with Carlisle and back to their house with Edward.

Once we arrived I stepped nervously from the car and headed towards the restaurant. I felt every eye in the place turn to stare at me as we walked inside. I was able to ignore the whispers, even if I concentrated on them, I doubted I would even be able to pick up half of what was said. But between his perfect hearing and mind-reading Edward could tell what every person here was saying and it didn't look good. His jaw was set and his eyes flicked from person to person. Rosalie clung to his arm to stop him from doing something he would regret later. I couldn't help the slight twinge of jealousy that I couldn't be the one trying to calm him.

Once we were seated the waiter bought out the wine menu and everyone turned to me, leaving it as my choice considering none of them would be drinking it. I didn't really drink so wasn't sure what was best. In the end I ordered two bottles of reasonably priced chardonnay for the 'adults' and a jug of soft-drinks for the 'kids'.

Soon, we were presented with menus. Carlisle didn't even look at his, just ordered a fisherman's basket. I had to force myself not to laugh as Jasper and Emmett pretended to debate the merits of each dish with each other, trying to find out discreetly from the waiter which was the largest meal. They ended up ordering one of the largest steaks each. I heard Emmett promise the waiter a large tip if he got the bigger one. I didn't want to think about how they were going to assess the winner of their little competition.

Rosalie had her nose turned up the entire time she was looking at the menu. In the end she ordered the smallest salad which was probably a good choice considering women who looked like her were rarely seen eating much more than that in public anyway. Esme and Alice followed Rosalie's lead.

Edward looked over to me. "What looks good do you think? I know what I want... but it's not on the menu."

I felt the table shift as someone kicked him under the table but his eyes didn't shift off me. I worked hard to keep my blush under control. "Um, I was thinking the fish."

"The fish it is." Edward said folding his menu down and ordering two of the fish before turning to Carlisle in conversation.

Alice drew my attention and started to discuss her latest shopping trip. Rosalie joined in with us. The meals came out and I was having a genuinely good time, chatting about normal everyday things. Like how everyone was going in school, what was happening with Carlisle up at the hospital. I tried to recall the last time I had a conversation like this with the whole family without discussing something mythical. I was impressed by everyone's effort to look normal. Mostly they were successful.

My meal was delicious, but I noticed that whenever Edward took a bite he made a slight face - nothing that would have been noticeable to anyone else, but I could tell. Jasper and Emmett abandoned their bet half-way through the meal.

I didn't notice my glass being topped up with wine regularly through-out the evening, and when I realised both the bottles were empty I assumed it was because Esme and Carlisle were using it as a prop as well. It wasn't until I stood when we were leaving that I realised just how much wine I had drank. I stumbled a little and fell into Alice. She caught me easily and called Rosalie over almost silently for assistance. Between the two of them they juggled me out of the restaurant without it looking like I had too much to drink.

Alice slid me into the back seat of Edward's car and slipped around the other side. She pushed me upright when I started to lean over. I found everything incredibly funny. Especially the look Edward shot back at Alice when he climbed into the car.

"Who kept topping her glass up?"

"I only filled it once," Alice said defensively.

"Me too," said Jasper from the front seat.

"I did." I laughed. "Once."

Edward growled.

"She'll be fine, Edward," Alice said.

"I'll be fine, Edward." I laughed.

"I'm going to take her straight back to her house. No arguments."

Alice pouted, but didn't argue.

* * *

As we hit my street, Jasper sunk deep into the seat so he wasn't visible from outside the car. Edward pulled his car around to the back of the house. Suddenly, he was at my door helping me out and then Jasper was driving Edward's car off down the street. It all happened in less time that was humanly possible to have changed drivers. Obviously it had been designed to make it look like Alice and Jasper were the ones to drop me off. That it had only been three of us in the car. Which could only mean one thing.

"You're staying?" I asked him.

"I'm not leaving you alone like this. You're accident prone enough without being drunk."

"I'm not drunk," I said a little too loudly.

"If you say so." He pushed me into the house.

I threw myself onto him as soon as we were in the house. It only took a second for him to push me gently off him. He helped me over to the couch and pulled my shoes off. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to pull myself onto him. "No, Bella. Not tonight."

I pouted at him and he laughed at me.

"You need water and bed."

I used his shirt to pull myself off the couch and put my lips to his ear. "I need you."

He untangled himself from me and disappeared into the kitchen. He bought back a large glass of water and some Tylenol. "Drink up and take these."

I complied.

He put the glass on the mantelpiece, picking up the photo that I'd put there earlier today. He walked back over and sat next to me. I curled up onto his lap.

"You were so beautiful." He traced his finger over my wedding dress in the picture.

"Mmmm," I murmured into his neck. He wrapped his hand around my shoulder.

"Will you tell me about you two?"

I looked up at his face. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"He's part of who you are now. I want to know."

"Hasn't Alice told you most of this?"

He chuckled a little. "Only what you told her that first day. She can't see the wolves. When we were gone, I thought she didn't get visions of you because I asked her not to look out for them. But now I realise she was looking, but the wolves were blocking her somehow."

I told him the story of Jacob and I, from the time Edward and his family left to the day we gave up on each other. He stood and got me another glass of water halfway through my story. I had barely finished when I fell asleep against his chest.


	11. Consequences

**Chapter 11: Consequences**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I woke alone late the next morning with a cracking headache and a churning stomach. I'm never drinking again I thought to myself. I rolled over and there was a note next to my pillow. It took me a moment to focus my eyes enough to read it. _Love you. Have water and a coffee._

I groaned and pushed myself to sit up in bed. As soon as I did the room seemed to tilt off kilter. It took a minute for the walls to stop spinning. Finally it was still enough that I risked standing up. I held onto the side of the bed while I waited for my stomach to settle back down.

I walked gingerly into the living room. I looked around in shock. Edward had cleaned up the rest of the stuff from Charlie's house. He had sorted everything perfectly to where it was supposed to be, putting all the photos on my mantle and around my living room. He had taken the box of rubbish and the box for Billy was also gone. I could tell the room had been vacuumed – how had I missed that? I saw a note lying on the floor where the boxes had been but other than the living room was pristine. I bent down to pick it up, regretting it because of the rush of blood and pain bending brought to my head. I steadied myself on the couch. Eventually I could concentrate on the note.

_I've taken the rubbish. The other box is in your car._

I guessed I must have told him about them last night. I didn't remember that but I didn't remember much about last night, only vague recollections and it was hard trying to concentrate on any of them with the jack-hammer going off in my head. I went to the kitchen. A glass and two Tylenol were sitting on another note.

_Water first. Coffee later._

I laughed and regretted it instantly. I filled the cup from the tap and took the tablets. The water hit my stomach like a led weight. I took a deep breath.

I didn't think I would be able to stomach coffee just yet so I put a piece of bread in the toaster. Plain toast sounded like a much better idea. Once it was cooked I forced myself to eat it. My stomach still turned but at least it had something to churn around now. And something to bring up later I thought sardonically. I leaned on the kitchen bench for fifteen minutes while I let everything settle back to where it was supposed to be. The throbbing in my head was starting to subside but my mouth tasted fuzzy and my stomach still churned.

I walked to the bathroom with the intention of having a shower. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and groaned. My hair was stuck up in all directions and the mascara Alice had applied last night had turned me into a panda. I grabbed a face clothe and scrubbed. I got rid of most of it but it still looked like I was heavily made up. I turned on the shower and slithered under the water. I sat under it for a few minutes before my stomach gave up on me and I brought the toast back up. I hopped back under the shower to rinse myself off again but decided to give up any thought of washing my hair. Instead I just brushed it and pulled it back into a ponytail.

I went to grab my jeans but remembered the pair I wanted was at Edward's house. Damn, they were my favourite pair. I gave up and threw on one of my other pairs and a button up shirt. I wanted to curl back up in bed but I needed to go into town today. I was running low on so many things, I wanted to get the stuff off to Billy and I had nothing better to do today. Edward had cleaned very thoroughly for me and I could hardly call Jake long-distance every day.

I forced another glass of water down, put on my sunglasses and grabbed my car keys and purse. I winced when I got outside because the sun was high and bright in the sky. I was a little bit sad that Edward hadn't stayed if it was going to be sunny today anyway, but I knew the risk of him being here during the day was too great. At least if the school called for him and he was at his place it would help stop any rumours.

I drove carefully through town, heading in the direction of the post shop. I imagined I could feel every eye on me as I passed. I decided to park off the street, around the corner where there were fewer people to stare as I got in and out of my car.

I juggled the box in my arms, wishing I had someone to help me carry this now, I didn't realise it would be quite this heavy. As I passed the locals I heard some jeers and whispers and definitely felt eyes on me but I did my best to ignore them. It would blow over as soon as the next scandal hit town. And we just had to wait for the school's decision before we could move on, regardless of whether I was cleared or charges were laid it was still better to wait until it happened. From what Edward said last night about Mr Anders, I hoped it wouldn't take too much longer.

The lady behind the counter kept glancing at me sideways, as if I was going to sprout horns and attack her. It was harder doing this, being out in public, without everyone standing beside me in support. I walked back out of the post shop. Someone passing me yelled out something. I could have sworn I heard the word slut but I just took a deep breath and kept walking.

I reached my car and gave a sigh of relief. I had my hand on my car door when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I was twisted around roughly.

"Didn't you hear me?"

I turned and a large man was standing right on top of me, leaning over me. He was at least as big as Emmett, with dark curly hair, a thick moustache and yellowing teeth. His breath smelt thickly of alcohol despite it being a little after ten in the morning. I glanced left and right as quickly as I could. There was no one else on the street. He took my movement as a head-shake.

"I said - if it isn't the slut teacher who likes fiddling with kids."

"No." I said, "It's not like that."

"Yeah? Well my son told all about you - you sick fuck. People like you don't belong in our town."

I lifted the handle on my car door and leant forward, trying to open it but he slammed it shut before I even opened it an inch.

"Please," I begged quietly. "Let me go."

He grabbed my ponytail and yanked it backwards, "Get out of town if you know what's good for you." He pushed me against the car. I knew I would end up with bruises on my hip from the force of the impact.

I don't know what possessed me, I knew the smart thing to do was shut up and drive away but the words were at my lips before I could think them through, "I haven't done anything wrong."

I didn't even see him move but I felt it. A fist slammed into my cheek. A sickening crack filled the air. I fell to the ground. I felt my head impact with the concrete with a sickening thud. I blacked out.

I woke seconds later, just in time to see a boot coming towards me. I searched for an escape but I had fallen against my car so I was pinned between it and my attacker. I tried to crawl myself forward to get away but I felt the boot impact into my chest and I couldn't breathe. I lost control of my arms and I fell against the concrete again. My chest burned as I gasped for air.

I could see blood on the ground around me and my vision was blurred by tears. I couldn't gather the strength to move forward but managed to roll backwards into my car, trying to press myself as close into it as possible to get away from my attacker. The boot was lifted again and connected with my shoulder a second later. My shoulder was caught between the boot and my car, the force of the impact strong enough to leave a dent in the side which my arm was pressing into. I heard the crunch of my collarbone at the same time I felt pain shoot up my arm and neck. The pressure from the boot increased, crushing me into the car. I cried out but I couldn't get any volume.

He leaned forward so I was bearing almost all of his weight on my shoulder, my chest was still burning and I couldn't get enough air to scream. The pain made my mind go blank, all concerns over hangovers gone. He brought his face into mine. "Go spin your lies somewhere else, slut." He said before spitting in my face. He kicked me once more in the stomach before turning and walking down the street.

I vomited and blacked out again.

I wasn't sure how long it was before I came to again but it couldn't have been more than a minute or two because I was still on the ground, still alone and still in agony. I tried to focus my eyes. I couldn't see anyone around me. The sun was still hot in the sky. I couldn't comprehend how an attack like this could happen in the bright sunlight. I knew it was the only thing keeping Edward away right now. There is no way I would have been here for this long if it had been a dark alley or night. But I recognised that I had to face the facts. No one was going to come to rescue me because no one knew I was here, except those who couldn't get to me.

I rolled over onto my stomach, away from my car. The broken shards of my collarbone pressed against my skin, threatening to break through it. I growled through the agony. I tried to steady myself into a crawling position, I couldn't do it. I reached out painfully with my good arm and pulled myself forward, pushing myself along with my legs. I could feel the concrete biting into my jeans but I couldn't care. All I could think of was finding help. Getting to the hospital. Finding Edward.

I dragged myself forward inch by inch until I had travelled another body length. The material on the front of my jeans was now almost completely gone and the concrete was tearing into my skin instead. I couldn't get enough air to breathe. I felt like I was drowning and could taste blood in my mouth.

I finally found enough in reserve to push out noise, but it was weak and broken. "Please." I begged anyone who would listen. "Please help me."

Tears ran down my cheeks, I couldn't see out of the slit that was all that remained of my right eye. My sight was marred with red. I continued to push myself forward, each inch a lifetime of agony.

I knew when I was finally in sight of someone when I heard the screaming start. I didn't listen to the words. Once I knew I had been seen I couldn't move any further. My adrenaline supply petered and died. I rolled over onto my back and let blackness take me.


	12. Consciousness

**Chapter 12: Consciousness **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I opened my eyes but I could only see out of one. I needed to work out where I was. There was a steady, rhythmic beeping coming from one side of me. I used my one good eye to look over to the sound. A heart monitor. Okay so I was in hospital. Waking up in hospital was not a new experience for me.

Now if only I could figure out what was wrong with me. My mind was hazy, obviously I was full of pain medication. That would make this assessment that much more difficult. I tried to raise my head but I couldn't. I wiggled my toes, they worked and there wasn't any pain involved, just an uncomfortable stretching feeling so I assumed my legs were fine or at least not badly damaged. I wiggled my fingers, pain stabbed up my left arm. The other felt alright. Okay so I had an injury to do with my left arm.

I realised I was alone and something struck me as odd about that. I tried moving my good arm, the one that didn't hurt. It moved but the movement pulled my ribs and made them ache. I reached for the call button to call the nurse in. Maybe they would be able to remind me what happened. Why I was in here. Why I was alone. After I located it and pushed the button I waited. I expected a nurse to come. I didn't cold hands to clasp around my good one. And I didn't expect to hear Carlisle's voice, "Bella, you're awake."

"Yeah." My voice was raspy, my throat was sore and my lips wouldn't move properly. My voice came our slurred, "What happened?"

"Don't you remember?"

I tried to shake my head but it hurt.

"You were attacked." The way his voice clenched with a slight undertone of anger reminded me of Edward.

Edward.

I tried to sit up, "Where's Edward?" My lips wouldn't close properly so I couldn't make my words sound right and I could feel saliva pooling in the corner of my mouth. Carlisle wiped it away gently.

"Don't move Bella. You'll need to lie still for a while, you have some extensive injuries."

I didn't care about my injuries, "Where's Edward?" I repeated.

"He'll be in later. Only immediate family and partners are allowed to stay in the room outside standard visiting hours. Emmett and Jasper had to drag him from your side when they ended."

"He'll...be back?"

"As soon as he can."

I nodded and winced in pain. "What happened?"

"Alice only saw the attack, not what led up to it, so we don't know much. There were no witnesses. As I said, you've suffered some pretty major injuries."

I didn't know if I was ready to listen to this without Edward by my side but I knew I would have to find out eventually. "What?"

"You have a broken cheekbone and fractured eye socket, a broken clavicle, three broken ribs and a ruptured spleen. As well as minor cuts and bruises along your torso and legs. You've been in and out of surgery since you arrived. We've had to do some major repair work to your fractures and we also had to remove your spleen. We can run through all the details later though. Now I need you to rest."

I moved my fingers so that I was clasping one of his hands and I squeezed it with as much pressure as I could. "Please, Carlisle, can I see Edward? While I'm awake. I need to know that he's okay." I hoped he understood the words I was saying, because they sounded wrong in my ears.

I heard Carlisle chuckle. I knew he would think it was typical of me, I was the one lying here broken and in agony yet I needed to see if Edward was okay. He patted my hand gently, "I'll see what I can do, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to see him alone."

"Don't care, I need to see him."

"I'll do my best."

That's all I can ask, "Thanks."

I closed my eyes and tried to remember what had happened to me. I remembered yellow teeth and stale breath. And brown boots. And pain. A tear escaped from my eye unwillingly. How long had I even been here for? And what must I look like? I was hardly a vain person but with my eye swelled shut I felt like I must look like the elephant man. I didn't know how long I lay there for and was starting to drift back to sleep when I heard the door open. I automatically shifted my head in that direction and regretted it at once. I groaned with pain. Edward's voice came from the doorway, it was tight and full of rage and pain, "Try not to move."

I heard the door shut and in the next second Edward was on top of me. He had somehow managed to climb onto the bed and wrap himself around me without causing me any pain and without jostling me in the least. His cool body actually felt good again the injuries I had. He put his hand on my hair and dropped his forehead to touch mine on the undamaged side. I opened my good eye and saw his eyes were closed and his face was scrunched with pain.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you woke up." He kissed my good cheek. I closed my eyes again. "And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

I heard movement in the room, it was obviously whoever had come to chaperone Edward and if I knew if I could hear them they were getting impatient with Edward. Edward growled slightly at whatever they were thinking, but he slowly pulled himself off me and sat in a chair to my side. Then he grabbed my hand and put it to his lips.

I let it rest there for a few minutes before pulling it back and touching my fingers lightly to my good cheek, "How bad is it?"

I watched his face carefully, he flinched a little at my question before answering, "You're still beautiful."

I rolled my eye at him, "You'd say that if I had no head."

I heard a chuckle from whoever else was in the room. I was guessing Emmett from the depth of the voice. Thinking about Emmett brought a flash of something into my mind, something I had thought about my attacker but I couldn't grasp the image.

"I wanna see."

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Bella." Edward looked concerned. So it was bad.

"Please?"

Edward nodded to whoever was in the room with us and I heard the door open and close again. It wasn't long before it opened again and whoever it was came back into the room. Emmett walked into my line of sight holding a mirror.

"Are you sure about this?" Edward asked.

I nodded ever so slightly, anyone else might have missed the movement but I knew Edward was watching me so intently he didn't. I closed my eyes and felt Emmett shift to my other side and hold the mirror above me. I took a deep breath, which hurt – I wondered if there was any movement I could make that would be pain-free, opened my eyes and looked into the mirror.

I didn't recognise the person staring back at me. I had thought of the one eye I could see out of as the good side of my face but the person in the mirror had no 'good' side, just bruising and swelling and cuts.

I reached my hand up and lightly stroked my fingers along my shattered cheekbone. The person in the mirror mimicked me but I still couldn't reconcile the face in the mirror with my own.

My lips were swollen and bruised. The right side of my face was disproportioned and utterly distorted, the eye mostly closed with the swelling but the eyeball I could see through the slit wasn't just bloodshot, it was completely blood-red. My good eye was bloodshot and had angry red splotches where blood vessels had burst. I held back the sob that threatened to escape because when my eyes flicked quickly to Edward his face was a mask of pure rage and I knew it wouldn't take much to set him off in his current state.

As if to confirm my thoughts Edward put his fingers gently to my chin, "I want so badly to hurt the one who did this to you."

I touched his face, "Won't help me."

"It'll help me." He said but his resolved weakened.

I tried to sit up again but Edward gently pushed me back onto the bed, wiping the excess saliva from the corner of my mouth. "Promise you won't do anything. Don't bring yourself down. You're better than him." I reached up to run my hand through Edward's hair.

He dropped his head onto the bed beside me and was still for a few seconds. Then I heard him sobbing quietly. I tried to remember a time when he had allowed himself to show his emotions so clearly to me. Usually I knew how he was feeling but I had to pick up on the subtle hints, things hidden in the back of his eye or the set of his jaw.

"This is worse for you than James." It wasn't a question. I could tell it was true by every move he made.

He nodded but didn't lift his head as he spoke, "He was _supposed_ to be a monster he was a vampire. But it was a human that did this to you."

I stroked his face.

His voice broke, "But it's more than that - at least then I could wait by your side. I could support you. Now I can only come in twice a day for too few precious hours."

"Take me to your house?"

He raised his head, "You'd do that?"

"Yes."

"I'll talk to Carlisle about it, but we need to be extra careful with you at the moment."

I laughed, then groaned with the pain, "You always are."

"No, I mean you've had your spleen removed. It makes you very susceptible to infection. We can't risk moving you until we are sure that it'll be okay."

"Oh."

"I'll find out from Carlisle how soon though. I promise we will move you, the second it's possible."

"Sure." I suddenly felt drained from the pain I was in.

"Do you need more pain relief?" Edward stroked my hair.

I couldn't be brave for him anymore. I nodded, tears sprining to my eyes.

"I'll get the nurse back in, then you can sleep again." He reached for the call button.

"Wait." I suddenly had a thought.

"What is it?"

"Police?"

"Yes, love, the police have been told. We're doing everything possible to make this guy pay," He clenched his teeth, "at least everything possible the human way."

"They'll wanna talk to me."

"Yes, but not until you are up to it. Don't worry, everyone is here for you. We'll help you through this."

I shook my hand at him, "No. I wanna talk. It's just...can't remember what he looks like."

"So?"

"No witnesses. I need to tell them or he could get off." I may not have wanted Edward to sully himself to make the guy pay. But I still wanted justice. I looked at Edward, "Alice's vision. You saw him? Tell me what he looks like."

"It's not going to look right if you know exactly what he looks like either."

"You can jog something in my memory?"

"Later. Now you need to sleep." He kissed my forehead and pushed the call button.

*****

I woke again. I was still in hospital and I remembered waking up last time. That was good. A hand was holding mine and I started to panic because it was the wrong temperature. Was there something wrong with me? Had my temperature dropped so much Edward felt warm to me? I knew it was a stupid thought as soon as it hit me but I was so woozy from drugs and sleep nothing seemed too ridiculous to make sense at the moment.

My mind caught up with what I was feeling. The hand was warm. Very warm. I only knew one person in the world who felt that warm. Well, more than one _technically_, but only one who would be here holding my hand.

"Jake?" I asked, opening my eyes.

"Yeah, Bells, it's me."

"Why're you here?"

"Edward called me to let me know what happened. I had to see you."

I smiled at him, my face ached. "I should hate you right now."

He looked shocked, "What? Why?"

"You'd be healed now."

He chuckled darkly, "Typical Bella, you're the one here in pain and you're making jokes."

"Thanks for comin'."

"Sure, sure." He rested my hand against his cheek and closed his eyes.

His words sunk into me, "_Edward_ called?"

He laughed more freely this time, "I thought that might surprise you. It surprised the hell out of me. He knew he couldn't be here for you because of, well just because, so when you were first brought in he called me to see if I could come up to be with you when he couldn't."

"How long?"

"As long as you want me. I think his plan is to have me watch you during the day when he can't."

I rolled my eyes, surprised that it was pain-free, "You're my bodyguard?"

"Only if you want me to be Bells. Frankly I owe you, but I don't owe him. Well, maybe just a little for fixing you up again."

I hated that my face was no longer expressive. Usually I would have been able to raise an eyebrow at him and he would know to explain more. Now I had to ask through my painful, swollen lips, "What?"

"Bells, I've noticed how much less pain has been in your voice the last few times you called. I hated talking to you knowing that all the pain in your voice was my fault. I hated myself for doing that to you."

"Thanks."

He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "That's alright Bella. You just rest."

"Grrr, I'll scream next time someone says that."

He laughed at me, "Nah you won't. Not if it's _Ed-ward_." He made kissy-faces at me.

"What are you 3?"

That made him laugh harder.

I wanted to pout but I knew he would never know I was. Finally his laughter subsided and he started to stroke my arm. We sat like that for ages until he finally spoke again, "You know what I don't understand though?"

"What?"

He spoke in a hushed whisper, "Why didn't he turn you? I mean you must be in agony? Wouldn't it have been easier?"

I choked in my surprise. "What?"

"Well, I'm just saying if you were one of them you wouldn't still be in pain."

"Never thought I'd hear you say that."

He chuckled, "Neither did I. But seriously, why not?"

"He won't do it unless I'm in danger. Not until we talk"

"It's gonna happen one day isn't it?"

"Dunno. Maybe."

He nodded and started to stroke my arm again. We lay in silence again until I drifted back to sleep.

**A/N – Thanks for the love people! I love the reviews & the alerts & the favourites. I know this chapter doesn't have much in it but I wanted to get it up asap for everyone to know Bella's fate. Also - Edward has his reasons for not turning her yet but he wants to so she can't be hurt anymore. They can't get into any long in depth conversations about it right now though because Bella can barely speak. I have put normal words but because of how swollen her face is she is actually very hard to understand. It is just that these supernatural beings have such good hearing! :) **


	13. Cain

**Chapter 13: Cain**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

A week has passed since I first woke up in the hospital. I was having more periods awake and less asleep now. Slowly different tubes and wires were removed. Carlisle was very impressed with the speed at which I was healing and told me I should be ready to be released soon.

Off the back of my comments the first day I had woken, there had been some discussion about moving in with the Cullen's for a little while until I was healed. There were pros, like seeing Edward more often, and cons, like the rumour mongering. But in the end both Edward and I agreed that because Jacob was around to help me when Edward couldn't I was better off going back to my own place for the moment. I wasn't sure whether I really wanted it but it made sense in the grand scheme of things. And part of being a Cullen is being meticulous and I knew I would be a Cullen soon. It was all I wanted.

The stay in the hospital hadn't been too bad. For the last week Edward and at least one other sibling were at my side for every minute of the official hospital waiting hours. And each night, unknown to any of the hospital staff - other than Carlisle of course, Edward snuck into my room through the window, wrapped himself around me gently and hummed my lullaby to help me sleep. He was gone whenever the nurses came in to do their nightly rounds.

During the day whenever Edward couldn't come Jacob took up his position in my room. Sometimes Jacob and I reminisced or talked about the pack but generally we would just sit in comfortable silence while he read his magazines and I day-dreamed of Edward.

The third day after I had woken was an interesting one. The police had come to speak to me about the assault. I told them as much as I could remember, Edward had helped jog my memory a little with a few small details that might help, like the dark curly hair and the approximate size. Things that wouldn't seem out of place to remember despite suffering head trauma. I remembered the yellowing teeth and brown boots on my own.

While I was in the police interview Edward sat in the car park listening to their thoughts. He told me later that as soon as I started my description they were certain they knew who had attacked me. Chris Markson. Apparently he was well known to the police. He was the local drunk and a hot-head. They received constant call-outs to his house for domestics but so far they had been unable to prove anything against him - they weren't even sure if it was his wife or his son, or both, that the neighbours heard him laying into regularly. Of course neither his wife nor son would make a complaint against him. I was glad Edward had heard that bit of information because the police had given me no indication they knew who I was referring to - I think their exact words were "We're investigating a number of leads".

Edward wants to tear the guy limb from limb but I keep convincing him not to and luckily at the moment he is more concerned with being near me and listening out for anything which can help us get away without suspicion. And in that respect the attack worked in our favour. It managed to turn the town's sympathy towards me because everyone felt sick for the amount of damage that had been inflicted.

Over the course of the last week I felt that the swelling on my face had subsided a little, my lips were almost back to fully functioning and I had regained some of the sight in my right eye. The bruises on my body were now yellow and brown and I knew the ones on my face would be the same. I didn't know any of this for certain because I refused to look in a mirror. I was terrified of the thought of looking in the mirror again - I was still trying to recover from the sight of the face that stared back at me last time.

During visiting hours we started to make plans for our escape from the town. We encouraged rumours that had started suggesting that the tragedy I endured had produced a reconciliation between myself and my ex-husband. It was a good excuse for why Jacob was around me so much. And Edward had gleaned from Mr Anders' mind that the school had decided I had no case to answer and they were going to remove my suspension. They were planning on discussing it with me after I left the hospital. It would probably be another two weeks before Carlisle would clear me to return to school, my arm would still be in a sling but I would be able to resume most of my duties. Part of me was excited about returning, I remembered the love I felt for teaching before but then I would remember what it cost me and what it would continue to cost me and I hated the thought.

Because of all these little pieces of luck, our exit strategy was slowly coming together. After my recovery I would return to the school for a couple of weeks before handing in my notice citing post traumatic stress. I would leave and 'move back to Forks with my husband'. Then a month after that Carlisle would be offered a new job somewhere that was too good to refuse.

We still hadn't discussed where we would go from there. Or what would happen with me. I just knew Edward and I would be together and that was all that mattered.

*****

There was a knock on the door. Jacob threw his magazine onto the chair beside and went to answer it. I couldn't see who it was but I knew visiting hours weren't due to start for at least another fifteen minutes. I knew that because I was staring at the clock wishing every one of those minutes would just hurry up. I heard Jacob talking roughly to someone before he turned back to me.

"Bells, there's a kid here from the school who wants to see you. Did you want to see him?"

I wasn't sure why the nurse had allowed him through but maybe they were relaxing the rules because I was almost ready to go home. I would have to check with Edward, maybe we could get some more time together. I smiled as broadly as my twisted face would allow. Then I pulled myself up in the bed, so that I was almost sitting and pulled the blankets higher, ensuring I was as decent as I could get in the hospital gown. "Sure, why not?"

A young man walked into the room. He was maybe sixteen, possibly seventeen, I tried to picture his face from one of my classes. I think he was a junior. He was tall and lanky, probably the same height as Edward but nowhere near as defined. He stooped his shoulders and held his head low, looking at the ground instead of at anyone directly. It was as if he had no confidence in himself. His dark hair was greasy and hung loose and scraggly to his shoulders. He wore a dark long sleeved shirt and long black jeans. He looked sad and defeated.

He shot me an awkward smile and then looked nervously back at Jacob. That didn't surprise me considering Jacob was almost seven foot tall and incredibly muscled - he made everyone nervous. In that regard he was a great bodyguard.

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better, Ms Swan."

"Thank you. It's Cain isn't it?" His name came to me at the last minute.

He beamed at me when I said his name. Then nodded his head and shot Jacob another nervous glance. He pushed some flowers out from behind his back, they looked like they were roughly cut from someone's front yard and were wrapped with a bit of string but I thanked him sincerely for them. I took it as another sign of the turning of the tide in our favour. My favour.

He beamed again at my praise. I remembered he was definitely in my junior class - he sat in the seat behind Edward. "How's school going?"

He shrugged, "Mr Grossman's not as good a teacher as you were." He stared at Jacob again.

"Jake, can you hunt up a vase for me?" I asked, shooting him a look. I could tell Cain wanted to talk to me about something but wouldn't do it while Jacob was in the room.

"Sure, sure." Jake left the room in one fluid movement, throwing his magazine on my bed this time.

Cain's eyes glared at the cover of the magazine. I had no idea what it was about, except that it was full of cars. "Are you into cars, Cain?"

His eyes flicked to my lips when I said his name. "I guess. I mean not really. I like to look at them when they're nice ones but don't really know their names or anything."

I laughed, "Me too."

His head darted around, checking that we were still alone, "Ms Swan?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry about my dad." He dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Your dad?" I didn't understand what he meant.

"Well, he's my step-dad really but I'm not allowed to call him that. I'm sorry I told him about you..." He dropped his head and mumbled the rest.

I realised what he was saying and I knew exactly who his step-dad was. My maternal instinct kicked in, I wanted to protect this boy from ever being hurt the way I had. I could see he had already been broken down. I wondered how many years of abuse he had suffered. "Cain? Does your dad hit you too sometimes?"

He nodded, "But never as bad."

"He shouldn't hit you at all."

He shrugged, tears welling in his eyes.

I patted the bed next to me, he walked over and sat. I touched my hand to his, "What's wrong?"

A tear streaked down his cheek, "They took him away."

"That's a good thing isn't it?"

He shrugged again.

"Cain, the police can help your father. If he is willing to change, they can get him some help and maybe he can learn to control his temper. That would be better wouldn't it?"

I started to wonder if maybe Cain had been put on a loop because he just shrugged again. Jacob came back into the room and Cain leapt back off my bed like he'd been bitten. I saw a slightly puzzled look on Jacob's face.

"I've gotta go." Cain said and wheeled out of the room without another word.

Jacob smiled at me and raised an eyebrow, "Strange kid."

"That's Chris Markson's step-son."

I saw realisation and then compassion in Jacob's eyes. "Aww, poor kid. So does..."

I nodded my head, I didn't need him to finish the question. Yes his step-dad beat up on him and probably his mother too. Jacob looked furious. "Bells, just say the word. One word and he is toast."

"Jake, no."

"You know Edward is dying to as well."

"I know. But no. It doesn't solve anything."

Jacob mumbled something under his breath too low for me to hear, picked up his magazine and stalked back over to his chair on the other side of the room.

Twenty minutes later I was almost beside myself with stress because Edward still hadn't arrived. It was not like him to be late for visiting hours. Even on days he had gone hunting he had without fail walked through the door the instant he was able. And now he was over five minute late. Every time I shifted impatiently on my bed I would hear a chuckle from Jacob but by the time I looked at him his face was impassive.

Finally Edward and Alice turned up with smiles so wide they were actually a little frightening because I could see every one of their razor sharp teeth. Edward leant over and kissed my forehead before going over and joke-punching Jacob's arm. I never, ever, in my wildest dreams could have imagined the friendship the two of them had struck up since being here. The thing was, once they got past the whole werewolf/vampire thing they actually had a lot in common. Cars for one. Edward had told Jacob he could have his pick of any car in the Cullen garage for as long as he was in Fairfield. I think if Jacob hadn't already imprinted, he would have done on Edward in that second. Then there was their love of speed and hunting, although Edward meant animals and Jacob meant vampires which was a little awkward.

I looked at Alice, "So what's got you two looking like the cat who got the cream?"

Alice threw a bag at my feet, "We've come to spring you."

"Seriously? I'm going home today?"

"Well, Carlisle did say you could leave when you felt ready. Alice saw that you felt ready." Edward laughed. His mood picked up in direct correlation with my recovery. Each day I felt, and probably looked, better and he started smiling and laughing more. I enjoyed this new, freer Edward who wore his emotions on his sleeve.

"Come on, Bella. Get up, get changed. Boys - out." Alice was a force of nature when she wanted to be. Edward and Jacob scooted from the room, mock-wrestling each other to try to be the first out. It was so strange that they were both so mature in some respects but in others they were no better than a ten year-old boy. I looked at Alice and saw her face wore a similar expression to mine. She smiled knowingly at me and shook her head. She helped me to my feet and into the private bathroom that was attached to my room. Knowing one of the head doctors and having him cover all your medical fees definitely had its benefits.

Alice helped me into a pair of jeans before pulling my arm gently out of its sling to slide the hospital gown off. She grinned when she pulled out a mass of material.

"What is _that _Alice?" I asked a little bit afraid. This wasn't a t-shirt or a button up shirt. In fact it didn't resemble a shirt at all.

"It's a shirt that will make you look fabulous, without putting any pressure on that collarbone of yours."

She wrapped a piece of material around my mid-drift, slipped a tie that hung off it through a small hole in the side and deftly twisted it and shaped it into a shirt. The end result was a one-shouldered wrap top, although exactly how it worked I might never know.

I smiled at her, "Thanks, Alice. But I hope you're on hand to get me back out of it."

She gave me a sly look, "I don't think you'll have any trouble with that. I'm sure my brother will help out with that."

I blushed when I realised what she meant. "But Jacob is staying at my house."

"I think you'll find Jacob is going out somewhere."

"Where?"

"I don't know. I can't see his future. I can see yours. You and Edward will have an uninterrupted night in tonight."

"Eww, Alice are you spying on us."

"Don't worry I never see anything you wouldn't want me to." She started to walk out of the room, but turned back at the last second and winked, "By the way, you two - hot!" She flipped me the 'okay' sign.

"Alice, sometimes I swear you're worse than Emmett."

"Thank you." She bowed as she swept from the room.

She left me in the bathroom cringing and bright red. Jacob was sent back in to help me out.

"What's up, Bells?"

"Nothing." I said through gritted teeth. "Can we go home now?"

I heard Edward burst out laughing. He was _so_ going to pay later.

*****

By the time I arrived at my house, which was only ten minutes from the hospital I was already tired and sore. I drove with Jacob while Alice and Edward drove in his car. Over the next hour all of the Cullens came to see me at home. There was such a mass of cars and bodies coming and going _I _had trouble keeping up so when I ended up alone in the house with Edward, I wasn't concerned about the neighbours finding anything out.

I sat on the couch trying to think up a suitable punishment for Edward and Alice's_ hilarious_ joke. Edward walked over and sat beside me. He twisted himself so he was sitting against the armrest and then pulled me onto his lap. I leaned back against his chest. The coolness of his body felt good against my collarbone. All thoughts of punishment and revenge disappeared as Edward lightly touched his lips to my sore collarbone. Then he ran his tongue along it gently. I shivered and he laughed lightly against me.

"So, how does it feel to be home?" He asked me.

"To be honest, it doesn't feel like home anymore."

"And what would be home then?"

"Wherever you are."

"I'm here right now."

"Yeah, but it's always cloak and daggers stuff to get you in here. I'd like to be able to walk in the front door holding hands for once, you know."

"Two months and then we can be together forever."

"Mmm, sounds good." I leaned my head further back into him.

He traced his fingers gently over my chest, running from the middle out to my shoulders. I leaned further back into him. He slid his fingers into my hair and brushed it off my shoulder before kissing the crook of my neck.

My breathing started to speed up.

"So, Alice told me I had to help you out of this thing?" His fingers twirled the knot Alice had made.

"Mmm-hmm."

I felt him gently pull at the knot. I was worried it would end up a giant tangled mess but before I knew what was really happening he had it completely undone and it was on the floor. He slipped his hand around my waist and held me for a few minutes, tracing little circles on my stomach with his thumb. I felt my body was battling between desire for Edward and the desire to sleep.

Edward ran his hands gently over my stomach and chest while his lips and tongue kissed and caressed every inch of exposed skin on my neck and shoulder. I groaned against him.

The next thing I knew I was being gently lifted from the couch. But something was wrong, I couldn't see properly. It had been light a second ago. I lifted my head, "Why's it so dark?"

Edward laughed a little, "You fell asleep."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I wasn't going to take it any further anyway. I'm not going to risk that while you still have broken bones."

"Tease."

He laughed and I felt myself being laid in bed. He ran his finger over my broken cheekbone gently. There was no pain but it sent shivers down my spine. It was the first time he had touched that side of my face since the attack. Then he gently cupped my chin and pressed his lips softly to mine. He lifted them again and looked into my eyes, "Tell me if I hurt you."

I nodded, knowing there was no way he would hurt me. His lips found mine again with a little more pressure. I could tell that although the swelling had gone down dramatically my lips were still slightly misshapen, the sensation was different, but it was still enjoyable. Finally he pulled away and laid his head on the pillow next to mine.

"Tease." I said again as he wrapped me in his arms and hummed my lullaby.


	14. Audi

**Chapter 14: Audi**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

I woke the next morning a little sore. Being in my own bed again meant being free to roll from side to side without hitting the metal sides of the hospital bed. I assumed the pain meant that I had been pretty fitfull sleep last night because Edward would've restrained me as much as possible but wouldn't have wanted to risk hurting me if I was really tossing. Edward wasn't with me but I found it hard to keep track of the days so I figured he must have been at school. I was surprised to find no note though. Then again, he hadn't been able to leave notes when I was at the hospital so maybe he was just out of practise.

I realised that at some point during the night Edward must have changed me because I was in a pair of my silk pyjamas. My left arm was in the sling and securely buttoned up inside the shirt. I dragged myself out of bed and noticed the smell of bacon and eggs wafting from the kitchen. I wondered vaguely if it would be awkward walking into the kitchen to see Jacob, so much had changed for us and yet here we were living together again. Albeit in different rooms this time.

The smell was far too tempting though, as was the ability to walk around freely again without drips and who-knows-what's inserted into my arm. I walked into the kitchen and met two beaming, expectant faces. I decided it must have been the weekend because Edward was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but a pair of shorts, frying pan in hand and Jacob was sitting at the table wolfing down a large serving of bacon and eggs. Both of them were smiling at me. I looked at the vampire cooking breakfast for a werewolf in the house of a human. I could help the laughter that escaped my lips.

Before the laughter had finished, Edward had put the frying pan down and wrapped his arms around my waist before kissing the tip of my nose.

"What's so funny, love?"

"Nothing, it's just this scene is like the start of a joke, you know a vampire, a werewolf and a human..."

Jake and Edward chuckled.

Edward turned back and dished me up a plate of bacon and eggs.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked serenely.

"You're going to rest on the couch. Alice is going to bring some DVD's over for you to watch soon."

"And you are?"

"Jacob and I are going to do a little panel beating on your Audi. We haven't had time to do it yet, I was just going to put it into a shop but Jacob insists that he wants to do it himself."

I rolled my eyes, "Don't bother."

Edward frowned a little at me, "Why not?"

I shuddered at the thought of even seeing my Audi again. I know I would never be able to look at it again without envisaging being pressed against it, unable to move and my shoulder being pinned to it. "I just don't think I can ever face that car again."

Edward and Jacob shared a cross look with each other. I knew what they were thinking. "No. No revenge. Just let it rest. Leave it with the police."

I heard them both growl lightly in protest.

"And don't you growl at me." I pointed my finger at each of them in turn before stalking off towards the bathroom.

"What about your breakfast?" Edward called from behind me.

"I lost my appetite." I said before slamming the bathroom door. As soon as I was in the confines of the small room I felt my embarrassment bite at me. I hadn't meant to yell at either of them. I felt tears spring to my eyes and I slid down the bathroom door. A sob escaped my lips and I felt the door behind me shake from a light knocking.

"Bella, honey. Let me in?" Edward's voice was soothing. I stood carefully and pulled the door open before throwing myself into his arms. It hurt my shoulder but I didn't care.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know what came over me."

He pulled me back and looked deep into my face before casting me a lopsided smile, "I don't think we're too far off the money on the post traumatic stress claim, that's all. You'll get through this. You're strong enough to get past anything."

I shook my head against his chest, "I'd never be able to get past loosing you again."

He chuckled, "That's a moot point because I'm never letting go of you again."

I touched my head to his shoulder, drawing comfort from his support.

"So were you going to have a shower or did you just come in here to cry?" He asked.

I laughed, "Can you help me with this?" I pointed at my sling.

His eyes filled with lust as a thought passed his mind, "Sure."

He stood in front of me and unbuttoned the shirt of my pyjamas painstakingly slowly, I could see his eyes drinking in the vision of my exposed skin. It didn't matter how many time Edward had seen me naked he always looked at me like it was brand-new. Something to explore and memorise.

He slid my pyjama top off, running his hands down the length of my good arm to sweep the material away. His touch sent shivers through me again. The he reached over and turned on the shower to give the hot water time to heat up. He slipped off my pyjama bottoms. Next he unbuttoned his own shorts.

"What are you doing?" I hissed.

"Helping you in the shower." He grinned back at me.

"But Jacob is right there." Somehow the thought of hoping into a shower with my boyfriend, soul-mate, while my ex-husband with super sensitive hearing was right down the hallway was horrifying.

"Oh, would you like me to get him to help you instead?" Edward teased.

Even I heard the stifled laugh from the kitchen. I mashed my face together to glare at him but somehow that only seemed to make the situation funnier to Edward. Between my face and whatever Jacob was thinking, he was in a fit of hysterics. I shot him one more baleful look before turning on the spot, hoping to glide gracefully into the shower.

Of course nothing for me is graceful and instead I caught my toe on the bathmat and fell. My trajectory would have seen my forehead smash straight into the bath, no doubt landing me back in hospital for another extended stay but Edward's arms were there to gently stop my forward motion. All trace of humour had left him, at least until I glared at him again. Then he smiled, "You can't exactly wash your own hair, not without moving your arm too much."

He was right. I relented and moved over to the shower. I checked and adjusted the temperature. I smiled at an errant thought.

"What are you thinking?" Edward asked.

"Just that I've finally found something I'm better at then you."

"Falling over? We already knew that." He teased.

"No. Setting the temperature on the shower, I don't know what good you thought that arctic blast of water was going to do for me." I turned on the hot tap a little more.

He smiled and helped me into the shower.

*****

The rest of the weekend passed without incident. Alice bought down some DVDs and I was forced to stay stationery on the couch while every member of Edward's family came to see me. Jacob and Edward spent most of the day together in the garage. I heard banging and pounding and grinding. Edward had told me that regardless of whether I was going to keep the car it needed to be fixed, and it would sell quicker if I let them fix it up. I relented but tried not to think about what they were doing because each time I did it made my emotions go haywire.

I woke early on Monday morning alone in my room with a note on my pillow. _Be Safe. See you at 4._ I smiled, it looked like it would be back to the early morning notes and I wasn't going to complain about that. I would prefer to wake up in Edward's arms but this was preferable to waking up with no little reminders of his love.

Jacob handed me a plate of toast with an almost resigned look on his face, "The cooking sucks without the bloodsucker here."

"We can always move in with the Cullen's if you like, that way there is always someone on hand. I know Esme would gladly cook for you every day." I teased.

"Don't tempt me."

"And how would that go down with the pack? Their second in command living with vampires?"

"Actually, they'd probably be jealous after I told them about the food."

A knock on the door interrupted our conversation. Jacob sprung up to answer it, his muscles immediately tensed. He knew none of the Cullen's would be here until after school and he wasn't sure what to expect. I stayed hidden in the kitchen, not afraid as such but not wanting to face anyone just yet either. I was still in my pyjamas and wasn't ready for the world.

Jacob came back into the kitchen with a large smile on his face, "The principal is here to see you."

I nodded and swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat. This was what we had been waiting for. I needed to speak to him, whatever state of dress I was currently in. Jacob had already invited him inside and he was in the small recliner seat in my living room. I walked to the couch and sat down. Jacob sat beside me, wrapping one arm around my waist and holding my hand in his. I didn't mind the actions they were all part of the charade.

"Mr Anders," I nodded to him.

"Bella, I'd like to apologise on behalf of everyone at the school for everything that's happened to you."

I touched my face involuntarily and saw him wince, "This isn't your fault."

"You understand we have to treat these sorts of allegations very seriously, but myself and the school board can see that there is nothing untoward going on between yourself and any of the students."

I nodded. _Don't blush, don't blush,_ was running through my head as a mantra although with my face still showing signs of my attack Mr Anders didn't settle on it for long whenever he glanced at me so I doubted he would have noticed even if I had.

I felt Jacob's hand squeeze mine a little tighter in support.

"We'd like to invite you back to your old position, if you want to that is?"

I nodded, "We both know it's going to be a tough adjustment period though." I warned him. I knew even when teachers were cleared the rumours circled. Two weeks, I told myself, I just need to put up with it for two weeks and then Jacob and I will 'leave'.

"Yes. The school is prepared to deal with any rumours and the students will be warned to be on their best behaviour."

"How soon?"

"As soon as you get medical clearance you can come back."

I tried to smile at him as warmly as I could manage, I knew none of this was his fault – any principal would have done the same thing, in fact others may have done more. "Thanks. I'll be in touch."

He nodded and excused himself.

After he had left I sighed in relief but my sigh turned into a sob and my sob turned into hysterical crying. Jacob was back at my side and had me in his arms in an instant. "It's alright, Bells. It's going to be alright."

I let him soothe me but I started to wonder if it would be.

Jacob and I lounged around the house for the rest of the day until about 2 o'clock when I decided it was probably time to get out of my pyjamas. Jacob helped me undo my sling and help me undress. I was a little bit nervous about him seeing me naked but he just shot me a grin, "Nothing I haven't seen before." I would have slapped him but I knew it would hurt me too much.

At half-past three Jacob grabbed my hand and led me out of the house. "Where are we going?" I asked, anxious to be home at 4 when Edward came.

He rolled his eyes, "We're going to visit the Cullen's. It was all arranged this morning."

"Oh."

Jacob was currently borrowing an MG convertible from the Cullen's garage. It was parked in my garage while my Audi was relegated to the street out front. I tried unsuccessfully to keep my eyes off the Audi as we passed it. I was right about how I would react to the car - as soon as I saw it I started to flashback, visions of everything that had happened to me came flooding into my head and I had to onto the dash to stop myself slipping forward or passing out.

Jacob quickly patted my knee comfortingly and then gunned the car towards the Cullen's. We arrived a little early, Edward's Volvo still wasn't back. But we walked comfortably up to the front door. Esme at least would be here. I didn't even need to knock when she opened the door with a wide smile. She gave both Jacob and I a quick embrace and invited us in. The smells coming from the kitchen were absolutely divine and I was glad because I had someone to share the food with today. Someone who wouldn't turn their noses up at the smell and look revolted when I said how nice it was. I knew Jacob's tastes weren't usually as refined as Esme's cooking tended to be but I couldn't see how anyone could dislike anything she made.

I chuckled when I looked at the effort Jacob was making being in this house. The bridge of his nose crinkled and he shivered slightly every few seconds. I knew it was just a natural instinct though, he wasn't close to phasing but with this many 'enemies' around his body was just natural prepared.

He looked at me when he heard my laugh. He knew what it was about immediately, "Sorry, it's just the smell is so much more concentrated here."

Esme came out of the kitchen with a look of disgrace on her face, "We can go back to Bella's if it would make you more comfortable Jacob?"

He shook his head, "No, it's fine. I just gotta get used to it." He smiled a friendly smile at her and she walked back into the kitchen. I wondered what was going on in his head that made him so willing to spend time in the house of those we once considered enemies.

The look of awe and confusion must have been printed on my face because when Jacob looked at me again he explained, "Seeing the way they looked after you, the way the bandied around you when you were hurt, well it made me realise that maybe they're not so bad after all."

"Coming from you Jacob, I'm sure they'll take that as the highest praise." I laughed.

The laugh I heard echoing from the kitchen seemed to confirm my statement.

The door opened behind us and Edward and his siblings walked in. Edward had eyes only for me and I was wrapped in his arms within a second of him entering. He kissed me softly before turning to Jacob, "Yeah, you're not too bad yourself. For a stinking mutt."

He mock-punched Jacob on the arm again and smiled broadly to show he was joking.

Emmett's hand came down on Jacob's shoulder, "You know, if you are a member of the family now, we really should bring you in on some of our games."

I scrunched my eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

Alice smiled, "There's going to be a thunderstorm tonight."

I smiled broadly. This I _had_ to see.

**A/N – Hey everyone! Hope you are all having a good holiay period. I wanted to get this up before Christmas. I am going to try to squeeze in one more chapter before then but I can't make any guarantees because I have a lot of shopping to do & we are going Christmas light watching tonight. So if I don't post before then MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS. If you're wondering what to get me a review would be nice :) **

**I am so close to 100 – can you push me over :)**


	15. Ultimate

**Chapter 15: Ultimate**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

* * *

I couldn't stop the grin that spread widely across my face from becoming a near permanent feature throughout the rest of the afternoon. Alice told us the storm would start just after seven so we had a couple of hours to wait and just enjoy each other's company. It had been so long since I had spent time with all of the Cullen children in one place that I was really looking forward to just spending time with them all. That largely involved watching all the members of the family rib each other while Carlisle and Esme shared some 'quiet time' upstairs, which I could tell by the looks on everyone else's face was quiet only to me.

Dinner was, as always, superb. Everyone sat around the table watching as Jacob and I ate. Jacob grinned at me over his plate of Coq au Vin. He was sceptical when he heard the name but Esme explained it was just chicken and wine, and he seemed willing to give it a try. It looked as though he was enjoying it.

He leaned across the table, beckoning me closer but watching Edward. I wondered what he was doing, I knew it was something he thought was hilarious from the glint in his eye – he always got that look before pranking or play-fighting one of his brothers from the pack. I saw Edward's eyes glide slowly from the ceiling to the table and back again. A silent nod to someone? Jacob?

I decided if Edward was agreeing, I would play along too. I leaned forward across the table towards Jacob. Our faces were inches apart.

"You know what we talked about earlier? It's getting more tempting all the time," he said, winking at me before giving me a quick kiss on the lips. It lingered a little bit longer than a peck but there was no passion or desire, it was like kissing a brother. I knew immediately the words were an innocent referral to our conversation earlier about living with the Cullen's but I saw then what his plan was. I tried hard not to laugh as I turned my eyes down in mock embarrassment.

"Jacob, not here." I whispered, hoping I wouldn't be the weak link in the chain.

Everyone else read something much more sinister into the words and the kiss. They all went ridged as they stared uncomfortably at us. I could tell that on one word from Edward they would attack Jacob. Edward shook his head at them but played the part of jealous the boyfriend well, slamming his hand down onto the table.

"What the hell, Jacob?" He turned back to me, "Bella? What's going on?"

Everyone looked stunned, even Alice - the first real surprise she had received in a long time I would be willing to wager. I wasn't surprised that they had thought the worst of Jacob because, although everyone was trying to get along with him for mine and Edward's sake, they all had a long-standing mistrust of the wolves and, considering my past, with Jacob in particular. But I was surprised Edward's siblings didn't know _me _better. I wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or not. And how did they not know _him _better, I could clearly see the slight tug on his lips as he heard what Jacob was telling him and as he read the concern running through everyone else's minds. Then again, maybe I just knew his face better than anyone else. Surely they should have realised that if Jacob was genuinely propositioning me he wouldn't have been stupid enough to do it in a house full of Edward's family, and Edward wouldn't have left the table intact in his haste to get to him if he'd heard anything that sinister in Jacob's thoughts before he had even said anything.

Jacob and Edward stared at each other for a few more silent seconds and the atmosphere grew thick with everyone's discomfort. At the sight of all the nervous glances, no one sure how to act, I couldn't stop the laughter that started in my chest.

At first it was just a titter that broke the tension as everyone realised that Jacob and Edward had just pranked them. Emmett and Jasper guffawed and slapped their backs – telling them they would think of some payback but Edward just laughed, shook his head and at tapped his temple reminding them he would know it before they did it.

I felt like my emotions had been tugged all over the place today and it felt good to just laugh. So I did.

Before long I was in hysterics and everyone became concerned for me. Especially when I started to gasp for breath and my laughter turned to sobbing again. Edward had his arms around me in an instant.

"Breathe, Bella."

I inhaled as deeply as I could manage and slowly found myself calming in his arms.

"I'm sorry," I eventually choked out.

I heard a soft growl rising involuntarily in his chest, "Don't apologise. No one expects you to be act like nothing happened. Something did happen. If you ever need to talk about it I'm here." He paused. I knew he anticipated my reaction to that. He knew I wouldn't want to talk to him about it because I would have to admit how much pain I was in and I knew my pain caused him pain. His eyes were saddened by this thought. "And if you don't want to, or can't, talk to me about it you know every single member of my family and Jacob are all here for you too."

I nodded and gulped down another few breaths of his delicious scent.

"Are you feeling better now?" I noticed he didn't ask if I was alright. He probably knew the answer to that better than I did.

"A bit. I think I need to take my mind off things. What's happening with this baseball game?"

Emmett looked at me innocently. "Baseball? Who said anything about Baseball?"

I looked between Emmett and Alice, confused. "But you said games and Alice said a storm was coming."

Alice rolled her eyes at me. "We do play other things you know. It's not just baseball."

"Then what?" I asked.

"Fetch," Emmett said, eying off Jacob with a smirk on his face.

Edward started to relax as he saw me interacting more normally with his family. He said, "Not fetch – Ultimate."

I looked at him. "Ultimate? What on earth is that?"

"Like football but with a Frisbee."

Emmett laughed. "You'd be used to catching a Frisbee, wouldn't you dog?"

Jacob let out a low human-like growl but it wasn't really menacing, in fact it almost sounded like he trying to stifle a laugh.

Alice spoke again, "There is a field about 20 miles from here. Bella, Edward will be able to drive most of the way, but he will need to run you a little way – if that's okay with you?"

I nodded, I had complete faith in Edward to carry me the whole way without jostling me enough to hurt me or do any damage.

Jacob decided to drive with us as well. He could easily outpace with the Cullen's if he phased and even running in human form he would probably beat Edward and I in the Jeep, because we had to go around the long way. But regardless of those facts, he wanted to stick with Edward and I. It was obvious the friendship between him and the rest of Edward's family was a little tenuous on both sides. Edward's mind-reading made it a little easier for him to trust Jacob, because he could see there was no ulterior motive, no desire to rekindle our relationship. He just wanted to be there for me – to protect me – as a best friend should. Edward felt he owed Jacob a great debt for saving my life with both Laurent and Victoria. I knew Jacob had shared those stories on Edward's insistence. Jacob had told him how I almost died with Laurent in the meadow and then again when Victoria had caught up with us while we were on our honeymoon. I shivered at the memory. That was yet another in a long line of days that should have been my last.

We had sporadic trouble with Victoria until shortly after Harry Clearwater had a heart attack. Two more wolves joined the pack that night, Seth and Leah. Leah's phasing was a shock to everyone because she was female – the gene was supposed to be passed down through the male line. For some reason, after those two phased Victoria vanished. The pack hunted extensively, crossing deep past the treaty lines but they couldn't find any recent scent of her. They pushed the lines out as far as they were willing to dare for months but still nothing. They thought she must have given up on the hunt but in my heart I always knew that wasn't the case. Jacob agreed with me and was so blindly in love he suggested hunting parties should leave and scour the continent until they found her, but I convinced him that it might not matter. She could be anywhere in the world, literally - there was no distance she couldn't swim if she wanted to. But it was a moot point because Sam refused to send any wolves away from the reservation, worried that doing so might leave the tribe, and me, unprotected. He knew I wasn't Jacob's imprint, but he also knew it would kill Jacob if anything happened to me.

Eventually, I finished school and went away for my first year of college. Jacob convinced me to stay fairly close, so I went to Washington State University. We were constantly talking and planning our wedding while I was away, but Jacob would fret about me and, unknown to me at the time, he and Sam sent two wolves to patrol around the university for a week at a time. By the time I came home for Jacob's graduation, the wolves had become complacent. They still did the patrols, but only because Sam ordered them to as the Alpha. None of them believed that Victoria would attack anymore. After all, she had been silent for 18 or so months and had to know that Edward hadn't been around in all that time. Jacob didn't believe that though, he thought it was only blind luck that I hadn't been attacked yet.

After our wedding we had arranged to spend two weeks in Florida. We stayed near Jacksonville so that I could make a few visits to Renee while I was down there. Being somewhere so sunny had pushed all thoughts of vampires out of my head. Being happily married helped too. Three days into the honeymoon I was still tender and bruised from our first night's love-making when I heard a sound at the glass door that led onto the balcony. We were on the thirteenth floor of the hotel so I couldn't understand the noise. Jacob was soundly asleep in the bed beside me and I had learned that once he's asleep it almost took a jackhammer to wake him.

I crept over to the door to investigate the noise, wondering if it were some kind of animal trapped on the balcony or something, but the curtains were drawn so my vision was blocked. I left the lights off in the room because I could see well enough to not trip over anything, and to be honest if I was going to trip I would do it regardless of the level of light.

As I drew back the blinds, I couldn't see anything, just my reflection smiling back at me. I slowly realised that the reflection staring back at me had eyes that were a little too black and hair that was a little too red and wild and messy. A scream rose in my throat as I recognised Victoria but I stifled it. I knew all she had to do was flick out her hand and I would be dead. But I couldn't understand why she was still after me. I was married to someone else. I had thought that would have been a strong signal that I was not Edward's mate. Of course, back then there was no way to know of the events which would lead me back into his arms.

We locked eyes and stared at each other, me daring her to make the final move she had waited so long for and her daring me to scream, to panic and give her some of the vengeance she felt she was owed. She wanted me to suffer. She wouldn't kill me until I screamed. She would torture me for hours if it was necessary. I could see all of this written across her features as she reached her hand forward and snapped the lock off the door before pushing it open. It was a combination of almost silent sounds, as was the gasp that escaped my lips but somehow it was enough. I heard a ripping sound from behind me and fell to the floor just as Jacob sailed through the air above me in wolf form. He caught Victoria's shoulders and sent them both tumbling off the balcony.

I knew there was no way Jacob could have survived the fall. I sat sobbing for my loss - the pack's loss - as I waited anxiously for Victoria to climb back up the outside of the hotel and try again. This time I would have no protector. I would be alone and hers. Eventually, I almost calmly resigned myself to the fact. I hadn't been enough to hold Edward and suddenly Jacob was gone because of me. I almost welcomed death at that point. I stood, slowly moving back towards my dresser and changing clothes. For some reason, my brain decided that if I was going to meet her again it would be on my terms. I was not going to die in my pyjamas.

I waited an hour, then six, then twelve. My anxiety was through the roof. I had no one to call and no one to confide in. Eventually, after twenty hours had passed, I realised I could at least let the pack know what had happened. So I called Emily. I knew she wouldn't be able to do anything to help me, but at least she might be able to pass along the news of Jacob's passing to Sam and the rest of the pack. That was, if they didn't already know. I always imagined they would feel the absence of one of their members immediately and profoundly.

Emily must have noticed the out of state number, or maybe Jacob had given her our number in case of an emergency but she picked it up and greeted me without waiting for an explanation of who was calling. "Bella, it's alright. Sam just called me, they are getting close to where Jacob is now. Jacob's driving her towards them."

My mind raced as it listened to this sentence. The small pieces clicking slowly into place. Jacob was alive. Relief flooded through me. Sam and the pack were closing in on them. I hung up the phone without saying a word. I didn't know if I had it in me to talk. Another twenty-four hours passed - almost two full days since Victoria landed on my balcony and I still hadn't slept a wink - when Jacob limped into the room and pulled me tightly into him, adding more bruises to my collection.

When I asked him what happened, how he had woken when the noise had been so silent and how he survived the thirteen story fall, he said the smell had woken him, the instinct to protect against vampires was hard wired into his body so the tiniest scent could wake him and then he told me it was amazing how low the impact of such a large drop was when you had a vampire break your fall.

I couldn't stay in the hotel after that so we packed up to spend some time at Renee's. I stared in wide-eyed shock at the 'sink hole' that had 'somehow' opened up in the ground outside the hotel. The city officials were still debating what caused it and the best way to fix it.

I came back to reality as I felt the bumping of the jeep slow. I found it slightly odd that I could look back on my near-death experience at the hands of a vampire without the level of horror that my flashbacks of the assault caused. I wondered if it was because I was calling this memory to me, my mind prepared for the pain and horror I had suffered, whereas my flashbacks came unbidden and unexpected.

Edward pulled me gently out of the car and pulled my up onto his hip. He balanced me there the way mothers often carried young children. The position allowed my arm and sling to rest in front of me without grinding against him as he ran.

"Tell me if you feel any pain," he whispered to me. "Anything."

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. He took off and I felt the cool wind blowing against me. It felt good. It felt natural, even though we were running at an unnatural speed. I could hear Jacob behind easily keeping pace, I knew that meant Edward wasn't running at his full speed but I was still surprised by just how fast Jacob could be in human form. But being fast didn't mean he could get oxygen quite as efficiently as he did in wolf form so he was soon panting a little, but again it was nothing unmanageable. It was as if he had just sprinted to the letterbox and back.

We hadn't run for very long before Edward slowed and rested me back on the ground. "All okay?" he asked.

I nodded. I was getting a little bit tired and I could kill for some Tylenol but nothing was going to make me miss this game.

The clearing Alice had found was at least twice as big again as the one in Forks. I wondered how these places existed without the humans in the surrounding area knowing. Then I wondered if maybe the Cullen's helped nature a little with the clearing of these areas. I knew they would never do wholesale environmental damage, but maybe moving a couple of trees here and there. I made a mental note to remember to ask Edward about it later.

The teams were sorted relatively quickly. It wasn't even discussed before it was decided that Edward and Jacob would be on one team. Jacob would be playing in human form which would make him slightly slower and a little more vulnerable than everyone else but he would be strong enough to keep up. Like a freshman playing on a senior's football team. Emmett captained the other team. Emmett insisted that Alice be on Edward's team because she was useless to him without her visions, she stuck her tongue out at him but agreed. I knew she wanted to make an effort with Jacob considering two of her three favourite people in the world were so close to him. Esme rounded out their team. Which left Jasper, Carlisle and Rosalie with Emmett on the other team. And me to referee.

I had no idea of the rules of the game but Edward told me that was okay because the game was never played with referees anyway. It was played using a gentleman's code.

Once the teams were settled, we waited. The first strike of lightning to rent the air was like a starters gun and the game proceeded.

I sat on the ground to watch the game and was as thoroughly enthralled as I was confused. The bright yellow disc they were playing with whizzed from one end of the field to the other. Each time someone caught it they froze on the spot until hurling the disc away and blurring in my vision again. It was only that I could see the disc floating on the breeze and hear the thundering crashes when people collided that I really even knew a game was happening.

After an hour of watching, utterly engrossed in the game, I saw the disc come sailing towards me. It landed softly on the ground a few feet away. I watched as Edward jogged over from the game, his hair completely wind-swept and a wide smile on his face.

"Having fun?" he asked as he bent to pick up the disc.

I nodded. "It's interesting. Who's winning?"

"We're up, just, but to win its first to get to sixty with an eight point lead, or whoever gets to 68 overall."

I looked at him. "Those are odd numbers? Who thought of that?"

"Well, traditionally its 15 with 2 points or 17 but the games over too quickly then." He flashed me a smile. "So we play it this way instead."

I couldn't help smiling back at him. "So what's the score then?"

"We're at 55, they're at 52, so really it is anyone's game still." He stepped towards me, kissed me quickly on the forehead and then ran full-speed back onto the playing field and it started again.

I heard a time-out called by Edward before he and Jacob huddled to discuss something. Obviously Jacob had had an idea and Edward was agreeing with it because I heard words like "could work" and "go for it" filtering across. I could tell Emmett was frustrated by the one sided conversation that gave nothing away. Suddenly, Jacob turned and ran from the field, disappearing into the forest. Less than 10 seconds later, a giant russet-brown wolf appeared and trotted over to me placing his clothes on the ground beside me.

As he ran back onto the field Emmett shouted. "No fair!"

Edward answered for Jake, "You said you wanted to play fetch with the dog. Now bring it!"

The game resumed at its high intensity. I could often see Jacob leaping for the disc, he would phase to human right before throwing it and phase back again almost instantly. Edward always found the exact spot to be to collect Jacob's throws.

I noticed that Alice was the only one to catch Edward's throws and was always perfectly placed, as if she could see exactly where it was going to go. The longer the play went on the more I started to understand of the game and the more details I could pick out during the flashes of lightning. Esme stood in the ends each time they worked their way down the field so I assumed that was how the goals were scored.

It wasn't much later when the disc stopped and everyone started to head back towards me. The smile on Edward's face, and Jacob's muzzle, told me they had obviously won. Jacob bent forward to pick up his clothes and I patted his cheek in congratulations.

Emmett called from behind, "Wait, Jake, before you change. There's something I've been dying to do since finding out about you."

Edward burst out laughing.

"What is it?" I asked.

Edward still looked amused when he answered, "Emmett's been dying to wrestle with a werewolf."

I felt the blood draining from my face. I didn't want this. I didn't want them to fight.

"Relax, Bella. Our family wrestles all the time."

"Yeah, and Edward always cheats," Emmett called out.

I scrunched my eyebrows to show my confusion.

"He thinks my _ability_ is cheating."

"You know it is. So how about it dog? Fancy a wrestle? I'll even go easy on you."

Jacob did what I knew as his smile at me before leaping off towards Emmett.

Carlisle cautioned Emmett, "Just remember no teeth. You can't get your venom near him, he's not a vampire."

Emmett rolled his eyes once Carlisle's back was turned.

"Ugh, I can't watch," I groaned.

Edward sat next to me and wrapped his arm around me. "You don't have to."

But I did, of course I did. Emmett and Jacob circled each other vicious snarls erupting involuntarily. I knew they were instinctual but that worried me more because the instinct of these two was to kill each other. Edward squeezed me a little tighter, while still being gentle enough not to do me any further injury. "Don't worry, Emmett knows how to hold back enough that he won't do any real damage. It's just his idea of fun. And besides I'll know if it gets too serious. Then Jasper and I will break it up."

Alice sat on the other side of me and grabbed my hand. "How'd you enjoy that?"

I couldn't tear my eyes off the scene in front of me as the wolf and the vampire circled each other. "It was...interesting. I noticed you always seemed in the right place to catch the disc."

"And that surprises you?" It was funny that I could almost hear the raised eyebrow in her voice. It confused me so much I turned away from the scene to look back at her.

"Yeah, you can't see when Jacob's involved."

"Jacob wasn't involved, silly. We decided early on that Jacob would only throw to Edward and Edward would only throw to me. That way I couldn't see whether Edward would catch what Jacob threw..."

"But you could see what Edward was going to do, because there was no wolf involvement."

"Precisely, Bella. There are ways around all problems - you just need to look for them."

I shook my head in amazement. But a sound drew my attention back to the fight in front of me. Suddenly, both Jacob and Emmett leapt at each other. They collided with such force I was surprised Jacob didn't snap in half. They rolled and twisted around each other, each trying to get the upper hand. A few times Jacob got Emmett twisted underneath him and pinned him to the ground but each time Emmett had managed to throw him off. As the fight continued I started to relax, I could see what Edward had meant by Emmett holding back. I knew that he was able to be a lot faster, and probably a lot rougher, than he was now.

At least I relaxed until I heard the sickening snap. Emmett had twisted away from Jacob again, but somehow Jacob's hind leg had been caught underneath him when he rolled and the bone snapped. Edward stood and grabbed Jacob's clothes and Carlisle rushed forward as well.

The look on Emmett's face confirmed that he had not meant to inflict any harm on Jacob, so I couldn't bear him any ill will but I was worried about Jacob. I stood as quickly as I could manage and walked over to the scene. It was painful walking so slowly knowing that Jacob was hurt but I knew it would pull on my collarbone too much to run. And honestly I had seen Jacob receive much worse and that he would heal quickly.

By the time I had walked over to them Carlisle had already set up a rudimentary splint on Jacob's leg. Jacob was smiling at Emmett and demanding a rematch as soon as his leg healed. I shook my head and walked away. Boys!

We walked back to the jeep, Edward helped me through the bracken and undergrowth while Jasper and Emmett supported Jacob between them. It took an hour to pick our way through what Edward had run in a little over a minute.

Despite Jacob's broken leg, I could tell tonight had been a healing experience for everyone. They seemed more closely bonded to Jacob after trying to kill him. _Boys_, I thought to myself again, _I'll never understand them. _But I had seen the same thing with the wolf pack. It seemed the more they tried to kill each other, the closer they became.

As I climbed into the front of the Jeep, I found myself becoming annoyed at Jacob. He had only just broken his leg and already he was probably more healed then me. It wasn't his fault but it annoyed me anyway. Although, as I thought about it I started to smile. Jacob's injury gave Edward the perfect excuse for coming over again tonight. Edward caught my smile and the look in his eyes told me he was thinking the same thing.

We decided that we may as well go straight to my house, we could take the Jeep back and get another car for Jacob later. As we turned onto my street my eyes locked onto the Audi, bathed in light from the Jeep's headlight.

Another flashback hit me, more violent than before. I could feel every ounce of fear I had at the time and saw the boot pressing closer to me. Could smell the stale alcohol on his breath. I heard a pained cry coming from the seat next to me. I grabbed hard onto the dash and tried to breath. I didn't notice the Jeep swerve until I felt the bump as it hit the gutter.

Jacob leaned forward in his seat and put his hand on my shoulder.

I cast a quick glance beside me. Edward's breathing matched my own. "What _was_ that?" he whispered intently.

"I didn't see anything?" Jacob said, his eyes scanning the road for whatever had caused Edward to lose control of the car.

But that didn't make any sense. Edward never lost control of a car, especially not when doing 20 mph in a residential area. I turned to look at Edward to see what was wrong. His eyes were screwed shut and the look of pain on his face made my stomach twist. "What is it, Edward?"

"I just..." he shook his head slightly. "I just heard you."

Jacob seemed confused. "We all heard her. But what happened? Why did you lose control?"

"No, Jake. I didn't _hear_ her... I _heard_ her." He tapped his forehead and looked at me, "What was that?"

"I...I've been having flashbacks. Of, well, of... you know. That was the worst one so far."

"I can't hear you now. It was so vivid." He was speaking to himself. He turned his eyes back on me. "We're going back to my house. I need to speak to Carlisle."

**A/N – And so I did manage to sneak another one on before Christmas :) Hope you enjoyed it. I'll update again as soon as I am possibly able. **

**Oh, and sorry it wasn't baseball but I never said it would be. I just said 'games' :P I've never played Ultimate before myself but it sure looks interesting if you want to see anymore about it try **.org/wiki/Ultimate_(sport)

**And thanks for pushing me over 100 :) but a review never goes astray. They are all great little presents that I cherish.**


	16. Investigations

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Chapter 16: Investigations

_A/N: __All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! A big thank you to my twilighted beta for looking after both this story & Student Liaison :D_

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No one spoke to whole way to Edward's house. He kept glancing at me surreptitiously, as if trying to pick the thoughts from my mind again, which he probably was. When we arrived at Edward's house everyone, rushed out to meet us. They could obviously tell that something was wrong. Edward wasn't supposed to be returning until the early hours of the morning and even then it was going to be without the Jeep. He was supposed to leave it with Jacob and I until Jacob was healed so that we wouldn't be without a car, well except for my... I shivered to stop myself from saying it, trying to hold back the flashbacks.

Carlisle was the first to question us. "Edward, what is it? Jacob?"

"No, Doc, I'm fine," Jacob said, limping out of the car. As I suspected, his leg was already healed enough that it could support a small amount of his weight. But Jasper must have felt the pain he was trying to hide because he walked straight to Jacob's side and helped him.

"It's Bella. And me. And, well I don't know," Edward said, his eyes wide and frantic. He ran his fingers through his hair and paced agitatedly on the spot. It was so unusual to see, because Edward usually froze under stress. I wondered what was causing him to have such a human reaction.

Carlisle paced over to him and put one hand on each of Edward's shoulders. It seemed to have the same effect on him as Edward putting his palms on my face. Edward noticably calmed almost immediately. He dropped his head and took a deep breath before lifting his head back up to meet Carlisle's eyes. "I _heard_ her Carlisle."

Everyone gasped and froze where they stood, halfway between the house and the car. Now _that_ was more typical of how a vampire usually reacts. They knew immediately what he meant by his troubled state.

Carlisle looked between Edward and I. "How? What happened?"

Edward looked over at me, as if silently asking me to fill in the blanks.

"I...I had a... flashback I guess you'd call it... and I think, well I guess, Edward heard it."

Edward was looking at Carlisle and spoke so low and fast I couldn't hear. Carlisle looked shocked.

"What?" I demanded.

Carlisle stared at Edward until Edward closed his eyes and sighed. I knew a private conversation had happened between the two. And obviously Carlisle had won.

Carlisle turned to me. "Edward didn't just hear it in his mind. He saw and felt everything you did. He said he has never had a vision so strong."

That explained the loss of control of the car – even when Edward heard the minds of those men in Port Angeles he still maintained control of his vehicle. It also explained the strangled cry I heard. I realised he didn't want to tell me this because he knew it would hurt me. Just like I didn't want to tell him about how I felt because I knew it would hurt him.

"But why?" I asked. "And why now?"

"Something to do with the accident?" Edward offered.

Carlisle shook his head. "No. Not directly at least. This sounds like it was more a specific case."

"Post traumatic stress?" Edward asked, almost too quiet for me again, but I could tell he was trying to make an effort to keep it at a level I could hear.

"That's an interesting idea. She internalises so much, maybe her mind is subconsciously trying to share it," Carlisle mused. Usually I would be upset being discussed as if I wasn't even there but something in his words registered deep inside me. Was that what had happened? Had some part of me been so desperate to share my pain? Pain I was struggling to keep buried so that I could be strong for everyone else and so that I could get through the next two months.

"Like whatever shields her mind from you broke during the flashback?" Alice asked.

Something in Alice's question or mind made Edward react in wide-eyed wonder. I could tell he wanted to talk to Carlisle about it, but whatever the what's or why's there was only one question that bothered me. "Is it something we need to worry about?"

"I honestly don't know, Bella," Carlisle said. "The last scans you had at the hospital came back clear but maybe you should come back down tomorrow and we'll do another round of tests, just to be safe. I think whatever is happening is more related to why you are silent to Edward than any medical reason. Actually, while you're there we'll check how everything is doing and pin down the timeline better for the school." I hadn't told them about my meeting with the principal. Obviously Edward or Alice had used their talent to get the information.

"She'll start the Monday after next," Alice declared.

Carlisle laughed. "Well ok then, that narrows down the time but I'd still like to double check everything just in case."

"Can I go home then?" I asked. I was beyond tired, needed some pain killers and wanted nothing more than to curl up in my bed. Preferably with Edward.

"I'd prefer if we stayed here," Edward said. "That way we'll be close to Carlisle. Just in case."

I put my foot down. "No, Edward. We're close enough to get up here quickly if we need to. Right now I need my own bed."

He looked like he wanted to argue but nodded his head.

"Then let's go." I was already back at the car and climbing in.

Jacob laughed and the look he and Edward shared told me he'd thought something about me. Probably about how stubborn I was. On seeing it I just folded my arms and stared out the front window, more determined to leave than ever. Jacob was still chuckling when he climbed in behind me.

The drive back to my house wasn't quite as silent. Edward and Jacob were discussing something, but I was beyond caring at that point. I was so tired. I let my head fall back against the headrest of the seat. I must have dozed off because I was woken by Edward's arms wrapping around me before I was gently laid in a bed. He gently changed me out of my jeans and into pyjamas. As I lay still trying to let unconsciousness take me over again some of the word Jacob and Edward had been saying in the car started to filter through my mind. I turned a little of my attention to it, La Push and Harriett had definitely been amongst them. What else was said?

"Edward?" I asked without opening my eyes, I felt too tired for even that.

"Yes, love?"

"What were you and Jacob discussing in the car?"

"I bought Jacob plane tickets to go back to La Push to visit Harriett. I can see how much it's killing him being away from her."

I felt guilty, firstly for being the reason he was away from her and secondly for not noticing his pain. "I didn't even notice." I whispered, ashamed.

Edward chuckled a little. "He's been hiding it very well. I've just seen a few slips here and there when I've been around."

"It's my fault he's here."

"He wants to be here, to support you. You are still his best friend. He's not going for good, but I think we might just have to anticipate another trip or two before this is all said and done. He knows that once we've left town he'll be able to go back to her for good. He's actually a little worried that he'll lose contact with you again so he wants to make the most of the time you have."

I nodded as I let all that sink in. "When?" I asked.

"He'll fly out tomorrow afternoon and be back for the weekend."

I couldn't help the selfish thought that passed through my head wondering what I was supposed to do while he was gone. What if something happened during the day when Edward was at school? I must have seemed thoughtful about something because Edward brushed my hair from my face and whispered. "What is it, love?"

I shook my head a little, he didn't need to know my selfish thoughts.

"Please?" He pressed his lips to mine, it helped clear some of the sleep haze.

"What am I going to do?" I knew I wasn't an invalid, I would be able to do things around the house but part of me was still scared of being alone. The last time I was alone didn't work out too well for me.

Alone.

I shuddered with the thought and felt myself slipping. I gripped the sheets between my fingers trying to hold onto reality as I felt the flashback start. They seemed to get more violent each time, I wondered if the next one would make me lose myself completely. The last real thing I felt was Edward stiffen next to me, confirmation that he was experiencing it too.

_I felt the hand on my shoulder, twisting me cruelly and pushing me into the car, the taste of stale alcohol on his breath filled my mouth until it was all I could taste. Fear rushed through me and I heard myself utter the words that had sealed my fate. "I haven't done anything wrong." I felt the impact on the right side of my face. _

I found myself coming back to reality, sobs wracking my chest. Edward sat up and pulled me close to his chest, his breathing was as laboured as mine.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong," he whispered to me stroking my hair and rocking me like a child as I sobbed against him.

"I don't want to be alone," I murmured back.

"You won't be. I'll be here while Jacob is away. I promise I will not leave you alone."

I pushed my face closer into his chest. It actually made my cheekbone ache a little but I wanted to be as close to him as possible. I didn't care how he was going to pull off being here for the rest of the week; I knew he would be careful. Right now all I could think of was him. I wanted, no needed, him. I used my good hand to pop the buttons on his shirt. I needed to remove all the barriers between us and just be with him.

He seemed to sense what I needed, or perhaps he just needed it too. As soon as the last button was undone he slid the shirt down off his arms and then helped me out of mine. He laid me gently back onto the bed and stripped off my pyjama bottoms and panties, and his pants. He pulled himself beside me and lay as close as he could without hurting my shoulder or side. He nuzzled his face into my neck, surrounding himself in my scent. He kissed my neck before moving his mouth up to my ear. I felt his breath tickling through my hair. He kissed the spot behind my ear and trailed kisses very gently across my cheekbone before forcing his lips onto mine with a slow urgency I had never felt from him before. He needed me as much as I needed him. I kissed him back with the same intensity.

We came together slowly; it was not about passion just a deep-seated need to be close to one another. Edward pulled us close, so there was no space between our bodies but remained cautious of my broken bones and injuries. We found a deliberate and measured rhythm together, maintaining constant eye-contact and communicating our need for each other without words.

Our rhythm built slowly towards a crescendo, crashing down through both of us as we gripped each other tighter still. Edward bent his forehead down onto my right shoulder, resting there as his breathing slowed. I reached my hand up into his hair and held him tightly to me until I felt sleep begin to consume me. I kissed his cheek and let myself drift away.

_We were on our tropical island again. We were standing on the beach hand in hand. When I looked at Edward his face was set into his lopsided smile. We stood staring out over the ocean silent and content just being near each other. He turned towards me as if I had spoken to him and watched me for a second before stroking my face gently and laughing a little. "Me too, love." _

Edward was lying next to me when I woke up in the morning. He was only wearing a pair of shorts. He hadn't dressed me again while I slept. He took my hand in his and pressed it to his lips before smiling serenely at me. "Do you want breakfast or a shower first?"

"Are you going to help me in the shower?"

He nodded. "Naturally."

"Then I think breakfast first," I teased.

He looked mildly disappointed until I kissed him sweetly. The needful love last night had been like a soothing balm on my soul. But now I wanted some fun. I jumped out of the bed and raced to get my bathrobe. I wrapped it around myself and walked straight into the bathroom. Edward was right behind me, pulling the door closed behind us. I pulled the bathrobe off and hung it on the back of the door.

I felt Edward's eyes roaming over my body and heard his breathing speed. I turned slowly back towards him and heard him utter a low growl which made my stomach tighten. Edward turned the shower on before helping me out of my sling. He waited as I checked the water temperature, he actually had it spot on this time, I should have known it wouldn't take him long to figure out exactly the right temperature for me.

Once we were both under the running water Edward gently rubbed shampoo through my hair and rinsed it out before repeating with my conditioner. As he rinsed each one out he ran his fingers down the length of my neck. The cool of his fingers perfectly offset the warm of the shower and I shivered with pleasure. He grabbed my sponge and squeezed little of my body wash onto it. I leaned back against the wall as he ran the sponge up my arms and over my body. I felt my skin tighten as he reached my chest and stomach. As the water washed the soap away, I felt his lips touch my skin, burning me with their coolness. He pulled my waist into his and I felt his hands moving over my body. One slid up my back until it was resting at the base of my skull, supporting my head. The other slid down to run over my thighs. I gasped when I felt his cold fingers slide across my most intimate areas and moaned as they entered. I leaned into the arm that was supporting my back and head and allowed him to explore as deeply as he needed to. His lips found mine and he slid his tongue into my mouth, pushing further until he felt me reaching my climax. He growled against my mouth and the sound was enough to push me over the edge. He supported me as my legs became shaky and gave way underneath me. He kissed my forehead and smiled. "Good morning."

"If only they could all be so good."

"Soon, love. Soon."

He dried me off before disappearing and bringing back some jeans and a shirt for me. He helped me back into my sling and into my clothes before sliding into some fresh ones himself. He must have been sneaking some down here each night when he stayed.

We walked out to the kitchen. Jacob was already seated at the table, eating a bowl of cereal. He looked over at me. "Nice shower?" He chuckled.

I dropped my eyes and blushed heavily which made Jacob laugh more.

I grabbed the cereal out of the cupboard, by the time I put it on the bench Edward had already got me a bowl and the milk.

"What time are we due at the hospital today?" I asked Edward, partly trying to change the subject but also because I figured he would have spoken to Carlisle while I slept.

He held up a finger to me as he pulled out his phone. He had a quick conversation and then hung up again. "Carlisle says anytime around 10 will be fine, he'll fit us in from there."

I was confused. "Why didn't you call him while I was asleep?"

He smiled shyly at me. "I just couldn't let you go."

Jacob made a slight choking noise behind me. I knew it must be hard for him, not seeing me with Edward specifically but just being around our kind of love when his version of love was so different and so much more complicated. Which reminded me. I turned to look at him. "Jacob, Edward tells me you're going back home?"

His smile beamed, then his face fell. "I don't have to if you need me here," he said.

I sat at the table and laughed. "I'm sure I can manage for a few days without you, Jake. Besides I think it'll be good for you."

He leaned across and kissed me on my good cheek before rinsing his bowl in the sink and throwing it into the dishwasher. He had a slight limp but was walking and had his full weight on his leg. Obviously it had been a neat break and knitted together easily.

"I see the leg's better." I shot at him between mouthfuls of cereal.

"Yeah, it's amazing what a good night's sleep can do."

"I hate you, you know," I told him. Edward laughed from beside me.

"Sorry, Bells. I'd help you heal faster too if I could." He leaned against the bench.

"I know." I finished my breakfast and put the bowl in the dishwasher.

"Well, I'm going for a quick shower before we need to leave." Jacob said throwing me a quick glance.

"Have fun," Edward said before bursting out laughing a second later. I wasn't going to ask what it was that Jacob had thought that was so funny. I'm sure I could imagine.

I grabbed Edward's hand and pulled him over to the couch. He sat first and I leaned up against him. He wrapped his arms around me as I flicked on the TV, trying to waste some time before we needed to go to the hospital.

Carlisle greeted us as soon as we all arrived at the hospital. He explained he had a range tests that he wanted to try and it was probably going to take a couple of hours. Jacob's flight was due to leave at 3 p.m. but we had bought his bag with us to be on the safe side.

Edward seemed to tense when Carlisle started to explain the range of tests he was doing. I knew Edward would understand more than I did because he had studied medicine but this seemed more than that. "Do you think that's absolutely necessary, Carlisle," he asked.

"I think it is the best way to determine what changes are happening that could be the cause."

"What are you two talking about?" I demanded.

"Carlisle wants to do all the neurological tests twice. Once while you are in a relaxed state and the second while exposing you certain stimuli, to try to duplicate the results."

"You mean things that will make me have a flashback."

"Yes, Bella," Carlisle answered. "Obviously I'm not going to make you do anything you are too uncomfortable with but I think it would give us the most accurate test results."

I wasn't looking forward to reliving my flashbacks multiple times today but I could see the benefit in it so I nodded.

Carlisle called in a nurse to arrange my hospital gown and get me settled into the radiology area. He told us that Alice was going to swing past the hospital to come and help me if it was getting too late and Edward needed to take Jacob to the airport. It still wasn't wise for Edward to be supporting me on his own.

For the next few hours, I was moved from machine to machine, some were checking my head for our own private investigations, others checking to see how my collarbone and cheekbone were healing. I also had blood drawn to see how my body was coping without my spleen.

I was wired up for an EEG which was the last test before starting again. It was time for Jacob to go to the airport but Alice brought Jasper with her to drive Jacob up. Apparently, she had a vision of Carlisle worrying about the accuracy of the results because Edward hadn't been there to verify that he could _hear_ me while I was having the flashbacks. Edward had to stay, and I wasn't going to complain, except that I didn't want him to have to suffer with me during the flashbacks. But, since the purpose of all these tests was to find out if the fact he could hear me was something to be concerned about, it seemed best to make them as accurate as possible.

Carlisle explained that he had left the EEG for last because of the time it took to set up the sensors properly. Finally, I was hooked up and he did the tests, normally the first time. Then came the time to do the flashback part. Luckily, there were only two tests he wanted to repeat under those conditions; the EEG and the MRI.

Edward walked in front of me and looked into my eyes. "I know it's hard, Bella, but we need you to do this. We want to make sure it's not a product of a small bleed or clot which could..." He trailed off. I knew enough to know that a blood clot in the brain could have deadly results.

"How do I do it?"

"Think about what has happened the last couple of times. Last night you seemed to react to me telling you Jacob was going back to La Push." I was glad Jacob was already gone – he didn't need the guilt of that on his conscience. I nodded at what Edward was saying. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, steeling myself up for what I knew had to come if this was successful. I allowed pictures of my Audi to fill my mind. I tried to remember the pressure of the car under my shoulder. I felt the moment it started to work. It was as if I was slipping back through time to relive the events over. I shifted my hand to grasp on Edward's hand so I wouldn't lose myself.

_I was pinned up against the car, the boot was pressing into my shoulder, his breath beat down on me hot and stale. His full weight was on me. I felt suffocated, I could get the air I needed. His face was inches from mine. "Go spin your lies somewhere else, slut."_

I snapped my eyes open. Edward's face was twisted into a mask of fury. I reached my hand out and stroked the side of his face. "I'm sorry you have to see this, Edward," I told him.

He looked into my eyes. "I'd be delighted for the view into your mind if only it wasn't so..." I could think of a number of different ways to finish that sentence, obviously he could too, but none of them seemed bad enough. The first time I had experienced the attack, I had been lucky enough to forget most of it but now having to relive it again and again, I found it was becoming etched into my memory.

We repeated the process with the MRI, only this time Edward couldn't hold my hand. As I felt myself slipping, I had no grip on reality. I wondered if I would make it back.

I shuddered back to reality after the most violent flashback yet, me crawling along, inching forward, trying to find help. I heard the microphone click on and Edward's voice came over. Carlisle was pulling some major favours today it seemed.

"Bella, love. I know this is going to be hard, but we were wondering if you can have a similar flashback with another event."

"I haven't yet," I replied, I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear me or not.

"Can you try. We want to find out if there is something about this event in particular that is causing this."

I tried to think of the worst things that had happened in my life. I thought about the night Victoria returned again but it still didn't cause me to have a flashback. I ran through the events that happened with James, again...nothing. I tried to think of any other event in my life that had caused me so much pain. One flashed quickly into my mind but I tried to push it away. I didn't want Edward to see that one. I felt myself crashing under the weight of the pain, and had nothing to grab to hold onto reality as I fell backwards.

_I was standing in the forest, Edward stood across from me. I knew something was wrong, I had known it ever since the night of my birthday party. _

"_You... don't... want me?" I asked. _

"_No." Edward's face was hard, his normally liquid eyes were frozen solid. I couldn't see any contradiction in his eyes or face. He meant what he said._

"_Well, that changes things," I said calmly, my body ignoring the words that he spoke, trying to protect me from the impact. _

"_Of course, I'll always love you... in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time to change. Because I'm..._tired_ of pretending I'm something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."_

"_Don't." I wanted to scream at him not to leave but I couldn't, my voice was broken and pitiful. "Don't do this."_

_I couldn't see any of the love I thought had existed between us when he said, "You're not good for me, Bella."_

_The words were confirmation of exactly what I had always known – I wasn't good enough for him. There was no emotion on his face as he waited for me to respond. I forced the words out, "If...that's what you want."_

_He nodded once, a hard nod that shattered everything. The conversation continued but I couldn't follow it. I couldn't breathe. I knew this memory wasn't right, I knew the truth behind it know but it didn't stop me feeling every ounce of pain and rejection I had felt at the time. _

"_Goodbye, Bella."_

"_Wait!" I tried to reach out for him but I couldn't carry myself forward. His cold hands locked around my wrists and pinned them to my sides. He leaned down, and pressed his lips very lightly to my forehead for the briefest instant. My eyes closed._

I opened my eyes, I was still on the table getting the MRI. I still had the feeling of the hole in my chest. I couldn't get enough air and being in the claustrophobic tunnel didn't help. I started to scream, begging to be let out. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I felt the table shift and slide out of the machine. Instants later, I was being pulled into an embrace by Edward. His breathing was as ragged as mine and he had his eyes squeezed tightly shut as he rested his forehead on mine.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry," he muttered, his voice sounded like he had been crying and although I knew it was impossible I could have sworn I saw a pooling of water in the corner of his eye.

I heard the door open and then Carlisle's voice. "I think that's enough for now. I'll start to analyse the results. Alice, can you take Edward and Bella back to her house."

I couldn't let Edward go without saying something. "Edward, I'm sorry you had to see that."

"I did that, Bella. You suffered that because of me. Seeing, feeling, it for myself... I'm sorry."

I pulled him into me, kissing him fiercely, trying to erase the memory for both of us.

Alice cleared her throat. "Not in public please. Not while we are so close to our exit."

I nodded. "Let's go home. Please."


	17. Matrimony isn't a dirty word

**Chapter 17: Matrimony Isn't a dirty word**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_~ 0 ~_

The time while Jacob away was in a word, heaven. Edward's family stayed away from school on the pretext of 'camping' so that Edward and I could have some private time without the school becoming suspicious of his absence. And they decided to take the opportunity to go on an extended hunting trip so none of them could drop by and visit. Which meant I had 72 hours of nothing but Edward.

I was a little worried at first because I wasn't sure how he would react after what he had seen in the last flashback I had, where he had discovered the depth of the heartache I felt when he left. But surprisingly that had been beneficial to our relationship, drawing us even closer together. He questioned me over it for a little while, talking about why I felt as I did, that I wasn't good enough for him. And we took the opportunity to air some of the issues we had felt at the time and probably still felt now. It was healing for both of us. I think for the first time ever Edward understood the true depth of my feelings for him.

The only exception to my uninterrupted time with Edward was when Carlisle dropped around the morning after we did the tests to discuss the results. He couldn't find any specific medical reason for why Edward shared my visions while I was having flashbacks but not at any other time. He hypothesised that it had something to do with the reason for the visions themselves. He found a slight enlarging in certain regions of my brain which seemed to stimulate the visions. This section went into hyper-drive as soon as the flashbacks started. He managed to get the scans from the hospital in Forks from after my near-death experience with Tyler's van and compared them against the most recent ones and that's when he noticed the swelling. But he didn't think it was a cause for alarm.

In short, we had no more answers than the day before, except to know that something that happened since the van incident to cause the flashbacks, and since they only started after the attack he deduced that some of the damage I incurred as a result of that had caused it. He also confirmed that I would be healthy enough to start back at school Monday week, just as Alice had predicted, so long as I took it easy. I called the school right after he left and informed them. Which meant that our exit plan had officially kicked into action. I couldn't help smiling at that.

But it did leave Edward and I with a few things to discuss.

"I want you to turn me." I said to him over my sandwiches at lunch time after Carlisle left. We'd touched on the subject a little bit the night before. Edward had explained again the reasons he left and his concerns over my soul. It felt like we were finally ready to have a conversation about it rather than an argument where neither side would back down like we used to in Forks.

"Are you sure about that? What about teaching and school? What about everything you'd have to give up?"

"I've already told you, I don't want any of that if it means giving _you _up. I don't know if I will be able to pass for a high school student or not, but at very least I can go to college a few more times. After I've settled into the life I mean."

"After you stop wanting to drink the blood of all and sundry you mean?" He grinned sardonically.

I smiled sarcastically back at him. "Well, yeah I guess if you want to put it like that. But, you know, it will mean that for at least a year or two you will have to be constantly at my side to ensure I don't slip." My smiled turned sly. "In fact, you might even have to physically restrain me."

He caught the double meaning behind my words but suppressed the look of lust in his eyes relatively quickly. "And the loss of your soul?"

"You don't know it will cost me my soul. Besides there are no guarantees of anything more for me anyway. Who knows what exists after this life for any of us? I know Carlisle is deeply religious and believes all this, and I know you are too to a point. But I was never raised to believe in heaven and hell. I can count on one hand the number of times I have been in a church, it just wasn't Renee's style. So I could stay human and there might be nothing after this for me anyway. I won't give up forever with you on that gamble."

His jaw was clenched tight, he wanted to argue. I could almost read the arguments he constructed written on his face.

"I know you will say I'm too good not to have a soul and that there must be something more for someone like me," I paused waiting for him to answer but he just smiled his lopsided smile which told me I was spot on the money. "And maybe that's true, maybe that's not. But I look at you and feel the same way. If there is a heaven how could anyone deny you a place there with all the good you have done in your life? All the sacrifices you have made?"

"I've been selfish too," he whispered. "I mean look at this, look at us. I am talking about stealing your life and you tell me I'm good?"

"It's not stealing if I give it willingly. And I would take eternity in hell if it meant just another few years with you." I walked around the table and climbed onto his lap.

He wrapped his arm around me as I pressed myself into his chest and inhaled his glorious scent, "Bella, how did I ever deserve you?"

"Ditto." I smiled.

_~ 0 ~_

The countdown to my return to school was on and somehow the days just kept disappearing. Edward was now an almost permanent fixture at my house, sneaking out in the early hours of the morning and back shortly after dark. As well as an afternoon visit with himself and at least one other sibling, usually Alice. Pretty much the only time I didn't see him was the few hours he was stuck at school. The days he brought Alice down with him were the best because I got to spend time with both my best friends and my soul-mate. After the hellos and general chat Edward and Jacob would go occupy their time with some boy stuff, no doubt something to do with the cars and Alice and I would sit and talk. She pulled me aside one day and told me I would be stunning but wouldn't elaborate. I assumed she meant once I was immortal so I didn't push her further.

On the Wednesday before I was due to return Jacob subtly asked me to join him in town around the time Edward was due over. He said he needed to go shopping. I deliberated for a moment before deciding I would join him. Alice would let Edward know and if we weren't home at exactly the same time as him, he would wait at the house – he would have no problems letting himself in. I realised I needed to go into town eventually. I couldn't hide in my house and avoid the area forever. Especially not if I was going to return to the school. We took the Jeep, which we still had. The...my old car, had been moved from its position on the street in front of my house. I think Edward took it back to his house, or maybe he sold it, I couldn't care less so long as it wasn't there to remind me of what happened.

We drove to the store and Jacob jumped out while I waited in the car. I may have come into town but I wasn't sure if I was ready to leave the car just yet. When he got back in he kept glancing nervously at the clock. Jacob started to drive randomly around town. I screwed my eyes shut as we drove into the street with the post office on it. I was determined I wouldn't have a flashback. I gripped hard onto my seat, trying to hold onto myself with all my power. My breathing started to come in pants. I felt the world slipping from around me.

_My back was pressed against the car. My view was obscured by his face. "I said - if it isn't the slut teacher who likes fiddling with kids."_

"_No." I said, "It's not like that."_

"_Yeah? Well my son told me all about you - you sick fuck. People like you don't belong in our town."_

_I lifted the handle on my car door and leant forward, trying to open it but he slammed it shut before I even opened it an inch._

"_Please," I begged quietly. "Let me go."_

_He grabbed my ponytail and yanked it backwards._

I screamed and tried to fight off the arms that were clutching me now. I couldn't move one of my arms, it was being pressed against my body by a rope that went around my neck.

"Bella, calm down. It's alright. I'm here. Relax." Jacob's voice ran through my head and I opened my eyes. I was safe in the car. I tried to steady my breathing. "I'm sorry Bella. I didn't even think. I'll take you home." Then under his breath he muttered, "He's going to be pissed. I hope Alice warns him."

I had obviously been crying and my throat was hoarse so I must have been screaming. Something from my flashback kept running through my head, "My son told me all about you." Following it was Cain's voice from the hospital, "I'm sorry I told him about you." I wondered why those two pieces of information were currently chasing themselves around my brain. It felt like there was something I was missing but I couldn't figure out what it was. Then what Jacob had muttered snapped me out of my reverie.

"What's he going to be pissed about, Jake?"

"I wasn't supposed to take you home just yet," he admitted sheepishly.

"Why not?" I was suspicious now, "What's going on?"

"Nothing," he held his eyes steadfastly on the road ahead of him.

We rounded the street to my house but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He pulled into the garage and helped me out of the car. Alice came tearing out of the side gates. "He's not happy, Jake. You were supposed to give us another fifteen minutes."

"What can you do in fifteen minutes?" He asked.

Alice rolled her eyes at him, of course there was lots a vampire could do in fifteen minutes.

"I'm sorry, but she had another one. I didn't want to keep her away."

I got frustrated with the two of them talking about me so I walked past them and through the gate. The front door was standing open when I got to it. I turned to see if Alice and Jacob were following me but they weren't. I thought they must have still been arguing but I heard the Jeep start and pull back out of the driveway. I stepped over the door to my house and gasped. The door shut behind me but I couldn't make myself turn to see Edward, who I knew had shut it, because in my living room were hundreds of bouquets of wild flowers, each one pressed into florist blocks and sitting on the floor. Every inch of the carpet was covered in them.

"They're all the different types of flowers from our meadow." I heard Edward whisper in my ear. "Had I been smart enough to not leave you. That's where I would have done this."

"Done what?" I asked as I turned to look at him but he was gone. I heard him chuckle behind me. I turned back around and Edward was kneeling in front of me surrounded by the sea of flowers. His hand was extended and in his palm he held a box which was open to reveal a ring. The ring had an oval face and was set with many small diamonds. The smile on his face melted my heart.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you have asked to join with me forever in my life. I am honoured by the request. I ask one small favour in return. Be my wife?"

I didn't know what to say. I'd already suffered through a messy divorce, did I want that again? Then I had a thought about what would happen if this ending in divorce after I was changed into a vampire - talk about messy divorces. I couldn't stop the laughter that rose in my throat.

Edward's hand dropped a little. "You're laughing at me? I asked you to marry me and you're laughing at me?"

I shook my head. "No."

I couldn't squeeze out any more words because my chuckling had disintegrated into hysterics again.

"No, you won't marry me?" Edward seemed concerned I wasn't sure whether it was because of what he thought was my answer or because I was currently gulping down air to try to force it into my lungs.

He pulled me gently down into him and continued downwards until he was sitting cross-legged on the floor and I was on his lap against his chest. I finally calmed down enough to ask. "Why now?"

"Why not now?" he asked, his voice pained.

I thought about it, and he had a point. If we were going to be gone in just over a month and a half, and then if I was going to become immortal after that, there was no real reason to wait-to get engaged at least. The wedding could wait until later after all. Part of me just didn't associate the word marriage with the word forever. It was the part that well remembered travelling between Renee and Charlie as a child; and the part that had suffered immensely after the break-up with Jacob. But when I looked into Edward's face, I could see in his eye how much it meant to him.

"This is important to you?" I asked.

He nodded. "I want to be able to say that you belong to me in every sense of the word."

"But I do, regardless of any ties or bonds or promises. I belong to you."

He smiled. "I know. Is it so wrong for me to want to share that with my family?"

"I guess not. And is my being turned conditional on this?"

"No, Bella. You've made your choice clear. I will respect and support that decision, even if part of me is saying it's the wrong one."

"Hmm." I couldn't find one valid reason to say no. I knew I loved him differently-more-than I had ever loved Jacob, and I knew I wouldn't have divorced Jacob had it not been for Harriett. If he hadn't imprinted we may still be happy now. I shivered as I thought how different my life could be now if I was still happily married when Edward crashed back into my life. Seven years of separation and being married to someone else hadn't dulled my love for Edward, if anything it had made it stronger-a more mature love.

"So is that a yes?" I could see the hope in his eyes.

I nodded and then pulled his lips to mine. He kissed me briefly before pushing me back again. "Bella?"

_Oh great, there's more_. "Yes, Edward?"

"Can we do it before you go back to the school?"

I choked on the breath I was drawing and coughed, "Do what?" I knew. I just hoped I was wrong.

"The wedding."

"But, Edward, that's four days away?"

He smiled serenely up at me. "It's just going to be my family and Jacob anyway. I wanted to do it while he was still around. Besides if we do it quickly Alice won't have a chance to go overboard."

I rolled my eyes.

"And I think it would be easier dealing with the thoughts of the boys at school if I know you are mine."

"Edward, I already told you..."

"I know, but you know what I mean."

I sighed. Was I going to regret this? "Fine."

He pulled me into another kiss, more passionate this time. I was so involved in it I didn't even notice the door open behind me until I heard the throat clearing from Jacob and excited squealing from Alice.

_~ 0 ~_

How it went from Wednesday to Sunday I'll never know. but I swear one minute I was agreeing to marry Edward and the next I was sitting in the downstairs guest bathroom at the Cullen's house as Alice worked me over, doing my hair and make-up. A sheet covered the mirror, I think that was so I didn't run screaming from my reflection. I still hadn't been game to look in a mirror even after almost three weeks, I was still in shock over what I had seen that first day. I would have to look today though. I was still in my sling, but Carlisle had given me tentative permission to remove it for the length of the ceremony today on the proviso I would be careful not to jerk my arm. I told him to remind his family about that, exuberant hugging was the biggest risk I faced.

"I'm starting to wish I had waited until I was healed," I said to Alice as she started on yet another layer of make-up.

"Nonsense," Alice laughed. "You wait until I'm finished with you. I already told you this, you'll be stunning."

I sighed. I could hear movement downstairs that meant it was almost time. My leg started to bounce involuntarily. "Relax, Bella," Alice said. "You want this don't you?"

_Did I? _Yes. I did. Deep down in my heart I knew I did. It was why I had rushed into marrying Jacob when I was so young. He was my substitute Edward after Edward left. We did everything the 'right' way, the old-fashioned way. The _Edward _way. I took a deep breath.

Alice left and came back a second later with a dress - my wedding dress. I gulped. The actually design was very simple, just a white satin one-shouldered dress with organza floating softly over the top. The organza twisted across the bust, creating an enhanced line. But as usual the devil was in the detail and there was a _lot_ of detail on this dress. Tiny beads and crystals shaped to look like small flowers covered the right shoulder and the right side of bust. They then crossed over and spilled down the left hand side of the dress, each one individually sewn onto the organza, before encircling the bottom of the skirt. It would have taken days, maybe even weeks, to sew all the crystals on. As I ran my fingers over them Alice laughed. "Esme, Rosalie and I put a couple of hours work into that."

She helped me out of my clothes and sling and into the dress. After she was finished primping and adjusting it, I said, "Okay, so what's the damage."

She rolled her eyes at me. "I told you to relax. You look stunning."

She peeled the sheet off of the mirror and turned me around. I gasped in shock. The grotesque monster covered in make-up that I was sure would be starting back at me just wasn't there. I was _myself_ again, maybe even better than myself. No traces of the bruising existed on my lines, whether because they were healed or because of Alice's artful make-up skills. The only indicator that anything had happened was the slight swelling that remained around my right eye and cheekbone.

"Wow!" I said. "Thanks, Alice. I feel... I don't know... _human _again." I smiled widely and the beauty in the mirror smiled back at me. I could do this. Jacob came into the bathroom. His job today was to walk me down the aisle. We hadn't told Renee about my attack because I knew it would worry her far too much and I could hardly invite her to watch me marry a seventeen year old. Especially when she would know the name Edward Cullen so well. So she couldn't give me away and that left Jacob as my next best option. When I'd asked him he told me 'gladly' with a huge grin on his face, it was almost a shame that I had learnt early in our marriage not to smack him, even playfully.

"Oh, Bells!" He exclaimed. "You look so beautiful."

"Thanks, Jake." I beamed. I didn't think I would be able to stop smiling today.

He kissed me on the cheek and offered me his arm. Alice disappeared to take her position downstairs. We weren't having bridesmaids or groomsmen. There wasn't much point when it was only his family and Jacob standing as witnesses to our love and commitment.

Music drifted into the bathroom, which I knew was our cue to start our progression. I was thankful we were on the ground floor of this behemoth house, there were no stairs to worry about. Jacob walked on my right side and pulled me along. I held onto his arm tightly when Edward came into view, it was the only thing I could do to stop me running headlong into Edward's arms.

I was sure the next day would be one of the worst days of my life, and I felt glad that Edward had suggested this as a lead up to it. He was right. It would be easier to get through everything else knowing he belonged to me.

Carlisle officiated the ceremony. I hadn't known he was ordained but apparently he had married Rosalie and Emmett a number of times. Jacob led me to Edward and put my hand into his. As soon as I felt the cold fingers on around mine I knew this was right. This was what I wanted. _Forever_.

It was time to say our vows. We hadn't written our own but we didn't go traditional either. We had agreed on a simple promise we both knew would be easy to keep. Edward took my hand in his. "I promise you every part of me. All I have, all I am and all I ever will be. Forever. I'm yours."

I said my promise in reply before we exchanged rings and a passionate kiss to seal our promise. The ceremony lasted less than fifteen minutes.

There was no point for a reception, especially as none of his family ate, but we did do a few rounds of photos. Alice again showed off her ability for meticulous planning by taking a number of photos of Jacob and I. We would have looked every part the happy couple with me beaming so widely. She took plenty of Edward and I too, but they would never be seen by anyone outside of these four walls. There were also a few she did on timer of the whole family. Again she placed us all so that if you were looking and didn't know the truth you might think they were celebrating Jacob and I getting re-married.

As soon as everything was over Edward helped me into back into my sling, although he wouldn't let me change out of my dress, something about wanting to do that later. We spent the rest of the day with his family. Alice forced us to do a first dance as a married couple, well forced me – Edward seemed very eager.

After everything was done we were all just spending time together. Edward kissed me and whispered he would be right back. He walked over to where Emmett and Jasper were joking in the corner. Rosalie came and sat beside me, it was obvious from the charade that she wanted to talk and Edward was giving us space, or at least the illusion of it.

"You look really beautiful today, Bella. Even with my eyesight I can hardly see any of your bruises."

Right, I'd forgotten about how perfect their eyesight was and here I'd thought I was looking almost normal to everyone again. The look on my face must have given away my disappointment because Rosalie said, "Sorry, scratch that last part. You look very beautiful."

"Thank you."

"I just wanted to apologise for how I treated you when we first met. See, I hated the fact that you had your humanity and were willing to throw it all away. I still don't think it's a decision I would have made if given the choice but I can see what you give to my brother and what he gives you in return. And honestly, I don't think I could face him forever if you weren't around."

I smiled at her, coming from Rosalie this was a major apology.

She gently stroked my broken cheekbone. "And I'd forgotten that humanity isn't always all it's cracked up to be."

I pulled her into a gentle embrace. "Thanks, Rosie."

I had a little bit of one on one time with all of the family before Edward's arms wrapped around me again and he whispered into my ear, "You ready to go home Mrs Cullen."

"Mmmm, I could get used to the sound of that."

He kissed the back of my neck. "Good."

"But I'll still be Ms Swan for the next few weeks."

He groaned. "I was wrong, I don't know if this is going to be easier at all. Being married to my teacher," his voice dropped to a whisper, "and not able to do this," he licked the back of my earlobe and sent shivers done my spine, "whenever I want."

Emmett laughed. "And not just a teacher, but the teacher who's the fantasy of all the boys at school."

I glared at Emmett, "Not helping."

He laughed even louder. "Seriously - even without Edward's talent I can hear what all the boys are saying about you. They all hope the rumours are true and they get their chance next."

I groaned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, technically I did," Edward protested.

I thought back to our conversation when he asked me to marry him. "Fine you did. But you didn't tell me how bad it was."

He kissed my neck. "Because I didn't want to stress you out anymore than you have been, love."

"Tomorrow is going to be a long day," I mumbled.

"You're right." Edward agreed and I felt my legs disappear from under me and I was already almost at the front door. "So we're going to go home and get you to bed."

Emmett catcalled behind us and I blushed wildly.

"Are you coming, Jacob?" I asked, we were his lift home after all.

"Ooh, a threesome!" I could practically hear Emmett jumping up and down behind me. I closed my eyes wishing for something to make me disappear.

Edward growled back at him. "You know I don't share well."

"Actually, Bells, um, I was going to stay up here for another couple of hours. To give you guys, um, time to... finish."

More catcalls and laughs echoed from behind me. I thought my head might explode from the pressure of my embarrassment.

~ 0 ~

"Welcome home, Mrs Cullen," Edward smiled at me as he carried me over the threshold. He'd driven us around the back and helped me out of the car before ensuring there were no prying eyes and snuck us in through the side gate. Then he'd picked me up and refused to let me out of his arms until I was inside the house.

"It's only home when you are here, Mr Cullen."

"You look so beautiful in that dress Bella. Beautiful beyond my wildest imagination."

I chuckled. "Is it the dress itself or what it represents?"

"Both," he admitted, "You don't know how good it feels to be able to say that you belong to me. That I am inextricably bound to you through marriage."

"Actually, I do have some idea about that."

He put me onto the ground, ensuring my footing was steady before putting his hands on either side of my face and pulling my mouth up to meet his. He kissed me slowly at first, I could feel how hard he was working to control the intensity. He wanted tonight to last. To be special. Which it would be regardless of how long it lasted. Even though we'd had sex before, tonight was different. Our first time as husband and wife. I liked the sound of those two words much more than I ever had when it was Jacob and I.

Edward put his hands to my sides to indicate I should stay where I was and then grabbed one of the dining room chairs and put it a few yards in front of me. His eyes were full of lust at whatever he was planning as he sat on the chair looking up at me.

"Spin for me?" he asked. "Show me your dress."

I laughed but spun slowly on the spot, sashaying my arms like a game show hostess.

"That really does look fantastic on you. But I wonder what it would look like off you."

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

He nodded. Then he raised his finger and indicated I should move closer to him. I took a step, and then another before he held up his hands to tell me to stop. He was close enough to reach out and grab me, pulling my hips into his face. He gently pushed me down into his lap. His hands reached around the back of the dress to the zipper. He pulled that down inch by agonizing inch while he pressed his tongue further into my mouth. I could feel my stomach tightening in anticipation and I could feel him hardening through the layers of material. He pushed and pulled at my hips, grinding me softly against his own. He moved his mouth along the side of my throat and down across my chest. Then he stopped and gently pushed me off of him.

He stood and smiled. "Why don't you sit?"

I sat down in the chair and he knelt in front of me. He picked up my right leg and slowly unfastened my shoe. Then he began to lick and suck his way along the length of my leg and foot as his hands deftly massaged the pads of my feet. Somehow he knew all the magic pressure points and I was writhing on the chair from this simple touch. He gently dropped my foot to the ground and repeated the process on the other leg. Then he helped me to my feet again and pushed on the dress. It fell in a pool around my feet and he helped me to step out of it.

"Dance with me?" he asked as he flicked on the stereo, I recognised the sounds of Chris Isaak's 'Wicked Game'. He pulled my body into him and started to whisper the words into my ear, his breath cool against my flushed skin.

"_The world was on fire. No one could save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you._"

His velvety voice mixed with the already sexy music to cause fires deep within me that only his cool touch could even hope to douse. I knew this song was about not falling in love but the haunting melodies in Edward's voice made me realise it was our song. What a wicked game fate played with the two of us.

I felt a little self conscious dancing in the corset Alice had forced me into, especially as heated and flushed as I know was, but the way Edward kept rubbing his hand along the ties at the back told me he appreciated it. This dancing was completely different to the dancing we'd done at his family's house. There it had been an almost formal waltz. This reminded me more of the movie 'Dirty Dancing', our hips grinding against each other as he gently swayed us back and forth. Slowly his hand began to tug at the knot that kept my corset in place and as he continued to push into me and sway the top of my body in gentle circles. He leaned me back into a dip and kissed my neck. As he brought me up again he released me from the garment.

I had no control over the dance. So I acted to correct the one thing I could control, hastily unbuttoning his shirt. Slowly the dancing became less pronounced and the hip-grinding much more so. He captured my lips again and kissed me hard and passionately. I unfastened his pants and pushed them to the ground. He kicked them off and pushed me back into the chair.

He started on my feet again, before trailing the kisses up over my calves and thighs. He seemed to pause and look wistfully at my panties but then continued to climb further up my body, taking extra care and lavishing extra kisses on all the area that had bruising or were still injured. He pulled each of my nipples between his lips in turn before running his smooth tongue over them. Then he swept his hands underneath me and lifted me off the seat, sliding his body underneath me so I was pinned between his body and the back of the chair.

I pressed my thighs against his cool stomach and groaned loudly at the feeling of his chill. He leaned into me, pressing me against the chair – always exherting the perfect amount of pressure to keep me at the edge of pleasure, especially with his hands on my side and his erection pressing up into me. I wanted him inside me but I didn't want to move. Edward obviously felt the same because an instant later I felt my panties tear underneath his hands and then just as suddenly his own boxers were gone. He lifted my hips and slipped me over him.

There was no urgency or movement. We merely sat, intimately connected, and began to kiss. Whenever Edward thought my breathing was becoming too laboured he would focus on another area of my body, my chin, my neck, my ears, my nipples. After no time at all, or it could have been hours, Edward started to guide my hips to make small movements against him and along his length. This wasn't physical sex, it was emotional sex. We were reaffirming our wedding promise with our bodies. I looked into his eyes and whispered against his mouth, "I promise you every part of me. All I have, all I am and all I ever will be. Forever. I'm yours."

He smiled. "Didn't you already promise me that once today?"

"I wanted to remind you. I don't want you to ever forget it or doubt it. I love you."

He moved his hands from my hips to my face, caressing it ever so gently. "I love you to. And I can't wait until I can shout from the rooftops that you belong to me." Then he pressed his mouth into mine again. As his lips touched mine an orgasm crashed over me. I hadn't even felt the build-up – it was as if his words along caused my body to have that reaction. I broke off the kiss and tipped my head back and groaned with the release. I felt my walls tightening around him and I grunted.

He smiled wickedly at me. "Really?"

I shifted my head forward nodded against his shoulder. He grabbed at my hips a little more roughly and began the slide me up and down against him with more force, pressing himself into me. His breathing became more rough and heavy as he found his way towards his release. I came against his again as his release massaged inside me. Then he turned his head into mine and captured my lips again and we sat still again, with his body growing subdued inside me.

After no time, or it could have been hours more, Edward picked me up, carried me into my room and quickly covered me with blankets. He raced back out of the room was gone for about ten minutes and then came back in clutching my wedding dress, the corset and the shredded remains of our underwear.

I gave him a quizzical look.

"Jacob's on his way back home, he's about a mile away now."

I smiled at him and held my arms out begging for him to join me. He climbed into the bed and kissed my forehead.

"Sleep now, my Bella. It's going to be a big day tomorrow."

Ugh, he had to remind me of that after what had just happened. He laughed at the look on my face.

"I'll be there for you. As much as possible."

_Which wasn't going to be much_, I thought as I snuggled tightly into his chest. I wasn't going to miss a second of the time I could spend with him – it might be the only thing that would get me through my first day back at school.

**A/N – Okay, so to be honest with you the second half of this chapter was never supposed to happen. I promised myself starting this story that Edward and Bella weren't going to get married because she'd just been through a divorce etc & marriage wasn't important to her. But I'll tell you what Edward just can't keep his ring in his pocket! **

**Also, I've put a (I think) pretty big hint in this chapter as to why Edward can hear Bella during her flashbacks. The hint is what happens the night after the flashback. It probably won't be explicitly stated in the story but hopefully there will be enough for everyone to understand by the end of the story. **

**Also, if the next chapter goes the way I am seeing in my head there will be mild lemons – don't say you weren't warned.**

**Thanks for all the reviews too! Keep them coming in, I love the feedback – it makes it all worthwhile :)**


	18. Back to school again

**Chapter 18: Back to school... again**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_~ 0 ~_

Jacob pulled into the carpark at school, driving me right up to the front gate in sight of the office because I needed to take some paperwork from Carlisle inside before I did anything else.

"Do you need help with anything?" he asked as he opened my door.

I shook my head. I had Mr Grossman's lesson plans to show me what he had been doing with the students since I left, but I was going to spend the day getting the students to run through what they had done with him and maybe have a few pop-quizzes-in other words, I was going to be _real_ popular today-but it meant that I didn't have a pile of lesson plans to take with me.

I looked up at the school and started to feel ill. My heart raced and my breathing was uneven. Jacob must have noticed because he wrapped his arms around me and dipped his head so he could look in my eyes.

"Just remember why you're doing this," he said. "You'll be fine." He dropped his voice lower, "Two weeks remember. Two weeks."

I nodded and took a deep breath to steady myself. "I can do this," I said, more to convince myself than anything else.

Jacob gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before climbing into the car and driving off. I stared after him, breathing deeply, trying to force myself to turn around and walk into the school. I felt a calm washing over me and for half a second thought I had finally managed to dominate my emotions. The illusion was shattered when I heard Alice's trilling voice. "Hi, Ms Swan."

I turned to see Alice, Jasper and Edward standing a distance away. The grin on Jasper's face suggested he the one responsible for my sudden calm, but it actually gave me an idea.

"Whoever thought of that, it's a great idea!" Alice said.

Edward grinned as he saw the vision in Alice's head. Only Jasper looked confused about what was happening.

"Was that you, _Miss_?" Alice asked. I could tell she found the idea of calling her newly acquired sister-in-law 'Miss' amusing.

"Yes, I think it would be easier to get through today, and it shouldn't be too difficult to arrange."

I walked over to their little goup, staring into all their faces one at a time, drawing the love I felt for them and from them around me like a security blanket. My eyes settled on Edward. It felt so strange to be standing a few feet from him-_my husband_-and not be able to kiss him hello. To not be able to wrap my arms around his waist and stage a repeat of last night. I met his eyes and they echoed my emotions. A few of the scenes flashed through my head. His smell, the taste of his skin as I licked every inch of his body. The low guttural growl he gave as I took him into my mouth. The look of utter love and devotion that was written on his face when he looked down his body at me. I felt my skin heat and flush at the memory. Edward's eyes were filled with the same sense of longing and desire.

Jasper sighed. "Please, _Miss_, unless you want Alice and I disappearing for the better part of the day can you try to keep _that _emotion in check?"

"Sorry." Edward and I said at the same time.

Jasper rolled his eyes then asked, "So what is this master plan anyway?"

"Well, I could use some assistance today. The kind only you can offer. I was thinking I could ask June, sorry Mrs Davis, to arrange for your schedule to be cleared today, and maybe tomorrow, to help me get by. Of course we'll tell her it's so that you can make up for my inability to use one of my arms. And only if it's alright with you."

Jasper smiled. "Anything you want, Ma'am."

"Thank you." I met Edward's eye again and 'dropped' my paperwork. We both knelt down to pick it up, his hand brushed mine as he passed it to me. I knew it was the closest thing I would get to a kiss. At least until tonight.

"Bella!" Jasper growled, too low for anyone else nearby to hear.

"Sorry." I blushed.

I welcomed a fresh wave of calm and turned back towards the office.

"Bella!" June enthused from behind the desk. I couldn't help wondering which side of the gossip fence she was on from the beginning. I couldn't think like that though, accusing everyone of gossiping. Not if I wanted to get through the next two weeks.

I smiled at her as warmly as I could manage. "Hi, June."

"How are you going?"

"Still a little sore. But getting there. Better each day, you know."

She nodded sadly. "I was literally sick when I heard what happened to you."

Yeah, and that explained the lack of flowers and hospital visits. I took another deep breath and plastered my smile back on again. June was really starting to remind me of Jessica Stanley from Forks.

"So, I'm presuming it was your ex-husband who dropped you off?"

_Yep, here comes the rumour mill. _

"Are you two back on?"

I nodded. "When things like this happen, it makes you appreciate the things you care about. Makes the little things seem less important."

She nodded knowingly, I had to resist rolling my eyes.

"Do you have the return to work forms?" she asked.

I handed her the paperwork and decided this was the time to strike. "I was actually wondering if I could ask a favour?"

"Anything, Bella."

"Well, I know I've got the medical clearance but I think it would be easier if I could have someone help me out until I get settled back in. Like a second arm, you know." I played up the injury card.

"Of course, dear. I'll try to organise something."

"Well, when I saw Carlisle the other day I mentioned it to him and Jasper actually volunteered. I know he's ahead in his work in most of the classes so he won't miss a day or two of his lessons."

"I'll talk to his teachers. I won't be able to clear it before the first lesson but you've got him second period don't you?"

I nodded.

"I'll have an answer for you by then."

I smiled winningly at her. I already had my answer from Alice's vision this morning, but I would still act happy when she confirmed it.

I headed towards my classroom then. Tracking along the path which shouldn't have been so familiar after how long I had been away, but which had absolutely changed my life. I settled into the classroom, sitting in my chair looking over the currently empty desks. I knew Edward wouldn't arrive in the class room until right before the bell. We had discussed and agreed that last night, or was it early this morning? I couldn't help my eyes sliding over his chair and imagining him sitting there though.

Cain was the first one into the classroom and I realised immediately why I didn't recognise him straight away when he visited me in the hospital. He was one of these kids that permanently had a camera around his neck or in front of his face.

"Ms Swan, you're back," he said, his smile beaming.

I couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm. "Surely you knew?"

"Well, I had heard a rumour, but I didn't want to believe it until I knew that it was true."

"Well, for good or for bad it's true."

"Oh, it's for good, Miss. Definitely for good." He shot me a bit of an odd look, but I was too relieved by his reaction to care much. I just hoped all the students would be so accepting and nice about my return.

Of course, my hope was in vain. The next group of students into the classroom confirmed that. They were muttering amongst themselves but not making any effort to be particularly quiet so I could hear every word. I tried to ignore it but noticed the words fuck, suck and bend her over featured heavily. I saw Cain tense up as he heard the words too. I wondered if he was debating going over to 'defend my honour'. I smiled a little at the thought, but it made me think of Edward and I was suddenly glad he wasn't in the classroom. As bad as hearing their words was I could only imagine the thoughts in their minds were ten times worse. I decided it would take a small miracle to get through the next two weeks without Edward ripping someone to shreds; which wouldn't bode well for our 'get out of town without any more controversy' plan.

Slowly the rest of the students filtered in and it was time to go. Once I got into the swing of the lesson, it was relatively easy to let my training take over and keep the students busy while drawing out of them what they had learned so far in the year. The only bad point was Edward. He sat so tensely throughout the lesson, his head bowed and his hands pulling at his hair. I could tell he was pulling with enough force that it would have ripped a human's head off. And that's probably exactly what he was imagining doing. I called on him once or twice and had to repeat the question a few times before he answered. It reminded me of Emmett's words on my first day. He couldn't just pluck the answer from my mind. I had seen how he worked when we were in Forks, if he was distracted with me, he would find the answer the teacher was expecting even without having heard the question.

I couldn't help how often my eyes crossed to that side of the classroom, but each time I managed to divert my eyes at the last second to look at the students around him. Finally, as the lesson was drawing to a close, he looked at me, his eyes whispering an apology for not helping me through my first class. I smiled back at him to let him know I understood. The bell finally rang and the students started to pack up.

"Edward, could you stay behind please?" I said before he had a chance to escape. I needed to talk to him, to try to avoid any casualties. Thankfully, his performance in class was dismal so I don't think there is a teacher who wouldn't have held him back for a quick chat. Especially when he was one of the 'perfect' Cullens.

I had to remember not to touch him as he walked forward, his bag already packed and resting on his shoulder. He chuckled slightly, nervously. "Sorry. That was just a little bit more difficult than I anticipated."

"Yeah, I noticed."

He dropped his head.

"Can you do me a favour?" I whispered. I couldn't help the seductive tone that came into my voice or the way I licked my lip.

He looked into my face but didn't speak.

"When you see those thoughts of all the other boys." I said, then I dropped my voice even lower than a whisper but I knew he could still hear me. "Put yourself in their place. Because you are the one who gets to do all those things to me. All those things and more."

A smile started to creep over his face. "I'll hold you to that, _Miss_." He winked at me.

Some other students from my next class were starting to filter into the room. I tried to push back my blush. "You'd better go or you'll be late for your next class. But you'll try to do what we discussed won't you?"

"Definitely." He turned and left the classroom, passing Jasper as he went. Jasper groaned at the influx of lust that filled the room and punched his arm. Emmett laughed and I joined in a little too.

Jasper took his usual seat towards the back of the room while Emmett came straight to my table. "How was it, Miss?"

I spoke at a volume I knew only Emmett and Jasper would hear. "The lesson or watching Edward debating whether or not to rip off the head of every male in the room?"

They both laughed. The other students looked at Jasper like he was a nutcase.

I felt a calm settled over the whole room. Even the students were affected. I smiled as they settled calmly into place and the second bell rang. Again I let my intuition and training take over and managed to get through the lesson with relative ease. Of course, I was yet to have a lesson where I wasn't being helped by either Edward's presence or Jasper's mood control. At the end of the lesson June was there to let me know that Jasper had been cleared for the rest of the day but couldn't be released for tomorrow. She told me Edward had come to the office to offer his assistance if for any reason Jasper couldn't do it-I knew that meant he had seen a vision in Alice's head and acted on it so I wouldn't be on my own tomorrow. I didn't need Jasper's help for the calm that swept over me with the knowledge that for two days at least I would have someone sitting beside me in the classroom helping me stay in control.

The rest of the day passed in relative ease, so long as I ignored the hush whispers that stopped when I passed through the halls. I allowed Jasper's calming waves to take over my whole body so that the muttered words wouldn't affect me and ran the rest of the day on intuition and instinct. I managed to get through. Probably the lowest point was the staffroom at lunchtime. I was treated as a pariah, but part of me had expected that.

Jacob was waiting in the car park for me at the end of the day. After I got in the car, I sighed and leaned my head back into the seat.

Jacob flicked me a quick grin. "Tough day?"

"Not as bad as it could have been. Jasper helped me though."

"That was a good idea. Is he helping you tomorrow?"

"No. One of his teachers wouldn't clear him. Edward's going to be my helper tomorrow instead."

He grimaced. "Maybe not such a good idea."

"I know, but it's better than no-one."

"True. Well...one down, nine to go?"

"Tell me about it."

I put my head back against the rest and closed my eyes for the rest of the trip. I must have fallen asleep because I woke up just as we pulled into the garage. Jacob laughed at me. "Bit tired?"

"It's been a long day. I'm going for a shower."

"Sure, sure."

I walked into the house and straight into the bathroom. I made Jacob help me with my sling and then had a hot shower to try to shake off the stupor that had settled over me. I decided I would just get dressed ready for bed even though it was only early in the afternoon. By the time I finished dressing Jacob had made dinner-well he'd heated instant lasagne-and was serving it on the table.

"Geez, you ready for bed already?" he asked as he helped put my sling back on.

"I just can't seem to shake this lethargy."

I heard a laugh behind me. "I should have warned you that can be a side-effect of being calmed by Jasper for a whole day."

"Edward!" I threw myself at him. I kissed him all over his face, dinner forgotten. I gave him one kiss for every time I thought of him or saw him today and couldn't act on it.

"Looks like you might manage to shake the lethargy after all, Bells." Jacob laughed from behind me. "Hey, Edward."

I tore myself away from Edward long enough to gulp down a few bites of lasagne. Edward sat next to me and absently stroked my thigh. Once Jacob had finished his dinner and thrown his dishes in the dishwasher he walked over and turned on the TV without another word. Then he turned the volume right up. I stared after him in disbelief.

"What? I figured you two would want some alone time again."

That seemed to be enough for Edward because I was in the bedroom before I could blink.

He kissed my face while speaking to me, whispering every time his mouth was lifted, "You...would not...believe...what...those boys...were...thinking...about...today."

"Mmmm?"

He kissed down the length of my neck. "They weren't being very gentlemanly."

"Did you do what I asked?"

He kissed my mouth, hard, there was a possesse edge to it-obviously he had. He put his mouth to my ear and growled, "You don't know how much I wanted to bend you over your desk and take you from behind."

I gasped. It was the first time Edward had ever spoken dirty to me. He usually treated me with nothing but reverence. Our love-making was always exactly that-full of love. It was always slow and respectful. I loved the feeling of being worshipped but something in his words made me instantly excited. I untangled myself from him and slid out of all my clothing from the waist down. I kissed him softly on the mouth before walking over to the dresser and leaning forward against it. I put all my weight on my good arm and spread my legs slightly, angling my hips backwards. "Like this you mean?"

He grunted. I could see how excited he was. He undressed himself and was behind me in a heartbeat, pressing his body against my legs. He pushed his hands up my back underneath my pyjama top before circling them around to cup my breasts. I shivered against him and he moaned. Then he pulled his hands back over my stomach and rested them onto my hips. "Oh, god, Bella. I want you so bad."

"Then take me." I angled my hips back even further. I felt his cool skin pressing against me; I was super heated and highly aroused. The contrast set new fires alight within me. I was ready for him.

He dipped his legs a little to get the best angle and used his hands to guide my hips over him. He was rough and forceful as he pushed into me, but still only applied enough pressure that I felt complete pleasure and not one ounce of pain. It was fast and explosive sex. I was a little embarrassed to realise I had been screaming as I climaxed.

Edward twisted me around gently so that I was sitting on the dresser. He pulled off the sling because it was over my pyjama top at the moment. He slowly unbuttoned my top. I should have known better than to think it was going to be all rough and no reverence. His breathing was ragged as he pushed me back so I was leaning against the wall behind the dresser and kissed the hollow of my neck. His fingers traced little circles over my chest, then his tongue followed the same pattern. His hands slid back down to my hips tracing the lines where my legs met my pelvis. His mouth moved back up my neck to meet my mouth. I stroked my tongue along his top lip before pressing my lips to the same spot. Then I kissed him hungrily, feeling my need start to build again. This time when our mouths parted, it was my turn to do the exploring. I kissed along his cheek and over his chin. My tongue played on his neck.

One of his hands stayed on my hips, tracing back and force in a pattern that I was sure was designed to drive me crazy, the other found my hair. My lips found his ear lobe, I dragged my teeth along it and was greeted by the purring sound again. That sound set me on fire. I dragged my hands over his body until they cupped his behind. I slid my hips closer to him, letting him know what I wanted. The hand that had been absently stroking my hips began to move down along the outside of my thigh, then he circled it around and ran it up the inside. I moaned against him with the pleasure of his cool touch. His hand didn't stop as it climbed higher and higher. I felt two of his cool fingers slide into me and I gasped. He pulled my mouth back to his as he slid his fingers back and forth. I rocked my hips in time with his rhythm. I was so close again, he shifted the position of his thumb, triggering my release. I felt myself tightening around his fingers.

He slid his hands underneath me and lifted me gently before placing me on the bed. He used one hand to pin my good arm above my head and the other stroked long circles over my body from my finger tips to my knees. He kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, "That's two – you want to try for three?"

I grinned up at him. "You trying to set the world record or something?" I panted.

He gave me his lopsided grin. "Something like that."

He shifted so that his body was lying between my legs. He took his time and kissed every inch of skin on my face, then my neck and my chest. He was slowly working his way down, dragging his hands along behind him. My mind was racing with what it thought was going to happen, but I knew it couldn't. Edward had explained that being intimate with me _that way _would be even more dangerous than anything else. His teeth would be too much of a risk and the pooling of blood that gets pumped down there by arousal would be too much for him to handle. Yet he was fulfilling mywildest fantasies by working his way slowly down my body. I pushed the thought out of my mind. He was working his way down; he would work his way back up.

He didn't. His tongue ran along the length of my inner thigh. I moaned and bucked towards him. The time it had taken him to work his way down ensured that I was primed and ready for round three. He turned his face and ran his tongue down my other thigh. "Oh, god." I panted.

He smiled up at me before turning his attention back to what was resting in front of him. He paused to assess his level of control. It was so tempting to reach my hands down and grab his hair and try to force him to move, but he had to be ready for this to do it safely. Slowly, I felt his tongue run down the outside of one of my lips. His breath caught. I waited for him to stop and apologise that it was too much, that he couldn't handle it but instead he whispered, "You taste so good."

I gripped onto the sheets with my hands. I wanted to put my fingers into his hair but I was going to be good. I wasn't going to be the reason this pleasure stopped. His steady cool breaths warmed me as he paused. I felt his tongue slid tentatively towards me again, sliding around the curve of the other lip. I couldn't help the long low moan that escaped my lips. I heard him chuckle. "Do you like that?" he whispered.

"Oh, God, yes," was the only reply I could come up with.

He slid his tongue between the lips and found heaven. He circled my clit a few times, sending intense shivers of pleasure through my entire body. I felt his tongue sliding backwards again, towards my entrance. I held my breath and held perfectly still as he extended his tongue out as far as it would go inside me. I felt his teeth resting against me. One false move now and it could be too much for him to handle. I was determined to remain as still as possible but the danger level made it all the more thrilling. His tongue started to work its way in and out before sliding back around my lips again. He licked backwards and forwards across my clit and I felt my third climax of the night building in intensity and momentum. Suddenly Edward was gone. There was no cool cheek against my heated thigh, no icy tongue circling within me.

I reluctantly raised my head of the bed and opened my eyes. I could see Edward against the door of my bedroom. His eyes were wild, hungry. He held up a finger to me to indicate I needed to wait where I was. I lay my head back down and waited, feeling the tension coiling within me start to slow.

About a minute later, his tongue slid from my pelvis, up my waist, across my chest and up my neck. He pressed his body against me and whispered into my ear, "I'm sorry, that was dreadfully rude." He kissed my neck as I started to laugh.

"What was rude, wanting to kill me or stopping what you were doing?"

"Both. But gosh that was good."

"Mmm-hmm, you're telling me," I murmured.

"I promise I'll try again another night, I just...don't want to push it too far. Once you are one of us, don't think I won't do it again."

He kissed my neck. "and again."

He kissed my good collarbone. "and again."

He ran his tongue across my nipple. "and again."

I laughed. "I get the point. And so long as you don't leave me unsatisfied I'll forgive you."

"What satisfaction canst thou have tonight?"

I laughed, I knew the line too well. "The exchange of thy love's faithful vow for mine."

He smiled that I was playing the game. "I gave thee mine before thou didst request it. And yet I would it were to give again."

I laughed again.

Edward grabbed my hand in his. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."

He was trying to best me, stump me into not knowing the next line by jumping to another part of the play. He should have known better than that-I could recite Romeo and Juliet backwards. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."

Edward looked deep into my eyes, I could see lust and playfulness there. "Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?"

"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."

"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair."

I giggled, I would never have thought of using Shakespeare as bedroom talk, but it worked. Oh God it worked - especially the way Edward's voice wrapped around the already velvet words. **"**Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."

**"**Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged." He kissed me deeply. My heart stuttered.

He broke off the kiss and waited for me to say my line. I smiled. "Then have my lips the sin that they have took."

He gasped and gave me a look of mock horror. "Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again."

He kissed me deeply again. I could feel his own excitement growing again. I broke off the kiss and he moved his lips back to my neck.

"Are you ready for round two yourself?" I asked him. In response, he gently found his way inside me, effectively ending the conversation.

After we finished, he lay against me breathing rough and heavy.

"So what was the inspiration for the little trip downstairs?" I asked.

"Well, it was one of the things a lot of the boys imagined doing to you. In their illusions your face was always filled with such ecstasy. I didn't want what I am to be the reason you never experienced that. I know I said I never could because of the blood but I didn't know the taste could be so..." his smiled turned a little loopy.

"As good as my blood?" I joked.

He didn't answer, just kissed me again. Then I remembered I had work to do tonight. Damn.

~ 0 ~

Jacob parked the car in the car park and got out with me. He helped to carry my lesson plans and books to the classroom then he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and said good-bye. I walked straight to the classroom, determined to make it through.

I had my back to the door, leaning forward against my desk, reading through some of my disjointed notes about what I was planning for the day. Unfortunately, I had gotten a little sidetracked before I set the plans last night. I heard a groan from the door. I turned around. Edward was standing in the door and the look on his face was unmistakable. Obviously, my stance reminded him of the lustful pleasure we had the night before and I could see it in my head too. I tried to suppress the grin that crossed my features but I couldn't help but tease him just a little. I licked my lips in a perfectly innocent gesture. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply to calm himself down. I stood and walked around to the other side of the desk, waiting for the rest of the students to come in.

I was smiling widely at Edward, chewing my lip as I thought about the night before. It had been so primal when he entered me the first time. It seemed I learned new ways to love all the time with Edward. I heard the next student in but didn't turn to look at them immediately. Cain was just settling into his seat when I noticed him. He shot me a quick smile before looking at Edward. The phrase if looks could kill came to mind but I couldn't understand what it was about. I tried to communicate to Edward with my eyes that he would have to explain it later. He just shrugged slightly. Alice flittered through the door shortly after. She shot me a wide grin and then tousled Edward's hair. He growled at her lightly, but she gave me a strange look. I would have to ask her about it later. Obviously she was trying to break up some tension or something she saw in a vision.

Seeing the look Cain gave Edward reminded me of the looks he gave Jacob at the hospital. Which reminded me of the words he spoke at the hospital. Which reminded me of his father, standing over me. I saw Edward's eye shoot up at me right before I felt myself falling.

_I was on the ground, I heard screaming. Someone had heard me. They would find me. They would help me. Relief flooded through me and I rolled onto my back, the wind burning the cuts down the front of my body. Every inch of me ached. _

I was screaming, tearing at my body, fighting the hands that held me down. Tears flowed from my eyes as I launched into a fresh round of screams. I heard Edward give a small groan. I opened my eyes. Alice was standing above me. Edward's face was drawn into a mask of pain. Despite my own pain, I wanted to reach out and stroke the lines to make them go away. Edward and Alice helped me to my feet. The classroom was almost full of students and each one wore the same expression of horror and shock.

"Edward, can you please go tell Mrs Davis that I need to go and to arrange some one to cover for me. Alice, help me out _please_." I felt close to breaking down in hysterics. I couldn't face a class full of students now.

Edward left the room immediately. Alice let me wrap my good arm around her and supported me as much as she would have been able to if she really were a five-foot human. I knew that if she wanted to she could have easily carried me out of the room, but that wouldn't go down well with the other already spooked students. As soon as we were out of earshot I turned to her. "What was that about?"

"I had a vision of you getting a flashback because of something that Edward and Cain said to one another. I was trying to stop it, but obviously it happened anyway."

I nodded. "It might not be a bad thing."

"What do you mean?" she asked, then, "Oh!"

She had seen the future shift to have us leaving earlier than anticipated. Why wait two weeks if I couldnt' even make it through two days without a flashback. It could happen at any time and I could tell it frightened the life out of the children.

I sat on a school bench outside the building that housed the principal's office. "I'll get Carlisle," she said. "He can come up here to check on you and give Mr Anders his _diagnosis_." She smiled at me as she skipped away.

I heard June leading the principal down to the classroom and Edward walking along with them. They were telling Edward he would have to resume his normal schedule as I wasn't in the classroom so wouldn't need assistance. I knew he would be upset about that.

I figured there wasn't much I could do but wait for Carlisle to show up or Mr Anders to return, whichever happened first. I leaned my head against the brick wall behind me. I felt someone sit next to me and I shifted my head to see.

"Ms Swan? Are you alright?" It was Cain.

"Yes." I smiled weakly. "I'm sorry if I frightened you. I've just been getting flashes of, well, flashes of things that happened in the past. They can be very real sometimes."

"I'm sorry about what my dad did."

"You've already apologised before, Cain, and it doesn't matter, because it's not your fault."

"But it is, don't you see. I told him about us. That's why he did it." He grabbed my hand.

I pulled my hand back off him. "What do you mean you told him about _us,_ Cain?"

"About how you looked at me in class. I could always see in your eyes how much you wanted me. I never understood it, but it made me feel good about myself for the first time in, well, ever."

"You told your father that _I_ was interested in _you_?" I didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it did, but I couldn't help it. I was full of shock. He'd obviously been watching the glances I threw at Edward while we were trying to stay away from each other.

He nodded, grabbing my hand again, attempting to kiss it. He whispered to me, "When the rumours started I went straight to Mr Anders and confessed. I told him about us. About how much you wanted me. He told my dad. When Dad asked me, I didn't deny it."

I yanked my hand back a bit harder. "But nothing ever happened between us Cain."

"I know, but we both want it so badly." His eyes burned with a madness and a passion that I couldn't understand.

I could see that he had a tenuous grip on reality. I felt bad for him because of everything he had endured. My desire to protect him battled with my desire to set him straight. "Nothing ever will happen between us. I'm married."

"It doesn't matter. It only matters how I feel about you and how you feel about me." He reached out suddenly and grabbed the hair at the back of my neck, pulling me into him and pushing down on my broken collarbone in the process. I cried out with pain as I tried to scrambled away from him from him. In the process, I ended up losing my balance and falling to the side. He followed me down, falling on top of me.

Suddenly his weight was gone, lifted quickly away from me. Too quickly. Only a vampire could have shifted the weight off me at that speed. I started to panic. I wanted him off me, away from me, but not hurt. I pushed myself into a seated position to see Edward standing over Cain, growling fiercely at him.

"Edward, no," I said gently. I walked over to him and put my good hand on his shoulder to try to calm him down. He spun around to grab me into his arms but I took a step back. "No." I shook my head and tried to bite back the tears that threatened to fall.

I could see reason start to cross Edward's features again. He walked over to the bench I had been sitting at and sat, staring at Cain unblinkingly, as if daring him to move.

"Cain? Are you alright?" I asked him.

He seemed dazed and confused. Barely conscious. "Edward, you have to help him," I demanded.

Edward just stared at him with hatred in his eyes.

"Please?"

Edward looked at me and sighed before standing and walking back over to Cain, he checked his responses and then put him into the recovery position. "Carlisle will have to take him to the hospital for a scan," Edward said to me before returning to the seat again. His face was a mask of revoltion and despair.

I sat beside Edward. "What is it? What's the matter?" I whispered.

"I didn't see how _possessive_ his thoughts were of you. I didn't realise the danger in him. I thought it was just a crush like everyone else. I let you down."

"No, you didn't. You saved me. Like you always do." I smiled at him.

"Not always," he muttered. I knew he was referring to the flashback I had in the classroom of the time I needed him to rescue me but he couldn't.

"That wasn't your fault either."

The principal was walking back towards us so we had to cut our conversation short. He looked at Edward, then at Cain and then to me. "Mr Cullen, I thought I told you that you were to remain in class."

"Yes, sir," Edward said, he shot me an apologetic look and then stalked off back towards the classroom.

"What happened to Mr Markson?" Mr Anders asked me.

I battled internally again. I knew Cain hadn't meant to hurt me, he was just very confused and had misinterpreted looks I had given Edward; it was hardly his fault, "He was coming to see if I was alright. But then he started to tell me about the things he told you, the things he thought were happening between us. He, well, he tried to kiss me and Edward pulled him off."

"Come on Ms Swan, into my office. It looks like we have some things to discuss."

I followed without any further discussion.

"What happened in the classroom?"

"It was a flashback to the attack. I was getting them frequently afterwards but they had all but stopped until recently." It wasn't a lie, I had managed to avoid them since the one with Jacob near the post office.

"And with Mr Markson?"

"I told you what happened there. I don't understand why he thought there was something going on between us. I promise I have _never_ done anything that should have given him that impression."

"I know. That's probably my fault. I should have told you that two other boys came forward with allegations as well as those levelled against you and Mr Cullen."

I nodded. "I think it would be best if Carlisle takes Cain to the hospital when he gets here. Maybe he can arrange him some professional help."

"That's probably not a bad idea, it's something we've suggested to his mother before but, well, his step-father never agreed."

"Yeah, he thought he could beat it out of him instead," I said sharply. I had no time or patience for Cain's stepfather. I couldn't think the name to myself or I would risk another flashback. "I'm sorry, Mr Anders, that was rude."

He didn't respond.

_Now or never_, I thought to myself. "Um, Mr Anders, I... I don't think I can do this anymore." I felt the tears spring to my eyes again. Before I could help it they were spilling over. "I can't be around all the reminders of my attack."

He sat with his mouth agape. It looked like he'd never been confronted with a grown woman crying in his office before.

There was a soft knock on the door. Carlisle was standing on the other side. "An ambulance has just taken Cain down to the hospital."

He appeared to take in the sight of me, although I knew he would have heard my previous conversation. "Bella, dear, what's wrong?" He put his hand on my shoulder.

"I just can't do it anymore, Carlisle. I thought I could come back but I just...can't."

He gently rubbed my back. I leaned into my hands forcing my tears to come harder. Then I did something I had been trying to avoid. I pulled memories of the Audi, the boot, the smell, into my head. When I felt myself slipping, I welcomed it. This was my ticket to happiness with Edward. I fell against the chair and screamed as the images flooded into my head. I knew Edward was close enough he would experience the vision with me, but I hoped he realised how sorry I was that I was putting him through the hurt.

When I came back to the present, Mr Anders was staring at me. Carlisle gave my good shoulder a gentle squeeze. "It's obvious Bella is suffering from some form of post traumatic stress. I think it would be best for her to leave places which trigger these strong me mories."

"What will you do, Bella?" I was surprised when Mr Anders called me by my first name.

"My ex-husband and I are getting remarried. He's been begging me to go back to Forks but I wanted to stay here. I...I think that it might be easier all around if we just go." I managed to blubber out.

"A fresh start sounds like it might be just what you need. I'll organise the release forms for you. We'll be sad to see you go though, you were an excellent teacher."

I nodded sadly to him. My heart flying on the inside. We had done it. I was free and without leaving too much scandal behind – nothing that would catch any national newspaper interest anyway. Another month and the Cullen's would be leaving too. Then I would be home, in Edward's arms forever.

~ 0 ~

**A/N – Maybe I am showing how big a dork I am or how much a child of the 80's but whenever I read the chapter title I can't help picturing the dance number at the beginning of Grease 2. If you've never seen it check it out just for its naffness. **

**This sounds a little bit like and ending, but it's not. Stay tuned, the climax of this story is still to come, but it is coming to a close slowly. **


	19. Every move you make

**Chapter 19: Every move you make**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_~ 0 ~_

I waited at the front gate for Jacob, thinking about the phone call I had made to him from the principal's office. My acting skills were finally improving, I could tell by the look on the principal's face as he had watched me out of the corner of his eye while I was on the phone. I knew he was trying not to overhear me, but curiosity burned him which was exactly what I had been counting on. I just had to play the part of the broken victim for a few more days, long enough the pack up my belongings and move in with my family. All that was left now was to work out the specific details of my change and where we would go next, but I knew there was no point stressing about those things; they would work themselves out. I was sure the Cullens had somewhere lined up and ready to go. Although, I thought, where we go will probably depend on just how crazed I was. They might have planned to move to the arctic to be away from people until I was used to the animal-blood diet.

"Jake," I had sobbed into the phone.

"Bells, why are you calling me now? What's happening?"

"I...can't do this anymore. I want to go home to Forks, with you. We can be together again, try to go back to how things were."

"Wait!" he exclaimed, excitedly. "You're putting the plan into action early?"

"It's just too hard to be here. I had another one this morning."

"Aww, Bells, that sucks. But just think it means everything will happen sooner."

_Not helping my acting, Jake_. I tried to keep the smile off my face and the tears in my eyes. "Do you mind coming to pick me up early? I just can't face being here any longer."

I was home by eleven.

Once we were safely in my living room, Jacob picked me up gently and spun me around. "I get to go home soon," he beamed.

"Oh Jake, I hate that I'm forcing you to be here." I couldn't help the tears that sprung to my eyes.

"Hey now, I didn't mean it like that. No one is _forcing_ me. It's just, well you won't need a body guard soon enough. So I'll be able to go home with no regrets."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Honestly? Part of me thinks it sucks. But that's the wolf part that instinctually hates vampires. But look at Edward and I - we're proof that it's possible to get past the 'ancient enemies' rubbish. And I know the Cullen's will stop you from..."

"Killing anyone?" I finished for him.

He nodded sheepishly.

"So _when_ Edward turns me, how's the treaty?" I wanted to let him know there was no _if _about it, his answer wouldn't change the result – just the friendship.

"Still intact. I know what I would go through if anything happened to Harriett - I won't inflict that pain on someone else. Especially not friends."

"And you have that authority? Even though Sam is the Alpha?"

"It was my family that made the treaty. It's within my authority to extend it, but I know Sam would agree with me in this case. We know it's your choice."

I nodded. "Thanks, Jake."

He hugged me close to him again and then put me down and said, "Let's get packing."

I had flutters in my stomach as I realised it was all really going to happen. I looked at the clock, it was a little after lunchtime. I knew Edward would be over to help me pack later. He hadn't specifically said anything, but I knew he wouldn't want to wait a second longer than necessary. "Actually, I think I might have a shower. I don't feel very good after what happened at school this morning."

Jacob looked at me confused, he still knew me too well and could see there was something I hadn't told him. "What else happened, Bella?"

"Nothing. Well, nothing that Edward didn't help me with."

Jacob looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

"It's nothing, really. I'll explain later while we are packing."

"I'll hold you to that."

Jacob helped me out of my sling. I put all thoughts of my incident with Cain and everything that had happened at the school out of my head. It was finally time for my happiness. By the time I had gathered my clothes, I was smiling and humming my lullaby to myself as I walked into the bathroom to have a shower. I was only upset that I couldn't infuse it with the same beauty that Edward did.

Over the water, I heard a knock on the front door. I wondered vaguely who it was as we definitely weren't expecting any visitors. Jacob sounded like he recognised the person and I heard the front door shut. At first, I thought they mustn't have come in but then I heard Jacob's deep voice mixed with another. It struck me as odd because Jacob hadn't met anyone other than the Cullen's. I wondered whether Mr Anders had come over for some reason but I couldn't hear the words so I dressed quickly in order to go and see who it was.

Just as I opened the bathroom door, I heard a sound from the other end of the hall which froze my blood. It wasn't a sound I'd heard often in my life but it was instantly recognisable. It was like a firecracker but louder and resonated in the air longer, nothing like what a gunshot sounded like in the movies. The sound bounced off the walls and the echo seemed to slam into me like a physical force. After seconds that dragged for hours, I was finally able to will my feet into action, forcing one in front of the other.

As the living room came into view my mind shut down. I couldn't process the scene in front of me. I couldn't see Jacob slumped on the floor near the couch or understand why a river of red was running from under him. I couldn't see who the figure in front of me was, why they were dressed all in black or what was resting in their hand.

The smell of rust and salt hit my nostrils and I fought the urge to pass out or throw up; I wasn't sure which I would do first. My instincts screamed that I was in danger; that Jacob was in danger.

_Run to the door,_ I urged myself. _Go get help_. _Jacob needs help._

My foot turned in that direction and I took one tentative step.

_Don't fall, don't fall._

I had the mantra running through my head, trying to keep myself on two feet. I was halfway to the door when I felt something impact with my side. I was pushed up against the wall and something hard and cold was in the fist that leaned against my right shoulder.

_Not again_, I screamed internally. _This isn't happening again._

A face pressed into mine. For half a second I saw the evil moustached face of Chris Markson, but then my mind caught up with my eyes and I was staring at Cain. His hands were pressed against my shoulders forcing me back against the wall.

"What did you do?" I whispered icily.

"We can be together now. There's nothing stopping us," he whispered fervently, shifting one hand slightly to twist his fingers in the ends of my hair. "I got rid of the obstacles."

"No," I whispered, shaking my head. My eyes flittered over to Jacob but then I couldn't tear them away again. It didn't look like he was breathing and the river of blood wouldn't stop. The horror hit my mind in one sickening thud.

I refused to go down without a fight. Not now. Not when we were so close.

"No!" I screamed.

Cain stepped back, shocked. "What?"

"No! Cain, we can never be together. We _will never_ be together." I pushed him with both my arms, wincing as the pressure I exerted shifted almost mended pieces of my collarbone.

Cain looked shocked. "But...what about how we feel about each other!"

"I feel _nothing _for you," my voice seethed through my teeth, full of venom.

"I ran from the hospital for you. I needed to find you before you left. To show you! You don't understand." He was crying and screaming. He tore at his hair and waved the gun in his hand around frantically. He turned and pulled something out of his bag and threw it at me. It fell to my feet but I refused to look at it.

"See?" he screamed at me. "See how much you love me? How much I love you!"

My eyes flicked involuntarily to the ground, at my feet was a manila folder stuffed full of photos of me. There must have been hundreds. It was as if every moment of every day I had spent in the school had been documented in photos. I looked at one photo in particular, the look in my eyes was full of longing, but I was looking past the camera, from the angle of my gaze I guessed I was looking a few feet to the left of where Cain stood when he took the photo. I knew exactly who that gaze was directed at and I felt surprised that no-one else had seen the obvious desire there, but maybe Cain had just been lucky snapping at the right moment to capture the look. Then again with that many photos, luck didn't come into it.

I saw a flash of colour in one of the other photos and it drew my eye. I was in a dress that was a colour I would never pick for myself; a colour I had only ever worn once; a colour Alice had dressed me in. I couldn't stop myself from bending down and grabbing a handful of them. There were some of me from the night we went to The Copper Beech Inn. There were some of me climbing out of the car, there were a number taken through the window of the restaurant and some more of me climbing back in at the end of the night.

Then I saw the ones of my house, they were obviously from many different days. Some were me on my own, checking the mail box or climbing in or out of my car. Others had the Cullens in them, when I was saying hello or goodbye. The further through the photos I leafed, the more worried I became.

My breathing hitched as I realised just how broken Cain was. Broken and obsessed. In short-dangerous. I looked up to see him staring at my face with a look of expectation; as if seeing the photos was supposed to make me realise how madly in love I was. I let the photo's slip out of my hands. I stood and dived quickly for the front door in one motion, but Cain was too fast for me, too obsessed with me-watching my every move.

He slammed me into the wall for the second time. I heard the snap as my collarbone re-broke, or maybe it was one of my ribs. I couldn't be sure through the cloud of red and pain. I smacked my fist into his face with as much pressure as I could. My knuckles ached. He took one hand away, leaning his other forearm across my neck to hold me in place. I wriggled and swung another punch. Between the blackness that was rising from not being able to breathe and the red cloud of pain that already existed, I was struggling to stay in the moment. I swung for a third time. But the next instant the only thing I could concentrate on was the feeling of cold metal pressed against my temple.

That made me pause my fighting. I could take any amount of physical pain, any number of broken bones. They were all fixable - the venom would repair them better than new. But I couldn't take a bullet to the brain. That was irreparable. That would make my heart stop. The important thing was to keep my heart beating; for Edward. It was his after all, I needed to look after it for him.

Cain kept the pressure of the gun hard against my temple, his other hand moved back against my left collarbone, my broken collarbone, pushing me into the wall with it. I felt my mind starting to go blank again from the pain but I fought it off. He pressed his lips to mine. He pushed his tongue forcefully into my lips. I pursed my lips tightly until I felt the gun press harder again. I opened my mouth a little and waited for the right moment. I saw him close his eyes to sink into the kiss and I brought my knee up to meet his crotch with every ounce of force I could muster.

The pressure dropped away from me instantly as Cain fell to the floor, but he was blocking my path to the front door. I tried to step over him, but his hand reached out and gripped my ankle. I fell to the floor, reaching my left arm out in front of me instinctively. I screamed out in pain as it hit the ground, another snap echoing through the room. I was trying hard to hold onto my grip on consciousness. Cain stood, never releasing his grip on my leg. He walked around in a half circle, twisting me where I lay. I felt the carpet ripping into the skin on my stomach. I was facing away from the door now and Cain had again put himself between me and safety. I flipped myself onto my back and kicked out wildly with my leg, trying to release his hold. Eventually he screamed and let me go.

I pulled myself upright and thoughts of escape came back into my head. The back door was through the laundry, next to the bathroom. I hurtled myself in that direction only to be stopped by Cain's soft, broken whisper, "I love you," and another firecracker sound. Except this one didn't just reverberate off the walls around me. This time the impact hit me square into my back. A burning sensation ripped through from my back to my chest. I couldn't breathe and pain unlike any I had experienced ripped the cloud and fog from my mind. I stumbled forward onto my hands and knees but my left arm gave out under me and my face pressed into the ground. Warm liquid ran down my chest and rose in my throat.

I heard footsteps behind me. I pulled myself forward, edging closer to the exit. I could see the tiles of the bathroom when I felt myself being pushed against the wall. I closed my eyes and raised my hands, throwing punches wildly in every direction. I felt a connection at least twice, snapping my knuckles each time but whatever they collided with was too hard and hot to be Cain. I opened my eyes, fighting off the tears. I tried to quell the screaming that was coming from my mouth to listen to the words, "Bella. Bella. Calm down. He won't hurt you again."

"Jake! You're alive!" I forced out the words with the last of my breath. I felt relief flooding over me. I started to shiver. I bit back the blood that was in my mouth.

He chuckled a hard laugh. "It'll take more than a bullet to stop me."

He helped me to my feet, but I stumbled into him, falling against his chest. Unfortunately a bullet is exactly what could stop me. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, I was dying. I gulped down hard to get enough air to squeeze out one more word, "Edward."

"Oh, my god Bella! He shot you?"

I fell into Jacob's arm. I was so cold, even Edward would feel warm to me. Jacob's skin burned me where we touched. Unconsciousness threatened me but I fought against the black. It was a fight for my life. I knew the darkness wasn't comforting this time. It wasn't simply my mind blacking out to protect me - it was death. If I allowed myself to stop the fight for even one second I would be dead. All I needed to do was buy Edward enough time to get the venom into me. To keep my heart beating - for him and for us.

I felt myself being lifted and placed onto the couch. I heard Jacob talking on the phone. I couldn't see anything anymore. The darkness had won the battle for my eyes. But I could still hear and I could still feel. I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

I felt the warmth radiate towards me as Jacob knelt beside me. "Bella, you have to stay with me."

I gulped down another breath. And then another. I nodded.

He clasped my hand. I squeezed his and smiled. I knew Edward was on his way. He would make me better. He would make all of this go away.

A few minutes later I lost my control over my hearing. The room fell silent, I couldn't even hear my own heartbeat anymore. All that was left for me now was touch. I could feel my hand in Jacob's. I turned my head towards his warmth. I felt more pain rip though me, my neck, my arms. I felt fire as Jacob rested his hand on my throat.

I felt myself slipping away from reality. It wasn't the same as the unconsciousness, the darkness, but it was enough. I squeezed the hand that was in mine tighter, trying in vain to fight off the flashback. I was worried that it might be the death of me. If I didn't concentrate on staying here and now, how would I fight back for Edward?

**A/N – I know this chapter is a bit shorter than some of the others but if I don't break it here it will be **_**really**_** long – seriously I already have this many words again & there is nowhere else that is a good place to break & probably won't be for a while. So sorry for leaving it on such an evil cliff-hanger :)**

**This story is definitely starting to wind down, but I won't rule out a sequel in the same world, with Bella's same powers...but that's yet to come so I'll just be quiet now. I just have to find a good enough story. But if you keep me on your story alerts I will post the first chapter as an addition to this story to let you know if/when it's up (or alternatively add me as an Author alert & you will know when all my new stories go up :)**


	20. Back to reality

**Chapter 20: Back to reality**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

~ 0 ~

_I was standing in a meadow. _

_No, not _a_ meadow. _

Our_ meadow. _

_Edward wasn't with me, which was strange. I never went there without him. Especially not since Laurent. And even more especially since I lived in Fairfield now, I realised._

_I scanned my eyes around the edges of the meadow. I understood that something important was about to happen. Something pivotal. I saw Edward there, hiding in the shadows near the entrance to the meadow. I wondered why he was hiding from me. The sun was high in the sky, not quite blazing, but the sunniest it ever got in Forks. But that shouldn't have mattered - I knew what he looked like in the sun. I _loved _what he looked like in the sun. And there was no one else around, so I could understand why wasn't in the meadow with me? And why did he look so scared. He seemed to be wary of taking the next step; the one that would put him into path of the sun. _

_I took one step towards him, trying to let him know that it was alright, he could come out. He _should_ come out. But he held up his hand in warning. He took a deep breath and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun. His skin blazed like diamonds. And even though I have seen the sight so many times it still took my breath away. His eyes were watching my reaction, terrified I was about to run away. _

It was then that I realised what I ws seeing was a flashback, and as I did I was shocked. I couldn't understand why I was having a flashback of this place...this time. It wasn't a painful memory, it was the day I saw the absolute truth of Edward.

_He walked over to me apprehensively, his hands slightly out to his sides, palms facing up – showing me he meant no harm. After my breathing calmed and my heart rate slowed I felt my face turn up into a big smile and I saw relief flood over his features. He walked over until he was a few feet from where I was standing, then he slowly folded his knees underneath him until he was sitting cross-legged in front of me. I didn't trust myself to speak, not yet. So I followed his lead and curled my legs under me too. I was too afraid to move. Not afraid of him, but afraid he might turn out to be just a figment of my imagination. He was too perfect. We sat there for I don't know long staring at each other, assessing each other. Both of us unwilling to leave but terrified the other would. _

I watched the scene play out in front of me, watching while we officially declared our love for one another for the first time. I remembered all the emotions I felt that day. They flooded through me, filling me completely. Both the fear and the love.

I watched for hours as the afternoon progressed. I was enthralled by how real the memory felt. It was as if I had stepped into it and was watching as a detached third party but I could also see and experience through my own body. I vaguely wondered if this was how Edward felt when he read people's minds, seeing through two viewpoints. Detached and connected simultaneously. A tiny part of my brain shouted at me that I needed to return to reality-to Edward-but I didn't want to. I had Edward right in front of me, back at the beginning of our love.

I felt the earth shift and I was sliding again.

_I leaned against my truck. My head was spinning from the run. The first time Edward had ever carried me while running at full speed. The experience was...unique. _

"_Put your head between your knees," Edward said gently. _

_Eventually I was able to calm my breathing. Edward sat beside me._

"_I guess that wasn't the best idea."_

"_No, it was very interesting," I said, trying to fill my voice with enthusiasm._

"_Hah! You're as white as a ghost – no, you're as white as _me_!" He looked thoroughly entertained. _

"_I think I should have closed my eyes."_

"_Remember that next time."_

"_Next time!" I groaned._

_He laughed. The sound of it made my stomach tighten. It was strange that I could recognise the emotions I felt for him at the time and also how I felt about him now as separate and distinct feelings. As deeply as I had loved him after that day in the meadow, it was barely a drop in the ocean compared to the way I felt about him now. I realised I had to lose him to really appreciate the depth of our love._

"_Show-off," I muttered._

"_Open your eyes, Bella."_

_His face was so close to mine, I could smell his scent. If he sat that close to me now we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other, but I knew what was coming next. Our first kiss. I felt flutters of excitement just thinking about it. _

"_I was thinking, while I was running..." He paused._

"_About not hitting the trees, I hope." The part of me that was watching as a detached bystander laughed at this, I loved running with Edward and I knew there was no way he would ever hurt me._

"_Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."_

"_Show-off."_

_He smiled. _

"_No," he continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."_

_He gently placed his hands on either side of my face and battled with the monster within to see if he could retain control while he kissed me. Slowly, he pressed his lips to mine. My blood boiled and I threw my arms around his neck. Some reactions never changed. _

I watched as he convinced me to let him drive. I was filled to the brim with love. Again, a small part of my brain told me I needed to go back to reality. To Edward. But I couldn't do it. I was still too far gone and as long as my flashbacks where taking me on a happy trip instead of to a place of fear, I welcomed them.

I heard a voice calling my name, it didn't belong in my flashbacks so I ignored it. I closed my eyes as the world shifted again.

I opened my eyes again and looked around.

_I was in an area surrounded by warehouses. Four men surrounded me. I heard a car coming and I knew it was my escape. I threw myself in front of the car and heard the most beautiful voice in the world growl at me from the now open passenger door. "Get in."_

_I was instantly calmed by the feeling of security that washed over me. I climbed into the seat as quickly as I could. The car was spinning and whisking us away from there within seconds. _

"_Put your seatbelt on," the velvet voice whispered to me. _

I watched as memory after memory came flooding back and surrounded me. I stayed with each one for as long as they lasted, some only seconds, other hours and hours. Without fail each time one ended, I felt the shift to indicate the next one was coming. One at a time they flowed past. Every memory filled with crucial moments with Edward. Except they were so much more than just memories; I was reliving the events. Every emotion, sound and smell filled my head. And I saw each one through the dual viewpoints I'd noticed earlier.

The first day at Fairfield High School where I saw him after so long. Edward rescuing me from James. The night together in Forks – tainted with sadness, but still a major turning point in our relationship. Edward holding me at night. Our wedding. The night after my return to school – that one gave me goose-bumps. One after another they went, flicking faster and faster and back and forth, there didn't seem to be any logic in the order they came to me.

I've heard that when you die your life flashes before your eyes. But these weren't just flashes, they lasted far too long or was it just that death made time stop? Or at least slow down so seconds become hours, minutes become days and days stretch on for eternity.

Part of me registered that I should be concerned. That I shouldn't accept these visions freely and should fight my way back to reality but I couldn't. I wanted to stay in this world forever. I wanted to stay away from the pain and suffering that I would face in reality. Occasionally, I would hear the voice calling my name. It was a voice that I would know anywhere, and it was almost be enough to tempt me away from my visions. Almost.

_Edward was staring into my eyes. His eyes were filled with pain, but something else flickered behind the pain, hope maybe. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and we were sitting outside. I was in a dress, deep blue, frilly and off the shoulder. My heart skipped as I recognised it as prom. _

_He murmured, almost to himself, "So ready for this to be the end, for this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You're ready to give up everything."_

"_It's not the end, it's the beginning," I disagreed with him under my breath. _

"_I'm not worth it." He was so sad, the hope behind the pain had dwindled. _

"_Do you remember when you told me that I didn't see myself very clearly? You obviously have the same blindness."_

"_I know what I am." _

_I wanted to reach out and smooth away his pain. This Edward was so different from _my_ Edward. This one hid so much and internalised his pain. My Edward had learned that sharing his problems didn't make him weak, it made _us_ stronger. I had learned that with him. _

"_You're ready now, then?" He asked, his eyes probing. _

_I nodded my head._

"_Right now?"_

_I closed my eyes._

I felt myself returning to my body, only there was no pain. I felt whole again and knew that I wasn't in a flashback anymore.

"Bella?" A soft voice whispered in my ear.

"Edward! You came," I said, remaining perfectly still just in case the smallest movement was enough to bring back the pain. My own voice surprised me...had it always been that velvety and bell-like? I tried to remember it ever sounding like that but couldn't.

I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes.

"I've been here the whole time, love." He chuckled at something, but I couldn't understand what. His voice was so much richer than I remembered, it was as if I could hear it on more levels, across more octaves. And the smells that surrounded me... What _were _they? Had I ever experienced anything so satisfying? It was almost as if I could taste the scent on my tongue and at the back of my throat. Had something happened as a result of being shot?

I panicked. I had been shot! Edward needed to save me. I sat up. It happened quicker than I thought was possible. Was I already sitting then? That must have been what it was. But I was sure I had been lying down. I shook my head to clear my train of thought. _Why did I sit up? That's right._ "Edward - help me! I've been shot."

He laughed. "It's alright, everything's going to be alright now."

I opened my eyes. The blackness that had stolen across my eyes before I had my flashbacks must have enhanced my eyesight somehow, because now I could see...everything. The tiny dust motes floating in the sun of the window reflected the light back to me. And I could see new colours reflecting from the light. Colours I had never seen before and didn't even know existed. I sat watching them in fascination for a second.

I turned in the direction of Edward's voice. What I saw took my breath away. His face was clearer and more perfect than ever. I could see every line and it glowed faintly in the low light, traces of the diamonds that existed in the bright sun reflecting on every plane. His eyes held a depth that I'd never seen before. They were no longer simply a golden-brown as I had always thought, they were shot through with multiple shades of orange, and brown, and gold, and yellow, and green that all melded together to form the colour I was used to. I took a fraction of a second to examine the depths of them, watching as tiny patterns formed and swirled around as his irises made tiny adjustments to adjust his focus by minor degrees. I was a little disconcerted by the flecks of deep red that existed around his irises, I knew they didn't belong there.

Despite my in-depth analysis of his eyes, it took less than a second for me to throw myself into his arms and kiss him hard. Since coming back together, Edward and I had worked very hard to learn exactly where the lines needed to be drawn to ensure I didn't get hurt. We had pushed close to those lines on occasion, but that was nothing compared to what happened this time. Edward sucked my tongue into his mouth and wrapped his own around it. My eyes widened with shock when my tongue grazed slightly along his teeth. I was ready for the pain but none came. When he finally released my tongue he sucked in my bottom lip and gently ran his teeth along it. The feeling sank straight through to my stomach and made me purr. _That_ was new.

"What was that?" I asked in my new, trilling voice.

"Something I've wanted to do for so long," he whispered back to me. It occurred that I shouldn't have been able to hear it, the volume was too low and the speed was too fast.

I paused, all the little changes I had noticed crept up on my mind. I cocked my head to the side and listened. In the immediate area, there was silence, other than mine and Edward's breathing. If I listened further, I could hear footsteps and voices and a thudding heartbeat. If I really paid attention and turned my mind to it, I could hear the soft sounds of cars driving down the road past the driveway. I stopped breathing. Edward did too, he seemed to realise what I was doing. There were no sounds in the room. Nothing-absolute silence. I listened for longer, ranging my hearing far away and then back close. It almost felt like I could pinpoint exactly how far away someone was by listening to their footfalls or their breathing. And I had been holding my breath for over a minute and it wasn't painful, just mildly annoying because it took away the glorious scent that danced on my tastebuds. My voice was filled with wonder, "But how?"

Edward looked concerned. "I had no choice. By the time I got to you there was barely a heartbeat left. There was nothing I could do but force as much venom into you as possible and keep your heart pumping. I hope that's okay."

I smiled, "It's what I wanted."

He breathed a sigh of relief as I tried to remember what happened.

_I had just pulled myself to my feet when a bang sounded behind me. I fell forward, my arms unable to support my weight and I fell. I tried to crawl towards the laundry, towards escape. I was roughly turned over and pushed against the wall. I could see everything clearer now. From my dual viewpoint, I could both feel myself being turned over and see that Cain was the one who did it. The look on his face was one of concern. Jacob tore himself over the ground and into Cain in one sharp movement. Cain fell to the floor and stayed slumped where he was. I started throwing wild punches and Jacob tried to calm me down. _

My breathing hitched. "Jacob? Cain?"

"Jacob is fine. He was pretty much healed by the time I got there. Cain is in hospital, Jake did a little bit of damage throwing him off you in the hallway." He smiled a little. "Carlisle arrived almost the same time I did and helped Cain while I worked on you." His face showed disappointed, I knew he wished he had arrived before Carlisle, he sighed to calm himself down. "But after being responsible for your death, he will probably be in jail for a long time."

"Jail? I would rather he gets some help, he's just a broken boy who latched onto the one person he thought showed him kindness."

Edward sighed again, I was sure he had anticipated my reaction. "I know. I think that's why I didn't pick up his thoughts earlier, even when he was stalking you. I'm used to hearing thoughts of how beautiful boys, and men, think you are so I tune them out. There wasn't anything malicious in his thoughts until he felt that you rejected him."

"Poor Cain," I said. Edward shook his head at me. Then something he had said caught up with me. "Wait - you said my death?"

He laughed loudly. "Somehow you had the most silent transformation we have ever seen - well from the outside at least." He smiled at something. "It was almost too easy for Carlisle to take you to the hospital and have you declared legally dead."

"But my heartbeat?"

"It was slow by that time, and it was easy to rig the heart monitor for a false result. Jasper drew up a fake marriage certificate and we used that and the photos from our wedding to show that Jacob was your next of kin and we had your body released to him." He laughed. "Technically he now owns Charlie's house and everything of yours too."

"But why didn't I burn? You told me... everyone said I would burn for three days. That I would be in excruciating agony. But I didn't...I wasn't... why? Did something go wrong?"

"I think you know the answer to that. Think about what you've seen for the last five days."

"_Five_ days?"

He nodded. "You're transformation was complete a little under two days agom but you didn't seem ready to come back." He smiled again.

"Wait – did you see all of that too?"

He nodded and smiled even wider. "It was the only thing that has kept me sane. I was expecting screaming and thrashing. In truth, I had thought of nothing else whenever I thought about how your transformation would go. It was the one reason I would have tried to stall you, even though I wanted it to happen as soon as possible. It was the reason I couldn't do it after your attack. I didn't want you to blame me for that pain. I remember the burn more clearly than anything else in my existence – I didn't want to put you through that. But I was wrong. For whatever reason, you retreated into your memories. You were so still and so silent I could have been staring at a corpse." He shuddered.

"Can you hear me now?"

His expression became speculative as he stared at me. It gave me my answer, but he confirmed a few seconds later. "No."

"I wonder why?"

"I have a theory," he said, then he winked at me. "I think you're _talented_."

"Okay," I laughed, "if you say so." I felt new, powerful and had an incredible burn in the back of my throat but that hardly added up to talented, just vampire.

"No, Bella, I'm serious. These flashbacks you got when you were human, well they were of events that you couldn't talk to me about." He arched his eyebrow, daring me to disagree.

"Yeah, I knew it would hurt you too much to hear it."

"And you were in pain because you didn't talk to me about it?" Another arched eyebrow.

I nodded.

"But once I'd seen it we spoke about it and we moved past it? And you felt better?"

I sighed and nodded. "But how does this fit into your theory?"

"It was something that was said during the conversation with Carlisle about why I could hear you after the first time."

I tried to pull the memory up and gasped as I felt the world shift around me again.

"_Post traumatic stress?" Edward asked. I remember at the time I couldn't hear him very well, he spoke at a volume that was just within my hearing range. Now, I had no trouble with his pitch, it was like the fact that I was human at the time had no bearing on how I saw the memory now. I could smell everyone's scent and see with crystal clarity. I could smell my own human scent, and it felt like I had swallowed a flamethrower. There was another smell too, repugnant, deep and earthy. It smelled like moss and rot, the sort of smells you only find buried underneath the bracken in wet, dark forests._

"_That's an interesting idea. She internalises so much, maybe her mind is subconsciously trying to share it," Carlisle mused. I noted my previous weariness and confusion, but found it didn't affect me the same now. Again, it was like I was an impartial third party watching the scene. I shut down the part of my memory that was seeing this through my own eyes and I was only watching it from a distance. I turned and could see details that I couldn't possibly know in my memory. I listened, and could hear the cars passing on the freeway. _

"_Like whatever shields her mind from you broke during the flashback?" Alice asked, drawing my attention back to the conversation. _

_Something in Alice's question or mind made Edward react in wide-eyed wonder._

I came back to present to see a look of awe over Edward's face.

"I never got a chance to finish that conversation," Edward said. "We were so concerned about making sure _you_ were alright."

"What made you react that way?"

"The word _shield_. It makes sense that a shield is the reason why I can't hear you. I have heard of them before, nothing quite like yours though. And I think when you flashback your mind exists somewhere outside of the shield or the shield falls, that's part of my theory. But I also think maybe your subconscious was letting me into those specific memories to help you heal. And then your subconscious took you into happy memories when you needed it most-and when I did. Who knows exactly the reason why and how, but it's something I want to explore." He looked deep into my eyes before his eyes wandered over my body, telling me my talent wasn't the only thing he wanted to explore.

I smiled widely at him. "Luckily, we have time to explore."

"Only forever. Are you sure that'll be long enough?"

I shook my head. "Not nearly."

He ran a finger down my throat it sent shivers down to my bones and I felt the muscles in my stomach tighten. "You must be thirsty?"

That seemed as good a name as any for the burning in my throat. As soon as he said the words, the flame burned hotter. I nodded. Another memory came into my mind and I felt the room shift again.

_I was sitting across the cafeteria table from Edward. Again I could smell my own human scent and it was mixed with the scent of so many other humans in this place. I bit back on the venom that was pooling in my throat. I allowed myself to view the conversation through my own eyes while the other part of me explored the room. "Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of the bears."_

_Edward stared at me like I was missing something very obvious. And it _was_ obvious to me now. The part of me that was circling the cafeteria turned back towards him and smiled before turning my attention back to the other students. I walked close to them, allowing their scent to fill my mind. _

"_Bears?" I gasped, and he smirked. _

"_You know, bears are not in season," I added serenely, to hide the shock I felt at the time. I felt no shock about it now, in fact all I felt was curiosity. I wondered how the scent of the bears compared to the scent of humans. It couldn't be nearly as good._

"_If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons," he informed me._

_He watched with amusement on his face as he allowed that to sink in. Seeing it again through my now clear vampire eyes, and with my much greater knowledge of Edward, I could see the undercurrent of emotions that showed just how terrified he was that he would frighten me away. I walked over to him and reached out to stroke his hair, but couldn't touch him. I was no more substantial than the air._

"_Hmmm," I said, taking another bite of the pizza in front of me. The me that was looking back on this memory wanted to toss the thing away though, the smell was revolting. How had Edward ever forced _that_ past his lips?_

"_So," I said after a moment, finally meeting his eyes. The anxiety was plan on his face now. "What's your favourite?"_

_He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disappointment. Terrified that I would run, horrified with himself that I stayed. "Mountain lion."_

"_Ah," I said in a politely disinterested voice._

_He matched my tone. "Of course, we have to be careful not to impact on the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators – ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?"_

I came back to myself and smiled at Edward, raising one eyebrow. "Where indeed?"

His face was covered with that same look of awe. "How do you do that?"

"I don't know, it's just a memory."

He shook his head. "No, it's not. There is no way you could remember things with that level of clarity from your human time. Human memories are dim, weak and very hard to look at. And your human self wouldn't be able to detect the scents of those other children. It's almost like you step back in time."

"Interesting idea, but can we talk about it later?"I couldn't help being rude, my throat was on fire after the scent of the humans from my vision. It was physically painful, and I couldn't swallow with enough force to clear the venom out of my mouth.

"Of course. I'm sorry, love." Edward held out his hand to me and helped me up.

The movement was so fast, it was disconcerting. I felt ready to feel dizzy or lose my footing from the speed, but I never did. Edward held my hand securely and led me to the study door. His family were nowhere to be seen, although I could hear them walking around and the heavy thudding of Jacob's heart.

Almost instantaneously, we were out the back door and flying. I could smell so many scents crossing each other here, I was anxious to learn which ones belonged to which of my family members. I recognised one immediately and drank deeply of it. I don't think I will ever get tired of Edward's scent, the way it dances on my tongue and sets every single one of my nerves on edge.

As we ran I could hear footfalls running at a distance from us. I silently motioned to Edward to ask if we were being followed.

"They're just setting up a perimeter, love. To ensure there are no humans around."

I nodded, that made sense.

Edward pulled me into him. "Close your eyes. In hunting, your sight is actually one of the least important senses. Your hearing and your ability to track scents are much more useful. Now tell me what you can hear and what you can smell."

"I can hear footsteps and breathing, your family."

"Our family." I could hear the smile in his voice. "But you can tune those out if you concentrate. Now, what else do you hear?"

"I can hear a heartbeat. No. Two heartbeats almost in time with each other."

"Good, now follow the sound in until you can find the scent that goes with them."

I let my instincts take over, sinking low to the ground. I stalked through the forest, faster than a human could, but not at top speed. I didn't want to risk startling or passing this meal. It wasn't long before the pair of deer came into sight. I circled around to stay downwind of them, trying not to startle them with my presence. Compared to the rich aroma of the human scents that were still in my head, the smell of the beasts was nauseating. But as I listened to the wet thudding of their hearts and watched the slight pulsing in their necks, the smell was driven out by need. Need for a wet, warm liquid to slide down my throat. I moved myself around into position and sunk even lower.

I watched for half a minute, the deer seemed to sense something was nearby but they couldn't pinpoint the direction. I felt the wind start to change direction, I would be upwind of them shortly and they would run. I felt the muscles in my legs coil and then I sprang. I covered the distance between myself and the largest one in fractions of a second. I had its throat to my mouth and was drinking deeply. The liquid felt good in my throat, even if it did little to ease the burning.

Edward shepherded the second for a while, herding it from side to side so that it could not escape. The extra exertion made its blood pump faster, thinner. The adrenaline that was now coursing through its veins because of fear made the smell a margin more appealing. I leapt from the now empty carcass in my hands straight onto the second deer.

Edward came closer when he saw I was done. "How was that, love?"

I made a face.

He laughed loudly. "Yeah, they're not great. The predators smell and taste better, that's why we prefer them."

I hadn't noticed before just how much care had been lifted from his face and his attitude. "Are you happy?" I asked him.

He gave me an odd look, probably wondering where the question came from. Then he smiled, no – he positively beamed. "Absolutely."

He held out his arms as an invitation for me and I stepped into them without a second thought. I allowed him to hold me tightly. Being so close to his scent and his skin felt good. And knowing that he couldn't hurt me now was even better. The muscles in my stomach tightened and I gently dragged his head down, lifting my own to meet it. Our lips met, then our tongues. I pressed myself hard into him. I didn't realise how hard until we were both toppling to the ground.

I started to pull myself upright but Edward clung to my shoulders, not willing to break the contact of our lips. He wrapped his arm around my back and crushed me to him with all his strength. I had never experienced a desire as strong as the one I had for Edward now. I pulled at the buttons on his shirt, meaning to undo them gently but underestimating my strength and ripping the shirt in two instead. Edward let go of me for long enough to throw the remnants of his shirt off. Then he broke apart from the kiss and gave me a mischievous look. He ripped my own shirt off, the pieces flying far and wide. Then he ripped at my jeans, tearing the seams of them and scattering the remnants.

I put on a look of mock indignation and pinned his arms to the ground above his head. I heard footfalls heading away from us and registered in slight shock that his family had at very least heard what we were doing and may have even seen. I was too distracted to realise that I was still pinning Edward down. I raised my head to see whether we were alone.

I felt a little embarrassed, but before I had time to register that emotion I felt a warm tongue circling my breast. I closed my eyes and let out a small moan. Then I felt teeth gently grazing down the same path. The feeling was unbelievable and I felt myself purring again. I looked down at Edward, and he was smiling back up at me. I pressed my body into his, forcing my legs into the ground on either side of his stomach and pushed harder on his hands. My face was inches from his when I felt another shift, I clutched his wrists tightly to stay where I was but it was futile.

_Edward was sitting on my bed in my old room in Forks. "That suits me," he said. His face relaxed into a smile. My human scent was so concentrated in this place it made my throat flame again. "Bring on the shackles – I'm your prisoner."_

I pulled myself back to Edward, lying underneath me, transfixed as he experienced my flashbacks with me.

"Yes, you are," I growled, capturing his mouth. I wrapped my hands around his to deepen the kiss. My body slip against his. He no longer felt cold, and though a small part of me missed the cooling sensation of his ice touch, his warmth set fires in me that were hotter than ever. I pushed my hips back along his body, feeling the sensation of him sliding between my thighs. I became distracted and fascinated by how malleable his skin was to me now. I shifted our hands so that I could capture both of his wrists in one of mine, then I slid one finger down the length of his arm, watching his muscles twist and shape themselves around my finger. I ran the hand up to his cheek and softly caressed his face. He closed his eyes and moaned. I gently ran my fingertips over his eyelids and then moved them to his lips. I ran a circle around his lips before he made a sudden move and caught my finger lightly between his teeth. He sucked on it to pull it into his mouth and I felt the sensation all the way down to my toes. Once I felt the suction release, I slid my finger back out slowly, he dragged his teeth along it. I pushed it back along his cheek bone and touched my thumb to his lips, pulling the bottom one down slightly, fascinated again by how supple it was under my grasp. I ran my fingers as far down his exposed body as I could without relinquishing my grasp on his hands. He trembled beneath me. I felt myself sliding again I reached my hands up so that I was holding both of his again, trying to pin myself to this reality. This pleasure here in front of me.

_We were in the bedroom at my house here, in Fairfield. I was wrapped in Edwards arms and he was carrying me to the bed. I expected him to drop me onto my back on it but at the last second, he turned and sat on the bed, holding me securely on him, straddling his lap. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down onto the bed. I pushed my hands into the bed on either side of his head, leaning my body over him. The smell of my own blood filled with endorphines was too much to stand. It was like holding fire in my mouth. How on earth had Edward ever managed it? Being so close to me when I smelled like _that_!_ _I looked into his eyes. "I love you."_

_"Now that I do believe."_

_I laughed. "Yeah, but it doesn't count because it wasn't a lie."_

He pushed his face into my neck and ran his nose up the length of my throat. He kissed on the spot where it flamed strongest. "You just need to hunt some more," he whispered.

"Maybe," I kissed his shoulder, the feeling of his lips bringing my attention back to what was in front of me right here, right now. The burning fire in my throat not forgotten, but for the moment I chose to concentrate on the much more pleasurable burns in my body. "But right now I'm not dressed for it. I am dressed for this though."

I ran my hands from his wrists down his arms and onto his shoulders. Once I had released his arms, he moved his hands to my hips and in a movement so quick I almost missed it, flipped me over onto my back. I couldn't help laughing. He pinned my arms down by my side, I could tell that for the moment I was stronger than him and could escape if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. Not with the way he was licking my neck. Or the way he slid his body down mine kissing the exposed skin of my chest. He shifted further down so his head was level with my stomach. He kissed and licked little circular patterns over my stomach and chest. The longing I felt now was so much more fierce than anything I had ever experienced. I instinctively knew the release I would achieve would be a thousand times more intense than any I had ever felt as a human. Every muscle, every cell, every nerve in my body reacted to Edward's touch. There wasn't a part of my body that didn't feel him.

"You know," he asked kissing my stomach, "it's just occurred to me," he kissed my hip, "there's something I owe you."

"Mmmm," I teased, "and what's that?"

He gently twisted my wrists next to my body, not answering. Then he kissed the inside of my thigh. "And this time there's no reason to stop," he pushed at my thigh with his cheek.

I complied and moved it in the direction he was pushing.

"After all...I can't hurt you." He bit down on the elastic of my panties and pulled his head swiftly to the side, ripping it off, "I don't get tired," he ran his tongue up my thigh "and I don't need to breathe." He laughed a little before sliding his tongue deep into the heart of me.

Warmth radiated through me as I growled at him and pushed my hands through his hair.

~ 0 ~

A few hours later, we walked at human pace back to the house, hand in hand and smiling contently. I couldn't help pulling up memories of what had just happened as we walked, and each time I found myself experiencing it again.

I pushed myself towards the first one, rather than slipping, allowing Edward to support me as we continued to walk.

_Heat was still pulsating deep within me from the climax Edward had just brought me to with only his mouth. I had never known such pleasure could exist. He climbed his way slowly back up my body, exploring it openly while I lay panting underneath him. He positioned himself above me, hoving just out of reach as he dipped his head and sucked my skin into his mouth. Now that his teeth weren't the same danger to me, he used them to explore as well. The feeling of the sharp razors gliding across my skin was unlike anything I had experienced before. He waited patiently for my excitement to subside while his grew. Eventually, I opened my eyes to stare into his. As soon as our eyes made contact, he thrust himself forward roughly. I gasped as he entered deep within me, not afraid of hurting me anymore. Not holding back. The feeling of warmth plunging into me was as startling as it was enjoyable. I focused on that feeling of absolute ecstacy._

Edward moaned loudly as the memory and my emotions filled his mind.

I smiled to myself and pulled another memory to me.

_Somehow I had ended up on the top. Edwards hands pushed and pulled me to the rhythm he needed. I ran my hands along his chest, fascinated by how clearly I could see every muscle. Occassionally one would twitch with his excitement and when it did I would lean forward and lick that spot. Edward threw his head back, his eyes clenched tightly shut as he exploded within me. He reached his fingers out to massage small circles on my thighs. He smiled apologetically for finishing quicker than I had. But I wasn't going to be greedy. He had already ensured my utmost pleasure four times, but that didn't matter to Edward. I felt one of his hands shift off my hip and come to rest on his stomach. He drew small, tight circles with his thumb around me. I hadn't realised how close I was until another shuddering climax smashed down on me. I knew it would be impossible to top the feeling of euphoria of being with Edward. I leant forward to kiss him, while my body continues to tighten and release around him. My breasts pressed down onto his chest and he kissed me fiercely. Then he ran his hands along my back and around to massage my chest. He continued to work his way around like that as we continued to kiss. If either of us had been breathing, our breaths would have been ragged and fast, but for the moment we were enjoying the kiss too much to break it for something as trivial as oxygen. I felt his excitement building within me again and found myself back on the forest floor. _

I glanced slyly at Edward, and I could tell he was ready for another round. Between our nakedness and the visions I was pulling up, he was practically straining for release. I clutched onto his shoulders and pushed him into a tree before kneeling in front of him and taking him into my mouth. I felt his hands snake into my hair as he groaned. I used every part of my mouth to pleasure him, my tongue, my lips, my teeth. Although he didn't need it, he leaned back into the tree for support. He let his hands rest in the one spot and his fingers ran back and forth through my hair with my movement. As I felt him nearing completion I slipped again, a less recent memory, the memory of doing this to him while I was human. Then he worried about his venom, now he wasn't worried about anything. Seeing in my mind how much pleasure I derived from giving him pleasure was all it took for Edward to lose it, and with a final series of grunts he fell back into the tree again. Once he was calm enough, and had wiped the loopy grin off his face, we started back toward the house again.

Now that all my basic needs, hunting and Edward, were satiated for now - even if nowhere near fully satisfied but I knew I would never be able to get enough of either to fully satisfy me - my curiosity about what was happening with my visions grew and I wanted to talk to Carlisle to see if he had ever heard of anything like it.

About a mile out from the house, we came across some clothes that had obviously been laid out for our return. Edward laughed at the look of embarrassment that was obviously printed on my face.

"They all understand, love. It's hard to control the urges when you're new."

"Hey – you attacked me just as much – maybe more."

"True-" he smiled, "but can you blame me."

His eyes roved over my body again. I had only just finished putting on the ridiculous wonder bra and g-string that Alice had left out for me. His breathing hitched and he took a step closer to me again, running his hands down my sides. I shivered and closed my eyes. Edward burst out laughing and let go of me. "I've been told I need to take you home. Everyone else is anxious to meet the new you."

I suddenly felt apprehensive. _Was Jacob still there? Would he like the new me? Would everyone else?_

~ 0 ~

**A/N – I hope this chapter didn't disappoint. I haven't had as much time today as I would have liked to get this together but I wanted to post it up because I know everyone is anxious for answers. **

**And as a result of some of the feedback I have received I have actually thought of a little bit more to add to this story to continue it on. It's not enough to do a whole other story. What do people think – should I drag this out a little more or would you prefer I finish where I was going to & do a sequel if I can get enough material? I'm easy & it will probably be written either way now that the idea is running around my brain, they tend to not go away until I get them on paper – it drives me a little mad at night when I'm trying to sleep & Edward and Bella just won't be quiet ;) **

**Also – the chapter title is the name of an episode in one of my all-time favourite British sci-fi comedies – in fact it is one of my all time favourite episodes of the show. I wonder if anyone knows the show? (Hint – the 6****th**** episode of season V & was filmed in the early 90's). I'll reveal it at the end of the next chapter, which will have a title from the same TV series :)**

**Again – thanks for the reviews. I appreciate each & every one of them so much. **


	21. Timeslides

**Chapter 21: Timeslides**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

~ 0 ~

I clutched Edward's hand tightly as we walked to the threshold of his back door. I found that worrying about meeting his family again, as the new me, brought back another memory.

"_And you're worried, not because you're headed to meet a house full of vampires, but becaue you think those vampires won't approve of you, correct?"_

"_That's right." The human part of me answered. The vampire part of me, watching this scene from outside laughed at the memory. I followed myself outside as Edward walked me to my truck. I was lost in the rich scent that flowed from my human self. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply of the smell. I was starting to see how Edward could appreciate the scent despite the flames. It was almost as if it reached into my mind and danced around inside. I was so lost in my analysis, I didn't notice the truck roar to life and leave until after it had happened._

The shift back to reality was more like a thud. I opened my eyes to find myself clutching Edward's arm tightly.

"How? What?" I squeezed out, beyond coherency.

Edward was staring at me just as astonished. "You stayed behind? How?"

"Carlisle," I said. I needed to apply his logic and reasoning to the situation.

Edward nodded and pulled me through the door. His whole family was there and they all wore looks ranging from astonishment to awe. The only one who didn't look surprised was Alice; she just looked smug. My face fell a little when I saw Jacob wasn't there. Surely he hadn't left already had he?

"He's packing up, he is leaving soon, but he won't go without saying goodbye," Edward whispered in my ear.

"I thought you couldn't hear me unless I was, well, you know?"

He laughed. "I can't, but I know you. You're feelings are printed so clearly on your face." He stroked my cheek as if to demonstrate.

I closed my eyes to the feeling that sank through my bones, oblivious to his family. So much for being satiated for now. Edward chuckled and Jasper groaned.

"Sorry," I said to Jasper, fully aware again of everyone's eyes staring at me. "Hi?" I offered weakly.

Alice threw herself at me and wrapped her arms tightly around me. "Look at you, dear sister!" She spun me around and smiled. "But I knew you'd be magnificent. I've known it for years." She shot Edward a dark look.

I wondered exactly what she meant by the being magnificent part, I was so used to seeing the human me in my flashbacks and I still hadn't seen myself properly. The only thing I had seen were glimpses of me in the flashbacks I had while walking back to the house, and I was too inundated with the emotions and watching Edward that I hadn't paid any attention to myself. Thinking about _those_ flashbacks made me shift into one again, but as before, Edward's naked form in front of me was too tempting and I just couldn't tear my eyes away from him.

Jasper growled at me.

"I'm sorry," I said. "It's all just so..."

"Overwhelming," Edward answered for me.

"I know, Bella," Jasper sighed. "I've just never met a newborn with a sex drive like yours."

I knew in my human days I would have been burning bright red. Jasper covered the few steps between us and rested his hands lightly on my shoulders. I felt calm washing over me with his touch. "Sorry. I didn't mean to embarrass you, it's just hard absorbing that much lust." He shot Alice a quick glance that said to me he would find a useful outlet for it soon enough. He walked over to her and sat, pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her.

"I have to say, Bella..." Emmett said, "You are smokin'!" He ran over quickly and scooped me up into a bear hug. Both Rosalie and Edward gave him a short growl. I couldn't help giggling. It felt good being told I was beautiful by the people I always thought were the epitome of beauty. I mean Edward told me all the time, but that was different – he was blinded by his love.

Rosalie turned to me. "You are beautiful but I can't believe this jackass hasn't shown you a mirror yet." She slapped Edward's chest.

I burst out laughing. Had I ever been so happy?

I noticed Esme and Carlisle sitting back, watching the scene with looks of mild amusement. Esme met my eyes and I saw my joy reflected absolutely in hers. Whether she was happy that Edward had finally been matched up with someone his equal, or whether it was because I had joined the family properly now I couldn't tell. Maybe it was some combination of the two. I recognised the jolt in my middle immediately and anticipated the flashback.

_I was sitting next to Edward on a piano bench. I instantly recognised the rise and fall of the notes of my lullaby being released from the keys under the instruction of Edward's graceful fingers. The vampire part of me moved closer to watch as his fingers danced. I realised I was getting better at handling my human scent, it still burned my throat but I could be a little closer now without the desire to sink my teeth into my own neck. "Esme and Carlisle...?" My human self asked._

"_Are happy to see me happy. Actually, Esme wouldn't care if you had a third eye and webbed feet. All this time she's been worried about me, afraid there was something missing from my essential makeup, that I was too young when Carlisle changed me...She's ecstatic. Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction._

I grinned at Esme as I shifted back again.

"Carlisle," I said. His eyes moved from Edward back to me and he smiled warmly. "Edward and I would like to talk to you."

"No," Alice demanded. "Not yet anyway. I want you to see yourself first."

I looked at Edward, entreating him to rescue me. He just shrugged. I narrowed my eyes at him and he chuckled. I felt Alice tugging at my arm, I thought about ignoring her for a while because she wasn't having much success moving me, but eventually I submitted and let her drag me to the guest bathroom. I figured I may as well get it over with, although I would much prefer to find out more about my flashbacks then my looks.

At least...until I saw the mirror. Then I became captivated by the silken-haired beauty in front of me. I turned my head from left to right and she copied, her long brown hair shifting softly with her movement, bouncy and full of life in a way mine never was.

My eyes were the first thing to really draw my attention. The whites of my eyes were just that – dazzling white, no tiny red veins running the surface, and certainly not the angry red blotches I had seen in them once before. The red irises whirled and were a little frightening, but they were also beautiful. I stared closer and could see, as I had in Edward's eyes, the give and take each of the tiny muscles moving to allow me to adjust my focus across such a wide range. I wondered vaguely how long it would be before my eyes were the golden-brown of Edward's...my family. _My family – I liked the sound of that_.

I continued the examination of my face, although it was still a little bit odd that something so glorious was _my_ face. I was used to being plain. Every small imperfection in my skin and bone structure had been straightened and refined, all traces of my injuries wiped clean. All of the small details that made me _me_ were still there, except now rather than being distracting they added to the overall effect.

The outfit Alice had laid out for me enhanced my natural figure and accentuated my curves. I ran my hands over my stomach. It was perfectly flat. The muscles in my arms were well defined with no layer of fat to insulate them. The skin rested directly over the muscles so that it danced as they twitched, which they often did as they were permanently tensed and ready for action. The movements were so small and swift it would be impossible for anyone with eyesight less clear than a vampire's to notice, but I watched enthralled.

I was only upset that the mirror provided me with a less than clear vision of myself. I could see every imperfection in the glass and my eyes would often focus on those rather than what I wanted to see. Eventually I felt so frustrated I deliberately called up the memory of coming into this room a few minutes ago.

_I watched myself as I entered the room. A look of anticipation was written across my face. I circled around myself a couple of times, studying my features in greater depth. _

Edward looked amused when I shifted back. "What was that about?"

I glanced at him, unwilling to share.

"Bella?" He stared into my eyes. If I had thought his power to make me spill my secrets by looking at me from under his eyelashes would stop once I was a vampire, I was sorely mistaken.

"I wanted to see myself properly – without all the scratches and imperfections of that." I gestured towards the mirror.

Edward laughed loudly. "Okay. Let's go talk to Carlisle now."

Alice looked like she was going to object but Edward shot her a look and she remained silent.

Edward wrapped his hand around mine and we walked back to the living room. I wasn't even halfway back when I heard a steady thumping of a heartbeat and a smell assaulted my senses. It was vaguely familiar even though I had never experienced it first-hand. I realised I had smelt it in one of my flashbacks. Mangy and wet smelling, like damp earth, deep and rich, and utterly disgusting.

I felt the heat radiating from the room before I saw him. "Jacob," I said to him quietly, nodding my hello, terrified what he might think of me. After everything he'd done for me, I wasn't ready to let go of him as my best friend just yet.

He did a double-take when he saw me. "Wowser, Bells!"

I raised my eyebrow. "Wowser is a complement I'm assuming?"

He laughed. "I guess. It's just you've changed so much considering what you looked like the last time I saw you."

I focused on what he meant. I pushed myself into the flashback.

_I was standing in the hallway. The smell of rich flowing human blood was making it hard to concentrate on what I was seeing. I was so close to losing control. My human self fell against Jacob. I was ashen-faced, bloodied and broken – my chest hammered as I tried to get enough air to talk. I managed to squeeze out one word, "Edward." _

"_Oh, my god Bella! He shot you?"_

_I pulled back from my dual viewpoint, disconnecting the part of me that was experiencing this as a human. I was a vampire now, I didn't need to feel pain like that ever again. I watched helplessly and I saw myself fall limp in Jacob's arms. He picked me up and placed me on the couch. I heard Cain utter a low moan from the corner and my heart broke for him. But before I could concentrate on that, I saw Jacob run to my phone. He dialled the number of my saviour. _

_I was surprised I could hear the voice on the other end of the line with crystal clarity. Edward's voice sounded confused. "Bella?"_

"_Edward, get here. Now."_

"_Jacob – what is it?" Edward's voice sounded like it was dead – he knew we wouldn't be calling him in school if it wasn't important. And he realised the significance of Jacob calling rather than me._

"_It's Bella," Jacob confirmed._

_There was a click as Edward hung up the phone. He didn't need to know what was wrong, just that something was. Jacob dialled another number._

"_This is Carlisle Cullen."_

"_Carlisle, it's Jacob. Bella's been hurt. I've called Edward but please can you come too?"_

"_I'll be there as soon as I can." The phone clicked again. _

_Jacob hung up the phone and walked back over to the couch. He knelt next to it, watching the life draining from my face. My breathing was shallow. "Bella, you have to stay with me."_

_I saw myself struggle to take a breath and then another. I nodded. _

_Jacob clasped my hand. I saw myself give his a gentle squeeze before I smiled serenely. Death was seconds away. _

_The front door flew open and Edward stormed in a look of panic on his face. He had already detected the scent of my flowing human blood. When he saw me on the couch a look of absolute loss passed across his features. If I lived a thousand years, a million, I never wanted to see such a look again. It was horrifying. I tried to soothe him but again found I was as insubstantial as a breeze. _

_His eyes hardened and he threw himself onto me, biting me repeatedly. Frantically working over my body. His teeth tore at my neck, my elbows, my wrists. Each time he bit, he would run his tongue over the wound, trying to force as much venom as possible into my system. His eyes were set in determination to save me but I could also tell how much he enjoyed the taste of my blood in his mouth. He licked the wound where the bullet had opened a hole in my chest, drinking in just a little blood first. I could see the battle raging. He had control over the monster within him-just-but the monster was fighting back, stronger now that it had the taste of my fresh blood to taunt Edward with. He pressed his lips to mine and begged my forgiveness. Jacob stood back, mortified by the sight in front of him but unwilling to stop it if it meant I would be saved, he knew I was dead anyway if it didn't work. _

_My heartbeat was weakening. I was slipping away despite the venom, my heart not strong enough to maintain its rhythm. Edward started CPR to massage my heart and keep it pumping until the venom healed it enough to start pumping on its own. _

_Once my heart had found a steady beat, Edward grabbed my hand and braced himself for the screaming. Carlisle came through the front door just as Cain started to stir again. A groan of pain escaped from Cain's lips. A look of murderous rage crossed Edward's features and he launched himself in the direction of the sound. Carlisle jumped in front of him, blocking his way. Edward tried to find a way past him. I could tell Carlisle was telling Edward something with his thoughts but Edward was tuning him out. _

"_Go to, Bella." Carlisle finally spoke out loud. "She needs you now."_

_Edward crumpled to the floor. "I don't think it worked Carlisle. She's..." His head snapped back towards my figure lying motionless and silent on the couch with a look of shock on his features. He crawled back over to me. A wide smile crept across his features and I released the breath I didn't realise I had been holding. Carlisle pulled out a phone and called for two ambulances while Edward was distracted. _

_I sat next to Edward while he clutched my hand. His eyes had a far-away look in them. I knew he was seeing what I had seen, us in the meadow the day we declared our love. He sat silently next to me while the ambulances pulled up. Two ambulance officers stabilized Cain and took him away. The others came over to me. Carlisle was pretending to work over me so the ambulance officers did little but wait with a stretcher. Edward refused to let go of my hand as they wheeled me into the ambulance. Jacob rode in the back of the ambulance with both of us. Carlisle continued to pretend to work over me but turned to Edward, "Good job, son. You've done everything I could have, and more. I think you've done enough to save her."_

I shifted back to present. Jacob was staring at me with his mouth wide open. I waited for him to speak, cocking my head slightly to the side in confusion.

"What was that?" he asked uncertainly.

I looked around to find out if anyone was going to tell me what he meant. No one did. What had happened in my absence? It occurred to me that that was the longest memory I had encountered since being alone with Edward. I grew frustrated at the silence so I called back the memory of what had just happened. The small tug in my middle indicated my success.

_I was looking at myself, only now there weren't two view points. I hadn't disconnected one of them, it just didn't exist. My body looked...empty. My eyes were vague and unfocused and I was staring off into the distance. Like Alice when she had a vision of the future except I had never seen Alice blank out for this long._

I shifted back again. Then I laughed. "Is that seriously what I look like?"

Edward joined my laughter. "I guess so, I've never really paid much attention. I haven't wanted to miss one second of opportunity to get inside that head of yours."

"What's happening?" Jacob asked.

"I, we, think she's talented," Edward answered for me.

"Like your freaky mind-reading?"

"Actually, a bit more like Alice's visions. They're the closest I've seen to what Bella encounters, but Bella's are just so much more vivid."

"What do you mean, Edward?" Carlisle asked.

"Well, remember the flashback she had when she was human, the first time I could hear her? I told you then it was so much more real than any other person's thoughts I had ever experienced?"

Carlisle nodded. "And?"

I had been hoping to have this conversation in private but the looks of absolute fascination on _my_ sibling's faces made me want to share this with them. After all, whatever my visions were, whether a talent or a vivid memory, it would affect all of them in some way.

"I can control what I see to a certain degree," I said. Edward squeezed my hand in support.

"Can you explain that more?" Carlisle voice was laced with curiosity, but there was a clinical detachment there too. He wasn't interested because he thought a new talent had been added to his family, he would have been just as happy if I had displayed no talent. He was intrigued purely because it was new information.

"When I go back into these flashbacks, I can see it as I experienced it at the time. But I also see it as a witness. If I choose too, I can view it only as a witness, cutting off the way I saw it at the time. I can move around in the visions and in one a little earlier I...left me behind." My voice trailed off a little when I admitted that, knowing it made me sound crazy.

"But it's more than that. Just before when Jacob spoke about what she looked like the last time he saw her she had a vision of herself after she was shot. She could smell the blood in the air. Not the way she would have as a human, but with her vampire senses. It made her thirsty and she almost lost control." Edward looked...proud?

"Can you affect anything physically?"

I shook my head. There was a moment of silence as Carlisle reflected on the information we had given.

"Yes, everything. Things her mind at the time couldn't have detected," Edward declared.

A few seconds later. "That's what I thought."

I looked at him quizzically.

"Carlisle was just wondering if it was more than a simple vision. See, when Alice gets her visions she can see what's happening and hear what's said, sometimes, but never the smells and details that you see. He agrees with my guess that somehow your consciousness actually slips back in time."

"But how?" I asked, it made sense but I just couldn't comprehend it.

"How do I read minds?" He responded.

_Why was that familiar? _I felt the tug.

_I immediately pulled back from the two viewpoints to watch the scene. I found it hurt my head to stay inside my human self for long now, the eyesight was too fuzzy for my liking and the scent too strong. My human self and Edward were wrapped in each other's arms on my small bed in Forks. I heard myself asking him a question. "Why can you read minds - why only you? And Alice, seeing into the future...why does that happen?"_

_I saw Edward shrug. I was surprised that my eyesight was no worse here in the dark than it had been in the middle of the bright forest. "We don't really know," Edward answered. "Carlisle has a theory...he believes we all bring something of our strongest human traits with us into the next life, where they are intensified – like our minds, our senses. He thinks I must have already been very sensitive to the thoughts of those around me. And that Alice had some precognition, wherever she was." _

Edward laughed. "Why ask a question if you answer it yourself?"

I laughed too, ignoring the looks on my family's faces – they were used to Edward having private conversations, but never with me. I almost felt bad that I enjoyed the feeling of having a little secret just between us. No-one else would ever know exactly what my visions were like.

"How did she answer her own question?" Jacob asked.

"With a freaky vision," Edward said, winking at me.

"Can you call the memories to you? Or do they just come unbidden?" Carlisle asked.

"Both. But once I feel the shift I can't stop it."

"Shift?"

"That's what it feels like. It's a kind of tug in my middle."

"So you can tell exactly when it's going to happen?" Carlisle's clinical curiosity was back.

"Yeah, both by the way I feel, and by Edward's reaction. He can sense my mind about a second before I shift."

"I think the two of you should experiment with these visions a little more, like we did with Alice." He looked over to Edward who nodded that he understood, but he had a slightly wicked smile on his face too. Obviously he planned to experiment a little differently than he had with Alice, and I was willing to submit myself to any of his experiments. Like the little one on not needing to breath he had performed earlier. I felt the excitement growing in me at the thought, it would be so easy to call the memory to me now and relive it again, but I wondered how his family would react to us attacking each other after the memory had played out.

I heard a low soft growl and Jasper stood and grabbed Alice's hand. He turned to me quickly. "Bella, welcome to the family. Umm, Alice and I just need to check on something...upstairs." They were out of the room in a flash and I heard Alice giggling the whole way up the staircase.

Carlisle stood. "Jacob, it's probably time to take you to the airport. I hope you don't mind if Esme and I drive you down? It's not a great idea for Bella to be in public places just yet and I don't think Edward is willing to leave her side just yet."

"No probs, Doc." He walked a bit closer, eyeing me off. "You're not going to attack me if I give you a hug goodbye?"

"I won't, but I can't say what Edward will do," I joked. I held my breath while we hugged though, just to be on the safe side.

"I'll really miss you, Bells," he said as he pulled away, a tear in his eye.

"Hey – this isn't goodbye. We'll see each other again. You'll always be welcome in our house."

Edward nodded. "Definitely, maybe you can even bring Sam and Emily next time, I know Bella misses them too."

_Clever way to invite Harriett along_, I thought.

"Sure, sure," Jacob said, but he didn't sound convinced.

Edward gave him a quick embrace and Jacob gave me another quick peck on the cheek before following Carlisle and Esme out to the car.

Edward sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling me over to the couch. I hadn't noticed Emmett and Rosalie sneak away but they were nowhere to be seen. Edward sat down on the couch and pulled me next to him before swinging my legs around so they lay over his. He ran his hand absently up and down my thigh.

"We're going to be moving in another few weeks," he said. "We just need to wait the appropriate length of time for news of your death to circulate fully and then we'll quietly withdraw from the town because it holds too many memories of you."

"Where are we going?"

"The depends... if you can stay in control, we'll head to another small town and maybe all enrol in high school, although you may have to pose as a senior with Emmett, Rose and Jazz, I don't know how well you'll pass as a junior. We'll have to trial that though, if you get too many strange looks you may need to go into college."

"And if I can't control myself?"

"Well, then everyone else will move onto another town and you and I will go into the wilderness somewhere where there is less temptation."

"And for the next two weeks I assume you'll be going to school?" I couldn't help the pout that played on my lips. That meant two weeks stuck in the house on my own. I couldn't be seen in public, it was too risky.

"I'm afraid so. Starting tomorrow."

I was glad to see he looked upset about this fact too.

"Well, I guess we'll have to make the most of our time together right now then won't we?" I pulled up the memory I had been thinking of before and felt him harden instantly under my legs. We followed Jasper and Alice's lead, running up to Edward's, our, bedroom giggling the whole way.

~ 0 ~

**A/N – Yes the TV show I was talking about was... Red Dwarf. Which is seriously one of the best British comedies ever. I own all 8 series and am just waiting for new special to come out on region 4. **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'm still debating whether to stop soon & start on a sequel or just continue on here. If I stop and go for a sequel I will be finishing this in a chapter or two (because the events that I see taking place in the sequel happen very soon after this). **

**I hope everyone has a great new year! This will be the last post in 2009 for me (I have an hour and a half left before it is 2010 and I know I'm not going to get another chapter done in that time).**

**Thanks for all the lovely reviews, keep them coming. I really want to hit 200 before I end this if I'm not going to continue it here :) **


	22. Experimentation

**Chapter 22: Experimentation **

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

~ 0 ~

Edward and I finally emerged from our room dressed and ready to face Monday with about five minutes to spare without him being late for class. We spent those five minutes saying a proper goodbye near his car. When we broke apart from our kiss, I had to remind him to wipe the contented smirk off his face. He was returning to school after having a week off to mourn me. It wouldn't do for him to walk around smiling like a loony all day. I kissed him once more through the Volvo window while everyone else waited in the car impatiently. No one said anything, out loud, but I could tell they were berating him internally by the soft growl that issued from his mouth to silence them.

And then he was gone.

I walked back into the house, unsure exactly what to do with myself for the next seven hours. I could go hunting, but I didn't trust myself if I crossed the path of a human. I started following Esme around while she did her daily chores, I was surprised she did them at regular human speed, but then again, she had all the time in the world to do them and she actually seemed to enjoy it. The problem was it was boring for me and she had them down to a fine art so I was only getting in the way, not that she said anything of course, she's too sweet for that, but I could tell.

I flicked on the TV but even with so many channels that failed to capture my interest for more than a few minutes. I was doing my sixteenth lap around the living room when my eyes fell to Edward's piano in the corner. I knew nothing about playing the piano, but I had an idea. It was time to test my talent, and my vampire mind.

I sat down on the bench and then called the memory I had the previous day of Edward and I sitting at the piano in Forks. I tuned out the conversation and tried to ignore my human smell, it was easier now, but still a little bit of a distraction. I stood and watched Edward's fingers, where he placed them, when he pushed the levers with his foot, how long he held the notes for. I allowed the tune to fill my head completely, I found I could register each note individually as well as listening to the overall melody.

When I felt myself shift back, I called up the memory again and watched from another angle. I shifted back again and decided to give it a try.

I placed my fingers over the keys exactly where Edward had in my memory. I tentatively picked over the notes and was stunned to find it was an almost perfect rendition of my lullaby. It was a little slower than Edward had played it, and his version had a lot more flourish and panache, but I _was_ playing it. I heard Esme approaching and grinned at her madly. She smiled back in encouragement and indicated I should keep going.

I played it again and again, each time picking up a little more speed. I decided I would have Edward play me another couple of songs this evening so that I could learn them tomorrow. I sat for a while doing scales up and down the piano, learning and committing to memory the distinct sound of each key, I hoped that eventually I may be able to learn to pull the music apart and teach myself some other songs.

Carlisle came home for 'lunch', although I think it was mostly to check up on me, and Esme started bragging to him about how talented I was, that I had taught myself my lullaby on the piano. She was positively bursting with enthusiasm, it made me feel good because I realised as much as I may have been just a potential mate for Edward in the very beginning, Esme now loved me for me and no longer as an extension of Edward.

"You'll have to play for us all this evening, Bella." Carlisle said.

I nodded, I was planning on playing for Edward to show him what I had learned anyway. Then I had a thought, there was something I had wanted to discuss alone with Carlisle. "Carlisle? How's Cain?"

He looked at me in surprise that I had asked. I could see a wary look cross his face and Esme subtly left the table, "Bella, I won't allow a vengeance attack on that young boy. I know what he did to you was terrible, but he will suffer for that for the rest of his life."

"No, I don't want that," I snapped, a little insulted that he would think so little of me. "I just wanted to know if he will get better."

"I apologise for misjudging the question, Bella," Carlisle laughed. "I guess I am just used to people wanting justice for the crimes against them."

I looked at him quizzically.

"Rosalie. She killed the men who hurt her and left her for dead." He looked disappointed in her decision. Then he laughed, "and Emmett has never forgiven bears as a species for winning the first fight against him.

"I know Cain is just a confused kid. I mean dealing with that step-dad of his and all. If anyone deserves to be punished it's Chris." I saw the look of concern of Carlisle's face again, "Don't worry I won't. I'll leave that to the human system and karma."

Carlisle laughed again, "I must say you are very rational for a newborn. This level of compassion is rare so early."

"You didn't answer my question though," I pushed. "How is he?"

"Well, his physical injuries were pretty extensive, but they'll heal. It's his mind that I'm worried about."

"Why?" I asked, my maternal instinct kicking in again. Despite what he had done to me, I wanted to protect this poor broken boy from further harm.

"Well, it's like you said, he's a confused kid. Part of the time he refuses to cope with the fact that you are dead, by his hand. Then the rest, he screams loudly that it's all his fault and tries to hurt himself."

"Can I see him?" I asked. I didn't even know where the question came from.

"That's not a good idea, Bella."

"I want to go in and let him know that I forgive him. It might help him heal." An idea was already forming in my mind. "You can ensure it is after a round of pain medication so that he'll put it down to a hallucination."

"It's not a good idea for you to be around humans yet, especially not in a hospital where there are so many open wounds. And especially not in a town where you are supposed to be dead."

"If I can prove that I can cope around human blood, will you let me?"

"And the fact that you are supposed to be dead?" I could tell he was just humouring me.

"I'll cover up and go in through the window?"

"I still, don't think it's a good idea."

"Please, Carlisle? I think it will help me too."

He eyed me off, looking for insincerity I presumed. He wouldn't find any, I honestly thought this action would help both Cain and I.

"Please?" I whispered.

He sighed, I could see a chink in his armour, "How will you prove that you can cope around human blood?"

I thought about it for a second, "Bring some home from the hospital." I was sure I would be fine, so long as I wasn't in hunting mode, I was getting used to the burn from being around my human self in my memories. Fresh flowing blood may be a different issue but I was sure I would be fine to be in the room with Cain, even if he had bled, his injuries would all have covered over by now.

"I'll discuss it with Edward," Carlisle said. I was going to protest, Edward didn't need to know about this, but Carlisle held up his hand. "It will affect him too because I'll need him there to assess the level of risk of Cain realising you're not just a hallucination."

"Edward can't be in the room – he won't be able to restrain himself." I thought of the murderous look he wore in my flashback.

"I know. He can wait in the carpark and listen for danger."

"Thank you for thinking about it, Carlisle." I smiled as warmly as I could. Now that I had suggested it I really wanted to go through with it. I honestly thought it would help both Cain and I move forward. I would always worry about him otherwise. And forever is a long time to worry.

~ 0 ~

I spent the rest of the afternoon practising my lullaby. I jumped off the piano half an hour before Edward was due to return home when I heard tires coming up the drive. I raced out but could hear as the car got closer it was Carlisle not Edward. He had seen me by the garage though and smiled at me, silently apologising for building my hopes up. I walked back into the house but I couldn't help feeling excited to see Edward again, every hour away from him felt like an eternity. I heard the crunch of tires of the gravel a second time and I raced to the garage to wait. As soon as the Volvo stopped his door was open and I was in his arms. I pushed my hands into his hair and pulled him fiercely to my lips.

"Hello," I whispered when our lips parted.

"Hi, yourself." He smiled, and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest, breathing deeply of his scent. "I missed you today."

He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me lightly. "Me too."

"How was school? Learn anything?" I joked.

He gave a chuckle. "Not really, although the school is in shock and mourning about you – you made quite the impact in your short time there. They've got a photo of you from our wedding day and it's up in your old classroom."

"And where did they get that?"

He just shrugged. "I didn't want to have to go a whole day without seeing your face."

We fell silent, continuing to hold each other. We stood like that for another minute before he chuckled. "Apparently you've got something you want to show me?"

I pouted, wondering if Alice or Esme was my betrayer. "Do I still need to show you or have you just seen?"

"I only know what you are planning, I haven't seen it."

"Okay, let's go then." I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the house.

The whole family were gathered around the piano. When I saw them, my nerves set in. I hadn't thought this through properly. How could _I_ be the centre of attention? Just as the panic set in I felt a wave of calm from Jasper and I smiled at him.

He winked at me. "That's a thank you for the inspiration last night."

I chuckled nervously. I sat down at the piano and after setting my fingers on the right keys. I closed my eyes and allowed the hours I had spent practising take over. I tried not to think too much about it, just put my fingers where I knew they needed to go. The only error I made was when I felt hands come to rest on my shoulders. I had been so caught up in the music I hadn't heard the small sounds to indicate footsteps and I gave a little start. I allowed the music to come its melancholy conclusion, and then I heard applause, although it was so enthusiastic it sounded more like people smashing rocks together. I opened my eyes and looked around, everyone's faces wore the same look of pride that Esme's had when she heard me today.

I looked up behind me to see the reaction of the one person who really mattered. Edward had his face turned down towards mine and he wore a look of wonderment. "You taught yourself that?"

I gave a little laugh. "Actually, you taught me."

He scrunched his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I learnt it from you, from my memory of when you played it for me in Forks." I was aware we were being caught up in our own little bubble again when I heard the footsteps of his family walking away quietly.

He sat next to me on the piano bench. "You're amazing, do you know that."

I felt new stirrings of love for him. "Will you teach me some more?"

"How? I can run you through some of my favourites if you like?"

"Just play them for me, I'll learn them the same way. That way we'll have some spare time on our hands."

He winked at me. "And what, Mrs Cullen, would you like to do with that spare time?"

"I can think of a few things." So I did; I shifted into memories of the previous night and day, feeling the fires burning within me. Between memories, I noticed Edward was gently stroking my thigh.

I heard a groan and a giggle from another room and then Jasper's and Alice's footsteps on the stairs.

"Alice is going to thank you for that later," Edward laughed. "But we have some things we need to do first."

"Like?"

"Like I think we need to go hunting again. I know Carlisle wants to speak to me about something you were discussing today and we still need to experiment a bit with your talent."

"Fine," I pouted.

Edward laughed at me before kissing me softly on the lips. Then he turned and played two of his favourite compositions, one was about the love he had witnessed between Carlisle and Esme. The other one was about his family and the struggles they went through, as he heard them in his own mind. The first was beautiful and uplifting, the second dark and brooding but both were equally enthralling.

Once he had played them for me, he pulled me up from the bench and we went to see Carlisle.

"You wanted to see me?" Edward asked him.

Carlisle nodded and then looked over to me. Then he started up the silent conversation in his head. I was sure Carlisle thought this the best option, maybe it was so that so I didn't interrupt. I was a little frustrated but put it aside, in this instance Carlisle would be able to argue for what I wanted better than me anyway.

I watched Edward's face closely instead.

He closed his eyes.

A few seconds later, he set his jaw.

Then he took a deep breath.

When he opened his eyes again and looked at me, there was pain inside them. I couldn't help myself when I was staring at his eyes, I felt myself shift back to this afternoon and I watched the conversation I had with Carlisle. I hadn't realised just how pleading my face had been. I allowed the feelings of how I thought this would be beneficial for me to fill me up, trying to portray that to Edward. I shifted back and Edward had his eyes shut again.

"Fine," he breathed. "When?"

I sighed in relief. "Soon if possible. Before we go – so we can have a fresh start."

"And you really need this?" He asked me.

"I think so."

Carlisle nodded. "I'll make the preparations for the test, well do it tomorrow night. If you pass that, Bella, then we'll arrange it."

"Thank you," I said to Carlisle but was looking at Edward.

"And we'll have to check with Alice beforehand too," Edward said. Thenhe added , "I just hope it's the right thing,"

I traced the lines on his face with my fingers. "Me too. But it feels right."

"Hunting now?" Edward asked, but then turned his face towards Carlisle. "If you think so."

He looked back at me. "Carlisle doesn't want you to hunt until after he's done the test. He wants you at your weakest, because seeing Cain will no doubt be emotional and high emotions can cause you to drain quicker."

I nodded, that was fine with me, it left me more time to experiment with Edward.

~ 0 ~

Edward and I were on our bed sitting cross-legged across from each other, still in the clothes we had been wearing all day.

"How did you experiment with Alice's visions?" I asked him.

"Just little things, like figuring out what caused them and how to call them. She didn't have much control over them at first – possibly even less than you do. Even now she is still pulled into them like you are, but she can call them to her and revisit them as well. Eventually she learned how to interpret timing and decisions behind choices. I helped her out with that by providing another opinion and talking through things with her. Then we trialled the changes that happened with different decisions, Alice would look for my future and Carlisle would make a decision that would effect it, that sort of thing." He smiled at me. "Nothing painful."

"So what do you want to do to me then?" I realised what I had asked and put my hand over my mouth.

He laughed.

"Sorry, I mean what do you want me to do?"

"Actually, if it's alright with you, I'd like to experiment with your shield not your visions," his eyes sparkled. I could almost see him processing the possibilities of being able to read my mind all the time – or at least whenever I allowed.

"What makes you so sure I even have a _shield_?" The word conjured strange images for me. Knights in shining armour and that sort of thing.

"The fact that I _can_ read you mind, even if it's only when you have your visions. I don't think that would happen if it was just something different about your mind."

I felt the shift at his words.

_We were sitting in his Volvo, the heater was running through my hair. The smell of my blood was so concentrated in there, I was almost out of my mind with thirst at the smell of it. I bit back on the venom and forced myself to concentrate on the conversation playing out before me._

"_Why do you think you can't hear me?"_

"_I don't know," he murmured. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way as the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM."_

"_My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" _

_I remembered exactly how I felt at the time, he'd confirmed what I'd always suspected. I didn't fit in with the rest of the world. My mind wasn't wired up right. _

_Edward laughed. "I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're _the freak. Don't worry, it's just a theory..."_

I came back to find Edward staring at me again. "You really felt like that? Like you didn't fit into the world?"

I shrugged. "I never got along with people my own age. Well, people in general really."

He looked sad for a second but then he smiled. "You relate well to vampires."

I smiled too. "That I do." I leaned toward him and kissed him gently.

"Anyway," Edward pulled back before I could get too involved in the kiss, "the fact that it is possible for me to hear you sometimes suggests that something is blocking me at other times. And if I'm correct, that something is a mental shield."

"Okay, if you say so. So how does it work?"

"Why are you asking me? It's your mind," he teased.

I rolled my eyes at him. "You're the one who is so sure there is something there. I don't know."

"I have an idea," Edward said. "This was how Carlisle helped me to focus my ability and pick out individual voices. Close your eyes."

I closed my eyes. Edward was silent for a while. I was about to peak when he spoke again. "Just concentrate on your own mind. Now when you are ready, call a flash-back but pay attention to your own mind to see if you can see what changes, if there is a flicker or anything."

I grabbed Edward's hand in mine. "Squeeze my hand as soon as you can hear me," I whispered. I pulled a memory to me, one I thought Edward might enjoy, paying extra attention to my own mind the instant I felt Edward squeeze my hand.

"_Why don't you sit with me today?" Edward asked, smiling. _

_I saw my human self sit down automatically. I settled into her mind. Despite the fuzzy vision, it was still a good angle to watch Edward, especially the way he turned his attention to her. We were in the cafeteria at Forks High School. This was the day he started talking to me again. I allowed the feelings of my past self to roll through me. Concentrating on just how beautiful I had thought Edward was. I was so afraid he was just a mirage. And for some reason he was talking to _me_._

"_This is different." I finally managed._

"_Well..." He paused, then the words tumbled out of him, I recognised it as the way he spoke when he was nervous. "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."_

"You know I loved you even then," Edward smiled at me. "The night before that was the first night I stayed in your room. That was the night everything changed for me."

"I know. I never understood why you did, but I'll never question it again."

"Mmm, so?"

"So what?"

"Did you notice anything?"

I shook my head. "Nothing."

"That's alright. You can't expect to be perfect on your first attempt."

"Were you? And Alice?" I asked, it seemed they were perfect at everything they did.

"Hardly," he laughed, "it took two years before I could even be around humans. And then it was about three years after that before I stopped answering people thoughts rather than their words, except my family obviously – because they already knew how big a freak I was." He winked at me. "And it took Alice a number of years to be able to interpret her visions correctly, learning which ones would come true because they were too late to stop or people's minds were too made up. You just think we're perfect because you've only seen that side of us. Carlisle could tell you some stories about ways we got ourselves into trouble with our abilities."

"Or you could?"

"Maybe one day. But I'd prefer to focus on you for now."

I raised one eyebrow. "And what precisely would you like to focus on?" I flicked open the top button on my shirt.

"On your abilities – on your shield?"

"Are you sure?" I flicked open another couple of buttons.

"I don't know, I guess I could focus on this part." He ran his fingers down my sternum.

"Is that all? Just that one tiny part?" I undid the last few buttons and pulled my shirt off.

"Or I could just worship every part of you." He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "But if you're going to distract me now, please just promise me that when you call up your visions tomorrow you will keep an eye out for anything that indicates something in your mind shifting or dropping." He kissed my other cheek.

Shifting? That was exactly what it felt like when I flashed back. I was almost on a train of thought when Edward captured my lips and pushed me backwards into the bed and it was forgotten. I glanced quickly at the clock, there were only five hours until Edward needed to get ready for school again. Not nearly long enough.

~ 0 ~

Tuesday dawned exactly the same way as Monday had, with Edward and I prising ourselves apart at the last possible second for him to get to school on time. This time after saying goodbye to him and the others, I didn't bother Esme. I just walked straight to the piano and called up a vision of Edward. I concentrated on getting the notes down on the two new songs Edward had shown me. I did one and then the other. I was able to focus more on the notes in my visions this time with no human scent to distract me so it took me less time to get them perfect than it had with my lullaby yesterday.

Which unfortunately left me with too much spare time again. I decided to try pulling back some memories that I definitely did not want Edward to see and try to see this elusive _something _that Edward wanted me to. I figured my flashbacks were strongest latently when they were bad memories, so I should try with some of those. I pulled up the one of the day Jacob and I called it quits.

_We were in our rented house in Sacramento, where I had just received my latest teaching post. Jacob had just spent the last hour on the phone with Emily, discussing every little detail of Harriett's day. I couldn't understand how discussing a four year old could be so interesting. Especially when it was his third phone call that week. I remembered coming home from work after a particularly rough day with a group of raucous seniors and running back and forth between classrooms. The phone bill arrived and I ripped it open to be find it was $300 for the month. Jacob wasn't working so I was paying all the bills and although I had the money to do it, thanks to Edward as I now knew, it irritated me that Jacob took it for granted that I would._

_Jacob hung up the phone and let out a sigh. I knew it was his sign that he wanted to talk but didn't know how to start. I also knew if he said one word to me about the little girl who was twenty years my junior and was destined to take my husband off me I would flip._

"_What is it, Jake?" I snapped a little bit too harshly._

"_I was just thinking, maybe we should discuss the kids thing again."_

"_There's _nothing_to discuss." I replied icily. We had been through this discussion many times before. Before we got married, and during the time between Harriett's birth and Jacob's imprinting, we had agreed we would start a family as soon as possible. Neither Billy or Charlie were getting any younger and we wanted them to have grandkids before they passed. But the day he imprinted changed that for me. He still wanted them though, considering he knew he would never be involved with anyone other than me and Harriett, and Harriett was many years away from even thinking about kids. I was willing to work at our marriage for however many years we had left, but I was not willing to bring kids into that environment._

"_Bells, be reasonable. You know Charlie's desperate for a grandbaby."_

"_You leave my father out of this." I hissed at him. _

_He tried to wrap his arm around me and I shook him off. He grabbed me more forcefully. Holding me tightly in place. "Let me go." I shouted._

_He looked as if I had bitten him. "What the hell, Bells? I want to have one stinkin' conversation with you and you freak."_

"_No. This isn't a conversation I'm having. You know that. I wish you would get it through your thick head that I don't want this. Not with you."_

"_Well, then what the hell are we doing?" He was getting angry and starting to shake. I knew enough to know not to provoke him once he started to get into this state. I shrugged out of his hold, and he didn't resist this time. He knew as well as I did, probably better, how close to phasing he was. _

_I walked down the hall into the bedroom. "Exactly what I've been wondering," I spat at him before slamming the door. I threw myself onto the bed in tears. _

"_Bells?" Jacob knocked on the door, his voice softer now. My tears always seemed to dissipate his anger. _

"_Just go, Jake. I can't do this anymore."_

_I expected him to fight back, like he had every time this came up before. We had been fighting each other on a weekly basis since he imprinted three years ago. I didn't expect to hear his voice float through the door, broken and soft, "Fine." _

_I raised my head up from the bed, confused. I walked over to the bedroom door and pulled it open just as the front door clicked shut. I ran to the door and pulled it open. I could hear his car reversing out from the driveway. I ran onto the road to see him disappear around the corner. _

_I pulled back from myself and watched as a third party. I knew what was coming and I was going to try to block out as much of the pain as was possible. I watched as my human self crumpled to the ground. I walked over to her, and sat next to her. I knew I couldn't comfort her, but I couldn't go back to reality seeing her so pained. I sat until she eventually picked herself up off the ground and walked back into the house. _

I shifted back to reality. I took a few minutes to steady myself. As hard as that memory had been the next one I was going to pull up would be even worse. I pulled up the memory of Edward leaving me again. Then of my attack, although I found that didn't hold the same fear for me anymore.

Each time I pushed myself into a memory I tried to find something, anything, to indicate a shield dropping or shifting away. A few times I thought I almost had something, right at the edges of my mind, but I just couldn't find anything to hold onto it with.

I didn't realise how long I had been filtering though my memories until I heard Carlisle come home, about an hour before Edward and the others were due to arrive. I thought maybe he was home to test me on the human blood but he went straight to Esme and whisked her upstairs.

They were gone until Edward's car pulled up into the garage. I was waiting for Edward again, and just like yesterday he pulled me straight into his arms. Then we walked to the piano and I played him the pieces I had taught myself, the rest of the family didn't feel the need to watch today, although Carlisle and Esme did.

Then we disappeared back up to our room. As soon as I walked in the room a scent assaulted me. A fire ripped up my throat and I swung around quickly to Edward. _Did he smell that too? _But he wasn't in the room. I breathed deeply again. _Was that the wrong thing to do? _My throat burned more with each breath. I needed to find the source of the smell. I could tell it was the only thing that would quench this fire. My mind was racing. I wanted to rip the room apart to find the source of the delicious scent. I could detect it from at least three different directions. I took another breath and the fire raged even more, but a small part of my brain registered that there was no point tearing the room apart; that would just give me a mess to clean. The longer I breathed, the more I found that I wanted it but I could resist it. I didn't _need_ it. I realised this was my test to see whether I could resist the human blood hidden in our room or whether I would pull the room to pieces looking for it.

I sat on the bed. The door cracked open an inch and Edward looked around the door.

"What's happening, Bella?" he asked, he seemed confused.

"Can you smell that, Edward?"

He nodded. "Can't you?"

"Yes. It hurts my throat and I want to find where it is coming from."

"Why haven't you?" He seemed confused about this fact.

"Because I know what it is. And I am going to resist."

He laughed. "Carlisle. I think we have our answer to your little test."

Carlisle stuck his head in the door too and laughed.

I turned to Edward. "Can we go hunt now? Please?"

He nodded before kissing my nose and pulling me off the bed. We ran out but before we had gone too far Edward pulled me into an embrace. "You amaze me."

"It will be harder when it's warm and pumping won't it?"

"Yes, and no. The hardest is when it is fresh from a wound."

I nodded.

"But you did great, Bella." He smiled again. "C'mon, let's go hunt."

~ 0 ~


	23. Shield you from pain

**Chapter 23: Shield you from pain**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. This is unbeta'd so apologies for any & all mistakes. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

~ 0 ~

Wednesday was officially the worst day of the week for me. I had nothing to keep my occupied while Edward was at school. I decided to continue working on my gift, alternating between happy and devastating memories. Marrying Edward, Charlie's death, waking up for the last time.

I pulled up the memory of the night after our first day in the meadow.

_I was keyed up and trying to calm myself in the shower while Edward waited in the bedroom. I decided to see how far I could step away from the scene in front of me. I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom. Edward was looking around at my books and music. I chuckled because I had always thought he had sat completely still waiting for me to finish. _

_I walked down the stairs and into the living room. Charlie kept throwing glances up the stairs. Then he seemed to make a decision and quietly headed out the front door. I heard a soft chuckle from my bedroom upstairs, Charlie wouldn't have been able to hear it but I knew it meant Edward had heard Charlie's thoughts. I followed Charlie outside. He pulled open the door to my truck and pulled the lever to pop the bonnet. Then he pulled the bonnet open as quietly as possible and removed some cables from the engine. He shut the bonnet as softly as possible and walked back into the house, smiling that he had foiled my getaway attempts. I smiled to myself, I hadn't appreciated until that moment what my talent could give me; time with my parents, albiet watching silently from the sidelines._

_I decided to test out whether I could roam further again. Was there a geographical limit? Could I only go within so many miles of my own past self? As I started running, I could think of only one destination. At no point did I feel any barrier stopping me from going further, so I pushed myself onwards. _

_I covered the distance to Edward's house in minutes. The rest of my family were gathered on the white couches in the living room. _

"_What does he _see_ in her anyway?" Rosalie whined._

"_I dunno, but she is kinda funny to watch. Have you seen her in school – she's always falling over. I think Eddie's got his work cut out keeping her safe." Emmett laughed._

"_I still don't see her making it through the night alive," Jasper said. _

_Alice rolled her eyes at him. _

"_Alice, you can only see what he's deciding to do now. All it will take it one slip and she'll be gone. You probably won't even see the decision until it is too late."_

"_Have a little faith in your brother," Esme said. "I think it's wonderful that he's found someone who makes him feel this way."_

"_Whichever way it goes, we'll have to support him with this. It's going to be a hard road for him to tread," Carlisle said, eyeing off Rosalie who scowled back at him. _

"_I don't know why he's bothering," she muttered and then stalked off towards the stairs._

"_Babe, don't stress," Emmett called, running hot on her heels. _

_I watched the scene for a little while longer, for the most part everyone sat motionless, occasionally one of them would make a comment about Edward or I. I could tell they were all on edge, ready to __move on at a moment's notice. Everyone except Alice that was, she just sat with a smug smile on her face. She was absolutely confident in Edward. _

~ 0 ~

I shifted back and saw a flicker of something on the edge of my mind. I grinned. I had finally seen the elusive _something_ Edward had been trying to get me to find. It was like an elastic band at the very edge of my mind. I saw as it twisted itself back into shape as I shifted back.

I pulled up another memory. I noticed when I shifted into the memory the elastic band contracted back on itself, falling away. When I shifted back, I pushed it to keep it down and it worked. Or at least I think it did, Edward wasn't around for me to know for certain. So I spent the three hours left until Edward arrived visualising it, pulling it up and down, pushing it away from me, twisting it and manipulating it. By the end of the three hours I realised it was a lot more pliable than I had originally thought and I started to wonder what I could do with it. Could I shield other people? My mind was racing when I finally heard the car pull into the driveway. I could tell the distinct differences between Edward's and Carlisle's cars now and I knew this was Edward. I was waiting for him in the garage again.

He pulled me straight into an embrace and kiss. Then we followed his siblings into the house. When we got to the living room, all the couples were sitting and talking about where they wanted to go next. Edward and Carlisle were happy enough that I should be okay around humans that everyone else was going to be enrolled in high school again and we were all moving together. It was still under debate whether I would go to high school too or whether I would stay at home with Esme during the days.

I ignored their conversation as I walked into the house slightly behind Edward. I pulled my shield down for a trial run.

_How was your day?_ I thought. _Did you learn anything?_ I raised it again.

He laughed. "Is that going to be your standard greeting now?"

I pulled the shield down again _I didn't do much today. I just practised with my talent_.

"And how is that going, have you figured it out?"

Everyone else stopped their conversation and looked at him, wondering whose thoughts he was answering. I smiled when he turned to look at me.

_Yes, I think I have_.

His face drained of what little colour it had as he stared at me in shock, muscles locked in place. Then he reached his arms out and pulled me into him, kissing me fiercely. He pulled away and trailed kisses across my jaw and neck. "You amaze me, Bella."

_And you dazzle me. I think we're even._

"I'll never get sick of that," his eyes were full of excitement.

Now that I knew I had definitely captured my shield, and was doing what I thought I was, I wanted to test the possibility of shielding other people. I knew exactly who to ask for help. "Alice..."

"Of course I'll help you, dear sister. Although I can already tell you the outcome." She smiled at me, and I figured I probably was able to project it over her based on the smug look on her face.

I sat next to Alice, holding her hand to give the experiment the best chance of success. I closed my eyes and pushed my shield out. I stretched it until I could actually _feel _Alice beneath it with me. I didn't need Edward to confirm that it had worked. I could feel a connection to her mind within the confines of my shield, but I opened my eyes anyway and the smile on Edward's face told me it had definitely worked.

I was curious what would happen if I shifted while I had someone under my shield, after all it usually fell away when I shifted. I didn't have any specific memory in mind when I felt the tug.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a dark room. It was dark, even to me. There wasn't any light in the room at all and the darkness was oppressive. I could only just see well enough to make out shapes. _

_The room was basic. There was a bed pushed up against one wall. It was a hospital bed, with rails. It looked like there was some sort of strapping attached to the rails. The strapping crossed over the figure of a tiny pixie-like girl, strapping her down. Most of her short hair hung limply around her face, but in patches it clung to her head tightly, stuck down by a sheen of sweat. It was too dark to make out any features or even the colour of her hair. She was human, I could smell her, but there was something else in her blood. It smelled so familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. _

_The rest of the room was bare. I tried to remember this place. I turned around and saw the outline of a door. I took a step towards the door but the figure on the bed behind me started to scream. There were no words, just incoherent screeching. I turned back towards the girl. What was wrong with her? Why was she strapped down like that? And __why __the screaming? I had never heard anything so blood-curdling in all my life. Why couldn't I remember more about where I was now? I leaned down over the girl, wanting to see if that gave me some clues. I could make out some of her features while I was this close and there was something familiar about her but I couldn't place it. I took a deep breath of her scent, trying to place what it was in her blood? It wasn't adrenaline - that made the blood smell sweeter. This made the blood less tempting somehow._

_I heard footsteps on stone coming toward the room. The door pulled open, light flooded in, and I looked towards it immediately. Outside the door was a corridor, still dimly light but the contrast to this room made it seem like a bright, sunny day. The ground was made of stone and from the earthy smell of the air I guessed we were underground. My mind reeled. Where was I? _

_Someone was coming into the room, but his smell was wrong. He was a vampire. He was tall, with wild blonde hair that fell to his shoulders. His face was incredibly attractive, of course, I didn't think there were too many unattractive vampires. He was dressed in scrubs and had a hospital ID card hanging from his pocket, but I couldn't focus enough to read any of the details. I was too shocked at by his eyes. His deep crimson eyes. I felt sudden fear for the girl in the room with me, even though I didn't recognise him or this place, I recognised the danger – he wasn't a vegetarian and this girl was a human. I felt completely helpless, I wanted to protect her, but there was nothing I could do. The vampire pulled the door shut behind him as he entered the room. I instinctively put myself between the vampire and the girl but I may as well have been air for all the effect I had. But what he did next shocked me more than anything else I had seen._

"_Shush, shush, dear one. It's been a day already, it won't be much longer now," he whispered softly as he walked over to the figure on the bed. He deftly undid the straps and tucked himself into the bed, next to her, before pulling her into his arms and cradling her gently, exactly how Edward used to cradle me at night. He tenderly stroked her face and hair. His words made the smell in her blood and the screaming make sense. It was venom - this was a human girl in the process of change. _

_I felt confusion and wished I could figure out where I was. My own self wasn't even here. There was only one conclusion I could reach, but it made no sense. I heard more footsteps from behind the door, faster this time. Too fast to be human. The door flew open - ripped off its hinges._

_I saw the figure behind the door and I felt myself shift back to present._

"Was that..." I started to ask Edward.

I didn't need to though because he growled out the name as a curse. "James."

"But how? What was that? Who was the girl?"

His eyes settled on Alice for less than a sixteenth of a second, but it was enough. I felt another shift.

~ 0 ~

_I knew this memory straight away. I was in a room full of mirrors – my old ballet studio. James stood a few feet from me and a palm-sized digital video camera balanced on top of the stereo. It was his 'letter' to Edward._

_James spoke so calmly, he sounded almost genteel, despite the horror of his words and actions. "I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me._

"_You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. When the old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked – I _never _will understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans – and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and the shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire, and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."_

"_Alice." I heard myself say under my breath._

"_Yes, your little friend. I _was _surprised to see her in the clearing. So I guess her coven ought to be able to derive some comfort from this experience. I get you, but they get her. The one victim who escaped me, quite an honour, actually._

_"And she did smell so delicious.. I still regret that I never got to taste...She smelled even better than you do. Sorry – I don't mean to be offensive. You have a very nice smell. Floral, somehow."_

~ 0 ~

I shifted back.

I tried to call back the memory of the black room. I needed to know for myself, to confirm my suspicion.

~ 0 ~

_James stood in the door way. The blonde vampire pushed Alice behind him and crouched defensively in front of her. James feigned left and right, trying to find a way past the blonde to get to Alice. He didn't realise she'd already been bitten. The tense stand-off continued for another second or two. Then Alice began to scream, "My sister's back!"_

_James became focused on Alice, and the blonde vampire took his opportunity, running to James and ripping his arm off and throwing it across the room. In the same movement, he picked Alice up and started to run, leaving the room behind. _

"_Don't leave me again!" Alice screamed again._

"_Shush, Shush, Cynthia's not here." I heard the blonde vampire whispered as he ran._

"_No – Bella! Bella, help me!"_

~ 0 ~

I landed back in reality with a thud. I felt sick - I wondered if vampires could vomit. My head was spinning. I sprinted from the house and into the forest, trying to calm my mind. Why had Alice called my name? How? I heard footsteps behind me, trying to catch up. I knew only one member of the family would be able to keep up with me and I knew it was him following me now. I didn't turn to speak to him though, I just kept throwing myself forward.

Eventually, I realised I was coming to the edge of the forest so I slowed to a stop. Edward's arms wrapped around me seconds later and I sobbed into his chest.

He pushed me back from him and captured my eyes. "What was that? Why did..."

"I don't know, Edward," I snapped. I kept hearing Alice's voice over and over in my head. _Bella! Bella, help me._

I tried to call the memory back up again but I couldn't. "Why, Edward? Why did I see Alice's memory?"

He just hugged me closer, he didn't have any answers for me.

"She was under my shield," I mused. I had felt a connection with Alice's mind. I tried again to call the memory back, but it was gone.

"Maybe there was some link there?" Edward answered, following my train of thought.

I looked into Edward's eyes again. I was terrified to try this again, but too curious not to. I pushed my shield out to cover him. When I felt the connection to his mind I closed my eyes and shifted, not thinking about the destination.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a place that I didn't recognise. It was a large house, not quite the mansions that the Cullen's owned but bigger than any other I'd seen. _

_I was standing in a doorway between a formal dining area and a kitchen. The dining table was large, seating at least 12. Each of the chairs were hand-carved and the table was a large slab of rich mahogany. It was obvious that whoever owned this house was not short of money. _

_I turned back towards the kitchen, where I could smell a human. A woman danced around the kitchen, humming to herself as she put together a meal. I didn't know what it was but the food smelled horrid. I watched, enchanted by the woman. She wore her brown hair in a high, loose bun. The light coming through the window highlighted the copper streaks in her hair. She was lithe and graceful. So graceful if I hadn't smelled her human scent I would have almost thought she was a vampire. _

_I heard footsteps behind me but didn't turn to look because the woman in front of me turned and I saw Edward reflected in all her features. Her cheek bones were an almost perfect match for his. But by far the most attractive feature on her face were her bright green eyes. They sparkled like two emeralds. _

~ 0 ~

Edward was stiff when I came back to him, his arms were still around me but they were slack. He wasn't holding me to comfort me anymore - that was just the position his arms had been in. I felt a tug involuntarily and was thrown into another memory without warning.

~ 0 ~

_It was the same house, but it was darker now, twilight maybe. I moved into the living room, looking around at the life Edward had lived so many years ago. The room had a high ceiling and hardwood flooring. A fireplace stood in the centre of the wall at the back of the room, surrounded by an ornately decorated mantle. The room was filled with furniture that was all in pristine condition. Large couches covered in a rich tapestry of colours stood on either side of a long coffee table. A glass bureau stood against one wall, filled with fancy silverware and elaborately decorated plates. I brushed my fingers along the top of one of the couches, but I couldn't touch it. I marvelled in all the small details of what Edward's life had been like. _

_I heard footsteps running down stairs and then along the hardwood floors in my direction. _

"_Who's there?" I heard someone ask behind me. Even in its rough human form Edward's voice held a certain velvet quality. _

_I turned around to face him, Carlisle was right when he said he had his mother's eyes. His face was an almost perfect replica of hers. The only real difference was somehow the lines worked on his face to appear more masculine than they had on her delicate features. Even as a human Edward was incredibly attractive and took my breath away. I knew I would have been just as attracted to him if we had been born in the same time and met each other the conventional way._

_His eyes scanned the room I was in, looking for someone. "I know someone's there."_

_I turned on the spot, wondering what had drawn his attention to this room. I was definitely alone here. I took a deep breath to confirm it, which was a big mistake. I lost my mind. I couldn't focus on anything else but the scent of Edward's blood. Bloodlust took over me and I threw myself across the room at him. I snapped at him, my teeth gnashing together painfully because I couldn't touch anything but myself apparently. I found myself wishing I was more substantial in these visions. I would never be satisfied until I had consumed every last drop of the blood in front of me. I lost control of my vision and snapped back to reality._

~ 0 ~

Now that the scent was out of my nose, I found I could concentrate again and when I did I felt shame. Edward had heard every thought in my mind. I tried to pull out of his arms – how could I ever look at him again without feeling ashamed. His arms tightened and pulled me close to him.

"It was you," he whispered.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Umm, that's what it was like for me with you. You were just lucky I had been practising restraint for over 70 years when we met, even then...it was close." he shivered.

He was hiding something. "That wasn't what you meant."

"Everyone will be worried about us, the way you fled from the house. I think we should go back and let them know that we're alright."

I could tell he was hiding something from me. "Will you tell me what you meant?"

He turned his head away. "Soon. I just want to talk to Carlisle first."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You promise you'll tell me?"

He sighed and then nodded.

~ 0 ~

I felt my embarrassment rising with each mile I covered on the way back home. What must everyone be thinking about the way I ran?

Alice met us halfway back to the house. Edward looked at me briefly but then kept running back to the house.

"What did you see, Bella?" Alice asked, her voice soft. "What made you leave like that?"

"I saw you, as a human...undergoing your transformation."

"But that wasn't all – was it?" I could tell she already knew, but wanted to let me talk to her about it.

I shook my head. "You called for me, Alice."

"What do you mean?"

"You called for me...to help you. You didn't want me to leave you." _Bella! Bella, help me!_ It was running through my head on repeat now that she was close to me. I started to feel guilty that I left. If she were somehow aware of me, shouldn't I have stayed to offer whatever comfort I could? "Alice, do you mind if I try again? To be there for you?"

"If you think it will help you."

I nodded before pushing my shield out to cover her and sought out the memory of the time after the black room. Where had the blonde vampire taken her.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a field, a meadow in a forest. I couldn't help but draw similarities between it and our meadow. The blonde vampire had curled himself around Alice, whispering of his love for her and how much better things would be once she finished her transformation. Alice smiled a little and breathed, "Bella, you came back." She still had a heartbeat and there was a lingering smell of her human blood, but I didn't think there was long to go. _

_The blonde vampire looked around, trying to see who Alice was talking to. "Mary, who's Bella?"_

_But Alice's answer was a piercing scream as the venom ripped through her more. The smile was off her face. The blonde clutched onto her tighter. _

"_Yes, I'm here," I whispered to her. The blonde gave no indication that he had heard me, neither had Alice. Had she had a vision of me being here?_

_A feral snarl sounded out of the forest. James leapt from between the trees and pulled the blonde vampire away from Alice. _

"_You turned her?" James fumed. "She was mine."_

"_No, she's mine, she's not some snack."_

"_Nicholas, you found her the same time I did – why do you think you deserve some special claim?"_

"_Because I love her, James."_

_James snarled. "Love? What is this weakness – how long have we walked this earth together? And you give that up for some human?"_

"_She isn't just some human. She's special."_

"_Whatever, Nicholas. You turned your back on me, so I shall turn mine on you."_

_James feinted turning around and leaving and Nicholas turned his attention back to Alice, James took advantage of the moment of weakness and leapt on Nicolas, tearing at him. His teeth scored across his neck and James pulled Nicholas's hair roughly, removing his head in one swift motion. _

_Within the next few minutes a fire was burning and thick purple smoke churned towards the sky. James took one more look at Alice lying on the ground, shook his head and left. _

_Alice started screaming, "Nicholas! Don't be dead. Don't be dead. Nicholas! Bella, help him, help me."_

_I felt helpless watching the scene and not being able to do anything. I knelt down at her head. Her heartbeat kicked up another notch, running together like a hummingbird. She was panting and clawing at everything she could grab. But the look on her face wasn't for her pain, it was for Nicholas. She had loved him, as he had her. I knew what the loss of love felt like, and Edward was never dead. I wanted to erase Alice's pain. She was my sister and I loved her, I didn't want to see her hurting. _

_I didn't even think about what I was doing, I was acting on instinct to protect the one I loved from pain. I placed my hands on either side of her head, resting them in the air, and extended my shield out from myself and over her mind. I searched for all her memories of Nicholas. Edward would be my inspiration in this – I would make it as if Nicholas had never existed. I could see each of her memories and I pulled them into myself, drawing them in through my shield. I took her pain – the pain of the family who abandoned her because of her visions, the pain of living in the asylum, the pain of lost love, the pain of her transformation, the more memories I pulled into myself, the more pain I detected. _

_Alice's heart rate sped, each beat running into the other until it sounded like a helicopter. She screamed again. I pulled at her memories again and again until I was exhausted. Her heart stopped beating. As I felt myself sliding back to present I whispered to her, "Alice." _

_As if she had heard me calling her name, she opened her eyes and the last thing I saw in the memory were red irises staring at me._

~ 0 ~

Alice was looking into my eyes. My breathing was coming in laboured pants. The last few minutes of what happened ran through my mind again and I felt sick.

Alice had no memories from the time before she woke...and that was my fault.


	24. Ghost

**Chapter 24: Ghost**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. _

~ 0 ~

I couldn't concentrate. I felt myself fall forward into Alice. "I'm so sorry, Alice," I murmured before looking up to meet her eye. I wondered if she would blame me or hate me for what I'd done.

She looked concerned, but for me not herself. "What is it, Bella?"

"It's my fault."

"What is?" she asked.

I couldn't answer her, I wasn't even sure where to begin.

"Bella? What's is it?" she asked again.

"It's all my fault," I murmured again, quiet words that would haunt me forever. I couldn't find any other words; like the ones I needed to apologise again or begin explaining what I'd done. I stood motionless, frozen solid by my horror. I vaguely felt Alice pulling my arm, trying to drag me in the direction of the house. I forced my muscles to unlock enough to allow her to pull me along. I was in shock. Could vampires go into shock? I knew my mind had closed down to all external stimuli. I closed my eyes and sank deeper into myself. I could feel every one of Alice's memories in my mind, as vivid as my own. I knew I could call any one of them up now as easily as my own. They were my memories now. I wondered if there was any way I could give Alice's memories back to her, but I wasn't even 100% sure _how _I had stolen them. I just knew that I had.

As I stumbled behind Alice toward the house, part of me reasoned that Alice had spent so many years without her memories and was fine. She had love now, and a family who stood by her through everything, despite her visions. All the memories I had taken were filled with pain. Alice's entire human life was filled with pain. The debate raged through my mind, along with an endless stream of questions which I would never be able to answer. Would she want to know exactly what happened to her? I knew she had done some personal research during our time apart, and through that she had learned her name and her family details. She had even found out that she had a niece still alive in Biloxi. But none of that changed who she was. Would having her memories change her? How would she feel if she were to find out she had loved someone before Jasper? How would Jasper feel? Had she loved Nicholas more than Jasper? Would it kill her to know what happened to him? Around and around my thoughts chased each other, no questions answered, no debate resolved. It wasn't fair to her for me to make that decision for her but how could I admit to her what I had done; surely she would hate me for my rushed actions.

I withdrew further into myself. We were close to the house when I felt arms around me, I heard Edward's and Alice's voices talking but I couldn't listen to the words. I felt my feet disappear from underneath me. I felt wind rushing past my face. Then I felt myself being lowered onto a bed. Slowly, I became able to function again and I heard Edward's voice, low and concerned. "Bella, my love?"

I didn't know if I was physically capable of talking, or whether I could find the right words if I tried. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"I'm sorry I didn't wait with you before, Alice asked if she could speak to you alone."

I nodded. I had figured that was the case.

"What happened? What's wrong?"

I wanted Edward to know what a horrible person I was, to give him the opportunity to leave before I hurt him too. I was going to pull down my shield with the intention of showing him what had happened, but I underestimated my control in my current state. Between my shock and how new I was to it, I pushed my shield out rather than pulling it down. I felt the familiar tug in my middle. I fought against going back. I didn't want to visit the past anymore. Not if it meant that I could end up hurting my loved ones. I sat up and grabbed onto Edward's hands but it was useless, I shifted anyway despite my resistance.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a bedroom. It was tastefully but plainly decorated with just a bed, chest of drawers and a dresser with a mirror. Each of the pieces matched and looked expensive, with a combination of different woods veneered into matching geometric patterns. This furniture was too similar to the furniture in Edward's human house for it not to be the same place. I panicked. I knew I shouldn't be here after what I had done to Alice but I couldn't gain enough control to shift back to present. _

_I heard the door open and shut. I held my breath and didn't turn around. _

"_I know that you are here," Edward's human voice called from behind me. "I just want to know who you are."_

_What did he mean? He was alone in the room aside from me. I turned towards him. His eyes scanned the room. He walked over and sat on the bed. He sighed before muttering, "Maybe they're right. Maybe I am crazy." _

_He bent his head into his hands and pulled his hands through his hair in a gesture familiar to my Edward._

_I hated seeing him upset. I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't bear to get any closer to him. What if I hurt him like I had hurt Alice? But then I reasoned, what happened to Alice had already happened before I did it. Edward had his human memories still. My head spun as I tried to understand the consequences of my talent. How did this whole thing work? Could I affect the present, or was I already destined to make mistakes in the future but other people were already living with the consequences? Could I actually change what happened or would it always be as it already is?_

_Edward raised his head and cocked it to the side. "There. That is what I am referring to. You are confused." He stood and walked around the room. "There _is _someone here. Who are you?"_

_He stopped when he was practically on top of me. Despite not breathing I could taste his scent on my tongue, it was driving me crazy but I managed to beat it back and swallow the mouthful of venom. I ignored the burn in my throat. His eyes scanned the room again. I watched his eyes closely, the green was a little unsettling due to its unfamiliarity in his face but still so beautiful. I felt a jolt pass through me when his eyes met mine for a fraction of a second. He must have felt it too because his eyes settled back towards me until he was staring almost directly at me, although he looked through me so I knew he couldn't actually see me. _

_Because he was facing perfectly in my direction I had a unspoiled view of his face. It was strange seeing the pink hue across his skin and the softness of his features. He still wasn't exactly tanned but was a little darker than I was as a human. Across his nose was a light sprinkling of freckles, nothing noticeable from a distance but being so close and with perfect vision I could see them easily. The ever-present bags under his eyes and chalky pallor were no longer there. His face had a little bit more puppy fat on it and he looked younger because of it. I could tell under his clothes his body was well-toned, although because of the natural layer of fat human bodies have it was not as clearly defined as his vampire body was. _

_As he concentrated his thoughts in my direction he pinched the bridge of his nose, I smiled at the reminder of my Edward._

_I was so close I could feel the heat radiating off of him and I wanted to touch his face, to feel that warmth. I raised my hand until it was inches from his cheek but then let it drop. I was still terrified of hurting him like I had hurt Alice. _

"_What are you scared of? Who are you?" He asked. "If you'll allow me to help you, we might be able to find a way for you to cross over."_

~ 0 ~

I felt myself shift back. I opened my eyes to find my Edward closer than the one in the memory had been. His golden-brown eyes were perfectly focused on me. I was lying on my back on the bed, and he was lying next to me on his stomach, leaning over me. He smiled at me.

"Cross over?" I asked him with an eyebrow quirked.

He chuckled softly. "I had completely forgotten about that until earlier today. Then I got a little bit freaked out when I realised what it meant. I'm sorry for not talking to you about it earlier."

"But what is it?"

"When I was human, I felt a presence in the house on a few occasions. The first time I felt the presence was a few months before I...got sick. I can't explain exactly what I felt, I don't remember well enough, but somehow I just knew there was someone else in the house." He looked away and dropped his voice. "I always thought it was a ghost. Usually the presence confused me but I always felt strangely comforted too. There was only one time I was ever scared by it." He turned his eyes back towards me.

"That memory today?" I asked.

He nodded. "I'm surprised you guessed so quickly."

"I'm sorry about that, about losing control around your blood."

He laughed loudly.

"Stop it," I whispered, I was still feeling sick over both craving his blood and what I had done to Alice.

He stroked my face softly. "Sorry."

"How is Alice?" I asked. It still felt strange that I had hurt her today but she had felt the consequences of it for her entire vampire life.

"Confused," he chuckled, then he turned serious. "Actually we both are, she showed me what she saw happen but from neither of us could see anything happen that explained your reaction. What do you think you did to her?" His eyes were soft, pleading.

I closed my eyes, I knew there was only one way I could really explain to him what I did. I called back the memory of being in the meadow with Alice and Nicholas. Except now it was a fixed memory and I had the dual viewpoints again; the one I couldn't change and the one who watched and could move around. I concentrated on how I felt, hat I did and why I did it. I couldn't stop it from happening, only watch as I hurt to Alice again; stripping away her memories one by one until she had nothing left.

When I'd started the memory, I wasn't sure how Edward was going to react. A small part of me worried he would be horrified with me or that he might leave me. After everything that happened since we found each other again though they were just silly worries, I never believed he would actually leave. But he was gone when I shifted back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, pressing my eyes closed again.

Although part of me had been expecting him to be disappointed, I'd thought he would support me, that he would at least try to understand. So the pain of his rejection ripped deep into my heart. I rolled over onto my side and curled myself up into a ball as sobs started to rip through my chest. I felt like I couldn't get enough breath, even though I didn't need oxygen. I pulled my shield up around me, holding it tightly in place around my mind like I used to do with blankets around my body whenever I was upset. With my shield tightly around me, I allowed it to fill with my pain and the pain I had stolen from Alice. It solidified my shield into a wall of black around my mind. I sunk back into my own thoughts, closing my eyes and blocking out all sounds. I pulled myself back into my artificial world of darkness. It was like the numbness I felt after Edward left last time but more absolute.

I remembered how I felt then and I couldn't stop myself from sliding back into the memory. Somehow I managed, for the first time ever, to maintain my shield while I slid.

"_You...don't...want me?" _

"_No." _

That was the truth of it in my mind. Edward didn't want me anymore. I had hurt his best friend, his sister, too much. I had hurt his family. My mind tortured me with those five words and the look on his face again and again. I stopped breathing, it was easier than facing the pain that ripped through me each time I tried to draw breath.

I wanted to pull up a happy memory of Edward and I, something to remind myself of the depth of our love, but I couldn't.

Our love was gone.

~ 0 ~

I existed in my world of black.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed but I knew it was a drop in the ocean compared to forever; a few hours maybe. I spent a few moments contemplating that. This had been just a few hours, a short time out of a forever without Edward in my life. The blackness took hold again. The only relief I got from the black was the brief flash of green and Edward's hard face as he told me he didn't want me.

Within my dark fortress, I began to notice a presence near my physical self. In my world of blackness, I couldn't tell who it was. I was beginning to get scared because I had built the shield into a wall of pain so thick I didn't know how to break it, and then I had hidden behind it. I didn't even know if it could be broken. I tried pushing on it. I it shifted but didn't thin. I was now hidden behind a wall of black that was slightly larger, and a just a little less claustrophobic. I pushed it again, which took every ounce of my concentration. It still wouldn't thin, but it moved a bit further. I pushed it another inch. Slowly, I forced it away from myself, further and further. It was outside myself, but I was still lost in the dark. I hadn't pushed it very far out from myself when I felt a connection within my mind. Someone else was under my shield with me.

I was exhausted from the effort of moving my shield out while it was so thick. When I tried to pull it back it wouldn't move. I felt another shift. I cried out, I didn't want this anymore.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a hospital. The beds were piled up in the corridors, every ward overflowing with people who were dead or dying. Despite all the horror and the stench of death and sweet smell of human blood, the only thing I could focus on was the beds directly in front of me. The sight I saw was almost enough to kill me with agony. Edward lay on one of the cots. His eyes were squeezed tight in pain and he was muttering in delirium. His skin was pallid and clammy. I could feel the heat radiating off him, he was too hot. Far too hot; dangerously so. I walked over beside him. I couldn't touch him but I knew now that he knew I was here, even if he didn't know the relevance of who I was. I sobbed quietly to myself as I remembered I wasn't relevant to Edward anymore; I was a freak who scared him away by hurting his sister. _

"_Don't be sad," Edward whispered from the bed below me, turning his head in my direction. "I'll know who you are soon enough. We'll help each other get to the other side. I'll take you to heaven myself." _

_I sobbed again; he was dying. I wasn't a doctor, but I could tell by the weakening beat of his heart and his temperature that he had only a few hours left at the most. _

_But what was happening wasn't right. Carlisle saved him before he died. But where was Carlisle? I ran through the corridors of the hospital but I couldn't find him. Finally, I saw Carlisle entering the hospital. I sighed in relief when he walked straight towards Edward's ward. _

_He checked on the woman beside Edward first. He looked sad as he leant over her. He didn't give her anything, just gently squeezed her hand. Then he moved on to Edward. He checked on the drip in Edward's arm, injected a little more pain relief and then moved on again, his face full of sorrow. _

_My mind screamed at me. _Why was he moving on to the next bed? _That wasn't right. He saved Edward. This memory wasn't right. _

"_Carlisle!" I screamed. "You have to save Edward." _

_Carlisle didn't acknowledge me at all. I fell to the ground, sobbing. Even if Edward didn't love me anymore, I couldn't let him go. I couldn't let him die. _

"_Edward! You have to get Carlisle to save you. He can make you live forever. He can bring you to me."_

_Edward didn't acknowledge that he had heard anything I said. Deep inside I knew if I couldn't get Carlisle to save him, it would change history. It would change everything Edward had affected. It would change _me_. _

_I tried to remember what Carlisle had told me about what had made him decide to change Edward. I couldn't pull up the memory in my usual way while I was still in this one. But I finally remembered. _

_Elizabeth. _

_Elizabeth Masen saved her son. She had begged Carlisle to save him. The woman in the bed beside Edward was Elizabeth. I ran to her cot. "Elizabeth, can you hear me?" _

_I got no response and I panicked again. How could I save Edward? What was the point of this power if I couldn't even use it to save people? Was I destined only to hurt people? _

_A little voice screamed at me that if I could take memories – I had to be able to give them too. I put my hands alongside her temples and pushed my shield out. I dragged up every happy memory of Edward and I – every kiss, every smile, every I love you. I didn't allow my mind to release them, I wasn't willing to let them go, but I shared them with her. Then one final memory – Carlisle telling me why he saved Edward. What it was that convinced him. Then I pulled back my shield._

_Elizabeth's eyes snapped open._

"_Carlisle," she whispered. He walked back to her side. _

"_What is it, Elizabeth?" he asked softly._

"_Save him!" she commanded her voice hoarse. _

"_I'll do everything in my power."_

"_You must," she reached up and clutched his hand, pulling him closer. "You must do everything in _your_ power. What others cannot do, that is what you must do for my Edward."_

_I watched Carlisle's face as he registered shock at what she'd asked, as the true meaning of her words sunk in. Elizabeth stared hard into his eyes not willing to give an inch. I don't know where Elizabeth thought the memories came from but she was convinced they were real. She stared Carlisle down until finally she closed her eyes. I knew from Carlisle's story she would never regain consciousness. I walked back over to Edward's side, breathing a sigh of relief that everything had been set into motion for him to be saved. I closed my eyes and leaned over his cot. _

_~ 0 ~_

I pressed my lips to the spot where I knew his forehead rested. I expected to kiss nothing but air, but my lips found lips. Not human lips, vampire lips which moulded themselves around mine pressing harder, filled with need. I kept my eyes closed, I couldn't trust that this wasn't just some bizarre wish fulfilment in my own mind. Edward's scent filled my nostrils, his vampire scent – the perfect smell, as appealing as his human scent but with none of the fire. His tongue pressed forward seeking entrance into my mouth and I parted my lips to allow it. Hands snaked into my hair pulling me closer into him. I felt the wall of pain I had built my shield into crumbling and it fell back to its normal malleable form.

I pulled it down from my mind. _I'm so sorry, Edward. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. _

He pulled away from the kiss. "Bella, you didn't do anything wrong. I've been so worried about you. I've been trying to get a response from you for hours."

"But you left. After I showed you what I did to Alice – you were gone. I thought you didn't love me anymore."

"Silly, Bella. How could I not love you, you are my reason for being. I know that now more than ever. If it wasn't _for_ you I would never have met you."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Angry? For what?"

"For what I did to Alice."

"Bella, I saw _your_ memories of that event. You didn't do anything malicious, I understand why you did it and that you thought it was for the best when you did it. I left the room because Carlisle came home from the hospital worried about something. I wanted to find out more and tell you straight away because I knew you would want to know." He grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you shifted back. I didn't realise you would read the worst possible interpretation into it. And I absolutely didn't realise that it would take you away from me like it did."

"What do you mean?"

"Look and see."

I pushed my shield out towards him and called up his memory of the last hour.

~ 0 ~

_I saw myself lying motionless on the bed, eyes closed, not breathing. Edward gently shook me and stroked my face and kissed my cheek. Nothing he did seemed to draw my attention or rouse me in any way. He kept repeating the process, sobbing more with every minute that passed. He lay next to me, clutching my waist pleading with me to talk to him, to come back to him. He knew it wasn't just that I had shifted – he couldn't hear my thoughts and I rarely had my eyes pressed so tightly closed or was quite as immovable._

_He continued to whisper and plead and tell me that he loved me. His face was broken and pitiful. He was wearing the same expression I had seen on his face the day I was shot. The look of loss that I never wanted to see again. And it was my fault. _

_His face turned into a mask of relief when he realised he was under my shield and I shifted into his memory._

~ 0 ~

I shifted back. "I'm sorry. I don't even know how I did that."

He kissed me hard before pulling back and staring into my eyes, his eyes blazing with determination. "Just don't ever do it to me again. _Please_?"

"Never!" I pulled him into me again, pushing my hands through his hair before bunching them into fists and pulling his face hard against mine. Without breaking the kiss, we both moved our bodies so that I was on top of him. He slid his arms around my shoulders and tangled his fingers into my hair at the base on my neck. We clutched each other tightly. He slowly pulled one arm down along my shoulder and across my back, down to my waist. He circled it around to the front of my shirt and started to unbutton it from the bottom up, gently stroking each new piece of skin he found.

After spending the last few hours thinking he didn't love me, I needed Edward desperately. Nothing else entered my mind except being with him and pulling him as tightly to me as I possibly could. Edward gently slid my shirt off my shoulders and down my arms and threw it across the room. He reached around and gently unfastened my bra, running small little circles around my back. He looked up from underneath me with equal parts of love and lust in his eyes. _Stuff this worship and reverence crap,_ I decided. I pulled the rest of my clothes off and ripped him out of his. I slid over him before returning my lips to his. I pressed my body down onto his, closing the gaps between us. I pulled my shield down and laid everything I felt out in my head. I needed him to have every part of me, to take every part of me.

I stared into the depths of his eyes as I pushed myself harder and faster. His hands clutched my back and my hips, pulling himself further into me. He knew my body so well from all of our practise but having my mind confirm to him when he hit the right spot made it all the more exciting for him. A smiled danced across his lips as he pushed me closer and closer. When I felt I was almost to the edge he captured my breast in his mouth, running his teeth along it and sent me tumbling over. I pushed myself until I felt his release to and then I dropped my head onto his chest.

"I love you too," he whispered into my hair.

I still just wanted to crawl inside his skin and stay there so I pressed myself tightly into him. It didn't solve anything, there were still problems to be resolved. I still needed to talk to Alice. _And what was the other thing?_

"What was Carlisle worried about?" I asked him, the thought crashing through my joy.

He looked ashamed that he had forgotten to tell me. "I'm sorry. I had meant to tell you straight away."

"What is it Edward?"

"It's Cain. He attempted suicide today."

"What? What happened?"

"He slit his wrists. It's okay now, they got to him in time... just. They've doubled the rounds on his room but Carlisle was wondering whether maybe you were right, maybe you do need to see him, if there is any chance of helping him move forward."

I thought about what I had done to Alice. In her case I had gone too far but maybe there was something more I could do for Cain.

**A/N – Thanks for the reviews guys! I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one too. I love my reviewers – you guys make me laugh! Keep them coming. This story has gone a little off track from where I had planned 3 chapters ago (not in terms of Bella's power that was always my end result but in terms of the ultimate conclusion – what was going to happen isn't a possibility anymore, but I'll explain that more later). But what that means is there really aren't very many more chapters to come without stretching it out well past its logical conclusion. **

**But even though it is coming to an end I really want to see how high I can get the reviews before it does so be kind & let me know what you think :) **

**Check out my favourites too if you want some other good reads. I will particularly recommend Seventeen Cakes by Vanessarae – it is AH & utterly hilarious. **


	25. Biloxi

**Chapter 25: Biloxi**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it! _

_**A/N: I will put this warning first so you can avoid this chapter if you like. There are some dark elements in this chapter (paedophilia, incest and self-harm) I won't be too graphic or anything but I just didn't want you to go in without some warning.**_

_**~ 0 ~**_

I wanted to help out Cain in any way possible and I did have an idea, but more immediately, I wanted Alice to know what I had done. She was my sister, and despite what Edward had said about my intentions, I had still robbed her of something. I didn't want to tell her around her family because I wasn't sure how she would react to my confession.

Edward and I dressed and went downstairs to see everyone again. I hadn't realised how much time I had wasted the night before by locking myself into my mind but everyone was ready for school. I wondered for a moment why Rosalie and Emmett were looking at me like I had sprouted an extra head, but then I realised that from their point of view I had fled the house like a madman with no explanation before becoming catatonic and they'd been offered no explanation for it. I smiled and offered them a quick apology.

Alice smiled and announced she wasn't going to school today, she gave me a quick glance and I sighed in relief. I was going to ask her to stay at home so I could have some privacy with her, but then again – she probably knew that. I wondered if she already knew what I was going to tell her. I didn't think so because I still hadn't figured out the best way to do it. Edward looked like he was going to do the same.

_Edward, please go to school today._

I saw him shake his head a little.

_I need to talk to Alice about this alone. I promise it will be okay. _

"And what about your promise last night? Did you mean that? Do you still promise?"

What had I promised last night? Oh that's right... I nodded. There was no way I was going to build that kind of wall around myself again. I shivered at the thought and Edward laughed.

"Good." He slipped his arms around me and pulled me softly into him, kissing slowly at first but building in pressure and intensity. When he broke off the kiss he ran his mouth along my cheek until it hit my ear, "I love you Bella Cullen. You are my wife, you are my everything. Be safe." He kissed my forehead and jogged after his siblings to the car.

I stood rooted to the spot with a loopy grin on my features. That was exactly what I needed to get through today. Alice waited patiently next to me. I turned to her, "Where's Esme?"

"She went to the hospital with Carlisle today."

I nodded. I heard Edward's car turn from the gravel onto the highway. Alice and I were totally alone.

"Now, do you mind explaining what happened yesterday?" Alice asked. "I've tried to get a vision of it, but I can't. You didn't hurt me you know."

I sighed, "We may as well get comfortable." I swept my hand toward the sofa. "Sit."

She laughed because she knew as well as I did sitting or standing made no difference to our comfort levels. But I was still trying to cling to the some old human habits. And sitting when getting or giving bad news was one of them.

"Alice, how much do you know about my gift?"

"Just that it's like mine, but probably more accurate considering you see the past which can't change." She laughed her tinkling laugh.

"Well, it can't, except when it can."

"And here I thought Edward and I had the corner on talking in riddles."

"I changed two things yesterday. What I mean to say is I caused them to happen yesterday, but they have been the way they are now for years."

She screwed up her face as she tried to work out my logic, "Like?"

"Well, last night I shifted into Edward's past. A couple of times actually, but once in particular. He was at the hospital in Chicago... dying." I almost choked on the word, I could still see Edward in my mind, pale, clammy and almost at peace. "Carlisle gave him some pain relief and walked past him onto the next patient, leaving him to die."

"But Carlisle saved him."

I shook my head. "It's so much easier to show it like I can with Edward, rather than telling you about it. It's difficult to explain."

"Why don't you try showing me?"

"I don't know if that's..." I trailed off. I had shown Elizabeth hadn't I? Surely I could show Alice the same way. I just didn't know if it worked the same way when I wasn't in the past. I was worried that maybe I could hurt Alice more than I already had. I didn't want to inadvertantly take her vampire memories too.

"I think whatever you are thinking will work," Alice said, then she cocked her head to the side, "but I can't see anything past you showing me the vision."

"That's because you'll have one doozy of a decision to make," I muttered. Then I continued, "I don't know how to do it properly, I haven't tried it out really."

"Give it a try," she said, "I know you'd never hurt me."

_Not intentionally_, I thought.

I held up my hands to her face and closed my eyes, concentrating on sharing my vision with her. It was so much easier doing this on instinct rather than with conscious thought, but if I relied on instinct I risked going too far – like I had before.

I was determined to show her what happened with Edward first so that she understood that the past could be changed, even though it is already set, but without risking her anger. I put my hands beside her head, this seemed to focus my attention better. I closed my eyes.

I felt the shift as I entered into the memory, and felt Alice's consciousness slip with me. She wasn't present as such and we couldn't interact but I could feel her as the scene progressed in front of us. We reached the part where Carlisle walked past Edward's bed. I saw myself running, screaming, sobbing but couldn't process the same emotions, not now that I knew without any doubts that Edward was safe. I had fixed it. The past version of me walked over to Elizabeth and put my hands beside her head. I allowed the same memories to fill me now so Alice would understand what I was doing.

I pulled back to present and opened my eyes.

"What did you do to that woman?" Alice asked.

"That was Edward's mother. I showed her some memories of Edward and I and told her that Carlisle could save her, showed her how."

"Why?"

"Because it was going to change."

"You think Carlisle would have just kept walking if you hadn't done that?" Alice asked, her face a mask of shock. I worried what the next memory might do to her... to us.

I nodded. "I don't know how I know but I just do. But I think it's like a loop, it happened because I did it and I was supposed to do it. If I consciously decided not to do it, the loop would have been broken and the events changed. It's like I am working on behalf of destiny." I shook my head. That made it sound much more grand than it actually was.

I saw her processing that for a few minutes. Then she seemed to come to terms with it and smiled encouragingly at me. "Okay, but you said you changed _two_ things yesterday. What's the other?"

"Can I show you again?" I didn't think I could make the words to try to explain it.

She nodded before clutching my hand lightly. "It's okay, Bella."

I hoped she still thought that in a little while. I closed my eyes again and returned my hands to the air on either side of her mind, I felt the pull and swallowed back the venom that had risen with my nerves.

I watched again as Nicholas was pulled from Alice and killed by James. I watched again as James shook his head in disgust at Alice before running away. And I watched again as I knelt behind Alice's head and stripped every one of her painful memories away.

As I returned to present, I pulled my hands back to myself quickly and turned my head down to look at them. I wasn't ready for whatever look Alice had on her face. We sat silently, curiosity burned through me but I couldn't bring myself to raise my eyes to hers. Her breathing was unsteady and she sat motionless, there wasn't even a whisper of movement from the couch beside me.

When she finally spoke her voice had no volume, it was quieter than her breath shifting the air. "What did you do?"

"I'm sorry, Alice," I breathed back. I couldn't find any volume either.

"No, Bella, I mean..." she spoke with a little more volume, "_What_ did you do?"

Then I understood. Just like with the scene in the hospital, she didn't see my memory with the same filter Edward did. Edward could hear my thoughts, Alice just witnessed the memory.

"I'm the reason you can't remember anything before waking up," I admitted. "I saw you lying there screaming for him and I just...I couldn't stand..." I broke down into tearless sobs.

"What are you trying to tell me, Bella?" She sat silently for a minute, I looked at her face her eyes were vague, she was having a vision. I waited for her to return, she looked mildly frustrated. I turned away from her again, bracing for the anger. She exhaled shakily. "You took my _memories_?"

I nodded and sobbed again.

"Why?"

"I saw you in pain and I just didn't think. My instincts took over and I wanted to protect you from the pain. I started to remove the painful memories, but every one of your human memories was laced with pain."

I sat motionless, still too afraid to look at her. Her fingers found my chin and pulled it towards her face. There was no anger, only awe.

I was confused. "Aren't you upset?"

She chuckled. "I probably should be."

I couldn't help laughing a little, but it was nothing more than a soft, nervous chuckle. "I would be."

"Bella, I know you did what you thought was best based on what was in front of you at the time. We've all done that, just look at the situation with James."

"But that _wasn't_ your fault Alice. You had no way of knowing how sadistic he was."

She looked sad. "Maybe, maybe not. My point is everyone makes mistakes. And, I guess I have just had so many years of _not _having those memories, I don't know what I'm missing."

I didn't know what to say.

"But you know what, it's a good thing really," Alice continued, a new decisive tone in her voice.

I looked at her in shock. "Why?" I forced out.

"Because you can give them back to me if I want – like you did with Elizabeth." She paused. "Can't you?"

"I don't know, I _think_ so, but this is all so new to me. I don't know what I can or can't do. But I do know I can feel your memories."

"Do you know what was in them?"

I shook my head. "I just felt for pain. I'm not going to go through your life, Alice."

"Can you?"

"Why?"

She sighed. "I'm happy with my life, with Jasper and my family. I have wanted to know more about my human life but if these memories were so painful you instinctively wanted to shield me from them...I don't know if I want them back. But maybe you could look at them? Relive them for me. Maybe once I know what they contain I can decide."

"Alice, are you sure?"

"Seeing the future gives me certain...advantages. Now that I know the paths I can see that if you return my memories to me I will be in pain, I don't know what over but I can see myself in absolute agony. But if you don't return them I will always wonder. This third path is uncertain because you haven't decided what to do yet but it seems to best option."

"You're really not mad at me?"

"Not if you'll help me."

I pulled her into a hug, "Anything if it means you won't be mad at me."

We talked for a little while longer about my visions and her memories and then I walked to my bedroom. I was going to spend the rest of the day going through Alice's memories. I couldn't help the part of me that felt like a voyeur.

~ 0 ~

_I was in a bedroom, a small white bed sat under the window. A young girl, who couldn't have been much older than four, lay sleeping on it. As I walked past her, I found it easy to resist the call of her blood. She was so small and fragile. Her features were thin and her arms looked as though they might snap if the wind blew too hard. I guessed if she was standing her dark hair would fall to about shoulder length but at the moment it splayed out behind her on the pillow. I turned my back on the sleeping figure and looked around the room. It was sparse, there weren't many furnishings, just lots of home-made toys and knitted dolls. Obviously the occupants of this house had little money but lots of love. _

_I heard a small noise behind me and turned to see the small girl was awake. _

"_Who are you?" she asked, her eyes focused directly on me. I turned quickly on the spot, there was no one behind me. How could she see me._

"_Bella?" she said. _

_I nodded, feeling caught out. _

"_I like you, Bella." _

"_I like you too, Alice." I whispered._

"_My name's Mary. I'm Mary Alice Brandon."_

"_I'm sorry, Mary. How old are you?"_

"_I'm turning five on my next birthday. Momma's giving me a purple birthday party."_

_Even though she was so young her personality was infectious, I couldn't help smiling at her. "That sounds like fun. Are you going to invite your friends over?"_

_She scrunched her eyebrows at me like she didn't know what I was talking about. Then she gasped. "Daddy's coming."_

_I strained my ears but I couldn't hear a sound. I watched as she lay back down in bed and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She rolled onto her side and pulled the blankets right up to her chin. _

_I heard a creak on a floorboard down the hall and the sound of a bed shifting as someone stood off it. The young girl snuck a quick look out of one eye. _

"_Please go," she whispered to me. But I couldn't. I was transfixed, wondering why I took this memory when it was so peaceful. I know I had imprinted myself into it now, but even then young Alice didn't seem upset by my presence. She was only worried her father would see me, but I knew he wouldn't. I wasn't sure why Alice could see me, but I could only assume it was a mix of her latent ability and young age. Didn't people always say children were much more intuitive? I sunk back against the wall, wanting to watch this little Alice for as long as possible, she was so much like my Alice despite the differences in size. I may have stolen her memories, but I didn't steal one ounce of her personality._

_I heard footsteps coming down the hall and the bedroom door creaked open, allowing a slit of light to enter. Alice's father was tan to the point of being sun-weathered and highly muscled but wiry and thin. He obviously spent a lot of his time outside. I watched as he walked over to Alice's bed and lightly stroked her face. At first I thought it was a loving gesture because he had heard his daughter talking and wanted to check on her, like Renee and Charlie used to with me. But the way Alice flinched away from his touch made my instincts flare. He continued to stroke her face gently with his right hand while his left hand pulled the blankets back down off her small body. I heard her whimper softly._

"_Shh, remember you mustn't wake Momma. This is our little secret. Momma will be very cross with you if you tell." _

_I felt sick, I wanted to tear this man limb from limb but all I did was swipe through air. I reeled. I wanted to protect Alice from this. I threw myself from the room and into what I assumed was her parents room, it was where her father had walked from. Her mother was lying in bed, eyes closed tight but she wasn't asleep, her breathing was too uneven. I placed my hands beside her head and replayed the scene I had just witnessed. She flinched away from it, but didn't move. She scrunched her eyes tighter and gave a tiny sob. My entire mind was filled with the sounds of Alice's whimpers and I knew I was utterly unable to help her._

_~ 0 ~ _

I shifted back, my eyes stung and my breathing hitched. How could I tell Alice about _this_? Not for the first time I wished I had a physical form when I went back in these memories so I could rip him to pieces. I didn't want to see any more but I had to do what Alice asked me to though. I closed my eyes and shifted into another memory.

_~ 0 ~ _

_I was in front of a small but picturesque farmstead. It was like a postcard or a billboard for an old-fashioned way of life. A rope-swing hung from the oak tree out the front. Two little girls came running from the front door, one was a tiny little thing of about six or seven, with long, flowing, black hair and pixie-like features. She danced and bounced around the other, who was obviously younger, despite being a little taller and more broad. The younger one had brown hair pulled into plaits on either side and stalked along while the other flittered around her. _

"_C'mon Cinnie," the little one called, "she'll be here soon. Then I'll show you." _

"_Mary, momma' s told you to stop lying about that lady."_

_Alice raised her head and looked at me. "Lying? Then who's _that_?" She pointed in my direction._

"_I don't see no-one," the other one said. Cynthia I realised based on what Alice had told me of her personal research._

"_She's right _there_." Alice said, pointing in my direction shaking her head like her sister was crazy. She gave me an apologetic smile. _

"_There's no one there. I'm going back inside," Cynthia pouted._

_Alice watched after her in confusion. When she turned back to me her eyes were sad, the green-grey colour looking like an angry sea. I decided I would try to talk to this Alice about what I saw last in my last vision but I needed her trust first. She walked over to a log and sat down on it. I followed and crouched in front of her. She put her elbows on her knees and tucked her hands under her chin._

"_Why is she lying?" Alice asked me._

_I tried to smile as sweetly as possible given the circumstances. "She might not be, sweetie. Not everyone can see me." _In fact you're the only one._ "Only _special_ people can see me." _

_She smiled back at me, staring at my face with curiosity. After a few seconds she said, "Bella, you're eyes are very pretty."_

_I smiled at her. "The colour doesn't upset you?" I asked. "You don't find it scary?"_

"_Nope. Red is my favourite colour in the whole world."_

_I laughed. "Is it really?"_

"_Yeah, what's yours?"_

"_My favourite colour changes all the time."_

"_What is it at the moment?"_

"_Blue, at the moment I think."_

_Alice looked at me questioningly. _

_"It's the colour of the sky, the colour of freedom."_

"_Are you my sister Bella? You're very old to be my sister."_

"_Why would you say I'm your sister?"_

"_I don't know." She looked confused again. "I see things sometimes. I can see that you're my sister, but not like Cinnie. You're a different kind of sister."_

"_That's right. When you are older, like me, then we'll be sisters." _

"_That's good. I'm glad I've got a sister as nice as you. Cinnie isn't very nice to me most of the time."_

"_That's not fair," I stated. "Why not?"_

"_She thinks I'm a freak. Everyone does. They say I'm a liar too, but I ain't never lied." She stuck her chin out defiantly and I couldn't help but chuckle. _

"_I don't think you're a liar. I think you are very talented. You know, when you're older like me..."_

"_When we're sisters?" she interrupted._

_I smiled at her again. "Yeah, then there will be lots of people who love you and none of them think you are a liar either."_

"_Will I be married?"_

"_Do you want to get married?" _

"_I don't know, I guess so, that's what you do when you get older." _

"_Well, I'll tell you a secret – yes, you are married. To a very nice man. One who is wonderful and kind and..." I leaned forward conspiratorially, "talented like you."_

"_He can see stuff too?"_

"_Not quite, but he's very special."_

"_What does he look like?"_

"_Oh, he's very tall, very handsome and has lovely blonde hair. And when you meet him he'll have eyes the same colour as mine, but they'll change over time."_

"_Eyes that change colour? You're lyin'."_

_I put on a face of mock indignation. "I never lie. Can I show you something? I promise I won't hurt you." _

_She nodded. "I know you won't."_

_I put my hands up to her face and showed her a memory of my teenage human self. She seemed completely unphased by the vision. _

"_She's pretty too. She looks a little bit like you."_

"_That _is_ me."_

"_But her eyes are brown."_

"_I told you...eyes that change colour." I smiled at her. "You and I are very special and we belong to a very special family. We all look after each other. We all love each other."_

_She looked towards the house, her eyes turned sad again. I wondered what she was thinking but I saw this as an opportunity to ask the question which I already knew the answer to, even though that answer was more disturbing than anything else. _

"_Mary?" The name sounded so unfamiliar on my tongue._

"_Mmm-hmm,"_

"_Does your daddy still sneak into your room at night?"_

_She took off like a fox in a hunt straight back towards the house without turning back to look at me. I took that as a yes. _

~ 0 ~

_The same two girls were standing in front of the same farmhouse. I hadn't been able to find a single memory of Alice's that didn't involve this house. I wondered if she had gone anywhere else in her childhood. The girls were older now, the one with the long black hair looked maybe thirteen and the other one towered over her. _

_The black haired girl had a rucksack over her shoulder. "C'mon Cinnie, come with me please? It's not safe here."_

"_You're a liar, Mary. You've always been a liar. Daddy's _never_ hurt _me_."_

"_But he might once I've gone." Her voice was broken. "Please. Please Cinnie."_

"_No, and I'm telling momma what you are doing."_

"_You wouldn't dare." The defiance streak was back in her eyes._

"_Momma!" Cynthia shouted. She opened her mouth to call again just as Alice's fist connected with her face._

"_I am _not_ a liar."_

_Cynthia glared back at Alice. "You..._hit_... me!"_

_Alice's face softened. "I'm sorry, Cinnie, you... you just can't call momma." _

_Cynthia glared at her. _

"_I need to go, please, please, please come with me!"_

_Cynthia turned on her heels and ran back to the house shouting. "Momma!"_

_Once we were alone Alice turned to me. "Bella, take me away, please? Take me with you. Let me be your sister _now_. I need to get away. It's...it's getting worse."_

"_I'm sorry," I whispered. "I don't know how. But if I could, I would. I would take you far away from here. You deserve better than this Alice."_

"_It's Mary," she hissed back as her mother came running from the house, holding a belt. _

_Her mother lashed her hard across her tiny face with the belt. Then she pulled her close. "Mary. I don't know why you make us do these to you. Why you can't just be a good girl and be quiet?"_

_Alice fell to the ground sobbing._

~ 0 ~

_Alice's bedroom had changed since my last visit. All the hand-made toys were packed away. There was nothing personal on display. None of Alice's flair that I was so used to existed. Alice sat on her plain bed crying. An angry red welt crossed her delicate features, exactly where her mother had struck her with the belt earlier and I felt sick. I knew I couldn't give her any actual physical comfort so I did the next best thing - the only thing I was able to think of. I walked over to her and shared a memory of us embracing after my wedding. _

"_Thanks, Bella," she whispered. "I know you'd do more if you were able to. But it's going to happen tonight and I...I can't do anything to stop it. Momma doesn't care about me enough to stop it. She... she calls me a liar." She was sobbing by the time she finished. _

_Her head snapped up and she wailed, clutching her face and pulling her hair. "He's coming home now."_

_I barely had time to consider her words when I heard a truck pulling up out the front. The door slammed and uneven footsteps walked to the front door. If I had to guess I would say whoever the footsteps belonged to was drunk. This was confirmed a few minutes later when Alice's bedroom door flew open before being slammed behind her drunken father. He smelled more strongly of alcohol than Chris Markson had when he'd attacked me. _

_Alice whimpered and forced her feet into the bed, pushing herself backwards before pressing herself tightly into the corner of her room as if she were trying to climb inside the wall to hide. He staggered straight over to her bed._

"_Momma told me what you did today? Why do you have to do things to make her so cross?" _

_He stroked her hair, I could see her quake under his touch. Trembling and whimpering each time his fingers touched her. I wanted to get him off her, to get him to leave her alone. I put my hands on either side of his head and filled my mind with Edward's snarls and growls, with Alice's face twisted into a feral snarl – from when she was proving to Edward she could take care of me before taking me to Phoenix. I ran them through my head and pushed all of them into him. A warning, the only kind of warning I could give him._

"_What the fuck!" He jumped off Alice's bed and for a moment I thought I had won but then he shook his head to clear it and climbed back onto Alice's bed. I tried again but he ignored it._

"_No, Bella, it won't work," Alice whispered, her voice chilled as ice. _

"_What did you say?"Alice's father said as he pulled on her legs. _

_She screamed and he clamped his hand over her mouth._

"_Don't make your momma mad again," he said and ran his fingers across the welt on her cheek. Then he licked it and I shuddered, I tried to throw myself at him but again felt nothing but air. I tried the memories again but he was too drunk to even notice them anymore. _

"_Just go, Bella," Alice whispered under her breath. Her eyes shut down becoming hard and emotionless as her mind fell back into itself for protection from what was about to come._

_~ 0 ~_

_I was in the small bathroom of Alice's house. Alice had grown since the last vision, she looked more like a young woman than a little girl, but still couldn't have been more than fifteen. She stood facing the mirror, clutching a clump of her long black hair roughly in one hand. Her other hand held a razor blade. Her eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, she'd obviously been crying. _

_She pulled at her hair as she raised the razor blade into it, hacking roughly at her locks. She twisted the blade deftly around and swapped hands. _

_"He said it was beautiful, Bella," she spat as she hacked the blade through another part. "He said he liked it long. I can't even look at myself without thinking of him."_

_I didn't know what to say so I just tried to offer her some comfort. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Alice. I'd take you away if I could."_

_She hacked and ripped at her hair, slicing into it roughly. Soon her long hair lay around her feet, the hair remaining was cropped closely to her face, shorter than I had ever seen it. The sun came through the window and glinted off the blade. Alice looked at it with a strange look on her face. Time slowed down as I realised what she was going to do._

_"No!" I screamed._

_She twisted the blade around and raised her other arm in front of her. She pressed the tip of the blade into her skin, pushing with more pressure until droplets of blood began to bubble up around the blade. The smell was too much for me, sending me into a frenzy. Fire ripped through my throat. _

~ 0 ~

I snapped back to reality, Edward was staring at me with a look of concern on his face. I hadn't realised I had been looking through Alice's memories for long enough for him to be home already.

"Was that one of Alice's memories?" he asked softly.

I nodded and put my forehead against his shoulder. I took a deep breath, although his scent didn't quell the fire it helped centre my mind a little. "She wanted me to look through them and help her decide whether or not she wants them back."

"Yeah, she was thinking about that when we got home. Why was she doing that?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. If I was human tears would have been streaming down my face. It hurt me that my sister and friend had suffered so much in her short life and that I could do nothing to stop it. When I first learned that Alice had spent time in an asylum, I thought that had to be the worst part of her life. Now I wondered. I knew from documentaries that some of those asylums treated patients notoriously badly and the dark room I had seen Alice in didn't seem comfortable, but surely it couldn't be worse than the unloving home she had grown up in. I started to sob.

Edward's hands were around my back and he was pulling me close to him,. "Calm down, love."

"I can't Edward, it's just so horrible. There's just so much hurt."

"Nothing is going to change if you don't finish looking at these memories tonight. Why don't you try pulling up someone else's? Something happy – one of mine?"

"No. I can't. I think I just need to hunt." My throat was burning still from the scent of Alice's fresh, warm pulsating blood. Just thinking about it made me shift back into the memory.

~ 0 ~

_The smell was rich and succulent, but it worried me because it was _everywhere_. I opened my eyes to see Alice with no less than fifteen cuts along her arm. Once she was aware of me, she slid her tongue along her arm. _

"_I just wanted to know what it tasted like, Bella. You seemed so hungry before when you smelled it, I wanted to know why." _

_She pressed the blade into her skin again, wincing as it pierced the skin._

"_Alice, don't...please don't," I sobbed, the scent of her blood burned my throat and I sobbed with my own pain as much as for hers._

_Her blood was running in rivers on the bathroom floor. She stood and stumbled towards the bathroom door, pushing it open while I remained rooted to the spot. "The name is _Mary_," she whispered hoarsely as she pushed it open._

_I heard her walk down the hall laughing madly, "Momma! Look what I did." _

_Her mother's piercing shriek filled the bathroom._

~ 0 ~

I pushed myself back away from the memory and buried myself into Edward's shoulder. He picked me up and carried my down the stairs and straight out the door with me sobbing against him the whole way. As he walked I felt myself shifting again.

_~ 0 ~_

_Alice was in her bedroom with her head resting against the wall behind her and her knees drawn up into her chest. Her hair was still short, but had grown out a little. As always she seemed to know precisely the second I would arrive, she looked over to me her green-grey eyes dead, emotionless. _

"_You know what the worst thing is?"_

_I shook my head._

"_No one believes me. About anything. Ever since I was little no one believed that you were real, that what I _see_ was real, that what _he _does is real. Despite it happening again and again they still think I am lying."_

"_They don't, there are people who know the truth. But they're just scared and they don't understand. Or something."_

"_They understand alright - I'm a freak."_

_I smiled at her then held my hands to her temples showing her the memory of Edward and I at the restaurant in Port Angeles, me saying that my brain was didn't work right – that I was a freak._

_She laughed a hard laugh. "Well, let's be freaks together." She pushed a bottle of something to her lips and took a deep swig. As she pulled it away I could smell the alcohol, it smelled worse than normal to me, dirty or contaminated somehow._

"_Relax, Bella, it's just a little hooch," she shook the bottle. "Moonshine? It's _Daddy's_." She spat the name out before taking another deep gulp. I looked at her arm and there were dozens of new razor marks along the length of it. She pulled the sleeves on her sweater down and shot me another quick glance. _

"_I wish you wouldn't hurt yourself. You're very precious to me, Alice."_

"_You know, I've told you before, my name is Mary," she glared at me balefully, but then grinned. "But you can call me Alice. I hate being Mary. Alice will be my new name...when I leave this stink hole." She threw the bottle across the room and it smashed into the wall. She walked over and picked up the pieces of glass, crushing them between her fingers. I could smell the fresh blood as the glass pierced her skin. _

_~ 0 ~_

I hated that I was sharing these memories with Edward, he didn't need to witness his beloved sister that way and it wasn't fair to Alice, but I couldn't send him away, not now that I had his scent to comfort me between shifts. It was ridiculous, I was the one who told him I wanted to hunt and here I was practically comatose on the forest floor, with him clenching his nails into my arm because of how tense Alice's memories were making him. The worst part was I didn't even want to complain about the pain. I was enjoying the sensation of hurting too much, it made me feel closer to the broken Alice in my visions.

Despite everything, despite the pain and needing to hunt, I found I couldn't help but rush through as many of Alice's memories as possible, looking for one grain of happiness that I could offer her. But there was only one beacon of light in her life. One person she could actually talk to about her problems. Me.

~ 0 ~

**A/N – Oh god – I hated doing that to Alice! I love Alice. But, unfortunately, Alice is going to have to suffer some more before this is over with *SOB* **

**Also – I know you may be a little surprised Alice wasn't pissed with Bella about the whole memory thing but, well Alice is Alice & loves Bella & understands Bella wouldn't hurt her & lets just say the vision she had of getting her memories back without Bella looking through them first was pretty dreadful, because think about it if Bella never looked through the memories than the ONE person Alice had to rely on her entire human life (while still at home anyway) would never have existed. So when I started this chapter I thought Alice was going to be upset too but she just wasn't.**

**I wasn't going to but I have posted up another new story (I know – finish what you start first hey!) but I'm going to try not to continue with it too much until I have laid at least 1 of my 3 WIPs to rest. Truthfully I think it will be this one because it is the one screaming at me the loudest. I have to force the words on the other two at present (Carlisle's doctor in particular because Carlisle is currently stuck in Egypt but I need to see what 11 is like before I can decide whether or not to insert him in the story, I am in Aus & we haven't got the End of Time yet & I don't have a big enough internet limit to download & watch the eps online) I will get back to them & they both have ½ drafted chapters & plenty of ideas, it's just they're on mute at the moment because *this* Bella (and Alice) are being far too noisy. As a side-note (but kind of related) I was snooping around my stats today – would you believe I posted my first chapter of Blue Moon on October 23****rd**** this year (a week after I started writing it) and since then I have penned (or typed if you want to be pedantic) over 400,000 words (after this chapter goes up anyway), sorry I know no-one cares about that but it blew me away when I saw it. **

**Anyways – sorry for the long A/N I just wanted to clarify some things :)**

**As always, love to know what you think. Also is there any particular character who people want to have Bella look into their past? I know one character will be eager for it (any guesses?) another character doesn't need it (surely no guesses needed on that one) but I'm interested in knowing if there are any you are particularly keen on :)**


	26. Asylum

**Chapter 26: Asylum**

___All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. (In other words – I don't own it, I'm just playing). Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

~ 0 ~

After experiencing the pain of Alice's memories, I could feel myself building the thickness of my shield involuntarily. I clung tightly into Edward's arms trying to hold onto reality and not sink back into that black place.

"Bella, love, you have to stop torturing yourself with this," he whispered.

His voice was enough to break through the walls, for now.

I broke down.

"Torturing myself? This is nothing...nothing compared to what she went through Edward. And I can't do a damn thing to stop it from happening. There is nothing I can do to stop that beautiful, pure soul being corrupted and ripped to shreds by her own family. Her own father. How the hell am I supposed to tell Alice about any of this?"

"Then don't."

"That's hardly fair," I snapped at him, "I can't make carte blanche decisions about her life or her memories."

He pulled me tighter to him and stroked my hair. "She asked you to do this because she trusts you. If you tell her she's better off not knowing, she'll believe you."

I shrugged. I felt my shield thicken a bit again. I shifted into the next memory.

_We were finally in a location other than her house. It took me one second to realise this and then another second to panic. We were in a hospital. Not the asylum, but a genuine hospital. Alice was lying in the bed in front of me, her hair was cut short, almost completely shaved off in some spots. Her head had nicks and cuts all over it from where she had sliced roughly with the razorblade. But the most worrying thing was the bandage wrapped around each of her forearms. I could smell her drying blood coming underneath the bandages. It was surprising how quickly I was able to stifle my thirst when I was so concerned about her wellbeing. _

"_Bella," she croaked. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't cope anymore."_

"_Alice, you have to keep yourself safe for me, and for your family."_

"_My family are the reason I'm in here."_

"_Not _that_ family. My family. We all love you, Alice."_

"_If you love me so much, why do I have to wait to join you? Why can't I join you now?__"_

"_I wish you could, sweetie. I just don't know how to make it happen." _

_She turned her head away in response. I took a second to really study her face while she wasn't looking. Her features were almost the same here as the Alice I knew, if you took into account the changes that would occur when she was infected by the venom. Her hair needed to grow out a little bit, she had maybe a few months before she would meet Nicholas and James. Before she would lose all her memories of this. _

"_Alice, please don't be like that."_

"_I just... don't understand, Bella. I've always thought of you as my guardian angel but you won't take me away. You never save me."_

_Her words cut through me. _"_I know. And, honestly, you don't know how much I am suffering because of it. It is a physical ache for me to see you like this and not be able to do anything about it."_

"_You're so much stronger than me."_

_I laughed. "I won't always be. The time will come when you're stronger than me. I will need you to protect me then." _

_I showed her a memory of us talking in the cafe shortly after I arrived in Fairfield. I was in tears and she had her arms around me telling me it would be alright.._

_She gasped. "My eyes are a different colour." _

"_You'll have a completely new life. You'll be the _real_ you."_

"_I like the sound of that."_

"_But you have to keep yourself safe for me until the time is right."_

_She sighed. "Will it be much longer?"_

"_No, not for you to get away from here. But it will be a while before you'll meet me in person."_

"_How long?"_

_I shook my head. "Can't tell."_

_Alice grinned slyly at me. "Can't or won't?"_

_I smiled back. "Just promise me you'll take care of yourself. There are a lot of people counting on you. A lot of people who will love you."_

_She rolled her eyes. "Fine."_

_~ 0 ~ _

_Alice was back in front of her house, her hair had grown out a little. It almost the length I was used to her having. We were getting closer to the time when she would escape all of this. _

_I felt relieved for her. I realised just how close when I smiled at her and she waved over my shoulder. I heard two sets of footsteps but no heartbeats walking along the road behind me. _

_Vampires._

_I turned slowly to see James and Nicholas walking past her drive. They looked hungry; their eyes were still crimson, but were darkening. _

_I sniffed at the air. I couldn't smell any open wounds on Alice and I knew if James really wanted her it wouldn't matter if there was or wasn't, but I didn't want them to have any additional reasons to come after her swiftly. I felt the need to desperate need to protect her. _

"_Alice, have you cut yourself lately?"_

"_No, I promised you I wouldn't. Remember?"_

_I sighed in relief, but then realised Nicholas looked every bit as hungry as James. I could hear them hissing at each other under their breath, talking about the taste of her. _

_I instinctively fell into a protective crouch in front of her. Part of me registered the fact that I would be useless if, when, they tried to attack Alice. But I couldn't fight my instinct. _

"_Alice, is anyone else home?" I asked._

"_Just _him_. Momma and Cinnie went out to town today."_

_As if his name had been called Alice's father came out of the house. _

_"Mary, come inside. I wanna spend some quality time together before your Momma gets home. It feels like we're never _alone_ anymore." _

_During the course of his speech he had walked up behind her and grabbed a handful of her hair and was sniffing it. I saw her cringe away from his touch again. I felt bad that the feisty young girl had been beaten out of her. It would have been good to see her clock _him_ on the nose like she had done her sister. He stroked his finger down the back of her neck and she whimpered. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her back into him and she let out a frightened whine. _

"_Leave the young lady alone," Nicholas called from the street, before walking purposefully towards the house. His eyes seemed a little more controlled, a little less hungry. A new emotion had replaced the hunger, it was one I recognised from Edward – the need to protect. _

"_And who the hell do you think you are?" _

"_I'm just someone passing by who thinks you need to be taught a lesson on how to read body language." Nicholas smiled widely at him, showing all of his teeth. "See, this," he indicated Alice's stiffened body, "means she's not comfortable. Which means _you_ should back off."_

_Alice's father held on tighter and pushed his body further into her, garnering another whimper from her. "She's my responsibility, now run off and mind you own business."_

_Nicholas looked at Alice. "Are you comfortable with what he is doing to you right now."_

_Her headshake was almost imperceptible. Nicholas took another few steps closer. Alice's father pushed her roughly to the ground and raised his fists. "Oh, a tough guy, huh? Come give me those lessons then."_

_James sauntered over to us, laughing. This had just became a game he was interested in, even though he knew he could easily overpower his victim. He just liked the ones who fought back, they were rare. He leaned back into the tree, relaxing as if he was catching up with an old friend rather than tensing for a fight. _

"_I'll take the two of you at once if I have to, just get the hell off my property. I got business to attend to." The way he looked at Alice's huddled form told me that I would tear him to shreds if I could read his mind right now. At least, I would have if I had a physical presence. _

_James laughed louder, which annoyed Alice's father more. He took a swing at James, but his fist collided with the tree, I saw James's nose wrinkle when he registered the slight smell of blood that filled the air from the scrapes on Alice's father's knuckles. He became intent on the hunt then. I saw Nicholas wrap Alice up in his arms and carry her back into the house. I decided she was the bigger priority for me, so I followed them inside. _

_He laid her on the couch and gently brushed the ends of her hair from her eyes. He seemed to be having an internal debate about something. She opened her eyes and looked at him. Really looked at him. And I saw what she did. Very tall, very handsome with lovely blonde hair and eyes the same colour as mine. Exactly how I told her her future husband would look when she was little. I looked at Alice and watched her eyes. I knew that no matter how Alice thought she felt about Nicholas, I knew she wasn't truly in love with him, which made me feel sorry for him but better for her and Jasper. _

"_You're very beautiful," he whispered to her. _

_I wondered what could change a vampire from desiring a human's blood to whispering sweet nothings to her. After all, what they were planning to do to her was almost as bad as what her father had been doing. But as the minutes grew, I could see a change coming over Nicholas. I hadn't realised it could occur so instantaneously, but I could almost see the love growing in his eyes by the second._

_A shrill shouting started in the front yard before the sound of a skull being smashed by a rock filled the air. The screams became choking gurgles. I tried to tune out the sounds that I was hearing now, the snapping of bones like twigs. The sadistic laughter. James' voice cooing about what he was going to do before they finished. And how it would end. _

_Nicholas shook his head as he listened to the sounds of the violence from the front yard. "Just clean up after yourself," he called, too fast for Alice to be able to understand, then he continued, "No, I've got her." _

_I paused for a second, I hadn't heard James reply. Then it occurred to me exactly why I hadn't heard James, and what changed the shift in Nicholas's attitude. Nicholas had a talent similar to Edward. It made sense based on what I knew of James. He liked to align himself with other talented vampires. Victoria had a skill for evasion that was unrivalled. But Nicholas could hear thoughts and there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he had heard Alice thinking of him as her future husband. _

_And had seen the certainty of her choice-perhaps he'd even seen her penchant for getting things right. _

_He turned back to Alice and stroked softly down her cheek. He leant in to kiss her gently. "I'll be back. You need to keep very quiet. Can you do that for me?"_

_She nodded. Nicholas headed back out the front door and led James away. I heard James questioning Nicholas on Alice's taste and heard the slight growl underneath Nicholas' pleasant words in response. _

"_He's very cold," she whispered softly to me. _

_I put my fingers to my lips to tell her to stay quiet a little longer._

_Alice stood and quietly stepped back into her room. It was in the opposite direction to James and Nicholas and I was sure they were out of hearing range by now. She sat on her bed and turned to me with a smile on her face. _

_"_He_'s gone now, isn't he?" she said, I could tell by her scowl she was talking about her father._

"_Yes, sweetie, he'll never hurt you again."_

_She smiled. "I think momma and Cinnie will be better now."_

"_Alice, can I ask you a question?" _

"_Anything." _

_I didn't know where my inspiration came from, it was almost like I could hear a velvety voice in my head whispering an idea to me. "If I could take away all your memories, all of this pain, but it would mean that you remembered nothing when you woke up. Would you want me to?"_

_She furrowed her brow a little. "I wouldn't remember anything?"_

_I shook my head. "Nothing, none of the bad, but also none of the good."_

"_So I wouldn't remember you?"_

"_Not until you met me again, for real."_

"_But I'd know you then?" She seemed to be concentrating hard on keeping up with the flow of the conversation. _

"_Yes, you will absolutely know me then because then we will be sisters."_

"_Then I'd want you to take the pain. I don't want to remember any of this. But..."_

"_But what?"_

"_Well, it's just that I'd like to remember_ _how you were there for me. You've saved me, Bella. I don't even know if you realise how much. And I know you haven't been around all the time, but knowing I could look forward to you coming back always made the hard times that little bit easier. I'd like to know that you meant that much to me at some point."_

_I smiled. "That sounds good." _

_I heard the window click open. Nicholas climbed silently inside. "Little one? Mary?" he called softly._

_Alice whispered back to him. "I'm here. But how did you know my name."_

"_From your father's thoughts." He growled lightly. "He thought a lot about you and about your sister Cynthia."_

_Alice shivered._

_Nicholas misinterpreted it. "I'm sorry about what James did to him, but he was going to hurt you. I couldn't let him do that."_

"_Don't be sorry. He's hurt me more than you could ever know."_

_I saw Nicholas' face become drawn and tight with stress, no doubt a reaction to the images dancing around Alice's head. _

_He stroked her forehead lightly. "It's alright, he'll never hurt you again. No-one will. I'm sorry I have to leave once I do this but I'll find you, I promise."_

_Alice nodded. _

_He raised her hand up to his face and pressed his teeth into her wrist. He sat there for a moment, unwilling to move, the bloodlust was too strong. He was unwilling to take any more of her inside him in case it set of the frenzy. He waited until the bloodlust subsided enough to pull away slightly and then he disappeared out the window. _

_A second passed and I could smell the venom on the wound. It would be enough to transform her, but from what I understood of the process it would be long and painful for her now as the venom would take more time to spread from such a small wound. _

_Another second passed and then the screaming started. And I worked out exactly why Alice ended up in the asylum. _

_Her mother raced into the room to calm her but all Alice could do was scream. _

_~ 0 ~_

_She was in the dark room now. Strapped tightly down to the bed. I could smell the venom progressing through her blood. Her face turned to me, "I'm going to join you soon, Bella. Be beautiful like you."_

_Then she started to scream again._

_I shifted out. I'd already seen this memory._

Edward was still holding me but the light was wrong. It had been late evening when he had bought me out to the forest. The sun was coming from the opposite angle now, just rising over the edge of the trees.

"Oh my goodness, Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I had been out for so long."

He clutched me to his chest, "It wasn't that bad, love. At least I had your thoughts to keep me company. And at least you got your answer about what to tell Alice."

I looked at him. "Did you plant that in my head?"

He chuckled. "I may have suggested you ask her, but that's all. You did the rest on your own."

"How long before you have to go to school?"

"Do you see that sun? None of us are going to school today."

I stood, shaking him off me. "In that case I need to see Alice."

Now that I had a sense of purpose, it was easy to be calm. I shook off the pain. I had taken it from Alice, and now she would never experience it.

All she would know was that her human life was hard, but I was there to help her through it. She would hear that from her own mouth.

Edward jogged along right behind me. I think he was pleased that I was no longer a sobbing mess, clutching to him as if I might slide away forever.

Everyone was gathered on the couches when Edward and I arrived in the living room. I stood right in the centre of everyone's attention and this time I didn't mind it.

Alice smiled at me. "Thank you, Bella. I can see how hard that was for you."

"Actually, Alice, it helped ease a lot of my guilt."

She had a puzzled expression on her face.

"May I?" I held my hand up, indicating to her that I wanted to show her a memory.

She nodded, her face wore nothing but an expression of trust. I rested my hands in the air beside her temples and called up the memory of the last conversation we had. Of what she told me. I stopped before the part where Nicholas came in the window. She nodded at me. "Maybe one day I will ask you to tell me what happened – tell me though, not show me."

"Whenever you are ready. Until then I act on your authority to keep these memories hidden."

"Bella?" Emmett called to me. I turned to look at him. "Alice told me about what you can do. About going back and looking at memories and stuff."

I nodded.

He smiled at me. "Bella, I want you to _do_ me."

He waggled his eyebrow. And with that one sentence the tension from the last day dissipated as every around me fell into laughter - trust Emmett.

~ 0 ~


	27. Helping Hand

**Chapter 27: Helping Hand**

~ 0 ~

"You want me to do you?"

Emmett nodded his head, his smile broadening.

"After all the tension, the stress, that I have been in for the last few days and you want me to do you?"

He laughed. "Hey come on – all that stress is because you were looking at the pixie's memories. A girl's life is always full of drama. My life was drama free, Baby."

"Yeah, right up until you got eaten by the bear." I laughed and a few of the others joined in.

"Hey, I could've won that fight still, if Rosie hadn't interrupted."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at him.

"R-ight," I laughed.

"Come on, do me Bells, please?"

"Fine, but if I'm not going to interrupt the bear while it chews on your ass."

"That's fine, that's Rosie's job anyway."

I closed the distance between us a little and pushed my shield out towards Emmett.

"Think about a memory," I told him. I concentrated on what he was thinking about and felt the shift. I shifted back almost instantly. "Emmett! That's just wrong."

He grinned like a Cheshire cat.

Edward shook his head in disgust, but had a small smile playing on his lips.

"What did you see?" Alice asked.

"I wanted to show our little sis a thing or two that she can try out on Edward."

I couldn't shake the image of him and Rosalie butt naked in the throes of passion out of my head; it was almost as bad as walking in on your parents. I could see every detail, hear every sound. Even though I was only in the memory for a few seconds, I saw every place he had his hands, where he was running his tongue and the exact noises Rosalie was making in her excitement. It made me think of Edward and I - only we did it better. Typical Emmett.

I wanted to pay him back. I debated for half a second because I was torn between the embarrassment my decision would cost versus the payoff but I decided it would be worth it. I took another step closer to Emmett and filled my mind with flashes of Edward and I in various scenes: in the forest with him licking me all over, in the bedroom while I was still human and he was taking me from behind, in the shower while Jacob was in the other room, our night in Forks. Each memory just a fraction of a second, none long enough to give him too good of a look. I held my hands beside his head and shared them all with him.

"Remember," I said, as the visions passed through me to him. "I'm not your _little_ sister anymore. I'm older _and_ wiser."

Everyone laughed at the stunned look on Emmett's face. He sat for another few seconds with a blank look before turning to Edward and giving him a slap on the back.

"Nice!"

The embarrassment that I'd been holding back broke to the surface and I sat on the couch cringing with my head in my hands. Edward sat beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"I want another turn," Emmett asked.

I shook my head without raising it from my hands.

"Oh, no fair, Bella," Emmett said. "Do me again? Please? I've got lots to show you. I promise I'll behave."

Everyone chanted a round of, "go on".

_Did they make you do this sort of stuff too?_ I thought to Edward, dropping my shield.

"Still do," he laughed, "and worse. I'm regularly treated to slideshows like the one you saw."

"Fine," I said to Emmett. "But keep it clean."

He nodded and bounced a little, I didn't know if he was excited for me to see another part of him or whether it was just the challenge of a new experience. I pushed my shield out toward him again and shifted, concentrating myself so I would go back to his human memories, back before Rosalie. I thought I would be safer there.

_Emmett was running through the underbrush, easily stepping around fallen obstacles. He looked completely at home here, completely at ease. His human self was the polar opposite of me – he loved the outdoors and he was still huge. He was a bit more tubby as a human, still not fat but the muscles had an extra layer covering them making him seem a bit softer somehow. As he ran he had a double-barrelled shotgun resting, open, in the crook of his arm. He was following closely behind a bloodhound. The dog disappeared out of his eye-line and he stopped. He let out a long low whistle and the dog wheeled around and came to heel in front of him. The dog cast me a sideways glance but Emmett had no idea I was here. _

_Emmett patted him on the head, "Good boy, Champ." _

_He whistled again, a higher-pitched whistle this time, Champ stared at me for a brief second before running back off into the scrub. He let out one quick, low bark which sent Emmett running again. I followed them through the forest, running at human speed. A huge stag lay on the ground, bleeding and dead. _

"_Look at that spread, Champ," Emmett whistled, "easily twenty-three inches."_

_He whistled and raised his arm. "Go get the others, bring them here."_

_The bloodhound sped off back in the direction we came from. I listened out and could hear voices and footsteps of at least four other men. But in the opposite direction was a low rumbling of a bear, aroused by the sounds and scents in the air. I knew what was coming now. Trust Emmett to show me this memory. _

I shifted back.

"Enjoy?" He laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Some of us have important things to do, not waste all night watching you get mauled by a bear." The truth was I still hadn't hunted and even the deer's blood in the memory was scorching my throat something fierce. I didn't want to stay in the memory when human blood was spilled, it would have been pure agony.

I sat back against Edward and leaned into his arms. Now that I was free of the guilt I had felt over Alice, and my family thought I was sane again, I turned my attention to the one other person that it was within my power to save.

"Carlisle, can I speak to you alone for a little while?" I asked. "I just need a little while to call Jacob first."

He smiled, I figured he already knew the outcome of what I was going to do. "Yes. I'll be waiting in my study when you're ready."

I nodded and Carlisle left to go to his study. I pulled down my shield so Edward would know what I was thinking and what I wanted from him and Jacob.

"Edward, can you call Jacob for me?" I wasn't sure who at La Push knew the real story about me, and who thought I was dead. I didn't want to give Billy a heart attack if he didn't know I was actually alive.

Edward nodded and pulled out his cell. I heard Jacob answer and after they had exchanged pleasantries he handed me the phone.

"Jacob, I've got a big favour to ask."

~ 0 ~

"How can I help, Bella?" Carlisle asked in his doctor voice. I was still sure he knew where this conversation was going to go and was probably already more aware of the outcome than I was. All I knew was what Alice's vision had told me, and I knew that it was subjective.

"I want to help Cain, and I have an idea how I might be able to do it. I just need to borrow your memories for a while first."

He indicated with his hands that I should proceed. I sat across the desk from him and pushed my shield out towards him. As soon as he was under it I concentrated on Cain and the hospital. I felt the shift and looked around.

_Cain was laying on a hospital bed, monitors attached all over his body. Bandages covered his wrists and his face was still swollen from where he had impacted the wall as Jacob had thrown him across the room. There was a nurse stationed in the room watching over him. Carlisle was at the end of his bed reading the chart. _

_I put my hands to his forehead sharing with him the memory of our conversation so he would know what was happening. He nodded imperceptibly to me, then he leaned over to the nurse and asked her to leave him in the room alone for a few minutes. _

_She started to argue but Carlisle simply said, "Five minutes, please. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt himself."_

_The nurse seemed to consider Carlisle for a minute before nodding and turning to leave the room._

"_Bella, what do you need me to do?" Carlisle asked, low and fast so Cain wouldn't hear. I didn't answer him, I couldn't. Instead, I walked over near Cain and lay my hands beside his head. I wouldn't be able to remove his memories like I could for Alice-I would need him under my shield for that-but what I could do was help him out. I could show him my plan._

_I concentrated hard on the memory I prepared after getting off the phone with Jacob, once both Edward and Jacob reluctantly agreed to my idea. I pulled up my memory of my face in the mirror and showed him what I said._

"_Cain, I know you've had a hard life. I know your father beats you and your mother. And I know you thought I was the one who would be able to save you from all that but I'm not. In the end you are the one who needs to stand up for yourself and for your mother. You need to file a report to the police about what your father did to both of you. I can't promise it will make it all better but that is where you need to start._

"_Also, I know you blame yourself for what happened to me, but I don't. I am happy now. I am with my loved ones and am fulfilled in a way I never could have been if you hadn't done it. My only regret is that you were hurt so much in all of this, caught between myself and the person I did love. I want to make that up to you. _

"_There is a new life waiting for you in Washington if you want it. A house in Forks, a scholarship to Forks High School for you to repeat your junior year and for your senior year as well as assistance for college. I will have lawyers contact you shortly to discuss emancipation from your parents and also to help your defence for any charges brought against you in regards to me, but I will also have someone pressuring the DA to drop the charges. There are two conditions for all of this. First you need to start counselling – which will also be paid for. And the second is that you live a good life, be good to other people and break the cycle._

"_Let Carlisle, Dr Cullen, know if you want to accept this offer. He won't think you're crazy. He will know exactly what you are talking about._

"_Jacob will watch out for you and watch over you. I know this is all going to be overwhelming for you, that you won't understand, but just think of me as a guardian angel. I will be watching out for you now." _

_There was a threatening undercurrent to my voice as I said the last sentence. I had practised the speech a few times to get that right. I wanted him to know that if he chose not to accept my offer and live his own life I would be watching, if he hurt someone else, I would ensure he was stopped. That threat to Cain, the promise I made, was the only reason Edward and Jacob agreed to my plan. _

I didn't wait for his response. I was sure Carlisle knew it or would soon and Cain would need some time to process the information and accept it as genuine. I shifted back and then slipped straight into the memory phone call I had with Jacob.

"_Jacob, I've got a big favour to ask."_

"_Uh, huh, and what might that be?"_

"_I need you to sign the house over to Carlisle."_

"_Sure, sure. But that's not really a huge favour, I figured that was going to happen anyway."_

"_Yeah, but that's not all I need."_

"_Okay, what else do you need?"_

_I thought about the best way to approach Jacob about what I wanted, but because my shield was down Edward heard my thought process._

"_What? You're giving _your_ house to the person who tried to kill you? Who would have if...if..." Edward stammered, unable to form a coherent sentence in his rage. I knew he wasn't angry with me but it still stung a little. _

_"Sorry, Love," he murmured. "I just...don't get it."_

"_I can't go back to that house, ever again. Even if we return to Forks, we will be in the seclusion of your old house. I don't need the money from the sale of it. What I do need though is to know that I have helped Cain out, even just a little."_

"_What are you two talking about?" Jacob asked through the phone. _

"_I'm talking about helping Cain to move on, but I need your help to do it. I'm going to need you to use the rest of the money in my bank accounts to support him and hire him a lawyer, and just generally be there for him."_

"_He tried to kill you, __Bella," Jacob growled. "Don't you get that?"_

"_Of course I do, I'm not stupid. But I also know that he has issues, serious issues, some of which were made worse by me. I feel guilty that I even gave him the opportunity to think there was anything between us. I want to do this, to know that because I lived someone else will have a better life." _

"_So you want me to manage your money to help out the kid who killed you?"_

"_Pretty much, although I'll do the managing and arrange all the details, you'll just need to sign everything because it's all in your name now."_

"_I don't have to be happy about it do I?" he asked grudgingly. I took it as a yes to my request._

"_No." I laughed, then I looked at Edward. "Are you okay with this."_

_He sighed. "Bella, love, how could I ever be unhappy with anything that is a result of your good nature. But how do you know he won't hurt anyone else? He is very messed up. I think he needs to spend some time in a professional institution."_

"_He's got a point, Bells," Jacob agreed. _

"_I'll make sure he doesn't, and you'll be there to do the same Jake. That's why I want him in Forks, so he'll be close to at least one of us. We're moving from Fairfield at the end of next week, so I don't want to leave him here."_

"_And what about the murder charge?" Edward asked._

"_We'll lean on the DA, between Jacob and Carlisle asking for leniency and if we promise to get him help and arrange emancipation from his father, at least. People have done much worse and gotten away with it."_

"_And what about his father? You going to help him too?" Jacob said with a bit of venom in his voice._

"_His father can go to hell with Alice's," I whispered._

"_Huh?" Jacob asked. _

"_Don't ask." Edward said to him. _

"_Fine, I won't. You know Bells, one day you'll owe me for all the favours."_

"_You still owe me for imprinting," I joked, trying to lighten the mood a bit._

"_Yeah," Jacob laughed. "One day that excuse will grow old."_

"_I know, but I'll milk it for what I can before then."_

"_Don't I know it," Jacob mumbled, but there was still humour in his voice._

"_So are the three of us on the same page? I mean obviously there are still some finer details but we're all agreed."_

"_You promise you'll deal with it if he goes off the rails?" Jacob asked again._

"_Yes." _

"_And you're sure about this?" Edward this time._

"_Yes." As if he didn't know, he had open access to my thoughts at the moment._

"_Just wanted to clarify out loud, love." _

Sorry, _I thought to him. _

_"Okay, well if that's settled I need to talk to Alice quickly before seeing Carlisle."_

_I hung up the phone from Jacob. _

"_Alice?" I called._

"_What is it?" she asked, opening the door before I had even got to the L in her name._

"_What's going to happen with Cain?"_

_She concentrated on trying to get a vision of Cain. _

_"He's going to move to Forks. But why...?" She looked confused._

"_Thanks, Alice." I hugged her to me. _

I shifted back to present.

"I am proud of you," Edward said as he wrapped his arms around me. We were still in Carlisle's study but he'd obviously left while I was in the second memory. "It's a very good thing that you're doing. Better than what I would have done to him."

"I know," I kissed Edward's cheek. "You would have torn him to pieces if Carlisle hadn't been there."

He didn't try to deny it.

"So..." I said to him. "It's Friday now. Neither of us need to be anywhere until you are needed at school on Monday."

His eyes sparkled. "That's correct."

"Well, I was just thinking that's an awful lot of time to fill. However will we do it?"

"Mmmm," he hummed against my neck, "I'm sure I can think of a few ways."

I grabbed the back of his pants and pulled him into me. "Oh, I can too."

He nuzzled into my neck and started to kiss along my collarbone. I leant my head back and allowed him better access. Then I pulled my hands back off him and wrapped one around his hand.

"Let's go hunt," I yelled as I ran towards the study door.

He followed but growled at me, "And you accuse me of being a tease."

"Yeah, I do." I laughed as he followed me out the back door and into the forest. I could already smell the glorious scent of my prey ripping through my throat. Better because I knew I would soon quench that thirst.

~ 0 ~


	28. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

~ 0 ~

"Aunt Bells!"

I heard the footsteps and voice long before I saw the ball of curls come flying around the corner into my arms.

"Susie-Q," I exclaimed, pulling her into an embrace but allowing her to control the intensity. "It's been too long, little one."

"It's only been a year," she laughed.

"A year is too long without your special brand of sunshine, love," Edward said from behind me as he tousled her hair. "Where's your Daddy?"

"He's coming, Max is slowing him up, he's being silly." She pulled a face.

"Grandma Esme is waiting to say hello to you too," I whispered into Sue's hair. She clutched around my neck tighter for a minute before letting me go and running into the house. I stood up from her to see Harriett coming around the corner clutching Max to her chest.

"Hey, Bella." She smiled warmly.

I swear if you had told me the day I started at Fairfield High School that I would end up being close friends with Harriett in twenty years, I would have laughed at you-or punched you. But there we were, having our yearly reunion. She and Jacob would be at our house with the kids for the next month over the school holidays.

"Hi, Harri," I gave her a quick hug, leaning around Max.

Max piped up. "You stink Aunt Bewwa."

"Don't be rude, Max," gasped Harriett.

I just laughed.

"She does though," Jacob said coming around the corner last, and running straight into my arms.

"So, you got a little wolfy on your hands there?" I whispered to Jacob, knowing Harriett wouldn't be able to hear. She knew about the possibility of having offspring who would phase, but I wasn't sure if she knew Max was definitely going to. Seeing how he had inherited the wolf gene from both sides of the family, it probably was a foregone conclusions.

"Yeah, looks like," he laughed back.

Edward and Jacob gave each other a quick man-hug in greeting.

"Everyone else is waiting inside for us," Edward said.

"We've just got one more surprise for you," Jacob said.

"And what's that?" I asked.

Just then a tall, dark-haired man in his late thirties came around the corner holding hands with a friendly brunette, who was at least ten years younger than him, and carrying a newborn baby. It was a surprise to meet Laura again, she looked so much like her mother, Angela. It was almost as if I was back in Forks High School again.

"Cain! Laura!" I called out in surprise. "And this must be little Cassidy."

I gave Cain a hug. "I didn't think you were going to make it this year."

"Yeah, Laura wasn't due for another week so we weren't going to come up, but seeing as Cassidy was a little impatient, we thought we'd come and introduce her."

Cain had known the truth about us for about fifteen years now. I think my visit to him paved the way for him to believe it a little easier. It had taken a little bit of effort to convince him to accept the offer at first. Carlisle made it to him again a few days after my visit, just before we left Fairfield. When Cain seemed spooked and told Carlisle that I had come to him in a vision offering exactly the same thing, Carlisle just smiled and said sometimes miracles happen. Sometimes we even get to see the ones we loved and lost after death. Cain eventually did accept the offer and moved up to Forks a month after we'd left Fairfield. He settled into the high school well and, between the fresh start and counselling, managed to make something of himself.

Jacob did a great job looking out for Cain after he moved to Forks, such a good job in fact that within six months they were firm friends. Cain even knew Jacob's secrets.

It started when he dropped in to visit Jacob in La Push unexpectedly. Jacob had given Cain a key to his house, so when Cain arrived early, he decided to wait inside. Jacob phased back to human at the edge of the forest in his back yard, not realising Cain was watching from inside the house. Unsurprisingly, Cain had freaked out and driven straight back to Forks. That was before he realised that no one else would believe him if he spoke about it. Eventually, he started returning Jacob's phone calls, the friendship grew from there.

After that, he began to notice Jacob disappeared for a month every year but was elusive about it when he returned. So one year, about five years after learning the truth about Jacob, Cain followed behind him in the car and had spotted me waiting out the front of our house. I thought about that visit and shifted back into the memory.

_I heard the car turn onto the drive and knew Jacob was coming. He wasn't bringing Harriett this time. She'd come up a few times over the years, but only when Emily and Sam could come. Last year was the first she came alone with Jacob, but Emily had missed her too much so we'd agreed it would be a once every two year thing. I ran out the front to meet up with Jacob, too distracted waiting for him to notice the second set of tyres coming up the drive. I had just pulled Jacob into me when I saw the second car and who was driving. I let Jacob go and was back in the house seconds later, but it was too late. I heard Cain's car skid to a stop and he was out of the door hurling expletives at Jacob the next second._

"_Bells, you'd better come out," Jacob called. "He saw you."_

_Edward was behind me, whispering low into my ear, "He definitely knows it's you, we'd better go face the music."_

_When we got back out the front I looked straight at Cain. He was pale and looked close to passing out. _

"_What the hell is going on here?" His face flicked between Jacob and I but then he saw Edward and he couldn't tear his eyes away. I had no doubt that every look, every smile that happened at school was replaying through his mind in that second._

"_So it was all fucking true?" he shouted at Edward._

"_No and yes," I replied, trying to keep calm. I heard Jasper whispering to Alice, asking if he should help the situation. Alice replied that she thought it would be for the best. I felt the calming waves start to hit, but Cain was too worked up._

"_What the hell does that mean?" He turned back to me, and then his eyes flicked back to Jacob._

"_It means that no, at the time I was accused of having the affair there was technically nothing happening between Edward and I except friendship. But it also means yes, Edward and I were, and are still, in love. In fact, we have been in love since we first met when I was in high school almost fourteen years ago. Since I was seventeen."_

"_And how old was he?" I knew what he was thinking, Edward still looked seventeen – fourteen years ago he should have been a small child. I was certain that the lack of change in Edward's features was registering with him._

"_Seventeen," I said matter-of-factly. "No matter how many years pass, he will still be seventeen."_

_We waited for Cain to talk. He opened his mouth a few times but closed it again. After a few minutes, he seemed to accept this. I assumed that knowing his best friend was a werewolf made it easier._

"_So are you a werewolf too?" he asked Edward. _

_Edward smiled, one of his broad, slightly scary, smiles where you could see each of his teeth glinting. Cain shivered slightly. _

"_Nah, he wishes he were that cool," Jacob laughed, trying to ease the tension, "He's a..."_

"_Jake!" I said. We'd agreed not to use the term 'vampire'. We didn't want to scare Harriett when she came down, especially now she was almost eleven and very sharp. She knew what Jacob was and what he did, we didn't want her to think of us a scary monsters when she spent time with us. _

"_Actually, Bella, I think we need to tell him everything," Edward said low and fast. "I think he'll be able to handle it."_

"_I think we need to consult with the family first," I hissed back, "telling him will affect everyone."_

"_Everyone knows and almost all of them agree he should be told." _

_I guessed Rosalie was the almost. _

_Cain was looking between us, his head flicking so fast it was almost like he was watching a tennis match. He obviously realised our low hisses were a form of communication. _

"_Cain, rather than Jacob telling you about us... can I show you?"_

_Cain flinched back. "What do you mean show me?" _

"_I am able to show you my memories, my past, it might make it easier to understand."_

"_She won't hurt you, Cain." Jacob said. Over the last few years he'd come down, he'd made me replay all of my memories of us at various stages of our relationship. It had given him a greater understanding of how I felt, and why I wouldn't consider having children. "In fact it's kinda cool."_

_I raised my hands and took a tentative step towards him. He didn't move again so I took another step, constructing the images in my head as we went. I lined them up, but condensed them together: the first day I met Edward, the look on his face in the biology room, him saving me from the van, walking on the beach with Jacob talking about wolves and vampires, Edward saving me in Port Angeles, our day in the meadow, my eighteenth birthday party, Edward leaving, seeing Edward again in Fairfield, seeing Edward biting me after I was shot and finally hunting with Edward. _

_After I'd closed the distance, I pushed these memories out towards him, sharing them with him. I saw him flinch after the first one and once I was finished, I back straight back into Edward's arms. _

_Cain face grew even paler. "V...vampires?"_

_I nodded._

"_But isn't..." He turned to Jacob. "Don't you hunt vampires? Isn't that why you are what you are?"_

_Jacob and I caught each other's eyes, and we both chuckled slightly._

"_Yeah," Jacob agreed. "But the Cullen's are...different. They don't hunt humans, they exist solely on animal blood. Isn't that right, Bells?" _

_He raised his eyebrow._

"_Yes, and we are well aware the entire pack will be on us if that changes."_

"_So the day... that I shot you..."_

"_Was the day I had my wish fulfilled and became like Edward so I could be part of his life forever." _

_That was when Cain had passed out. _

"_Marshmallow!" Jacob scoffed as he picked him up and carried him into the house._

Cain had been a regular visitor since then, coming once every few years with Jacob. Although he'd only come once since meeting Laura five years ago. So it really was a surprise to see the two of them here with their newborn daughter.

"How's things going in Forks?" I asked Cain.

"I've just been promoted at work."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm Chief of Police now."

"That's terrific Cain. You follow in some very great footsteps," I said, thinking about my father.

"Yeah, people still talk about Chief Swan very favourably. Of course, the ones that talk to me about him are the ones who don't know I shot and killed his daughter."

"Well, it's a good thing I don't hold grudges for things like that, or you may never have made it onto the police force at all," I laughed. It was true though, we'd managed to get him out of any jail time providing her continued counselling. Between the expensive lawyers we hired and Carlisle leaning on the DA, he didn't even have a conviction recorded.

"Come on, let's get inside before that baby of yours catches cold."

We entered the living room to find it the picture of domestic bliss. Rosalie was on the floor colouring in with Susie, and Max and Emmett were play fighting and pretending to wrestle. Esme watched on with a look of contentment on her face that made me almost regret not being able to have kids.

"I'm sorry I took all that from you, love," Edward whispered into my ear so quietly that only I could here. I had forgotten my shield was down, I was so practised with it now and had spent so much time pulling it down it naturally sat and stayed in whichever position I put it in without any effort on my part.

I turned around in Edward's arms and looked into his eyes. An ancient sorrow existed in them.

_Don't worry about it, I knew what I was giving up. And in the end, there wasn't really a choice anyway._

He watched my eyes closely for a hint of a lie. He wouldn't find one. Part of me did still want children, but like I had when I was with Jacob, I was able to quieten that part down easily.

_We've got our niece and nephew and hopefully we'll have their kids, and their kid's kids._

Of course we weren't related by blood but we spoke to Jacob and his family at least once a week and I actually learnt just how much happened in a child's life. Now Susie was six, and had started school, I got regular updates about her friends and teachers and classes. It almost made me feel guilty for harrassing Jacob so many years ago when he rang regularly to check on Harriett. I know the only reason it annoyed me was because at the time I felt she was the reason Jacob and I couldn't be happy.

I thought how different my life had become since I made the decision to move to Fairfield twenty years ago. If I hadn't accepted that position, where would I be now? I shuddered at the thought. I may not have the life I thought I would have by the time I was forty-five, but it was pretty perfect anyway. And how many forty-five year old day-care teachers look like they're in their very early twenties and got to have regular mind-blowing sex with a seventeen year old.

"Mind-blowing?" Edward chuckled in my ear.

"You know it is," I teased him.

Alice walked into the room carrying Cassidy's nappy bag and pulled out the wipes and a fresh nappy and set them up on an impromptu change table in the corner. Less than a minute later a smell started to permeate the room and Laura jumped up to change her.

"You'd be handy to have around the house," she laughed at Alice. I could tell she still wasn't really comfortable here, she'd only been out the once and Cain didn't want to tell her the full truth about what we were. We were happy with that, the fewer people who knew the secret the better. Although she would no doubt have learned a lot from Susie, who knew the full truth, she was as clumsy as I was so, had been taught very young who to go to when she fell and was bleeding and who to avoid.

Alice smiled. "I try. She'll start crying after you're finished, but I don't know what's wrong."

"She's probably just hungry, she'll be due for a feed."

"Speaking of feed," Esme said, "I've got lunch for everyone. It'll be ready in a minute."

"C'mon then munchkin," I said, walking over to Susie. I picked her up and had her on my shoulders in one swift movement.

"Aww, Aunt Bells can we go for a run instead?"

"Maybe later, right now it's time to eat." I started to tickle her sides and then gently threw her onto the couch, baring my teeth just a little as I leaned over her.

"Don't eat _me_ silly," she squealed playfully.

"Why not?" I pretended to be offended. "You smell very tasty."

Then I launched a fresh round of tickles as she giggled and squealed. Finally, when she started to gasp for air I pulled her back up and onto my shoulders. We were at the table the next second.

Esme started to dish up sandwiches for everyone, well for all the humans. Of course, being Esme, they were gourmet sandwiches made with chicken, french mustard, camembert cheese, sun-dried tomatoes and lettuce on focaccia. The kids were surprisingly unfussed by the fancy food, then again Susie was six and had been here enough to know Esme didn't do things by half. Although Max was only three, and that's usually the typical age for fussy eating, if he took after his father he'd eat just about anything. The one who surprised me was Harriett. She asked Esme if she could get something else. There had only been two other occasions when she had avoided food and not eaten exactly what was given to her so I started to get suspicious. I knew who could confirm it to me. I looked over at Edward, _Is she..._

He nodded once before I could finish the question.

_Are they planning on telling us?_

He didn't respond. So one was and one wasn't. He nodded.

_Should I confront them?_

He raised his shoulders slightly.

"So Jake..." I started. "You know you can't keep secrets in this family?"

He blushed red, he'd noticed the silent conversation between Edward and I and the looks Alice had been shooting him, which I only caught now. He rolled his eyes. "Fine. We _were_ going to keep it a surprise and tell you at the end of our holiday..." everyone's eyes were on him and Harriett came back out from the kitchen. "Harri and I are expecting again. Twins."

Everyone rushed forward to congratulate them. There would never be a shortage of love in this house, that's for sure.

After lunch, all our guests headed upstairs to the guest quarters to shower and have naps. It had been a long drive to get here. We were in Benson, Maine at the moment, so it took them just over four days with stops to get here.

The house cleared out pretty quickly after that, most of my siblings went to hunt, something we did with more regularity during the month we had guests. The hunger was easier to beat back when they were loved ones, but that didn't mean that we had perfect control.

Once we were alone, Edward wrapped his arms around me and tucked his fingers into the belt hooks at the front of my jeans. He pulled me close to him and breathed onto my neck. "So you were saying something about mind-blowing?"

I laughed. "Actually you were eaves-dropping and heard that."

"It's not eavesdropping when your shield is down, then you are just welcoming me in."

"I'll have to raise it more often then."

He growled playfully into my hair. "Don't even think about it."

"What will you do if I do?" I raised my shield.

"It's not what I will do, it's what I _won't_ do," he let me go.

I wheeled around to him. "Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, are you threatening to withhold sex if I don't share my mind with you?" I tried to fight the smile that threatened my lips.

"Precisely," he whispered before running to our bedroom.

I followed him up the stairs, undoing almost all the buttons on my shirt as I went. I left the two buttons in front of my belly button done up, affording a lovely view of my cleavage and most of my stomach, while still retaining a barrier. I kicked off my jeans as soon as I reached the room. I was glad for the matching pink lace bra and panties set I put on that morning.

Edward was lying casually on the bed with a smile on his face when I walked into the room. His eyes scanned over my body appreciatively as I entered. I walked straight past him and bent over to get a book from the bookcase. I didn't even look which one it was. I lay down next to him on my stomach on the bed, ensuring I raised my shoulders enough to give him a good view down my top. I kicked and crossed and played with my legs as I flicked open the book, pretending to be grossly interested in it.

"What are you doing?" Edward asked.

I flicked my eyes over to him for half a second. "Well, I've just been told there is no other entertainment I'm going to be getting this afternoon, so I thought I'd better entertain myself with a book for the next few hours while our guests get settled in." I pretended to concentrate on my book.

I felt his hand on my backside, rubbing along the edge of the panty-line. I knew his eyes were on my face though, so I tried to concentrate on my book and not how good it felt. His fingers moved across to the other side, stroking back and forth. He shifted his position so that his body ran alongside mine and his mouth was at my neck.

"I'm not lowering my shield again," I said, fighting the smile harder this time.

"I'm sure I can make you," he threatened with a soft growl against my hair.

I felt the shiver of pleasure run down my spine.

He shifted his hand again so that it was rubbing back and forth along my inner-thigh. Then he used his other hand to brush my hair to one side and grant him access to my neck. He kissed it softly before swirling his tongue lightly on my skin. I knew what he was doing. It was usually about this time I would be telling him silently how much I loved what he was doing. It made the whole super-sensitive hearing thing easier to deal with when I could share the excitement of my passion with him silently.

He slipped the hand that was on my bottom higher and started to push my shirt up my back. When I refused to move to allow it to slid up further, he ripped it off.

"No fair, I was going to stay in this today," I complained.

"Shhh," he whispered. "Don't want to keep our guests awake."

He unclasped my bra and started to knead my back, working in small gentle circles while resting his weight on my hips, pressing me into the bed slightly. He ran his hands up and down my back and into my hair. Then he leaned forward and started to kiss the trails left by his hands. I moaned against him.

"Shhh," he whispered again. "If you make a sound, I'll stop."

My book fell to the bed, completely forgotten, while he continued to massage and kiss my back.

"You're..." I was going to tell him that his persuasion techniques wouldn't work but he interrupted my by placing his fingers on my mouth.

"I told you, if you make a sound I'll stop."

"How..." I was going to say how was I supposed to tell him what was good.

"You know how," he smiled wickedly at me.

I debated for a while, but decided to make him suffer a little longer. I would pull my shield down eventually, just like he knew I would. I never really minded him eavesdropping because there was little I thought that I wouldn't say to him these days, but that didn't mean I couldn't play with him for a little while. I became a statue, enjoying the sensation of his hands on my body, but refusing to reciprocate. I closed my eyes and lay there with a smile on my face.

A few minutes of blissful massage later, I felt Edward turning me over. I allowed him to but didn't open my eyes. I felt him slide my bra off of my arms and throw the remnants of my shirt off the bed, but then nothing. He was still above me, I could feel the pressure on my hips and hear his ragged breathing, but he wasn't touching me. Just when I was tempted to open my eyes he took my left breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the nipple before sliding his teeth along the bottom of it as he released it. My eyes flew open and I couldn't help the moan that slipped out.

"Good, I was starting to think you were asleep," he joked into my skin. His eyes looked up at me full of love and I wanted to drop my shield right then and tell him how much I loved him. I could see in his eyes that he thought victory was at hand and that was the only thing that stopped me.

He slid his body down along mine until his head was resting on my stomach, then I felt his tongue sliding along the edge at the top of my panties and my breathing hitched.

"Don't you want to tell me how good that is?" he teased.

I nodded.

"Well, go ahead,"

I ran my fingers through his hair. "Oh, god, Edward..."

He was back up at my face with his finger on my mouth. "No sounds, remember."

He lay with his body between my legs, but maintained a distance between us. I wanted to pull him into me, to crash into each other.

"Oh, I guess you don't want anything after all," Edward teased, pulling his body even further away.

I pulled down my shield. _Fine! You win, that feels... _I allowed the emotions and feelings I was having to fill my thoughts.

His eyes danced with excitement while he listened to my thoughts.

"I love that, it's better than words," he whispered before crashing his lips into mine and pressing his body into me. I felt his tongue explore every part of my mouth and I ran my fingers up under his shirt and onto his back. I never quite understood how every time I ended up almost naked and he was almost fully dressed.

"That's because you practically undressed yourself on the way into the room," he laughed.

I pulled my shield up again, giggling at him.

"I see you need a little more persuasion?" He pulled his shirt off over his head in one swift movement. Then he clutched onto me, pressing his body against mine, while licking my collarbone and neck and jaw. He flipped and I was suddenly on top. I shifted so that I was sitting on his stomach and ran my fingers through his hair. I balled my hands into fists, catching his hair between them. I pushed my chest into his face and guided his mouth where I wanted it to go.

He groaned and clutched onto my hips, pulling softly at the side of my panties. I slid my hips down so that they were positioned over his crotch and he lost control of how hard he was pulling and I heard the lacy material give way. He smiled apologetically at me.

"That's..."

His finger was on my lips again.

He cocked one eyebrow. "What part of no sounds don't you understand."

I growled against his fingers before deciding on a better punishment. In a quick movement,I captured his fingers with my lips and sucked them into my mouth, sliding my tongue and teeth gently along them. Edward's eyes fluttered closed and he groaned.

_I thought you said no sound?_

"That rule only applies to you," he chuckled."I have no alternative means of communicating how fucking amazing that feels."

I laughed at his expletive, he was using them more often in the bedroom now because he had learned one time while my shield was down just how hot they made me. He never said it in any other context though.

I trailed a line of kisses along his face and neck. I nuzzled into his throat and bit on his earlobe. He continued to moan with pleasure.

I shifted myself off him long enough to pull off his jeans and underwear and then I took another few seconds to gaze at his body. It never ceased to amaze me how perfect he was,but also how perfectly we were made for one another. Everything just fit together with the two of us. We'd been together as vampires for a little over twenty years and it never grew old. There was never a time that we didn't want each other; that we didn't yearn to be in each other's arms.

I honestly loved him with all of my heart and soul.

"I love you too," he whispered to me. I didn't even realise I had lowered my shield again. He pulled me into his arms and rolled over again, taking control. Now that I had given in to his request fully, the love and reverence would begin. My body was his temple and he enjoyed spending time there.

His fingers danced across my breasts, kneading and massaging them gently then he scooped down and slid his tongue along each of my nipples, causing them to stand to attention even more than they already were. He took one of my nipples into his mouth, rubbing it gently between his tongue and teeth. I felt my stomach clenching at the feeling. All the coils in my body that responding to his touch started to wind. He was resting between my legs and it would be so easy to reach down and slide him into me, but I knew he wanted more time. More time to study every inch of my skin again, more time to kiss me all over and memorise my scent.

He growled seductively at my thoughts. "You don't know how much this...enhances everything. Knowing how what I do makes you feel."

I thought about what his groans of pleasure did to me, _I'm sure I can guess_

"But it's so much more than that. For example, I know that if I lick you right here," he licked along my bikini line, "it's almost enough to make you orgasm. And if I run my fingers along here," he ran them down the inside of my labia, "I know you want me to move them in and push them up into you."

I bucked against him, he was right and his voice telling me all my inner thoughts was exciting me even more.

"Really?" His eyes lit up. "So if I was to tell you that you prefer my tongue to swirl around here," he swished it quickly around my clit, "rather than stroking, that would excite you?"

I nodded, past words and coherent thoughts. My brain just kept screaming at me, _I want, I want, I want._

"You have," Edward whispered, back up at my neck again. "Every part of me. Forever."

He plunged himself deep into me and I couldn't stop the groan.

Forever with Edward? I could certainly handle that.

-THE END-


	29. Student Liaison Preview

**A/N – Okay, I am a sucker for my muse. I know I posted the poll up & it's only been running for a little over a day but I'm about to post up another new story - Teacher's Pet from Edward's POV called – _Student Liaison_. I may also post some outtakes here as I re-write from EPOV if I think there is something missing from BPOV. And it warms my heart that no-one voted for leave the story alone (or at least no one had at the point of me posting this up). **

**Below is the first 700 odd words of Student Liaison. I hope you all support this story as much as you did Teacher's Pet. Over 300 reviews & over 200 favs. I am in awe of all my reviewers, especially those who are loyal to all my stories. I know it must suck me updating so many different stories but honestly if I try to force a story when another one is in my mind I never end up getting the chapters right. So my promise to you is I will continue on all of my stories, as my muses dictate, but will see each of them through to conclusion. I will continue to try to update each one at least weekly (but I apologise profusely if I fail on that). As always, love to hear your suggestions, feedback, reviews, comments & anything else you want to tell me really. I will respond as much as I am able to. I apologise in advance if I don't respond, it probably means my muse is yelling something from one of my stories at me and I want to get it down before it disappears. **

**I will aim to get the first chapter of Student Liaison up tonight (my time – it is currently 9pm), if not it will be early in the morning.**

My world is darkness now.

It doesn't matter how bright the sun is, or how many stars are in the night sky, my life remains dark. The world might hold beauty to some, but I see none of it. I see only _her_. Visions of her face fill my entire life.

My family is currently living in Ithaca, New York. For the last six years they have undertaken various pursuits at school and college. I wouldn't know what because I didn't live here. I existed in my room. In the entire six years we had been here I had only left this room once. After I left her, after I forced my family to leave her, I went back. Despite my promise, I couldn't cope anymore. I had gone from trying to get through weeks without her, to days, to minutes. When it became a struggle to get through each second without her - that's when I did it. It took me eight months to get to that point, but once I reached it I couldn't resist. I snuck out the window and ran. I ran across the country under the cover of night - like a man possessed.

I arrived in Forks early in the morning. I went straight to her house, ready to plead and beg for her to forgive me. That's when I saw them - kissing. I recognised the boy immediately, Jacob Black, he'd been the one who confronted her at the school prom. Trying to get her to break up with me because of legends and superstitions he didn't believe. And now they were kissing in ways we had never been able to kiss. A part of me wanted to go straight over and rip him to pieces for even thinking about handling my girl like that. But she wasn't my girl anymore, because I let her go. I had to remind myself that this was what I wanted. This was why I left her. I had a rare moment of clarity and I saw that I couldn't drag her back into my life. Not now. She was happy.

That was when I decided that I would set up a scholarship for her. Cover all of her fees, whatever college she decided to attend, as well as a more than reasonable allowance for food and rent. Make sure she had the opportunity for all of her dreams to come true. Maybe someday she would be able to forgive me for what I had done. Maybe she already had, maybe she was happier now than she ever was with me. She certainly looked... content... wrapped around the boy the way she was. I knew as soon as she received the money she would realise it was from me. She was always too observant. I knew the only reason I did it was to try to assuage my own guilt. I knew she was capable of handling everything herself. She was always so strong, so proud, so beautiful. She would turn down the money, I was sure of it. I would just have to make sure there was no way she could refuse it. I would have lawyers hunt down information to find out which school she went to and pay them direct if I needed to.

It took three times longer to return home than it had to get to Forks. I returned to my family more despondent than ever. At least, before my visit to Forks, part of me had been able to hope that maybe someday, despite my intentions, I would go back to her and she would forgive me and we could be together once more. Now I knew that was not possible. She had moved on. Like I wanted her to. I didn't expect sympathy from my family, which was good because I didn't get it. They all blamed me for taking her out of their lives. For the most part they ignored me as resolutely as I ignored them. Their thoughts would turn to me occasionally, especially Esme's, but for the most part I was a spectre, the shell of a brother they once had. No one outside the family even knew of my existence. Even my room was a reminder of how empty I had become, I hadn't unpacked a single box. Everything in them was too heavy laced with memories of _her_. Of Bella.


	30. Outtake 1 One Night In Forks

**Outtake 1: One Night in Forks**

**A/N - Okay I promised outtakes - here is the first one. I don't know how many more there will be or if this will be the only one. But here is what really happened on their one night in Forks. Also, in case you have missed it up to this point I have put up Student Liaison http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5663238/1/Student_Liaison there are 3 chapters up so far.**

"I need to know I'm still alive. Life is far, far too short."

His lips were back on mine in an instant, the desire and love that he had worked so hard to bury this past month broke to the surface. I could tell his need was every bit as great as mine. Part of me thought he would hold back like he used to, give me so much but stop before things progressed too far. So I was surprised when he rolled over and leaned his body down on top of me. He was supporting his own weight so I felt nothing but the softest pressure from his body. I unbuttoned his shirt and he raised himself off me briefly to shake it off. I raked my fingernails up his back before twirling my hand into his hair, tugging it gently. I wrapped my legs around his thighs and pulled him closer into me.

He pulled his face back from mine, laying his hand on my face, "You're positive about this?"

I pulled his face back down to mine in response. He growled against my mouth as the last of his barriers fell away, "I've wanted you so much, Bella. Ever since that kiss when I stayed over your house."

"Me too, Edward." I decided if I was going to do this tonight, I would lay it all on the line. I knew it was a one-off and I didn't want to leave anything unsaid, "I love you."

His eyes smouldered intensely as he stared at me. Then he beamed and I felt alive, for the first time…ever. Every nerve in my body suddenly began to call for Edward and I pushed all thoughts of sorrow and loss out of my head.

He unbuttoned my shirt slowly, running his fingers down the line of my sternum as he went. After it was completely unbuttoned he gently brushed both sides of my shirt apart and leant his face to my chest, kissing in slow swirls around the top of my breasts. He pushed his hand into one of my bra cups and pushed it down, gasping as his fingers found my nipple. He gently rubbed it, sending a shudder through my body.

He slid his hand around my side and I arched my back to allow him access to the bra strap and he deftly flicked it open before pulling me up into a sitting position, sliding my shirt off and then following with my bra strap. He pressed his face into the crook of my neck and I leaned back into his arms, allowing him to hold me upright or lie me down as he wished. His cold lips trailed fire across my collarbone and into my neck. He took my weight in one of his arms and used the other to gently start to massage my breasts, running his fingers over my nipples, the cool of his skin burning me with pleasure.

"You are so beautiful, Bella."

I allowed every thought to leave my mind and just concentrated on the here and now. Edward's hand was running back up my neck and into my hair. He pulled my face back into his, dragging my lips between his. I parted my mouth, allowing him to give me everything he wanted to. Allowing him to control the limits we crossed.

"I'm going to ask you a strange question, but I need you to answer honestly," he whispered softly into my neck.

I nodded, beyond words.

"Do you have any cuts, or sores in your mouth? Bitten your cheek anything like that?"

I found myself laughing a little.

"I'm serious, Bella."

I stopped my laughter and shook my head. I felt his hand gently form a fist in my hair and then his lips were on mine. I parted my lips and his tongue pressed hard into my mouth, exploring every crevice. I pushed my tongue back against his and he hummed against me. I understood the need for his question at once as I tasted his venom in my mouth. It was the single-most delicious taste I had ever encountered. Especially in such a concentrated dose. It lit up all the areas of my tongue at the same time, tasting equally sweet and sour and bitter in perfect portions. I couldn't see how I would ever get enough of that taste. My breaths came in desperate pants as he filled my mouth completely. I needed him to fill me everywhere.

Too soon he broke it off, but his eyes burnt with such intense joy I knew he wasn't stopping, merely allowing me to catch my breath. Didn't he realise that would be impossible right now?

He laid me back down onto the bed and moved his mouth back onto my shoulders before taking one of my nipples into his mouth. I could feel his tongue running across it again and again until I was squirming underneath him with the pressure I felt between my legs. I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, silently letting him know I wanted everything tonight.

He paused his ministrations on my body for a second as I slid down his zipper. He rested his hand over mine, "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything," I panted fervently.

His mouth was back on mine, his tongue back inside as I caressed it with my own. He gently slid his pants off so that he was just in his boxers. I slid my hand around his back and pushed my hand onto the waist band with my thumb inside and bunched them into my fist, pulling his body closer to me. He still balanced himself precariously on top so that I felt no weight, just his cool body. With just the satin of his boxers and my own jeans between us I could feel how excited he was, how much he was straining into me. And it only made me want him more.

I broke our kiss off and moved my head to his neck, and followed the cool line of his collarbone. His muscles trembled and flickered beneath my fingers. The movement would have been barely perceptible except my nerve-endings were so tightly strung. I ran my hand over his chest, down the line of his stomach and rubbed him over the top of his boxers. He grunted and then whispered, "That's…just…." His eyes rolled up in pleasure and he was beyond words too. I felt powerful having this effect over him.

I undid my own jeans and wriggled them off, taking my panties with them. Edward seemed to panic again now that I was naked in front of him. His eyes were wide but his boxers strained further.

"It's okay," I assured him, before gently pressing my lips to his chin. I pushed his boxers down and a more perceptible tremor ran along his spine. I slid them the last of the distance with my feet until he was completely free of them.

I felt him at my entrance but he seemed terrified, not wanting to take the final plunge, so to speak. That was when I remembered this was the first time for him. The first time he'd even come close to being this intimate with anyone.

"Roll over," I whispered in his ear, pushing him gently to make my point. He pushed himself off me and laid beside me on the bed. As I started to shift myself on top of him I suddenly had a sickening thought. I completely felt like the middle-aged divorcee teacher seducing the young high school student. Exactly how this situation would appear to outsiders, although I wasn't middle-aged quite yet. But Edward seemed to have unfrozen a little as a result of my confidence and his hands ran down my sides. It was enough to put the thoughts out of my head. I promised myself again that tonight nothing else mattered. Just him and me. I sat on his stomach and the chill sent an instant shiver of pleasure up my spine. I leant over to kiss him again before sliding down the length of his body and pressing myself over him.

We both gasped as he entered me. It was such a different experience to the only other I'd had. That was hot and burning, this was cold and magic. A deep guttural groan escaped my mouth as I pushed myself down onto him again. He chuckled slightly but then I pushed my hips backwards, changing the angle and he issued one himself. Now that we were connected all his inhibitions and worry evaporated. His hands moved to my hips and he started to gently guide me up and down over him.

"Bella, you're perfect." He whispered, "You are so beautiful."

He flipped over again and was back on top of me, pressing hard into me, but not hard enough. I grasped his back and pulled him into me, our bodies connected in every possible way as he put his mouth to mine. He started to move harder and faster and my body sang for him.

He continued to move at a slow, steady rhythm. We were truly making love. Slow, passionate and needful. I found my release and then followed straight after, falling onto me pressing his face into my neck before turning quickly away and pushing himself off me a little, pulling mouthfuls of air.

"What's wrong?"

"You just smell so good," he said. His eyes were hungry when he turned back to look at me. I relaxed my hold on him completely and froze but he made no further effort to extricate himself.

"In a good way or a bad way?" I asked tentatively.

He gathered control of the monster and then he chuckled, I'd asked him that before and he gave me the same answer as he did them. "Both. Always both."

He kissed me again, before lying beside me and collecting me into his arms, humming my lullaby to me.


	31. Outtake 2 Birthday

_**Outtake 2: Birthday**_

_**A/N - Okay I as I wrote Student Liaison I realised that they would have started back at school right before Bella's birthday. And they wouldn't miss that for the world, although it would create a tense atmosphere. So I decided to write that scene in more detail as an outtake. In Teachers Pet this scene would fit in at the very end of Chapter 5 during the month between her and Edward's discussions (where he brings her the photos etc & then stays the night) & their night in Forks. **_

I spent the better part of the weekend up at the Cullen's having rushed through all my lesson plans on Saturday morning after Edward left. The whole time I was there I waited on tenterhooks to see if they would mention anything about the following Wednesday. My birthday. Unsurprisingly birthdays had become even more of a consternation for me after my 18th. I forbid anyone from throwing me a party. When Jacob and Charlie suggested something for me 19th I flipped out. I was in college by then and spent the entire weekend hiding out in my dorm room. In fact the only birthday I had marked at all since that fateful party was my 21st and that was only because both Charlie and Renee put their foot down not wanting to let my 'passage into adulthood' pass uncelebrated. Which was a load of rubbish considering Jacob and I were already married by then. They tried to organise a surprise party but Jacob let something slip one night. It was our first row as a married couple and he spent a night on the couch afterwards.

So I waited for anyone to mention it. No one did. I knew they hadn't forgotten, Edward had shown me all to clearly how good his memory was – it was one of the things that originally tipped me off about there being something otherworldly about him. I breathed a sigh of relief when I went home late Sunday evening with no indication they were going to arrange something. I wondered if Alice had a vision of something terrible happening if they tried. I could only hope so.

On Monday night Alice, Edward and Rosalie waited by my car and declared we were going shopping. The fear struck me again but it was pointless. There was still no mention of my birthday. On Tuesday I went up to their house again and Esme had baked a small cupcake for me. There was nothing on it to say happy birthday but I wondered if it was her private way of saying it.

Then the dreaded day arrived. The 13th of September. After my 18th birthday I always found it fitting that my birth date was such an unlucky number. Maybe that was why I was a danger magnet. No one said anything to me in school and I was just hoping I had got away with it when I found Edward, Alice and Jasper waiting down by my car again. Jasper held a small sign that read "Happy", Alice a sign that said "Birthday" and Edward a sign the read "Bella". I cringed at the sight.

"Please, please tell me you haven't done anything?" I stared accusingly at Alice.

She shot Edward a quick look, "No, he wouldn't let me."

"Good," I said before turning to Edward with a bit of a blush, "Thank you."

I held my hands out for the signs but Alice shook her head and laughed, "And risk a paper cut?"

There was a sharp intake of breath from everyone else, but Alice just rolled her eyes, "Jeez people, can't you take a joke."

"I... can't joke about that Alice," I whispered, shooting a subtle glance at Edward, I was surprised to find his eyes meet mine, his face wearing a matching expression to mine.

The tension in the air was palpable.

"We're taking you out tonight," Alice said cheerfully to break the mood.

"Please don't."

"Come on, it will be fun."

"Birthdays, are not fun."

"Please, Bella?" Edward implored, "everyone is meeting us there. We promise no big fanfare."

"What then?"

"A movie."

I could handle that. I nodded and climbed into the car.

Twenty minutes later we were at the movies, Emmett walked over to meet us at the door with a bucket of popcorn that could feed twenty and tickets to the latest rom com. Just what I needed really, watching a romantic comedy with Edward sitting right beside me. When I cringed after he told me which movie we were seeing he laughed, "Would you rather go see the vampire one? It's supposed to be really life-like."

"Oh, Emmett, I think I've seen enough vampires in my lifetime," I laughed and there were a few nervous chuckles around me, "the other one is fine, beside you've already brought the tickets."

Emmett rolled his eyes and said sarcastically, "Yes, and however would we be able to get tickets to a different movie?"

"Look, you've already spent enough money on me, so scoot."

As we sat in the cinema Edward sat to one side of me and Alice to the other. Edward was on his best behaviour and didn't deliberately touch me once, but that didn't stop the electric crackle buzz between us as soon as the lights went down – exactly like in the biology room when we were in high school together. He shifted in his seat a few times and each time he did he would accidentally brush against me. And each time the electricity would drain into the location of contact before spreading out over my body again. I noticed Rosalie and Emmett leave at one point during the movie, but figured the romance on the screen had made them want to create a little of their own.

The movie was the typical rom com plotline. Boy meets girl, boy and girl dislike each other at first, boy and girl get together, then catastrophe or misunderstanding happens and they break up but by the end of the movie they are back together again. I spent the better part of the movie wishing life was more like the movies.

After the movie we went to a coffee shop, I ordered a hot chocolate and a jug of water. I kept waiting nervously for some other surprise. As everyone else dissected the movie Edward had sat with scowl on his face, I met his eyes and a form of wordless communication passed between us. I knew he was thinking the same thing I had – why couldn't life be that easy.

As we walked back to the car Edward came up behind me and whispered into my ear, "You might need these back." His cool breath sent a shiver down my spine. He held my car keys in front of my face. I turned and gave him a quizzical look. "You'll see," he laughed.

And I did see. As soon my car came into view I saw that there were additions on my front seat and a huge canvas lying across my back seat. I knew immediately that the canvas print was from Edward – it was out meadow. I laughed when I saw that none of the presents were wrapped. They really weren't going to risk any paper cuts this year.

I was going to tell them that it was all too much, after all I could see a PS3 sitting on my passenger seat, but the expectant smiles on their faces and the effort they had gone to so that the night wouldn't be too unpleasant for me I couldn't. So I just smiled and thanked them.

Emmett and Edward drove down to my house with me. Emmett insisted that he wanted the PS3 set up straight away so he had something to do when he came down to visit with Edward. As he was hooking up all the cables I passed him a note asking if he could hang the picture Edward had given me. He nodded. He bent close to my ear and whispered, "I'll come down early in the morning before school." I smiled at him.

The picture was the best part of my birthday. An absolute reminder of our love and happier times that was completely innocuous to all outsiders.


	32. Outtake 3 After the funeral

_**Outtake 3: After the funeral**_

I woke early the morning after Charlie's funeral. As I woke, in Edward's arms, I realised this was it. The end of our affair. In a few short hours we would be on a plane back to Connecticut and we'd be 'just friends' again. The misery over this realisation was as sharp as my grief over Charlie.

I walked around the room in a slow daze as I packed up all my belongings. It felt like each item I returned to my bag was a dagger in my heart. And with each one I tried to compartmentalize this experience away so that I wouldn't be tempted to think about it again. I tried not to let Edward see the pain I was in over it. I didn't want to make things harder on him than they already would be when we returned home. I started to regret throwing myself at him like I did. He'd warned me things couldn't go back to normal, but they had to. I couldn't lose him from my life completely. I placed my packed bag on the bed, taking one more long glance around the room to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything.

I felt Edward draw up alongside me long before I saw him. Without a word he ran his hands from my shoulders, up over my neck and into my hair. He pulled me upwards into him at the same time as tipping his own face towards me. His lips touched mine with the softest of pressure. I wanted more but was unable to force my hands move so they hung limply by my side as he controlled the intensity of the kiss.

His lips pressed and pulled against mine with an increasing desire and then he ran his tongue across my lips. I wanted so much for him to possess me again, like he had two nights ago. My lips parted without a conscious thought and I felt his tongue slipping deep into my mouth. I felt my soul tumbling into him and the compartment I had built crashing to the floor. I hummed against him as my arms found life again, wrapping around his waist and pulling me into him. I pressed my body hard against his, my hips sliding across his. His taste on my tongue was starting to drive me wild and I wanted to taste more I sucked hard against it, wondering what he tasted like elsewhere. I hadn't had a good opportunity to explore him, and I never would. He started to pull away from me, withdrawing his tongue reluctantly. Tears started to flow, I loved him so much but destiny kept taking him away from me. He continued to slow the kiss further, saying his goodbye in the best way he could. As his lips left mine for the last time his hands held my head a little tighter and he dropped his forehead onto mine and whispered soft words that broke my heart.

"Goodbye Isabella Swan, I love you."

**********

**A/N – Just a bit of fun because I wondered how this scene played out in Bella's head (scene is from Student Liaison, after the funeral).**

**Also - I have a question for anyone who is following the outtakes – do you want to see the original ending I had in mind? It is a different direction to the one it took but it changed because once I had a really good understanding of Bella's power (rather than the outline I had done) the things which happened to cause the alternate ending no longer needed to happen & as they were risky they didn't happen. It's hard to explain too much without doing the ending. If enough (and I don't know how many enough is – it might be one or twenty or who knows how many) **

**Also – one of my lovely readers (you know who you are) has brought me into the digital age & convinced me to get a twitter account so I am **

** mpg82**

**if you would like to follow me :)**


	33. Outtake 4 Wedding Night

**_Outtake 5: Wedding night_**

**_A/N – This was a special request from a reviewer – but I'm sure no one is going to complain. This is BPOV of their wedding night which was skipped in the excitement of going back to school :) It's short & sweet & utter fluff :) I'm happy to keep going on outtakes as long as people want to read them - if you think there is a scene you wanted to see that's been missed or want some extra memories/vamp stuff/happy ever after fluff suggest it to me - you never know which ones will take flight in my mind and end as an outtake. Also I have read many great fanfics lately & wanted to rec a few - they are all in my favs if you want to check them out. Master of the Universe (seriously if you are reading M rated FFs & haven't read this yet - why not?), Almost Doesn't Count, Expectations & Other moving pieces (very OMG angst & emotion), University of Edward Masen and last but not least Smoking in the Boys Room. I also have a new one if _****_anyone is not aware – Chasing Victory –Edward is a foul-mouthed, screwed up V8 race-car driver whose life is racing down the toilet. Bella Swan was left behind when he went to chase his dreams. AH/AU/OOC/Lemons/Language_**

"Welcome home, Mrs Cullen," Edward smiled at me as he carried me over the threshold. He'd driven us around the back and helped me out of the car before ensuring there were no prying eyes and snuck us in through the side gate. Then he'd picked me up and refused to let me out of his arms until I was inside the house.

"It's only home when you are here, Mr Cullen."

"You look so beautiful in that dress Bella. Beautiful beyond my wildest imagination."

I chuckled, "Is it the dress itself or what it represents?"

"Both," he admitted, "You don't know how good it feels to be able to say that you belong to me. That I am inextricably bound to you through marriage."

"Actually, I do have some idea about that."

He put me onto the ground, ensuring my footing was steady before putting his hands on either side of my face and pulling my mouth up to meet his. He kissed me slowly at first, I could feel how hard he was working to control the intensity. He wanted tonight to last. To be special. Which it would be regardless of how long it lasted. Even though we'd had sex before tonight was different. The first time as husband and wife. I liked the sound of those two words much more than I ever had when it was Jacob and I.

Edward put his hands to my sides to indicate I should stay where I was and then grabbed one of the dining room chairs and put it a few yards in front of me. His eyes were full of lust at whatever he was planning as he sat on the chair looking up at me.

"Spin for me?" He asked, "Show me your dress."

I laughed but spun slowly on the spot, sashaying my arms like a game show hostess.

"That really does look fantastic on you. But I wonder what it would look like off you."

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

He nodded. Then he raised his finger and indicated I should move closer to him. I took a step, and then another and then he held up his hands to tell me to stop. He was close enough to reach out and grab me, pulling my hips into his face. He gently pushed me down into his lap. His hands reached around the back of the dress to the zipper. He pulled that down inch by agonizing inch while he pressed his tongue further into my mouth. I could feel my stomach tightening in anticipation and I could feel him hardening through the layers of material. He pushed and pulled at my hips, grinding me softly against his own. He moved his mouth along the side of my throat and down across my chest. Then he stopped and gently pushed me off of him.

He stood and smiled, "Why don't you sit?"

I sat down in the chair and he knelt in front of me. He picked up my right leg and slowly unfastened my shoe. Then he began to lick and suck on each of my toes in turn as his hands deftly massaged the pads of my feet. Somehow he knew all the magic pressure points and I was writhing on the chair from this simple touch. He gently dropped my foot to the ground and repeated the process on the other leg. Then he helped me to my feet again and pushed on the dress. It fell in a pool around my feet and he helped me to step out of it.

"Dance with me?" He asked he flicked on the stereo, I recognised the sounds of Chris Isaak's 'Wicked Game'. He pulled my body into him and started to whisper the words into my ear, his breath cool against my flushed skin.

"_The world was on fire. No one could save me but you. Strange what desire will make foolish people do. I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you._"

His velvety voice mixed with the already sexy music to cause fires deep within me that only his cool touch could even hope to douse. I knew this song was about not falling in love but the haunting melodies in Edward's voice made me realise it was our song. What a wicked game fate played with the two of us.

I felt a little self conscious dancing in the corset Alice had forced me into, especially as heated and flushed as I know was, but the way Edward kept rubbing his hand along the ties at the back told me he appreciated it. This dancing was completely different to the dancing we'd done at his family's house. There it had been an almost formal waltz. This reminded me more of the movie 'Dirty Dancing', our hips grinding against each other as he gently swayed us back and forth. Slowly his hand began to tug at the knot that kept my corset in place and as he continued to push into me and sway the top of my body in gentle circles. He leaned me back into a dip and kissed my neck. As he brought me up again he released me from the garment.

I had no control over the dance. So I acted to correct the one thing I could control, hastily unbuttoning his shirt. Slowly the dancing became less pronounced and the hip-grinding much more so. He captured my lips again and kissed me hard and passionately. I unfastened his pants and pushed them to the ground. He kicked them off and pushed me back into the chair.

He started on my feet again, before trailing the kisses up over my calves and thighs. He seemed to pause and look wistfully at my panties but then continued to climb further up my body, taking extra care and lavishing extra kisses on all the area that had bruising or were still injured. He pulled each of my nipples between his lips in turn before running his smooth tongue over them. Then he swept his hands underneath me and lifted me off the seat, sliding his body underneath me so I was pinned between his body and the back of the chair.

I pressed my thighs against his cool stomach and groaned loudly at the feeling of his chill. He leaned into me, pressing me against the chair – always exherting the perfect amount of pressure to keep me at the edge of pleasure, especially with his hands on my side and his erection pressing up into me. I wanted him inside me but I didn't want to move. Edward obviously felt the same because an instant later I felt my panties tear underneath his hands and then just as suddenly his own boxers were gone. He lifted my hips and slipped me over him.

There was no urgency or movement. We merely sat, intimately connected, and began to kiss. Whenever Edward thought my breathing was becoming too laboured he would focus on another area of my body, my chin, my neck, my ears, my nipples. After no time at all, or it could have been hours, Edward started to guide my hips to make small movements against him and along his length. This wasn't physical sex, it was emotional sex. We were reaffirming our wedding promise with our bodies. I looked into his eyes and whispered against his mouth, "I promise you every part of me. All I have, all I am and all I ever will be. Forever. I'm yours."

He smiled, "Didn't you already promise me that once today?"

"I wanted to remind you. I don't want you to ever forget it or doubt it. I love you."

He moved his hands from my hips to my face, caressing it ever so gently, "I love you to. And I can't wait until I can shout from the rooftops that you belong to me." Then he pressed his mouth into mine again. As his lips touched mine an orgasm crashed over me. I hadn't even felt the build-up – it was as if his words along caused my body to have that reaction. I broke off the kiss and tipped my head back and groaned with the release. I felt my walls tightening around him and I grunted.

He smiled wickedly at me, "Really?"

I shifted my head forward nodded against his shoulder. He grabbed at my hips a little more roughly and began the slide me up and down against him with more force, pressing himself into me. His breathing became more rough and heavy as he found his way towards his release. I came against his again as his release massaged inside me. Then he turned his head into mine and captured my lips again and we sat still again, with his body growing subdued inside me.

After no time, or it could have been hours, Edward picked me up and carried me into my room and quickly covered me with blankets. He raced back out of the room was gone for about ten minutes and then came back in clutching my wedding dress, the corset and the shredded remains of our underwear.

I gave him a quizzical look.

"Jacob's on his way back home, he's about a mile away now."

I smiled at him and held my arms out begging for him to join me. He climbed into the bed and kissed my forehead.

"Sleep now, my Bella. It's going to be a big day tomorrow."

Ugh, he had to remind me of that after what had just happened. He laughed at the look on my face.

"I'll be there for you. As much as possible."

Which wasn't going to be much I thought as I snuggled tightly into his chest. I wasn't going to miss a second of the time I could spend with him – it might be the only thing that gets me through tomorrow.


	34. Prologue for Life's Lesson Sequel to TP

**Prologue:**

_A/N: I own nothing. Characters are all Stephenie Meyers' creations, I'm just torturing them. Thanks to my lovely beta (FE71SH) for looking this chap over for me. Please take the time to leave some words if you really loved it or really hated it!_

**A/N:- First update to Teacher's Pet in a while & it is.... the details of the sequel. For those who haven't been reading Student Liaison or me on twitter (at)mpg82 you might not have been aware of this. But yes there is a sequel. **

*****

** - BPOV -**

_*****_

_Edward stalked in front of me. The smell of the mountain lion's blood was carrying towards us on the wind._

You look so sexy doing that,_ I told him mentally. _

_He waved his hand at me behind his back trying to silently let me know that I was cheating. Which was true. I'd brought down my lion in sixty-five seconds. He was trying to beat that time, and I was trying to distract him so I could win. Although we still hadn't decided exactly what the winner would receive. This wasn't the first time we'd had this exact same contest. Half the time he won, half the time I did. _

_He crouched deeper into his hunting stance and then launched himself towards the lion, taking it down in one smooth, swift motion. To anyone with lesser eyesight he would have just been a blur, but I could see the smallest twitch of every defined muscle along the length of his torso and down the back of his lean legs, even underneath the clothes he was wearing. _

_He turned back towards me, with a wide grin on his face, and just a tiny hint of blood on his lips. Other than that tiny drop of red, it would have been natural to assume he was just taking a leisurely stroll through the forest. _

_"I'm calling that one mine, considering the distractions I had to contend with," he murmured to me as he clutched a loose strand of my hair and tucked it behind my ears. _

_"One comment is hardly distractions," I replied. I put my mouth close to his and licked the remaining smear of blood off with my tongue. _

_"No, but the constant thoughts around that comment definitely were." His hands ghosted down my sides, barely touching me but it was enough to send shivers of pleasure coursing around my entire body. _

_He reached his arms around my waist and brought his lips to mine. His tongue caressed mine and I existed in my past sense for that glorious moment. Remembering the taste of his lips, the texture of his tongue. Grasping hold of every precious detail I could._

_His hands trailed down to my back and his fingers slipped into the waistband of my jeans. _

*****

I felt myself shifting back even though I didn't want to. I wasn't ready yet. My ability to control my power had diminished greatly over the last 12 months. I concentrated hard and managed to shift into another past, rather than return to my present. I was surprised to realise it was a past from when I was still human.

*****

_I watched as my human self walked through the door. Edward pushed the door shut behind her. She didn't turn to look at him, instead taking in the view of the makeshift field of flowers Edward had set up. _

_I watched as her eyes widened in surprise at the view in front of her, listened as her heart began to thump excitedly. I was jealous of her for this moment shared with Edward. She had his undivided attention. I could tell by the set of his jaw and the pitch of his breathing he was nervous and I knew why. He was about to propose to her. I couldn't think of her as me anymore. She suffered too much during her life, and yet for all of that she had things I didn't. Opportunities lost to me now. That was another life, a different time, and I could never claim it back. _

_Edward walked up behind her. "They're all the different types of flowers from our meadow. Had I been smart enough to not leave you. That's where I would have done this."_

_"Done what?" she asked, turning on the spot to face the door. _

_Edward circled around the other way, laughing, and knelt in behind her, waiting for her to spin back around. He held up a box which I knew contained a ring, his mother's ring. My hand raised instinctively to my neck. My fingers trailed down the chain that resided there, my fingers enclosing the ring there. It remained a permanent reminder of our love. _

_I couldn't watch anymore. I was here to escape what was happening in my present but this was too much._

*****

I shifted back to present and found myself lying in a bed. I stared at the yellowing ceiling above me, hating how much it reminded me of that time. Of her and her ability to die to get away from the pain of lost love or to chose to move on with imperfect human memory. I scowled at the ceiling. I turned my head to the side but all I saw there were the holes I had punched through the plasterboard. I sighed. I knew I should do some repairs to this house, my father's old house, it was in desperate need of some TLC and my constant abuse when I grew frustrated only caused further damage.

Now that I was back in my own body I noticed how much my throat burned. I quickly realised I'd been living in my fantasy world, in my past, for three days. I would need to hunt soon, I was too close to civilization to risk waiting too much longer. I sighed because the simple act of hunting, which Edward and I used to share, held no joy for me anymore. I derived no pleasure from it, or from anything. I had no one to share my life with anymore.

I was bitterly reminded, once again, of all I had lost. I grabbed the pillow under my head and threw it across the room. It burst into a cloud of feathers when it hit the wall. I cursed at myself. I needed to take better care of my things. I didn't have limitless funds anymore. Edward's ring and the house were the only things I had left in the world.

Everything else was gone.

_*****_

**A/N:- *****Ducks out of the way of the flying debris* So, that's the BPOV part of the Life Lesson's prologue. Both EPOV & BPOV are going to be posted very soon as the first chapter in Life Lesson's. To be honest I don't know how quickly I will be able to update just now - I have a very important exam on 5th May so it might not be until after then - but I also get ansy if I don't write so it might be before then. Either way, get your alerts on for Life's Lessons now if you want to know what happened to leave B in her current state & what happens after this :) **

**If you are not aware Life's Lesson will be done in both EPOV & BPOV **


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